Is it Infidelity?

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


Take it to the courts, I am sure in all the time you two have been together you can put up a pretty good argument on why it would be better for you to raise the kid, papers, photos, writing, procedures, and all.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


She is hiding something from you. The fact that she would not post your anniversary proves it in my opinion. She does not acknowledge you at all, that is not right.

She has either cheated/cheating, is thinking of cheating or she likes the attention that pretending to be a single woman is giving her, does not matter which one she clearly does not care for you.

I will not tell you to break up with her but you should at least take her off your facebook, heck delete the thing, they are only and always bad news in the end. Go out and get yourself some lady friends while you are at it.

I just read through the posts fully and I think that you should look into the laws in your state? or wherever you are. Many places if you raise the child for a certain amount of time then you DO have legal claim to the child. Usually this is used by woman who just want child support but i'm sure it could be reversed for the father (you) to have parental rights.

I'm sorry there is a child involved, that would make things difficult indeed. Look to the law first. Goodluck!

She definetly cheating .. best thing you can do is lawyer up and tell her pack her bags and get out.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


Heres a definition of the word infidelity, which might shed some light on this situation:

en.wikipedia.org...

There is an awful lot of blather on this page, but I believe the part which you ought to pay specific attention to, would be the first two little paragraphs at the top of the page. These clearly state, that infidelity is not merely a matter of carnal interaction, but involves a breakdown of emotional exclusivity. Right now, it would certainly seem reasonable for you to assume shenanigans of such a nefarious sort, given what you have said so far, and that definition.

After a talk a last night, it is obvious she won't own up to what she is hiding. I have proof. I just haven't showed it to her. She continues to say she wont put up with the bull of not trusting her and I need to get over it. Life has taught me a leopard cannot change its spots, nor will a person think twice about repeating a sin after the 1st time they do. It will get worse. Basically, she will keep doing what she is doing and will not care what the effects on others.

Cheating and infidelity is in the mind/emotions as much as the sexual act. If she is doing what you are describing.. yes, this is infidelity. Its emotional and intellectual infidelity.. which IMO is worse. Its a deeper cut.

I feel for you with the situation with the child. Youre in a pickle.. but can you live another 7 years with someone who DOES NOT consider you their "soul mate"?? I couldnt.

Advantage
Cheating and infidelity is in the mind/emotions as much as the sexual act. If she is doing what you are describing.. yes, this is infidelity. Its emotional and intellectual infidelity.. which IMO is worse. Its a deeper cut.

I feel for you with the situation with the child. Youre in a pickle.. but can you live another 7 years with someone who DOES NOT consider you their "soul mate"?? I couldnt.

I thought the child would be enough to endure it but I find myself having aggressive thoughts. I could ruin her career with what I have. Maake her the laughing stock of this part of the state. But it would take away from my grandchild. In a pickle but I got to do what I have to do and will have faith the Lord will take care of the child. This is why I don't like getting into a ready-made family. Who gets the worst of this situation? The kids that pend years blaming themselves!

Hillbilly123069
After a talk a last night, it is obvious she won't own up to what she is hiding. I have proof. I just haven't showed it to her. She continues to say she wont put up with the bull of not trusting her and I need to get over it. Life has taught me a leopard cannot change its spots, nor will a person think twice about repeating a sin after the 1st time they do. It will get worse. Basically, she will keep doing what she is doing and will not care what the effects on others.

Everything you need is in front of you. It's really upto you now what you do..I will give a piece of advice though. Don't be a doormat like I have been the last few years. I stuck it out for my young son but now it's coming to an end thank god!...If i have learned anything, It's there's no way I'm gonna be used again by anybody. As soon as anything shady happens, Sneaky messages or whatever ..I'm off!!!.....No prisoners next time for me!!!...Good luck

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


Yes she is cheating on you, perhaps not physically but emotionally definitely. You have dealt with her being Bipolar for a number of years now and I shouldn't have to tell you one of the hallmarks of the disorder is infidelity and promiscuity. You know the ride your in for the only choice you have, is are you up for it or not?

reply to post by Hillbilly123069

If you have to ask, then you already know the answer. Right? Sorry ....


ETA .. you can always contact these folks to find out for sure - Cheaters TV Show .
(I mean, you already know ... but this would seal the deal ... go to 'submit a case' for investigation )

As people have stated, actions speak louder than words.

I have one sliver of advice here, and I believe its rather important.

Do NOT just got with the flow and allow this to define your life.

Speaking from experience here--if you are afraid to confront an unhealthy relationship and deal with the consequences, good and bad, you will never stand a chance at finding someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. The longer you are close to people like this, the more untrusting you will be in future relationships--then, you will find yourself hurting the relationship before your woman ever has the chance to hurt you. The more untrusting you are, the more damaging you are to others.

Those people are toxic, do not let them affect you any further.

I can speak for the rest of the world here when I say real love does exist, and I've only recently discovered that. I very recently discovered the difference between being with someone, and being in love with someone.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but you know what the right course of action is.

I know its played through your head a number of times by now OP, if you haven't done it already. That scenario that keeps replaying through your head like a movie... its time to do it.

Act!

Good luck!

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


Sometimes women find themselves in a relationship with a really good guy. The guy, from their perspective has done nothing that is worth them breaking up over. Then they find someone and realize that they don't care for their guy as much as they thought. The relationship itself is perfect but the love just isn't there. They don't want to feel bad breaking up with a nice guy so they begin to find ways to sabotage things so that the guy breaks up with them and they don't have to feel bad over it. I feel this is selfish and ironically the one good reason to end a relationship.
When your dealing with emotions there is no logic so while it might seem that there is no reason the relationship should be over on a logical level, on an emotional level, for her, it might already be over. It seems like she's just waiting for you to make the move to end it. I feel it's wise to tell her exactly how you feel and why. Keep in mind that I'm not talking about a logical exploration of cause and effect but more of an emotional exploration of how you feel. Telling her that by her doing X means she doesn't want to be with you isn't as effective of saying that her doing X makes you FEEL like your losing her. It's very important to express how you FEEL, not facts that lead to conclusions. If she tries to indicate that there is nothing wrong with your relationship and that everything is fine then you can let her know that you would feel better if she were to change her facebook status and reveal the anniversary or to essentially un-do any actions that have made you uncomfortable. Then I would make some date plans, fight as if you are trying to win her back. Make sure that you feel you have done everything you can to make the relationship work. Ultimately if she decides that it's over then it should be her to end it. In this case, it might be easier for you to deal with a breakup if she is the one that ultimately makes that decision and you know that you've done everything you can.

Or you could go devious by telling her that you are hurt by some of her actions but if that's what makes her comfortable with the relationship then that's ok because you love her for who she is not who you want her to be. Of course that will only work if she really is trying to push you to end it. hehe.

Seems to me youre been played. If she's hiding you online, then its from somebody else and she prob hiding them from someone else too.

A happy relationship? She should be shouting out how lucky she is with you. If she's not? She prob has more than a few different Facebook profiles. Its a common thing. Believe me.

Thats the easy way to get a lot from the most amount of people without each of them knowing about the others.

You are being played sir. Sorry. Give her up....

Well, I just found out she is telling her coworkers I live in a bldg. on my step mothers property, I am a LPN(CNA actually) and I work 12 hr shifts every other day. The truth being I haven't worked in 3 yrs because my lungs are blown out from chemical exposure when I worked for the navy. The lies are springing forth like a new found oil well.
I think I what she said and she basically told her friends I'm a creepy old guy that lives in his stepmoms garage and hovers over a little girl when Im not at work. I think this is worse than being cheated on. Still working on how I feel about that.

Hillbilly123069
Well, I just found out she is telling her coworkers I live in a bldg. on my step mothers property, I am a LPN(CNA actually) and I work 12 hr shifts every other day. The truth being I haven't worked in 3 yrs because my lungs are blown out from chemical exposure when I worked for the navy. The lies are springing forth like a new found oil well.
I think I what she said and she basically told her friends I'm a creepy old guy that lives in his stepmoms garage and hovers over a little girl when Im not at work. I think this is worse than being cheated on. Still working on how I feel about that.

Dude, no more thinking. Run. I mean, leave all the crap, all of it, and run for your life.
And don't look back. Seriously? Ponder it not a second longer. You don't need to figure out how you feel about the latest disgusting event.
The worst is yet to come. Self torture. Why?

This isn't a matter of your loving each other and attempting to work it out. She said she doesn't love you. She is cheating and lying and, wow...

I don't know you or her or the entire situation. I am going strictly off what you reveal here. And with that bit of insight, I say run while you still have some sense of sanity. The drama never works out like Hollywood. Your drama is going to get wicked ugly.

Unless you need that. Need the wicked ugly so it can grind you into the ground and put a flower on your head.

Oh bust! It is. I now know who and when. Barked up this tree once but I let her talk me out of it. The stupidity we do for a woman. I seen his profile on FB. Seems honorable. Religious and into martial arts. Don't think he was aware of me. They work together. She's actually his boss. What should I do. She has sworn with her hand on the Bible she has done nothing but the evidence just cannot be taken any other way. Should I go talk to him? Tell him whats up? She greatly fears me going around her job.

If you have to ask .... then you probably already know the answer.
Time to have a serious talk ... either commit or cut free ....
Pick one or the other. IMHO

Hillbilly123069
She greatly fears me going around her job.

I wouldn't want anyone near my job either. That's someones income. Don't mess with that.
Could YOU be obsessing?
Ask for a commitment. If you don't get it ... move on.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069
Tough life, man,tough life.

If she have a crush on someone,don't crush her head.

Try to have and open a direct discussion with her,with all the cards on the table.

Else....your life will be a living Hell.

reply to post by Hillbilly123069


Well, that about says all it ought to, with regard to how to proceed, would you not agree?

Clearly, the woman has a pathological tendency for lies and deception, and is indulging in that behaviour, with the effect of tarnishing your name about town, in what can only be described in the most abominable fashion possible. Frankly speaking, that would rather seem to have placed the final nail in the proverbial coffin. It certainly bloody well ought to.

You are probably more than aware of this, but I feel it necessary to state it none the less. The pathological lying, and the fact that the lies she is telling are of a sort which could destroy your reputation, if taken up as truth by those who hear them, AND the fact that she seems to be saying these things in order to justify her poor behaviour toward you before her co-workers would suggest that she has some sort of narcissistic personality disorder. You see, a person who is free of such a psychological condition as the one I have outlined, would find it quite impossible to be so callous in her behaviour toward you, as the woman with which you are concerned.

I know that there are circumstances outside of your personal relationship with the woman, which might understandably make you wary of merely upping and leaving the situation. There are practicalities in this life which constrict us all to varying degrees, aside from any secondary attachments you may have made as a result of your being allied to this woman for a length of time, and dealing with these things will be hard, as it always is.

However, this woman appears to be of the most toxic, and psychologically dangerous persuasion possible. You have not asked for my advice specifically, but just in case you would benefit from it, here it is.

Leave. Do not say a word, do not confront her. Just leave. Down all other paths, madness lurks to take you into the abyss.

Seems a no brainier at this point what you should do, end the relationship....sorry....no fun. Now it's time to come up with your exit strategy and deal with the practical concerns of starting over after 7 years of making a life with this woman and her child ( grandchild? that wasn't clear to me, why you are Grandpa? )

1. Are you this little girl's primary caretaker?
2. Is your soon to be ex the primary bread winner?
3. Why didn't you guys get married and adopt the child together?

I don't advocate causing trouble at her job, however that may be your ace in the hole when it comes to negotiating a fair settlement and making arrangements for visitation and/or partial custody. If she wants to maintain her "false" persona of being a "good" person, then perhaps she will actually have to be one and do right by you and this child ! Good Luck....try not to take this to heart and make you crazy....your dealing with a sociopath.