HowTo: Stop children's temper tantrums

reply to post by Aleister


Fair enough, well even if it works some of the time it will be a find

BO XIAN
reply to post by nugget1

 

I ESSENTIALLY QUITE AGREE

with you.

I do know that I was hysterical in the dentist's chair. I think he was wise to use that method. I don't think any other method would have calmed me . . . certainly short of 30 min to an hour's worth of effort just to quiet me--and the first needle or drill--we'd have been off and running on another round.

Being hysterically out of control is not always solved by better hugging.

Certainly I think children NEED TO BE TAUGHT

carefully and early in graduated steps slowly intensifying as they grow older . . .

TO:

1. HANDLE DELAYED GRATIFICATION
2. HANDLE PAIN GRACIOUSLY AND STOICALLY AS FITTING

3. HANDLE BOREDOM CREATIVELY
4. HANDLE DISAPPOINTMENT CREATIVELY, GRACIOUSLY AND MATURELY

5. HANDLE INTEGRITY WITH ABSOLUTE INTEGRITY
6. HANDLE FORGIVENESS & FORGIVING GRACIOUSLY, QUICKLY, FULLY--AND AS OFTEN AS NECESSARY UNTIL IT SINKS IN FULLY

7. HANDLE SUCCESS AND PRAISE HUMBLY
8. HANDLE FAILURE GRACIOUSLY, MATURELY, PHILOSOPHICALLY, REFLECTIVELY AND CREATIVELY.

9. HANDLE ANGER PRODUCTIVELY AND MATURELY--FLUSHING AND DISTRACTING FROM PETTY ANGER AND USING IMPORTANT ANGER REDEMPTIVELY, CONSTRUCTIVELY.

10. HANDLE JEALOUSY BY RESISTING IT WHOLESALE AS BENEATH THEM.
11. HANDLE CHAOS AND CONFUSION BY FOCUSING ON ETERNAL VALUES AND PRIORITIES.

12. HANDLE FEEDBACK AND ADVICE GRACIOUSLY AND WISELY AS FITS THE SITUATION--NOT HAUGHTILY DISMISSING IT EVER.
----------------------------------(C) 2013 by Bo XIan-----------------------------------

But doing any of the above well requires an emotionally bonded, emotionally significant/intense, trustworthy Love relationship with the parentS.

Beautifully written and thought out, thanks for sharing it.

Aleister, I would add to your OP that if the kid doesn't get calmer after drinking a glass of water, you can throw another one in his/her face. ( But don't forget to hold on the glass, you don't want to throw that, of course... glasses ARE costly... )

And I didn't see you mention any meds to take with the water... does it mean that when big pharma tell people to get a pill to calm their kids, it's the water used to push the pill down that works... hmm...

-----

OK, I'm done with the lousy jokes! It's a nice idea that has its merits. I know I feel myself getting madder and madder when I'm dehydrated. At first I feel fine, but then, as time passes, I'll get into a tantrum of my own, based on nothing but stupid rage, until I stop to drink.

I'll try it too when one of the kids gets all pumped up. Thanks for the info.

reply to post by NowanKenubi


Hmmm, maybe it is the drink of water that calms them and not the pill. When I was young I don't remember any kid I knew taking pharma pills, that would have been weird. Then again, none of my friends drank coffee, so it was a different non-pharma/non-big coffee time.

Well knock me down with a feather!

It didn't take long at all until I got to try this out, toddler threatening to draw on the wall with the crayon, after reasoning and attempting to distract fails I have to remove said crayon, a scream ensues, I have the water ready and hand it to her and it goes straight in her mouth, ahhhh silence!

After a few swigs she does go back to moaning for the crayon but the worst is over. I hope this continues, cup of water at the ready!

Thank you!!

This technique has been in my repitoire for years! Never though much about it. Glad it made the threads here. Thanks OP.

Even after the fits and fatigue that may land them in their rooms to work out; they get a glass of water. Little bodies transpire a lot when worked up.

It even works with a grumpy 4th time pregnant wife. Particularly effective if you get her talking while she drinks it or lightly massage her head/neck or lower back. That 2-5 min will net you hours of peace-n-quiet.

J.B.

Scouse100
Well knock me down with a feather!

It didn't take long at all until I got to try this out, toddler threatening to draw on the wall with the crayon, after reasoning and attempting to distract fails I have to remove said crayon, a scream ensues, I have the water ready and hand it to her and it goes straight in her mouth, ahhhh silence!

After a few swigs she does go back to moaning for the crayon but the worst is over. I hope this continues, cup of water at the ready!

Thank you!!

You're very welcome, and if I had a long enough feather I'd knock you down! I hate those screams of toddlers, they split the air like a siren. Hopefully your daughter will grow up hydrated, vitamin C'ed, and will one day stop drawing on walls with crayons (unless you, whoo, a good idea, why doesn't someone make miniature walls - exact wall material just in the size and shape of a canvas - and let their talented child draw on them with crayon. Then frame them and sell them at craft fairs or, better yet, an art gallery. The first one to do it may turn get some good publicity, and the crayon drawings couldn't be worse than some of the modern art fetching millions of whatever money it is in your country. If someone does this, and becomes famous, I want a piece of the income please, even 1 percent might be worth a fortune if this is done right!). And long post shorter, thanks for trying the glass of water technique out and seeing that it works. Please pass it on to at least one friend.

J.B. Aloha
This technique has been in my repitoire for years! Never though much about it. Glad it made the threads here. Thanks OP.

Even after the fits and fatigue that may land them in their rooms to work out; they get a glass of water. Little bodies transpire a lot when worked up.

It even works with a grumpy 4th time pregnant wife. Particularly effective if you get her talking while she drinks it or lightly massage her head/neck or lower back. That 2-5 min will net you hours of peace-n-quiet.

J.B.

Thanks for the confirmation that it works. Hydrating anyone does wonders for the atmosphere (no, not with alcohol, with water, well, maybe alcohol too but that's another thread). Another story about that, for the women.

I went to see a friend of mine once, and she was crying and bent over double from cramps, very serious pain. I immediately got her a tall glass of water, knowing that we carry large amounts of water in our muscles but, when we are dehydrated, the body will move that water to the heart and brain areas where it is needed to keep the thing alive, and so the muscles get short shift on the deal and cramp (I used to have those night leg cramps several times a week and though they were normal, but since I've hydrated myself I've never had one). She took a little sip. So I said "No, here's how to drink water" and downed the entire glass. Got her another one, she drank it all, and within a few minutes was still hurting but not bent over and crying in pain.

Ours doesn't usually throw a fit except in a store when he thinks he needs to get something.

But then, we usually make sure he has a free access to something to drink, either a non-sweetened juice or water or milk.

Usually, stopping a tantrum is as easy as picking him up with intent to go to the car.

A good ass wooping does it too .

But in all respects , good parenting prevents tantrums from happening in te first place !

Interesting.

I wonder if this works on adults too?

Aleister

You're very welcome, and if I had a long enough feather I'd knock you down! I hate those screams of toddlers, they split the air like a siren. Hopefully your daughter will grow up hydrated, vitamin C'ed, and will one day stop drawing on walls with crayons (unless you, whoo, a good idea, why doesn't someone make miniature walls - exact wall material just in the size and shape of a canvas - and let their talented child draw on them with crayon. Then frame them and sell them at craft fairs or, better yet, an art gallery. The first one to do it may turn get some good publicity, and the crayon drawings couldn't be worse than some of the modern art fetching millions of whatever money it is in your country. If someone does this, and becomes famous, I want a piece of the income please, even 1 percent might be worth a fortune if this is done right!). And long post shorter, thanks for trying the glass of water technique out and seeing that it works. Please pass it on to at least one friend.

Haha not a bad idea, I promise you your 1% if it works out I will be passing it on for sure!

reply to post by Aleister


It's the fluoride in the water that makes them docile, lol jk, I'll keep this in mind for when my kid gets older.

reply to post by Scouse100


Tried this tonight with my 2-year-old daughter. She took a sip and threw it at me. Definitely a work in progress.

It's funny, all I can think about while reading these threads is "salt toxicity".....

wills120
reply to post by Scouse100

 

Tried this tonight with my 2-year-old daughter. She took a sip and threw it at me. Definitely a work in progress.

Maybe it was too hot or cold, and not just right (Goldilocks reference). At least she took a sip, and then got in some pitching control practice. Hopefully it works out at some point when it needs to most.

Aelanne
It's funny, all I can think about while reading these threads is "salt toxicity".....

Ah, good point. Some kids snacks are so salt ridden, and children are so small, that the salt would have to collect in them throughout the day. This would be one driver of the child's body needing to be hydrated (look at pubs, taverns, that serve salty peanuts and other salt snacks to get people dry-mouthed enough to buy another round. Another round of something that dehydrates them even further!).

trex1980
But in all respects , good parenting prevents tantrums from happening in te first place !

And for our less than perfect moments there is water

My daughter started having TT's about 6 times a year from 5-6. They where scary bad and at times I wondered if I needed to call an exorcist lol
At first I reacted like how dare you go nuts on me...escort her firmly to the room and shut the door. It didn't stop there...she would begin tearing apart her room and thrashing about. I was like, my God...where has my sweet little loving, respectfull and funny girl gone?!?!
At first I reacted by spanking which just made her more crazy and fight back...We would try ignoring her with the mindset "you're not going to break me" but she would lay on her bed and continue this guttural sound cross between growling and sobbing...for an hour until she passed out covered in sweat.
It was truly unnerving and frustrating.
Always after she calmed down she would be ashamed and embarrassed of her behaviour and couldn't even talk about it..she truly had no control.

I finally went to Dr. Google, and he said there are three reasons for tantrums.
1. the kid is a brat and wants to control you
2. craving the much needed love and attention that all children need
3. has difficulty understanding and expressing new emotions (2&3 are closely related)
4. there is a demon in them and you should lock your door at night.

so the next time she started to have a melt down instead of getting angry I would pick her up and hold her, say its ok, I understand you, I love you and we can talk about it. That was the first time I was able to arrest the tantrum and it would turn into crying like she had a sense of relief.
Over the next year I helped her to be able to understand her emotions by asking her how she was feeling when I could sense a flare up and this in turn taught her how to communicate her feelings.
Soon I could just say check your feelings and she would do the rest...no problems.

Children are little people, they have a sense of pride, a need to be appreciated, respected and of course loved.
Scolding and shaming does some serious damage.

Thanks for letting me tell my story and we say hi from the Philippines

reply to post by The Great Day


A very nice account, thanks, you are a good mother. Doesn't mean that many of her tantrums weren't caused by a need for water, and then escalated. Sounds like a hellcat though, and you tamed her with love! Nice work.