Does Unconditional Love Really Exist?

3NL1GHT3N3D1
Unconditional love definitely exists, we experience it every day. Everyone loves themselves unconditionally (or at least they should), now if we could only get them to extend that to everyone else as well, we'd be in a lot better situation right now.

edit on 35011313CST353 by 3NL1GHT3N3D1 because: (no reason given)

I don't think this is true for myself. Personally I find it most difficult to love myself unconditionally. I think if more people loved themselves to this extent, then it would naturally extend to those around them. When you are insecure with yourself or hypercritical or have been subject to judgement from other people it is difficult to love yourself and also very difficult to love others.

I find the more comfortable I am in my own skin and more acceptance I have for myself and my own flaws more easily it comes to extend the same to the people around me.

Does unconditional love exist? I guess everybody probably has different personal definitions of what this means. For me personally, I feel like I really didn't understand what unconditional love was until I had a child. Whether it's purely biological instinct or something more, I know I have never felt that sort of love until my son was born. It's probably a good thing most parents feel this way because kids are hard work haha.

I think it's more difficult to love spouses or others unconditionally. We like to think we do, but if they were to hurt us really badly I think that unconditional love might be called into question. I like the idea of unconditional love, but in practice I think that many people have different ideas of what this entails.

I grew up in a very religious setting as was taught we should love everyone unconditionally. Unfortunately this was just a concept and I was given no direction in how this could play out in real life situations. It definitely left me open to staying in emotionally abusive situations because I had this idea that if only I loved this person unconditionally than everything would be OK I just had to love better. And if I were to leave them and reject the abusive circumstance I was in then I just wasn't loving unconditionally well enough. Is it possible to love someone unconditionally even after you cut them loose? I don't know, I suppose the feeling of wanting whats best for them and for them to be the best version of themselves and to arrive there however possible, with or without your influence in their life I suppose that could be a version of unconditional love.

I just think there are a million different variables and maybe it's not as simple as "oh I love everyone unconditionally" Throw some unexpected curveballs in there and I think for many, naturally that unconditional clause falls away.

AfterInfinity
Unconditional love strikes me as a suicidal trait. You will lose everything if you love everyone without limit or exception, because this world is full of people willing to take advantage until you are a dry shriveled husk incapable of helping yourself.

You have to be capable of, and willing to, draw the line at some point if you wish to survive at all.

edit on 13-12-2013 by AfterInfinity because: (no reason given)

Of course it is a suicidal trait, but that's the beauty of it, surely? A human, through his own choice, willing to override every survival instinct and trick of his body, literally shut off years and years and years of DNA lineage and overlook the individual acts of all his ancestors whose survival allowed this person to even live in the first place - to lay down their life for someone else?

Think about that. Just the fact that is possible, and has been done and always will be as long as humans exist, is very powerful knowledge. It shows there IS more to this than us just being DNA preserving survival machines. Suicide, altruism, 'unconditional love' - these concepts convey the ability of the consciousness to truly act out of its own accord and not based on the physical body/ego. That's beautiful, man.

Like I said, if this didn't exist, it would be a cold world. We'd be warriors forever, doing as we please as long as we maintained conditional love with those with mutual interests. But I think the semantics of conditional vs unconditional overshadows the true essence of what this is.

It is simply a higher level of compassion - when the consciousness/the soul/the observer/the decision maker inside of you shows its love despite if it goes against your ego or survival instinct. That to me is 'unconditional love'.

But you're right, you need to know where to draw the line. Your ego, and it's knowledge of people's characters and real world interaction is still important to utilise and act on. But if you have higher compassion, you will attempt to save that drowning human, regardless who it is, as long as you realise you have some chance of surviving long enough to save at least one of yourselves in the worst case. That last part is the ego or mind acting, the drawing of line so to say. If you know you will both die, then you must live for others depend on you. But as long as there's a chance you'll act.

The problem with the semantics is that it can be conditional within higher unconditional compassion - it becomes contradictory and the original point of distinction gets lost. For example, in that drowning scenario with 0% survival, if it was my little sister I think I'd jump in just to ensure she doesn't spend her last Earth moments alone and in complete fear.

But she's young, and when she's a lot older that may change and she may not want me to jump in. I will have children, and I wouldn't want her to sacrifice herself for me if she had children and I didn't out of love for her children. It gets all complex but the original essence is there.

Or you could argue its 'conditional' on your chance of survival, but the fact is you'd still take a higher chance of dying to save someone you could have no connection to. So, what's that? 25% conditional, 75% unconditional? Lol. You can't say until you're in that situation though. People have jumped off cliffs to save their dogs and died. It happened to a young couple the other week, here in England.

Like you said, our language doesn't or can't express this the best way. Some feelings and states of being are truly not done justice by human words.

reply to post by DazDaKing


Love your response.

reply to post by Realtruth


Obviously not with my first wife....

But it is true when it comes to my daughters...
it doesn't matter what they do or say... yes I can be angry or disappointed, just as I can be proud and happy with each and every milestone... To me anyway the only really true pure unconditional love I have ever felt in my heart is my love of my girls....

If only I could make the little brats stop arguing long enough to clean up their room.... geez...

unconditional love is a state of 'Being' where one lives in unity through love for all creation.

Moments in our world are most certainly possible, but a permanent condition/consciousness of Love may well be for a refined vibration.

reply to post by Realtruth


Yes, there are some parents who have that kind of love for their offspring...

reply to post by DazDaKing


Great comments and exchange between you two.

imho . . .

1. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE does NOT mean that one delivers whatever XYZ person requests, wants etc.

2. WISDOM MUST still reign or it's not Love, it's COMMAND PERFORMANCE or coercion or co-dependency or some such.

3. UL means being WILLING and selfless enough to consider whatever is requested and to avoid hesitation for selfish reasons.

4. In MOST RESPECTS AND CONTEXTS, imho, SELF-PRESERVATION is not per se a selfish reason--as paradoxical as that might seem.

There's the old joke from Dr Murray Banks [see youtube: What to do until the psychiatrist comes].

The beautiful woman asked her lover

"Fred, would you, would you die for me?"

Fred: "No, my love is an undying love."

5. Sure, there are some contexts where taking the bullet for the loved one is the sensible, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, honorable, redemptive thing to do. And those loving to that degree wouldn't hesitate, per se.

6. However, to willy-nilly invite knives to the heart for silly reasons is NOT Unconditional Love. That's stupidity, co-dependency or worse.

7. In cases where taking the bullet would not be honorable or not be redemptive or not result in any lasting good for much of anyone--it's probably not UNCONDITIONAL LOVE to act such out.

8. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE can certainly be heroic and ultimately terminally sacrificial.

9. However, I think the harder sacrifices in behalf of the beloved are the daily small things in life of putting one's pride, fears, ego 2ndary and doing what's best for the beloved, regardless.

10. WE ALL HARVEST WHAT WE PLANT. Unconditonal Love does begat Unconditioinal Love . . . regardless of how long the time between planting and harvesting.

reply to post by HardCorps


LOL. Contingencies can be important even in UNCONDITIONAL LOVE relationships--perhaps more so.

Tough love is love.

HOW TO HAVE A NEW KID BY FRIDAY is a great book and might be of use.

reply to post by BO XIAN

HOW TO HAVE A NEW KID BY FRIDAY is a great book and might be of use.

Don't make me hurt you...
and for gods sake never, EVER, show that book to my wife...

Don't get me wrong I love kids....Especially when their a nice crispy golden brown and smothered in that sauce they have over at Famous Dave's BBQ...

All kidding aside... I think love is something you have or don't... there's no middle ground... No "I think I do?"... And anyone looking to find it a book, any book, is looking in the wrong place. The day I knew I had it was the day my newborn baby girl wrapped her tiny little fingers around my thumb... that was pure sweet unconditional love... and then she popped herself and it was time to give her back to momma...

sorry double posted

symptomoftheuniverse
Unconditional love is something you can lose. You can not win it back. You can hope.

How can you loose something that is unconditional?

There are no conditions attached to it, so how could it be lost?

Are talking about the unconditional love in a relationship with another? if so, then even on the termination of that relationship then the unconditional love would still exist.

They say that we recognize love when we see those things we love about ourselves in the external world.

So for example, I may witness my 6 year old saying something cute to her grandmother, that makes me laugh and i think, that is the sort of thing I would say. Or she may turn her head a certain way that we see love, which would be the recognition of look of self in reflection.

Now "falling" in love with another, can never be deemed as unconditional. As the term falling implies, we fall into that other person's being, then we again "fall" into the trap of doing or being something that they would like to be around, behaving in a way that would please the other. Doing the things they like to do, dressing in a certain way, to please the other person.

The whole Cinderella story (soul Mate) idea is a complete lie. Unless it exists in the moment, which is not "Happily ever after"

If we were happy to just have one of 2 dates with Prince Charming, have a wonderful time, no strings attached, then that could be close to still being unconditional, but the VERY second we base that love on an expectation that the other will do or say or be something other than just themselves, then the whole UNCONDITIONAL thing just flew out of the window.

It does.
But the ego gets in the way and doesn't want it to be. it is all about us vs them.

Check out the www.releasetechnique.com or the sedona method.
No affiliation, but you can experience it with one of these practices.
All the best.

Another interesting take on Unconditional Love is that is doesn't actually have to be a person, or animal, but rather something someone loves to do.

Like fishing, skiing, boating, walking, running, etc...

Some people really are able to get into a zone and truly love unconditionally what they are doing.


Peace,

RT

reply to post by HardCorps


Great points. However, Dr Kevin Leman is very sharp about HELPING parents to communicate their love in more functional and effective ways.

www.amazon.com...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1387055886&sr=1-1&keywords=HOW+TO+HAVE+A+NEW+KID+BY+F RIDAY


And, I'd quibble a bit . . . folks CAN learn to love. Often it has to be concurrent with some healing and restoration of their own inner souls and psyche's.

And, a lot of Dads as well as mom's . . . all enraptured with the 24 hour old baby

get ground down by the pressures of life and lose sight of what's the real priority.

Books are not all of the same quality. Some are great stories by folks who have traveled the journey and walked the talk. They can teach many individuals many powerful values and skills.

reply to post by Realtruth


I believe that there's a very strong qualitative difference between UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING individuals vs a hobby, passion, an art, a thing.

One can worship a tree or a sports car or a job or a doorknob or a horse's rear.

It's not the same thing.

With an individual there is a DANCE. And the DANCE PARTNER makes all the difference in the joy and the fulfillment.

Sure, the same dopamine pleasure dispensers and receptors are at work . . . but there's still a huge qualitative difference in the subjective and objective benefits, rewards, pleasures.

It's hard to articulate but easy to recognize that difference.

And, I wouldn't think much of those who'd die for their sports cars.

I'd think a lot of those who'd die for their Friends or relatives.

reply to post by BO XIAN


to take a quote from a famous book

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child

Corinthians 13:11

I read Moby Dick... doesn't mean I know anything about being a whaler.
I read and saw the movie 2010...doesn't make me qualified to fly the space shuttle.
I have read my wife's baby book... yet as a man I will never know what it feels like to be pregnant.

Yes I too have read hundreds of books about love... if I hadn't experienced it first hand and for myself... love would have just been another four letter word

reply to post by HardCorps


Well and truly put, alright.

However, a lot of books in my life fostered courage to TRY and grow, reach out, risk, LOVE.

I'm thankful for the authors' narratives which contributed to my growth and to my better relationships.

Yes, I certainly still had to WALK IT OUT.

reply to post by AfterInfinity

Ummm...It makes sense in a partial way...but only if you don't consider that even the unquantifiable can also be experienced or felt.

To me it seems more appropriate to state that yes...there can be love without conditions...perhaps compassion would be a better way of stating it though...for example...those commercials from the ASPCA about abused pets or the ones from CARE with the Malnourished children...I would contend that those tears you shed in those moments are because of the non-conditioned compassion for those suffering. I would contend that it is not sorrow...but love that fills your eyes with tears...a connection that is certainly not easily explained.

There is something unquantifiable about that...not only in that sense, but also in the sense that without condition...persons will strive and/or perish in an effort to save the life of another, I used persons because these attributes are not found entirely within the human realm.
Easy examples would be saving that deer or dog or human trapped clinging out on the ice, or the dolphin pushing the drowning victim to land.

Hence the feeling and experience but not necessarily the understanding or quantification of why lives are risked and sometimes lost that other persons or species retain their own life...Those would be fine examples of a non-conditional compassion......IMO

YouSir

BO XIAN
reply to post by Realtruth

 

I believe that there's a very strong qualitative difference between UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING individuals vs a hobby, passion, an art, a thing.

One can worship a tree or a sports car or a job or a doorknob or a horse's rear.

It's not the same thing.

You appear to be attaching conditions to what the definition of "Unconditional Love" is.

I believe that "Unconditional Love" is just what it is.

Loving something without conditions.


Peace,

RT