Loneliness, how do you deal with it?

TKDRL
reply to post by Agit8dChop

 

I don't understand people and life at all lol. Maybe I will before I croak. Got plenty that depend on me. Not sure if that is the same as loving me. I just want to be loved. The only person I know for sure loved me is mom. The only person that has never hurt me physically or mentally.

There is a saying; "If your happiness depends up on the actions of other people,
then you are in trouble."

I understand your feelings however. We all want to believe that we can find
happiness if someone loves us; then we go looking for someone to basically,
"fix us (by loving us), rather than just fixing ourselves. If you do find such
a person to love you, then they are probably looking for someone to love
them, rather than to fix themselves. So after the 'honeymoon is over'
and both parties realize that there is a lot of hard relationship work
ahead, then that is when a lot of relationships fall apart.

KPB

reply to post by Wookiep


Yeah, I really have to agree with you here. Love is not a fuzzy feeling, it is a commitment; an act not a feeling. It wasn't until I realized this that I was finally in a good relationship.

Rikku
my lonelyness is cured by stealing neighbours cats.

and forcing them to wear ridiculous wigs, lol.

reply to post by my1percent


I war born in the tristate. Right now I live in Canada. We decided to buy grandma's house after grandpa died of cancer and letting her live here free. Rather than letting her move into an old folks home. Both of them worked and earned pension retirement from both the US and canada. After grandpa died, she couldn't afford to live in the house they owned since they were in their 20's anymore.

TKDRL
reply to post by Akragon

 

Yeah I tried that. Was a born again christian for a lot of my childhood. Had hoped god would help me then, when I had migraines at least once a week. My aunt's told me god would help me. He didn't for some reason. I am often torn as to why? Was I not good enough? He didn't help with my mental problems either.

"God only helps those who help themselves", or so I've been told by everyone ad nauseum. That dog doesn't hunt for me either.

TKDRL
reply to post by wtbengineer

 

Maybe you are right, maybe that is why none of mine have ever worked. Every single one I been to started as casual, then went to more serious, then to relationship. I don't know what is the right way, been wrong too many times.

LOL ... the only thing I ever got right (pretty close to) the first time ... was picking the right woman. EVERYthing else ... well there aren't enough electrons for the keyboard.

ETA: Still laughing ... here's the best advice I ever heard:

ThickAsABrick
I suggest picking up an art form as a hobby to amuse yourself in the mean time, a musical instrument, paint brush or stone chisel can be an excellent way to present new forms of love that are more productive and valuable than a plastic relationship.

Yes, being creative can help you express yourself and get out those emotions through an art.
I do it in my music production. I think without creativity I would be lost.
The music has gotten me through some very emotional and hard times.
Without that to fall back on, I really dont know what stewing on the bad things would have done to my mental health.

reply to post by KellyPrettyBear


Yeah I guess you are right too. To a point at least. Who to believe, Every girl I have ever been with, I would have died for. I don;t know where to draw the line, and who to believe anymore.

The only thing that's worked for me brother is just accepting that loneliness is part of my life. 15 years now after a 15 year relationship, so I've had as much time to get over it as I had to get 'under' it?
It doesn't really ever go away, but I'm pretty content just being alive and healthy.
Probably not very good advice, but it's all I have.


Best wishes on finding that special someone.

TKDRL
reply to post by KellyPrettyBear

 

Yeah I guess you are right too. To a point at least. Who to believe, Every girl I have ever been with, I would have died for. I don;t know where to draw the line, and who to believe anymore.

Those needy love feelings are 'badly wanting'.

And "badly wanting" drives away potential partners left and right,
at least drives away the ones who might be good to know.

KPB

UnBreakable

TKDRL
reply to post by Akragon

 

Yeah I tried that. Was a born again christian for a lot of my childhood. Had hoped god would help me then, when I had migraines at least once a week. My aunt's told me god would help me. He didn't for some reason. I am often torn as to why? Was I not good enough? He didn't help with my mental problems either.

"God only helps those who help themselves", or so I've been told by everyone ad nauseum. That dog doesn't hunt for me either.

Any religion whose god helped it's members get lovingly laid would
convert the entire world within months.. at least "lip service".
Oh I'm bad. I'm very bad.

reply to post by sageturkey


I always used to think I was just too loyal. Now I am not too sure. Do I really think that different than others? I hope not. Tonight if I had to pick a song that sums up my feelings.

TKDRL
reply to post by Akragon

 

Yeah I tried that. Was a born again christian for a lot of my childhood. Had hoped god would help me then, when I had migraines at least once a week. My aunt's told me god would help me. He didn't for some reason. I am often torn as to why? Was I not good enough? He didn't help with my mental problems either.

One of the reasons I hate god so much. He didn't help me. He didn't help a lot of people I knew. We all asked sincerely, and were impressionable kids.

edit on Sat, 09 Nov 2013 20:10:22 -0600 by TKDRL because: (no reason given)

I find it kind of amusing that any time i mention God, Christianity gets brought up...

Perhaps you might try to find God without a religion looking over your shoulder directing your beliefs?

He isn't in a book...or a silly building with stained glass for windows..

God is within... But enough about that, it was only a suggestion...

You are the only one that can fix your lonelyness... Get out there and find what you want brother

TKDRL

Loneliness is best dealt with by being a friend to others.

Sexual frustration is a different topic.

Your passive/agressive 'style' (if it is your style,face - to - face, could be a turn off in both catagories.

Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself about others, what they are thinking, who they are, etc. Do you have any evidence, besides your own 'feelings' or 'imaginings' that you know what they believe or think.

reply to post by Akragon

Haha touche(dunno if that was spelled right). Well is god such a picky dude, that he can ignore a preteen, young teen begging for help? Personally I didn't care. Until girls showed me it was apparently OK to rip my heart out of my chest.

TKDRL You seem like a lovely chap, let it be known that if the ATS community were the same as the local community each of us live in I would very much appreciate you're loyalty, people are sick in these times and seem to have forgot about all these important values, I would totally have your back too There are others out there that care as much as you. Just remember what Krishnamurti said, "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Keep your chin up brother.

TKDRL
I always used to think I was just too loyal. Now I am not too sure.

Loyalty is not a bad trait, neither is faithfulness.
The problem as I see it, is that neither are traits that are very prevalent these days.

Personally, I have found great joy wandering the prairie looking for arrowheads and such.
Nothing like a long walk in the middle of nowhere to clear your head and make you embrace just 'being there".

To quote the Dhammapada:
One who sits alone, sleeps alone and walks alone, who is strenuous and subdues oneself alone, will find delight in the solitude of the forest.

Dhammapada

KellyPrettyBear

Those needy love feelings are 'badly wanting'.

And "badly wanting" drives away potential partners left and right,
at least drives away the ones who might be good to know.

KPB

Not giving a damn does that just as well. Many people try to change for the one they love and end up feeling miserable with themselves.

But I get your point. I'm just looking for a girl who wants me, for me. If she needs me, that's when I start seeing red flags.

When I retired, all of a sudden I started meeting women like this.



I won't give them the time of day...and they are also usually married as well. Two strikes to many.

As a diehard loner, drawn to solitary activities instead of social ones, I've never felt lonely, only euphoric. It is a state of mind, where one's being feels at peace.

"One's own religion is after all a matter between oneself and one's Maker and no one else's." -- Mahatma Gandhi

It's not my first rodeo, so to speak. My formula...

The way to not be lonely and have women around you all the time is to actually be a nice guy. Not ACT like a nice guy but actually be one. Don't talk about yourself all the time...be interested in what the women have to say. Don't be afraid to be silly. Dance! Don't be a mean drunk! Most of all don't be desperate.

I've been married a few times and they all left me because they knew I really didn't love them. Now that I can genuinely show love and affection; all my exes and I are friends and lovers once again. And all their female friends like me as well.

If your heart and soul has an ugly spot. You need to get rid of it. Women know your secrets!!!