Quit sneering

beansidhe
reply to post by Jarring

 

You can give it a different name if you like. It doesn't change the fact.
I'm not denying that you have spent a lot of time working on your thoughts, and that you have been successful doing that. How could I, I've never met you before in my life?
It is an important topic, and great that you shared it. I wanted to give you some encouragement, and to say you shouldn't try to rid yourself of something that we all feel, and sometimes for good reason.

well, it's already been done.
and I thought it would be a good idea.

I know where you're coming from about the term, but I dug much deeper into it. I had to feel it so intensely, with so much built up prejudiced thoughts, that I'd have to recognize it, and think it would be a good idea to quit doing it, after all.

I could understand someone passing by would just take it lightly and think it's relative to the fact that everyone poops.

But I digress, haters do not have to hate.

reply to post by Jarring

I could understand someone passing by would just take it lightly and think it's relative to the fact that everyone poops.

I'm a psychotherapist. I'm interested in people, their emotions and their thought patterns. I help people change their thoughts every day. I don't take emotional ill health lightly.
I do notice when people confuse thoughts for emotions, and end up tying themselves in knots for years. Thought I'd offer a response, since you went out on a limb to share.

reply to post by beansidhe


I think you are very good at what you do.
From the tiniest of data samples

reply to post by TheDualityExperience


I think you are very kind for sharing that with me.

B x

beansidhe
reply to post by Jarring

 

I could understand someone passing by would just take it lightly and think it's relative to the fact that everyone poops.

I'm a psychotherapist. I'm interested in people, their emotions and their thought patterns. I help people change their thoughts every day. I don't take emotional ill health lightly.
I do notice when people confuse thoughts for emotions, and end up tying themselves in knots for years. Thought I'd offer a response, since you went out on a limb to share.

I wasn't confused, I recognized the thoughts the led to the emotions and absolved them.
Thoughts do lead to emotions, correct?
Or ... no? Emotions have no guiding consciousness?
By all means. If I'm a nut case for it, release me from my past torment.
Atleast, if I know logically that prejudice has no link to this emotion, I won't claim it so any longer.
Just be warned, it might be kind of hard to convince me considering how much actual prejudice I had to relieve myself of while quitting the feeling.

reply to post by Jarring


Other way around - emotions lead to thoughts. Hence the hilarious psychotherapist adage 'if you can name it, you can tame it.' Meaning, if you can stop to think about your emotion (engaging the 'thinking' bit of your brain), it almost stops the limbic system in it's tracks.

So you're not a nut case, and you learned the hard way -through experience- that prejudice is not tied to your emotion. You're not wrong, or bad, or anything else for feeling what you feel. The bad news is - you're normal. You're human.

Great topic, by the way.

beansidhe
reply to post by Jarring

 

Other way around - emotions lead to thoughts. Hence the hilarious psychotherapist adage 'if you can name it, you can tame it.' Meaning, if you can stop to think about your emotion (engaging the 'thinking' bit of your brain), it almost stops the limbic system in it's tracks.

So you're not a nut case, and you learned the hard way -through experience- that prejudice is not tied to your emotion. You're not wrong, or bad, or anything else for feeling what you feel. The bad news is - you're normal. You're human.

Great topic, by the way.

Hmm, I can understand emotions lead to thoughts. But I've also become used to thoughts leading to emotions. That is not wrong, correct? Like cumulative thoughts leading to emotions, that is normal?
I swear, I felt as if Prejudice was tied to the emotion. And I had to absolve one to stop the other. That's how I got through it, was to stop absolve prejudice when I felt emotion. Hmmm.. I can see how the thoughts came after the emotion to absolve it, but there was initial prejudice that led to the emotion that I had to absolve.

I have no problem being a normal, ordinary human being, in fact, I prefer to think my suit is common

Sure, you can be struck with an emotion, but even then, I am certain there are thoughts in the mind that guide it, how you accept it, receive it. Not everyone receives emotions in the same manner, correct? People have walls, and boundaries.

A lot of these same walls, boundaries, I had to break down. But I'm still receiving emotion in cumulative thought patterns. Sometimes, I may have a predisposed feeling/thought pattern towards someone, that always conflicts with how you receive information/emotion. I try to limit those, but it can be difficult sometimes...like it isn't always your fault. They are the ones giving you #e. I always try to act in dignity, even to those who spit on my corpse.

Sorry, I got carried away, I completely understand your point about emotions leading to thoughts, but I understand they can go hand in hand. A give/take relationship.

reply to post by Jarring


That's exactly right, it becomes a process, where an emotion will lead to a thought, which will trigger another emotion etc etc. Which is why so many people mis-identify the first emotion - they think they are angry and stay with that, rather than going back just a little bit deeper and allowing themselves to feel, for example sadness.

And then exactly as you describe, we start to attribute things like prejudice to our emotions, and beat ourselves up for thinking and feeling such terrible things.

Your suit is common - your human suit - if you can feel it, or think it, it's part of the human condition and you can guarantee that others are thinking or feeling it too.

So I guess, you managed to identify disgust, added some thoughts on to it, and then gave yourself a hard time for feeling it. Just like I do, and plenty of others too. Challenging your thinking and changing your thoughts is very helpful, and useful. Suppressing emotions is not so good.

So, apologies for the lecture, I was really interested in your post. But I'd better get back to work, or I won't have a job as anything!

reply to post by Jarring


Sorry, just noticed that extra bit.

Sure, you can be struck with an emotion, but even then, I am certain there are thoughts in the mind that guide it, how you accept it, receive it. Not everyone receives emotions in the same manner, correct? People have walls, and boundaries.

Absolutely right. The thoughts that follow the emotion will lead you to behave in a certain way, or have further thoughts in a certain direction.
If, for example, I couldn't find any money at the till in a busy supermarket, my emotion might be anxiety (or shame etc). If my first thought was 'Everyone is looking at me', then my anxiety would heighten. If my thought was 'don't panic (recognising the anxiety) I know I have money somewhere', my anxiety would decrease.

Our experiences create and shape our boundaries, and so, our behaviour.

beansidhe
reply to post by Jarring

 

That's exactly right, it becomes a process, where an emotion will lead to a thought, which will trigger another emotion etc etc. Which is why so many people mis-identify the first emotion - they think they are angry and stay with that, rather than going back just a little bit deeper and allowing themselves to feel, for example sadness.

And then exactly as you describe, we start to attribute things like prejudice to our emotions, and beat ourselves up for thinking and feeling such terrible things.

Your suit is common - your human suit - if you can feel it, or think it, it's part of the human condition and you can guarantee that others are thinking or feeling it too.

So I guess, you managed to identify disgust, added some thoughts on to it, and then gave yourself a hard time for feeling it. Just like I do, and plenty of others too. Challenging your thinking and changing your thoughts is very helpful, and useful. Suppressing emotions is not so good.

So, apologies for the lecture, I was really interested in your post. But I'd better get back to work, or I won't have a job as anything!

hmm, well, there were a lot of other emotions involved, but they all led back to this initial hatred, that I felt prejudice was fueling. Like for instance, pride, grief, fear, denial, shame...just some key words that were huge issues in the emotive thought process I had to think through. It was difficult, but I think I'm better off for it, and that it's still a good idea to do. I need to know how the prejudice in my mind that triggered the emotion is not going to work the same way in others in order for me to think i can stop thinking it would be a good idea for others to do the same thing.

Just saying that I labeled it isn't going to help me . Like, it was an actual thing for me. I wasn't being foolish. It seemed right to do, although, i can't deny the fact that it was an actual burden to open my mind. You'd think it would be a relief, but it can be very strenuous on the brain to know.

just think about what prejudice looks like. try to relate prejudice to what I look like. Can you imagine that I am being prejudiced in my default picture? I know I can. Others can as well. I'm not alone.

And there was so much sin, or harmful things, that I was able to overcome by quitting.

Like I said, it was going to be hard to convince me

reply to post by Jarring


No, it's hard work! It's not easy stuff.
Unfortunately, you can't change other people's thoughts for them, unless they want to change them. But you can model your beliefs, and maybe you will encourage or inspire them.

You most certainly were not being foolish, you were being very brave staring into the abyss. What more can we do than label or recognise our emotions -we're stuck with them, they're not going to go anywhere. But we can recognise them and choose how we are going to respond to them.
That's my take on it, any way.

B x

ETA I don't need to convince you of anything. If you say you were prejudiced, I believe you. We all are. Changing unhelpful thoughts is a good thing. When you say you are now not prejudiced, I believe you again. You seem like a nice person.
I'm just pedantic, and trying to help you unpick your thoughts from your emotions.


B x

beansidhe
reply to post by Jarring

 

No, it's hard work! It's not easy stuff.
Unfortunately, you can't change other people's thoughts for them, unless they want to change them. But you can model your beliefs, and maybe you will encourage or inspire them.

You most certainly were not being foolish, you were being very brave staring into the abyss. What more can we do than label or recognise our emotions -we're stuck with them, they're not going to go anywhere. But we can recognise them and choose how we are going to respond to them.
That's my take on it, any way.

B x

ETA I don't need to convince you of anything. If you say you were prejudiced, I believe you. We all are. Changing unhelpful thoughts is a good thing. When you say you are now not prejudiced, I believe you again. You seem like a nice person.
I'm just pedantic, and trying to help you unpick your thoughts from your emotions.


B x

edit on 28-1-2014 by beansidhe because: ETA

ok, i understand, I think I may have some predisposition at times, but for the most part, I have an open mind now, whereas I used to have all these preconceived views on everything. And yes, I suppose I did label it as prejudice, it seemed to fit the thought pattern that I had to absolve. Not to mention, pride was a key factor that greatly fueled it as well. I had to do a lot of pedestal breaking.

and i know, I can't change anyone's thoughts. I don't mind influencing for the better though, it would hurt to be for worse, I'm just glad that it's not. Because if I was wrong all those years, it would kind of be a waste of time to even tell people about it.

reply to post by Jarring


Pedestals were made for breaking! Good on you, friend!

Catch you around xxx

beansidhe
reply to post by Jarring

 

Pedestals were made for breaking! Good on you, friend!

Catch you around xxx

damn straight!!!!
yes, i'm not alone :3

reply to post by Jarring


Hi Jarring, excellent OP.

I too hate sneering. I found a semi decent trick to attack back. If you are with a friend whisper "Look at that woman and giggle.' or if alone, look at at item of their clothing and smirk. It is lovely watching the awkward discomfort that was meant for you creep across their faces. It's empowering in a way, which is probably why they do it in the first place. I'd rather take my power back from people like that and share it out my own way.

Anyway, I think the world would get infinitely better if people were more accepting and non-judgemental. We need more of that if we are going to survive in ever increasing populations. A revolution of kindness is the way to go.

Tsu322
reply to post by Jarring

 

Hi Jarring, excellent OP.

I too hate sneering. I found a semi decent trick to attack back. If you are with a friend whisper "Look at that woman and giggle.' or if alone, look at at item of their clothing and smirk. It is lovely watching the awkward discomfort that was meant for you creep across their faces. It's empowering in a way, which is probably why they do it in the first place. I'd rather take my power back from people like that and share it out my own way.

Anyway, I think the world would get infinitely better if people were more accepting and non-judgemental. We need more of that if we are going to survive in ever increasing populations. A revolution of kindness is the way to go.

edit on 3012014 by Tsu322 because: (no reason given)

thanks for the reply, i can't say that i've ever done that. it seems a little snide to me. i TRY not to attack back anyone. End up digging two graves otherwise
I try to understand, be more accepting and non-judgmental to even my supposed enemies

reply to post by Jarring


You sound like a lovely genuine person, I try to be but sometimes my rage at society breaks it's loose shackles and I feel that I want them to feel as bad as I do. It's maybe weak of me but I get weaker with every sneer I get.

reply to post by Tsu322


i can understand, it helps if you stay open-minded, as we've all suffered misfortune. Society's faults are best read, and taken with care. If you can find reasoning of faults, all it takes is the spoken word. If you can't reason with what's visible, there's most likely other problems not directly visible inhibiting any progress. It can be frustrating, but all it takes is a self-affirming relief of responsibility. We can't be held responsible for society's problems all the time...we can only do what we can as an individual.