feelings of reclusiveness

curious if anyone has gone through feelings of extreme reclusiveness.

I have always been an outdoorsmen. I would rather be in the middle of the mountains, or out on the ocean far from shore. But more recently the feelings of wanting to be there grow more every day.

The problem is I have a wife and 2 kids, I love them dearly. However, part of me wants to just purchase a cabin in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness and retreat there...However, kids and a wife puts a stop to this.

Not much else to say on this, I simply am growing in my desire to away from people and society.

Curious if anyone else has this desire, and if so how to you curb it?

Everyday. Most of the men I know have the same dream. Most of their wives would never go for it. Women are social creatures. Men not so much. Although society would like us to be, we didn't evolve that way.

reply to post by Walkingsenseless


Now you know something about why they now call a man's retreat in the house as a "den" or these days, a "man cave."

Most of us rugged, wantabes types want something more extreme than a wife approved retreat in the house. Thankfully, for a lot of saved marriages, we've had the solution for generations. Unfortunately, the changing housing scene, for various reasons, have not allowed our solution to be as workable as it once was. That solution is our kingdom is "out in the garage."

(In years past, it was down at the corner bar.)

Walkingsenseless


Curious if anyone else has this desire, and if so how to you curb it?

I don't. My family knows and understands my occasional need to be alone in nature for a while.
My dad lived in Australia for a while, and described to me the way the aboriginals there accept the uncontrollable need to go on walkabout, and in their culture and society, it is an acceptable practice.

I experience natural cycles of projectivity and introjectivity; times when I feel the need to be active in the exterior world of self/other separation, and then others when I feel the need to let the lines get blurred, allow my body to meld with the environment around me.

I consider this a creative process, of ego creation, experience, and death. The moments of retreat and introspection are usually phases of spiritual growth, made possible by the preceding experience in projectivity.

I have met many people who do this and experience the same need- they have hobbies such as hunting, hiking, rockclimbing, that they practice alone. (I do hiking and horsebackriding). I have noticed that each of those people are also very deeply engaged in everything they do inbetween these phases- they are the people that work hard, with a passion, invest themselves in their family and social attachments, are reliable "get it done" people.


I often wonder if things like bi-polar or manic-depressive syndromes are not simply caused by our societies lack of acknowledgement and respect for the creative cycles of the human spirit....

reply to post by Walkingsenseless


I curb it by going into the woods for the weekend and enjoying the outdoors...alone or with people,it never fails to put a smile back on my face.
Try some backwoods camping.

reply to post by Walkingsenseless


I am a lot the same. For me, I think its just the general attitude in populated areas coupled with how "active" everything is, all the time.

However, my solution is to move into the mountains. There are plenty of places that are still close to everything I need, but isolated enough that the "city" wont have as much of an effect. So, Im not sure I will be of much help

edit: new lol smiley is weak.

Pimpintology
Everyday. Most of the men I know have the same dream. Most of their wives would never go for it. Women are social creatures. Men not so much. Although society would like us to be, we didn't evolve that way.

Not all of us are social butterflies, I'd give my left boob for a secluded cabin to relocate the fam away from the braindead.

OP, your wife might be able to meet you in the middle on this. Have you approached her about it? You could try to see if she'd be willing to live on property in a rural area near where you live, such as purchasing a small farm. All the feel of seclusion, within an hour or so of others. It'd take conscious planning for activities if she is the social type (gas cost and all) but it might be just what you need to find a balance for the time being. I'd make a serious effort to talk to her about it, she may surprise you.

Quick edit: I missed the poster who suggested camping. Yes, definitely! Take a weekend to yourself if no one wants to join you (or you don't want company period) It's temporary decompression from modern life, but it might help rejuvenate your spirit by a lot.

Pimpintology
Everyday. Most of the men I know have the same dream. Most of their wives would never go for it. Women are social creatures. Men not so much. Although society would like us to be, we didn't evolve that way.

I think there are just as many women who feel this way. I hate socializing, it all seems so pretend, even the general conversations are so faked most of the time.

I LOVE being out in the wilderness, I would in a sec chose a cabin out in the boonies and live primitive, it is my husband who needs people and things. Peace and quiet! Hands in the soil growing my own food! No hassle with neighbors! No pretend friends who dissolve in an instant when you are on rocky ground.

reply to post by Aliensun

Most of us rugged, wantabes types want something more extreme than a wife approved retreat in the house.

Yes as long as there is a sofa to lay on and a big screen TV for the game and a fridge for the beer!
That seems to be as rough as most men i know want it...rough living is hard work, chopping wood before you can get warm and no luxuries.

Please don't think these feelings are exclusive to men. I'm a woman and have never been a social butterfly. It's caused me a lot of strife in life. Others don't understand, especially other women.

Since my other half and I were very young our goal was to leave the city and live off the grid, but now in middle age...we are really bummed to realize it's probably not going to happen.

Now, we are thinking about how tough it could be to live that way going into old age ( I was very sick last year and needed to be near medical care) and our kids aren't too keen on the idea.

Maybe instead of selling our house in the city we might just buy a second place in the woods to retreat to, but then there are extra property taxes and travel expense.

Mentally speaking, neither one of us would have a problem being hermits. The only time I feel bad about being an introvert is when other people make me feel bad about it. They assume I'm lonely.

I'm not

reply to post by Char-Lee


Socially, it does seem to be generally accepted that women dislike nature more than men.

In my experience though, "city folks" go beyond any boundary of gender, race, blah blah. Some people like the hustle and bustle, others dont.

I also notice it tends to be assumed that if one wants to live in nature, then they are "against" technology. This may be true to an extent, but I am the type that loves integrating the newest technologies with the most natural of settings.

Depending on where you live, there are places that you can get large acreage, but can access main cities within 20 minutes. And, you dont have to give up any amenities to live in nature either. That part, at least in my experience, tends to be the bigger issue (running water, hot showers, etc).

I dont curb it.

Id feel just as happy living on a deserted island as long as I could have internet and order books from amazon! Seriously though, I go with it. I was lucky enough to find a man who is similar and allows me my hermitishness when I want it. Its one of the reasons I disappear from ATS for days, weeks, months at a time. This is my second account and my first one was in 2007.. I stayed away a year that time.. and was an extreme recluse for a while. I own a historic home now and literally tore the doorbell out of the brick out in front to protect my solitude when I want it. Its huge and I have 5 bedrooms.. I have one of my own.. to disappear into when I want. Its more of an office full of plants and critters and things I like. I go off in the woods , sometimes a state over, and stay for a bit. I need it at times to recharge. My husband will get a fam member to kid/house sit and we will run off to wherever.. usually a backwash town.. get a hotel and roam the woods for a weekend on occasion.

Dealing with people in general is draining. Modern life will suck the life right out of some of us.

Friends do NOT understand it though. They take it all personal when you disappear or refuse their calls or dont answer your door. They dont understand that I am not here to serve their needs on their command... and they get upset. Being like this tends to weed out the needy and dependant. LOL!

Im older.. its always been the way I am even when younger. GO WITH IT.. do what you need to do for your own personality or youll be completely miserable!

Serdgiam
reply to post by Char-Lee

 

Socially, it does seem to be generally accepted that women dislike nature more than men.

Wierd, where are you from, if you don't mind me asking? I am just curious about culturally shared ideas. I tend to perceive that it is most often women that are into nature, and animals - whereas men are into machines, cement, buildings, cities... manmade reality interests my husband much more than I.

I convinced him to move out to an isolated mountain top, with all we need to survive without others, and he is happy here- but that is because he is gone much of the week working in big cities. Without that, I don't know if he would be able to handle this life all the time, as I do.

reply to post by Walkingsenseless


I grew up way out in the country and was home schooled.

I'm not super social(actual not very social at all, it's a constant battle) and I start to feel icky when I am in nasty cities for too long. All cars, noise, drama, and hustle n' bustle that's all around gets tedious after awhile.

The way I curb the desire to run away and hide forever to go to the nearby park for a few hours and just sit.

If you have kids one thing you could do is to take one or more of them camping/hunting. It's not solace per say, but the kids will turn out better as a result and it will give you time to reconnect with nature.

Just thoughts.

Hey everyone.

First of all, thank you for all your replies, and sharing your thoughts.

My wife like me enjoys the outdoors, hiking, camping, day trips to the rockies etc, but the problem is I want to stay....and not come back.

I get out as much as i can, especially during hunting season. Some may flame me, or instantly take a disliking to me so I will explain this further (I will get back on topic quickly). I was a vegetarian for 2 years, and vegan for 18 months. With much thought I realized my problem with eating meat is the lack of responsibility people have to it, and with the live of farm animals. I decided if I am going to eat meat, I will only meat i have harvested for myself. (I have no issue with choices other people have made)

Anyhow, so, yes I get out as much as i can, i can go out for days during hunt season and harvest nothing, I simply want to be out there.

I have approached my wife regarding purchasing an acreage. There are some about 30mins from town, with around 20 acres of land. They are really lovely. I just worry it may not be enough, and it won't quell my desire to be even further out.

Maybe I will move forward with the acreage idea, just nice to know i share the sense of wanting to be a recluse with others on here

Again thank you for all your replies on this thread.

Get a bike and you'll find that getting a few miles in will satisfy your craving for alone time.
It works for me anyway.

reply to post by Walkingsenseless


Ahh youre doing what we plan I want solitude completely. We have planned to sell this house and buy a LOT of acreage. Right now Im pissed that there isnt a very good housing market here.. and we cant sell at this moment. Hope you fare better with the move!

i know how you feel i am a total hermit at heart and crave to be alone my idea of hell is a busy bar or a crowded place one time years ago i went two months without speaking to a human being

Bluesma
Wierd, where are you from, if you don't mind me asking? I am just curious about culturally shared ideas. I tend to perceive that it is most often women that are into nature, and animals - whereas men are into machines, cement, buildings, cities... manmade reality interests my husband much more than I.

I live in the US. And here, there is definitely a social construct that men are more likely to go into nature without amenities than a woman. When I was avidly climbing mountains, backpacking, ice climbing, etc. it tended to be a higher percentage of men participating. The most common reason given for not participating is lack of amenities. But, I noticed that once people actually tried such things with an open mind, their enjoyment of it (or dislike) transcended anything like gender.

The important part was the qualifier where I mentioned that it doesnt seem specific to any "type" of person other than one who enjoys being in nature. This part was specific to the thread, where we are talking about actually living out in nature, rather than a visit. In that situation, I think that there is a higher chance of acceptance by someone who considers themselves a city person. However, it may still be viewed under the perception that "out there" things like hot water and toilets simply dont exist. Because a lot of people have not "visited" nature, much less considered living there.

I get what your saying. I mean it does sound appealing being in the mountains away from people. Then I think..Nah I would be to lonely...Then when I socialise i realize how many fake people and liars are about whom I would love to knock there teeth out...LOL.....So I'm still no wiser ....Society sure is a pain sometimes!!!!