Did you remember enough?

After 40 years of stumbling about, I finally returned to who I really am. I am now a spiritually focused being, but I was formerly a slave to desire due to my need to be loved, a need that was a result of not being loved in my early years. This is a familiar story.

Why did it take so long? Other than the amnesia applied.

Because of the ambush. Was I willingly involved in the ambush (I am here referring to the life and family I was born into, no details required in terms of this thread)? Supposedly I was. But I am beginning to doubt this. I am more leaning towards the idea that my personal life ambush was designed by others to keep me weak for as long as possible.

Sorry. Just thinking out loud.

reply to post by droid56


For much of my youth I was very idealistic.
I believed that the world was truly headed in a utopian direction and that everyone believed like me and had good intentions like me.

I learned the hard way that I was oh so very wrong.

But that didn't jade me to life.
It made me realize that we fight a battle everyday.

And I am one of the good guys.

Scarred by smarter.

reply to post by droid56


I get where you're coming from Mr Droid but I blame myself for all the wrong choices I made in my life. Don't get me wrong. I'm in a happy place now. Maybe all those wrong choices placed me in the position I am now in. I don't want to go back there. (Nightmare stuff). But I was ambushed too, to the extent that I could tailspin or level out. Thankfully I chose to level out. Responsibilities to others and those close to me got me. Like a slap in the face 16 years ago.

I do not blame my parents or mentors. Just me for my past. Not an ambush for me but an awakening.

reply to post by droid56


Yes, there are forces committed to keeping us weak, unaware, distracted. I sort of wonder why they're so effective overall...

reply to post by droid56


It should be a natural path of handling rejection, which shows how much our inner being wants love - which is a good thing.

It took me basically my whole 20s. I was constantly yearning to be loved but I was rejected on a daily basis. Then I was angry at the world not because of the lack of love, but the large amount of apathy. That is a good thing to remember that being content is more of a process than a basic trait.

I believe we are currently trapped. We are ambushed. The things coming our way are not a consequence of our karma.We are in the matrix. I am hoping there is a way out.

I don't share the "ambushed" perception- though I was born into a situation that we tend to consider undesireable, and was abused and neglected, not loved.

As an adult, observing and analyzing my choices, my thought patterns, I began to notice that I had too much faith in the unseen. I was not "down to earth". I was spiritually focused, had all the "peace" that many claim to seek, knew that all is love, we all love each other, we all ARE love, despite and no matter what the exterior appearences, events and behaviors.

I began to see this as an obstacle, however, to achieving certain things in life. It created a certain passivity and lack of action- which may be great for a monk, but is absolutely useless to someone who has children, a family to care, provide for, and protect. Some framework of "good/bad" needs to exist to be able to create momentum for action. Some preferences. Can't paint a picture with only white paint!

Delving into how I got this way, I realized a big part of it was the coping mechanisms I formed while little. I formed a perception of deeper truths in order to not let the immediate physical reality make such a huge impact on my emotions. Believing there is love, where abuse or neglect is happening, made me able to endure effectively.

It was a good coping mechanism and appropriate for that time. But later, it was no longer appropriate. It made me apathetic. It no longer mattered whether a person wanted to treat me "kindly" or beat me. It is all the same ultimately. Just souls playing the game of life.

I decided to engage in the game, and not stay above and observing. This meant acknowledging some of the "facts" of this gameboard- like that someone enjoying causing you pain, or completely ignoring you is not "loving" you. Love is about action and choice in the physical reality.

I was able to admit and acknowledge that I was not loved when I was ready to. I can deal with that fact now, because I have lots of love from others now. It also helped me get into action and start "loving" others in a way that they too, can percieve and be conscious of.

reply to post by droid56


There are different energies in the universe, some like to instigate and stop the mission you are currently on.

Not sure if you catch my drift.

I keep trying to remember...

But then I forget what it is I was trying to remember. But I can relate!

reply to post by droid56


Congratulations!

Now you can start learning about the next sequence of 'traps'.

And as long as you have a trap perspective, there will be an endless supply of them to find and disarm.

I'm not being negative. .. I really care.

KPB

KellyPrettyBear
reply to post by droid56

 

Congratulations!

Now you can start learning about the next sequence of 'traps'.

And as long as you have a trap perspective, there will be an endless supply of them to find and disarm.

I'm not being negative. .. I really care.

KPB

Please elaborate if you will.

Life cannot be only a series of traps...

reply to post by abeverage


That's how it is for most people who have ever lived.
I don't think many would disagree... who has experienced the 'free will' they have yearned for?
Even if some believe this for a time something always comes along and upsets the apple cart.

There can be more to life than this..but the weight of the entire world is against experiencing it. Every free person whi has ever lived has had thousands to millions of hands grabbing at them to drag them back down to the usual quiet desperation.