Would like your opinions...touchy situation

Why not ask your wife where she stands on a sister wife?

Do whatever makes you truly happy, OP.

That's what matters.

And if you have kids, make sure you keep them happy.

Divorce or not, your kids just have to know you care for them. Then, they will be fine.

Maybe take it slow for a month or two before going near the other girl.

Take it slow, if you decide to break it off.

But above all, do what makes you happy.

reply to post by Jacker44




It seems like you already have your answer. Do not keep using her because you do not want to be alone. You do not need anyone to complete your life. But it is amazing to share it with a special person.

Spend some time with yourself.. It can do wonders....

reply to post by Jacker44


If you are unhappy leave but don't leave for another person like many have said. I think you should talk to your wife and let her know how you feel about your marriage. If you aren't happy you should leave and be happy. Nobody should stay married if they are unhappy.

Good luck to you.

Advantage

sweord
all your feelings are natural

marriage is not

animals don't do it

we are still animals

hope this helps.

Oh bull chips. There are many animals that mate for life and maintain a cohesive family group. So there..

No animals mate for life with the exception of one insect species. That is a myth that monogamists use.

Jacker44
reply to post by boymonkey74

 

The heart is confused...really. Plus, if I went with how my heart felt right now I'd be with my former crush and I know that is not the right thing to do. That would be jumping too fast.

your story is so ordinary and typical and being lived all over the world a million times today.

If you were to leave with this person, you will find it is a not all roses and champagne and will regret the relationship. Anything new and exciting is going to seem great. But the relationship will fail.

The grass may be greener on the other side till you find it takes the same S*%# to grow it.

Marriage is hard, hard work. Exactly what have you done to make it work?

nixie_nox

Advantage

sweord
all your feelings are natural

marriage is not

animals don't do it

we are still animals

hope this helps.

Oh bull chips. There are many animals that mate for life and maintain a cohesive family group. So there..

No animals mate for life with the exception of one insect species. That is a myth that monogamists use.

Monogamists? Thats a new one on me!

Check out the Albatross, Flamingos, some wolves, swans, beavers, anglerfsh, bald eagles migrate alone but mate for life, skinks, barn owls, gibbons are socially monogamous but reproductively non momogamous, termites ( what you were probably referring to) , Black vuntures, 2 types of cranes, condors, turtledoves ( thats why they are used on some family crests), etc etc.

reply to post by Advantage

Alas for sentiment and the greeting card industry, biologists lately have discovered that, in the animal kingdom, there is almost no such thing as monogamy. In a burst of new studies that are destroying many of the most deeply cherished notions about animal mating habits, researchers report that even among species assumed to have faithful tendencies and to need a strong pair bond to rear their young, infidelity is rampant.

The article goes on to say:

Biolgists long believed, for example, that up to 94 percent of bird species were monogamous, with one mother and one father sharing the burden of raising their chicks. Now, using advanced techniques to determine the paternity of offspring, biologists are finding that, on average, 30 percent or more of the baby birds in any nest were sired by someone other than the resident male. Indeed, researchers are having trouble finding bird species that are not prone to such evident philandering.

NY TIMES

nixie_nox
reply to post by Advantage

 

Alas for sentiment and the greeting card industry, biologists lately have discovered that, in the animal kingdom, there is almost no such thing as monogamy. In a burst of new studies that are destroying many of the most deeply cherished notions about animal mating habits, researchers report that even among species assumed to have faithful tendencies and to need a strong pair bond to rear their young, infidelity is rampant.

The article goes on to say:

Biolgists long believed, for example, that up to 94 percent of bird species were monogamous, with one mother and one father sharing the burden of raising their chicks. Now, using advanced techniques to determine the paternity of offspring, biologists are finding that, on average, 30 percent or more of the baby birds in any nest were sired by someone other than the resident male. Indeed, researchers are having trouble finding bird species that are not prone to such evident philandering.

NY TIMES

That doesnt have much to do with what I said.I certainly didnt say 94% of birds.. nor do I write greeting cards.

reply to post by Advantage


*laughs* now you are just blowing smoke. Half the animals you listed were birds.

How rare is rare?



Some statistics on the frequency of monogamy in the animal kingdom:
•Not a single mammal species has, thus far, been definitively shown to be truly monogamous. (Nevertheless, individual pairs of mammals may be truly monogamous.) Scientists now estimate that only about three to five percent of the approximately 4,000+ mammal species on Earth practice any form of monogamy.
•Before the advent of DNA fingerprinting, scientists believed that about 90 percent of bird species were truly monogamous. But paternity testing suggests that the reverse is true: Scientists now believe that about 90 percent of bird species are socially monogamous, and that true monogamy among birds is the exception rather than the rule.
•Some insects, including cockroaches, are monogamous.
•Any form of monogamy among fish and amphibians is exceedingly rare.

nsf.gov

reply to post by nixie_nox


Many animals will forcefully mate too. Using your logic, it must be ok for humans to do then. Better stop prosecuting rapists.

nixie_nox
reply to post by Advantage

 

*laughs* now you are just blowing smoke. Half the animals you listed were birds.

How rare is rare?



Some statistics on the frequency of monogamy in the animal kingdom:
•Not a single mammal species has, thus far, been definitively shown to be truly monogamous. (Nevertheless, individual pairs of mammals may be truly monogamous.) Scientists now estimate that only about three to five percent of the approximately 4,000+ mammal species on Earth practice any form of monogamy.
•Before the advent of DNA fingerprinting, scientists believed that about 90 percent of bird species were truly monogamous. But paternity testing suggests that the reverse is true: Scientists now believe that about 90 percent of bird species are socially monogamous, and that true monogamy among birds is the exception rather than the rule.
•Some insects, including cockroaches, are monogamous.
•Any form of monogamy among fish and amphibians is exceedingly rare.

nsf.gov

edit on 27-1-2014 by nixie_nox because: (no reason given)

And like humans... like animals.. true monogamy is an exception to the rule. It IS observed in the animal and insect kingdom. Thats what I was arguing... and that is a fact. To claim that NO animals are monogamous is disingenuous.

reply to post by Jacker44


Life has a funny way of balancing itself out.
If you are thinking about this. There is a good chance your wife is thinking the same thing.

Maybe you both need to talk, and communicate a little better.
Cherish the things you have. As life is short.
And as other players in the game have stated. The "new" will wear off.

And with every relationship I have had.. Your relationship with them, will end the same way it started.

If you start a new relationship based off being sneaky and cheating. Do not be shocked if many years down the line. The shoe is on the other foot. And you are the one dumped for a "crush".
Life and its balancing system still amazes me to this day. It is kind of uncanny how that works.. With me and so many people I have known in my life.

Create an open relationship with your wife where she can enjoy other men and you can have other lovers as well.

This type of arrangement can be both fulfilling, erotic, and exciting. However be warned....not for the faint hearted or emotionally constipated because it can get very complicated. Voice of experience.

Jacker44
I've been married for almost 10 years. The marriage has had it's ups and down like any relationship does. I've made the most out of our marriage, honestly. I don't know many that would've put up with a lot my spouse has done. The last five years I have felt more a lone than married and the spark went out a long time ago. We don't have much in common, not even to have a conversation.
Now, this is where it gets tricky... Four months ago I traveled back to where I grew up and ran into someone that I had the biggest crush on while in High School. We never dated, in fact we never talked during school.
When I returned home that person looked me up on FB and we started to chat almost every day; general things. Nothing romantic or close to that. After about a month of chatting we learned we had many things in common. I began looking forward to our evening chats, more than I should have.
Another month after that I had to revisit my home town for a family emergency. While there I called this person up (I know I know!!!!) I couldn't resist. As soon as we saw each other it was like fireworks. And obvious. We were both adults and have been straight with each other because I am married.
Now, I'm wondering if I'm wasting my days with the person I'm married to, and should I be with my former crush?
I've never in my life been so drawn to someone like this. Maybe it's a phase????
I hope this all makes sense to someone.
What are some questions I should ask myself?

Oh, Jacker. It is but a fleeting fancy the mind is playing with. The questions you should ask yourself are simply if hardship equals abandonment. If it is worth it, in the end, to lose something you once felt belonged to you.
And if, when you see yourself in ten years, you would be happy with the decision you may make today.

The sparks can leave a relationship. That is why relationships, as they deepen past lust, flowers and romance, must find new ways to keep the spark alive. I would not have contact with this person again, until you can see deeply inside of your self. I would also open fully to your spouse, as if your life depended on it. And figure this thing out together.

It may be, they are having the same thoughts. One cannot know unless the complete communication is there. But do open your heart and reveal your sad and doubtful thoughts. You can't throw away ten years, no matter the strife, without every last effort to reinvent your relationship has been exhausted. Don't you think? But you must communicate fully and without restraint, with your spouse.

Never make a decision on a temporary emotion. No matter how strong the emotion. I wish you so much good results.

It sounds like the first 5 years were good. What has changed? At some point you felt you loved your partner enough to get married and there must have been something there. Over the past 5 years there has been a vacume in your life. Then someone comes along and fills what used to be filled by your marriage. I feel there are some questions here that need to be answered and that the answers themselves might give you a better idea on the direction to take.

Do you want what you had the first 5 years?
Are you willing to work to get back there?
Does your partner feel the same way?

If a mistake was made in your marriage and you don't bother to address it, then it leaves the door open for the same mistake to happen again. Let's suppose that you stayed friends with this other person, got a divorce, waited a year or two and then began a serious relationship with them. What's to say that 5 years down the road you don't find yourself in the same position. I feel that's it's important that you deal with the problems in the marriage first so that you can resolve them one way or the other. Understanding what went wrong is important regardless if the marriage ends or you work on repairing what's broken. Haven an open and honest dialog with your partner, I feel, is the best place to start. Starting a new relationship before addressing the current problems I feel is just a road to disaster.