Would like your opinions...touchy situation

I've been married for almost 10 years. The marriage has had it's ups and down like any relationship does. I've made the most out of our marriage, honestly. I don't know many that would've put up with a lot my spouse has done. The last five years I have felt more a lone than married and the spark went out a long time ago. We don't have much in common, not even to have a conversation.
Now, this is where it gets tricky... Four months ago I traveled back to where I grew up and ran into someone that I had the biggest crush on while in High School. We never dated, in fact we never talked during school.
When I returned home that person looked me up on FB and we started to chat almost every day; general things. Nothing romantic or close to that. After about a month of chatting we learned we had many things in common. I began looking forward to our evening chats, more than I should have.
Another month after that I had to revisit my home town for a family emergency. While there I called this person up (I know I know!!!!) I couldn't resist. As soon as we saw each other it was like fireworks. And obvious. We were both adults and have been straight with each other because I am married.
Now, I'm wondering if I'm wasting my days with the person I'm married to, and should I be with my former crush?
I've never in my life been so drawn to someone like this. Maybe it's a phase????
I hope this all makes sense to someone.
What are some questions I should ask myself?

The new wears off everything. If you arent happy than leave but dont leave for someone else. You will never have a decent relationship with that person with that on your shoulders. Think about what this other person youre running to will have in the back of their mind? Do you believe they wont imagine you doing this to them? No if you must be rid of your first thang than do it for you. Then in time test the waters with a new person and take it slow. Trust me

Also the devil you know, grass is always greener, etc...

reply to post by Jacker44

Been there, done that. And I screwed things up royal for everyone including myself.

Ill use your words. One is your "wife" and the other is a "crush". That should answer that. I'd leave it alone.

Before I offer any advice I would like to know if you are male or female. Your OP has a female feel to it but text on the net is not a good medium for making assumptions.

reply to post by Jacker44


Kid's?

That could complicate things.

How long has the marriage lasted?

The thing is, you can't force yourself to be with someone that just doesn't do it for you anymore.

You have to be true to yourself.

I was married for 8 1/2 years with four kids but things just don't always work out. It doesn't help we married right out of high school.

You can't let something like marriage papers stunt your happiness and ability to grow as a person.

I firmly believe humans are not built for marriage, generally speaking of course.

Good luck with your situation.

Kallisti

reply to post by Jacker44



If you are unhappy with your marriage then get divorced, stay single for six months...then start dating.

Honestly though one thing I've realized is that passion in a relationship takes a lot of work to uphold for long periods of time. It's unrealistic to think that you'd be passionately in love after 10 years unless you had seriously worked on throwing gas at the flame.

One thing you should think about is how your current partner compares to this person as a whole. If you genuinely just do not feel a connection with your current partner then you should end that before starting an affair.

Affairs always end badly for everyone. Even if you never get caught, you will have to live with the fact that you screwed someone over for the rest of the relationship. Guilt from cheating is a HORRIBLE feeling(unless you're one of those douchebags that can do it repeatably without being phased). I remember when I was younger I got drunk and did a one night stand with a really beautiful girl I met at some party, when I was with my gf at time. It haunted me and made me physically ill. Haunted me to the point that I eventually ended things. No time machines in real life.

New love is very exciting and can blur your vision at times, especially if you're in a relationship where the passion has died.

I would say to take a step back. Decide whether you want to stay with current partner and work on things or if you truly aren't happy. Divorce first if that's the route you want to go. Wait six months and get things on track. If that person really likes/loves you they will wait. If not then that will give you time to clear head before dating again.

That's my two cents.

Good luck.

Oh boy.
Em..touchy subject. For starters. If things are that bad in the marriage. Then why even be there. I realise marriage is a lifetime promise. But what good is it for the both of you if there is no communication. So you feel alone. I was in a relationship once where I was a ghost. Some one once told me that it is better to live alone, than to live with someone and feel alone.

Second. It seems you're spirit is rekindled by someone whom is finally giving you the attention you desire. You feel good for once right? But as hard as it is. You must end the current marriage. Before you or your spouse get truly hurt. Whether emotionally or physically. Personally I feel mental abuse is worse.

If this old crush is for real. Naturally as the old saying goes. They will wait.

Now I'm the worst person to ask...I'm 39 and almost married 4 times. So I know a little about rejection. All got pregnant before the alter.
But being by myself leaves me much happier.

reply to post by OrphanApology


Agreed!

Dump em both and be single
You will not get moaned at, can wear Y-Fronts all day, drink out of the milk bottle, leave the toilet seat up and bring home the odd stripper to get your end away .

reply to post by boymonkey74


Don't do it!

Strippers are like vampires, you should never invite them into your home!

boymonkey74
Dump em both and be single

You will not get moaned at, can wear Y-Fronts all day, drink out of the milk bottle, leave the toilet seat up and bring home the odd stripper to get your end away

.

If you leave out the strippers, that sounds just like my marriage. The husband is like a single guy.. with a family.


OP.. talk to your wife. Settle one thing before getting into another. You never know what could come of a good bare bones talk with her. Be HONEST with her.

reply to post by Jacker44


I think you already know the answer. Why did you get married? Having unconditional love for someone is the basis for a true marriage. Paper is not needed to have a true marriage, unconditional love is. There is a right way and a wrong way to proceed. Do it the right way.

all your feelings are natural

marriage is not

animals don't do it

we are still animals

hope this helps.

sweord
all your feelings are natural

marriage is not

animals don't do it

we are still animals

hope this helps.

Oh bull chips. There are many animals that mate for life and maintain a cohesive family group. So there..

reply to post by hotel1

Why does it matter, the answer should be the same.

reply to post by soulpowertothendegree


There is no such thing as unconditional love, except for dogs. All love has conditions. You deserve to be treated well by a partner/spouse and so do they. Abuse and cheating do not have to be tolerated. True love requires respect.

Now onto the op.
When a marriage is strained you must look at the big picture. Staying together when you have no desire to do so does no one any good. I watched my mother in law stay with a drunk for thirty plus years before she finally had enough. She says it was the best decission she ever made and should have done it years earlier. But never cheat on your spouse! That is unforgivable. If your not happy get out and move on without sticking a knife is someone's back. I can't count the number of people I know that have cheated with somebody then married the person the were cheating with. Of course it never works out, usually because one of them cheats,,, go figure,,,

Thank you, all of you. Very good advise. I will think things through for the next few weeks and start a new life on my own for a while and see what happens - if the other is meant to be - it will be.

reply to post by Hoosierdaddy71


There is absolutely unconditional love and it is very hard to have. Evidently especially for those that don't believe it exist. I didn't say they had to accept cheating or abuse, the ability to leave those situations has nothing to do with unconditional love. Marriages definitely have to overcome obstacles, the question remains...why did you marry the person and why do you stay married...the answer is different for each and circumstances dictate often. I was merely suggesting that unconditional love is a necessary component in order to understand the desire to leave a relationship and pursue another. Having a crush on someone is not a reason to end a marriage.

Evening,

I believe it was Johnny Depp who said:

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”

But he's a bit of a douche...

-Peace-