Dont have a journal

Well, I heard somewhere that when something terrible happens you should write it down. So here I am. This year has had its ups and downs, normaly Im good, but not now. December 14 th at 10:45 Am, my mother passed. Christmas is never going to be the same. I never really liked Christmas anyway, because my parents were seperated for a good number of them, and the other half yelled at eachother, but that is a different story.

My mother was an awesome lady. I remember she used to bake cookies on christmas, she also made fudge, pumpkin rolls, and baklava (lots of Greeks in my family). It was okay. We had the big dinners where everyone showed up, smoke in the air, loud laughing (We used to call it cackleing because all the sisters sounded like witches..lol). Everyone was happy, nobody fought all was good when the whole family were together.

Then we moved from Indiana, to AZ. I HATE IT HERE. I really do. The weather sucks and palm trees for Christmas...bulls#it.

So now my time with my mother was spent at the pool. I enjoyed it a lot. She would play with me in the pool she was laughing, and she was still working (before she knew she had Cystic fibrosis).

Then shoot years later, she found she had it, and then just gave up. Death sentance for her in her mind I guess. Years went by, and she became depresed and I watched her waste away. Now she is dead. I miss her but keeping it together (mostly).

Now my father cant afford to live in his house (no survivors benefits) and is beging me to go back to indiana with him. I cant do that. I have a soon to be wife, and friends and family out here. I have been working the same job since 2000..

This year sucks, and I allready didnt like Christmas, now I fcuking hate it. Not going all bah humbug, but not wanting to be all happy for others. Just had to get that out, for those of you who still have your mothers just remember the good times.

Time for me to work my s#itty cube job, hence my name.

That almost made me tear up. I am sorry for your loss. These things always have a way of working out. Be good to your woman, and try to be a good man. I understand your frustrations, but I have not been there yet myself.
My dad left four kids and a wife back east in the seventies, married my mom, and had me. He never knew what to do with me and his guilt over leaving. Anyway, in the nineties, two of my half brothers died, and my dad was pretty hurt. It took him a while to sort it out.

reply to post by Tylerdurden1


Hi Tyler. I'm really sorry about your mother passing. She sure sounded like an awesome lady and It sure sounded nice baking those cookies. I remember my mum and dad when they were alive at Christmas like it was yesterday. Mum used to peel all the veg christmas eve, Then my dad would come home drunk from his works party and knock the fence over on his motorbike lol. Good times!..It sure does suck sometimes when your torn what to do. I'm like that now and I hate my job!!..Hey just think of that lovely soon to be wife of yours. And let it out, There's no shame in venting or talking about how you feel. And things do get better and turn around. I wish you the best of luck

reply to post by Tylerdurden1


I am so so sorry to hear of the passing of your mom... My heart goes out to you ~~>>
I know how it feels. My mom passed on may 29, 2011. Christmas is still not the same without her here... And every other holiday and birthday...

Even though me and my mom had a complicated relationship ...I loved her...wholeheartedly.. She was my mom.

I hate this has happened so close to Christmas time. I truly am sorry and I wish you and your family peace of mind.

Peace and love to you and all who's mothers have passed on to the next realm~~~>>>
-nat

Sorry to hear your loss, my mother recently got diagnosed with cancer so ill be heading down the same sad road. But unfortunately it will happen to everyone ( if it already hasn't ). We just have to try to look beyond our sadness and be surround by everyone and everything that gives us comfort. And if you believe in god, you'll se her in the next life

reply to post by Tylerdurden1



So Sorry to hear of your loss.

My mom died Dec 2 1996. To that point I had never known a loss that effected me so much. It took a while to go on with life as normal but still thinking at times i want to call my mom and tell her something. It took some time but it got better. Now I only think of the good memories. You will get there. You sound as though you have many good memories. Lucky you.

Thanks guys. I think I might write a few more times here to sort o help me out , my short hand sucks!