The Laziest Thing Anyone's Ever Done (via e-mail)

I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the wardroom when the Operations Officer (OPS) walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he's half asleep, bleary eyed ... basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just barely conscious. My back is to the outboard of the ship, and the morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes putting a big bright-ass circle of light right on his barely conscious face. He's squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how to be alive for today. It's painful to watch.

But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone and dials the bridge. In his well-known-I'm-totally-asleep voice he says, "Heyyyy. It's OPS. Could you ... shift our BAFPAT ... yeah, one-six-five. Thanks." And puts the phone down. And he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting.

And then, ever so slowly, I realize that that big blazing spot of sun has begun to slide off the zombie's face and onto the wall behind him. After a moment it clears his face and he blinks slowly a few times and the brilliant beauty of what I've just witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to adjust the ship's back and forth patrol by about 15 degrees, he's changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of his face. He's literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel. I am in awe.

He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I am terrified at the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may never appreciate the epic brilliance of his laziness (since he's not going to wake up for another hour). But, between his next bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest sly grin, before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel.

Manually typed out for your amusement,
Snarl

reply to post by Snarl


Thanks for sharing that was quite epic! lol A perfect example of miss use IMO but heck if he can why not.

reply to post by Snarl


He sounds like The dude to me

Yep laziness and abuse of power not worrisome at all in the military


---
its sad but that guy is my new hero

Thats freaking awesome, i loved your account of the situation, very nicely written i must say.

And yes, i did "lol" quite heartily

S+F broski

Gold.

reply to post by Snarl


Are you on Reddit?

Just asking

ManFromEurope
reply to post by Snarl

 

Are you on Reddit?

Just asking

LOL ... no. Came to me in an e-mail. Had to type that sucker out by hand to get it up on the board. Next time ... I'm gonna have you save me the trouble of the 'hunt and peck!'

reply to post by Snarl


Heh *laughs shyly*, was just thinking "man, I KNOW this." - you might want look at that thread, it holds some more treasures like that. Had to laugh about your story anyway, it is just too much and really, really propable..

reply to post by ManFromEurope

I did. Thanks for the link. I've been linked to Reddit a couple of times, but navigating the site is too tedious for me. I like the venue of ATS and I'm glad they have a forum where we can share humor.

When I was a kid, I ran out of reading material in the house. My mom used to get some mail ordered Reader's Digest and the military anecdotes were the first thing I'd go for. Now ... I did a career in uniform, and I've seen some stuff ... just don't have the talent to spin the tale like the author of that story did.

-Prost!

reply to post by Snarl


Oh... my... God - I knew this was going to be good just from reading the title, but it was epic. And the origin of this story is a true conspiracy - we may never know where it came from, even the Reddit page had people claiming it was from a different forum.

Cheers, Boncho.

Snarl
LOL ... no. Came to me in an e-mail. Had to type that sucker out by hand to get it up on the board. Next time ... I'm gonna have you save me the trouble of the 'hunt and peck!'

You can't copy and paste from your e-mail? That's weird.

But it was a awesome story. Thanks for shareing it. I always like a good laugh to start my day.

Awesome story OP. Too bad i cant turn my apartment. lol

reply to post by Snarl


I thought I had read this before, and I had....

This link is just one of many with this story;

www.blorpy.com...

TDawgRex

Snarl
LOL ... no. Came to me in an e-mail. Had to type that sucker out by hand to get it up on the board. Next time ... I'm gonna have you save me the trouble of the 'hunt and peck!'

You can't copy and paste from your e-mail? That's weird.

But it was a awesome story. Thanks for shareing it. I always like a good laugh to start my day.

if you just introduced snarl to cutnpaste im gonna lol fart.

okamitengu

TDawgRex

Snarl
LOL ... no. Came to me in an e-mail. Had to type that sucker out by hand to get it up on the board. Next time ... I'm gonna have you save me the trouble of the 'hunt and peck!'

You can't copy and paste from your e-mail? That's weird.

But it was a awesome story. Thanks for shareing it. I always like a good laugh to start my day.

if you just introduced snarl to cutnpaste im gonna lol fart.

-heh heh- If only cut and paste were so simple. It was easier to type it out ... believe me.

reply to post by Snarl


You can just left click and hold while scrolling over the text to highlight it, then hit and hold the [Ctrl] button with [x] to cut, or [c] to copy and [v] to paste, or, once highlighted, right click on that block of text and select cut copy or paste.

I realize you might have known that already, but i find it ironic that you did the work of typing that out to show us just how lazy this guy was..

Sometimes laziness can bring about ingenuity, so it's not all bad, depending on the context.

reply to post by NewAgeMan

If I were still in a Windows world. Some of the comments I'm seeing are an unexpected hoot.

reply to post by Snarl


They don't have cut copy and paste in the Linux world..? Or, since i'm a 'puter idiot i shouldn't assume and ask you instead - what world are you in where there's no copy/paste and you have to type out emails by hand..?

Your OP reminded me of this joke - i will copy and paste it here in a snap..


US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.

CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

reply to post by NewAgeMan

I'm floundering around with a new Mac. Haven't figured out how to do 1% of what was as simple as a walk in the park on a Windows box. The picture's format was the show stopper for me. Like I said, typing it out was easier for an old dog than learning a new trick.

If there's any priority, the thing I'm going to figure out is how to recover my back-up files from my external drive. Only ... it seems I have no priorities ATM.