Is this a for of Bullying and Harrassment?

Hello,

I wrote a thread about myself living with my mother who is an Alcoholic and also suffers from Anorexia, OCD and possibly Alcohol psychosis.

Here's my thread for some insight..
Alcoholic mother

Here is an update of how bad she has been lately..

 Letting my ferrets out on purpose.

 Scratching my car and neighbour Wendy’s.

 Putting the cutlery (Knives/forks and a pan in the ferret shed because I said I would do the other half of the dishes the next morning.

 Taking fuses out of the toaster/dryer so I can’t use them.

 My £20 I give mum for electric/gas goes in her pocket as a few days later the electric or gas goes and she has no more money to put on it.

 She is now addicted to caffeine tablets.

 Bunked three taxi companies in one week.

 She turned the electrics off to be spiteful.

 She hid my car keys for a day so I couldn’t go out.

 She keeps feeding my dog crap resulting him not eating his normal food with the right nutrition.

 She opens my letters or I won’t get them at all.
 Leaving the grill or cooker on.

 Throwing away mine and my boyfriend’s food.

 Throwing away my razors and sponges.

 Steals money off me when she is skint.

 Goes in to my car when I am sleeping to steal money.

 When I have been out and have come back I have caught her searching in my room.

 Shouts at me when she wants something.

 Always wants to borrow money and if I have not got it then she argues with me.


 Runs out of money quickly and goes shop lifting at asda (for her beer).

 Has now been banned from asda and got slammed with £90 for stealing.


Thats just some of the things she does..

Heres one story...

11.10.13 – On Friday afternoon i had a nap and then soon after awakening i went to asda to get some dinner, 10 minutes of looking around i get a phone call from mum, as usual she’s rabbiting on so i ask her if i can call her back after i have finished as my other arm was killing me from carrying a full basketand it would have been awkward whilst switching arms. She had a go at me and put the phone down, and after that I went through my text messages and found about three messages all from her when she has obviously called and text me whilst I was a sleep and after I went through her text’s I was actually shocked from her reaction from me not awnsering, Below I will type out her texts sent exactly how she put it to me and also I still have the text messages to prove it.
Text #1- ‘’Awnser ur phone it urgent I know u can hear it I am pissed of’’.
Text #2- ‘’#ing answer ur phone as when I get back u will defo know about it’’.
Text #3- ‘’Thanx alot u pratt u wait till I get home as totally peed of and #ing freezing alright fos some people who can lay it bed most of day.



The point is she just will not leave me alone. She always creates at night time.

Here is some more


 Taking an overdose on my birthday.

 Constant shouting at me for no reason.

 She won’t stop bringing up her past up and having a go at me about it.

 I am to blame for everything and anything.

 Plays music and talks and argues to herself most night from 12am onwards – latest 4am.

 One minute is fine and then the next it’s an argument about nothing and she won’t leave me alone.

 I can’t get away, if I am out she’s ringing me, If I am at home she’s constantly shouting up at me or if I am making dinner she’s constantly in my face she just won’t leave me alone.

 She wishes I get something wrong with me.

 She never listens to how I feel or even notice that I am too stressed and that I can’t deal with anything anymore.

 She keeps threatening to kick me out.

 Threatens to smash my car up.

 Constant harassment all the time.
whatdo you guys think

BloodSister
Hello,

I wrote a thread about myself living with my mother who is an Alcoholic and also suffers from Anorexia, OCD and possibly Alcohol psychosis.

Here's my thread for some insight..
Alcoholic mother

Here is an update of how bad she has been lately..

 Letting my ferrets out on purpose.

 Scratching my car and neighbour Wendy’s.

 Putting the cutlery (Knives/forks and a pan in the ferret shed because I said I would do the other half of the dishes the next morning.

 Taking fuses out of the toaster/dryer so I can’t use them.

 My £20 I give mum for electric/gas goes in her pocket as a few days later the electric or gas goes and she has no more money to put on it.

 She is now addicted to caffeine tablets.

 Bunked three taxi companies in one week.

 She turned the electrics off to be spiteful.

 She hid my car keys for a day so I couldn’t go out.

 She keeps feeding my dog crap resulting him not eating his normal food with the right nutrition.

 She opens my letters or I won’t get them at all.
 Leaving the grill or cooker on.

 Throwing away mine and my boyfriend’s food.

 Throwing away my razors and sponges.

 Steals money off me when she is skint.

 Goes in to my car when I am sleeping to steal money.

 When I have been out and have come back I have caught her searching in my room.

 Shouts at me when she wants something.

 Always wants to borrow money and if I have not got it then she argues with me.


 Runs out of money quickly and goes shop lifting at asda (for her beer).

 Has now been banned from asda and got slammed with £90 for stealing.


Thats just some of the things she does..

Heres one story...

11.10.13 – On Friday afternoon i had a nap and then soon after awakening i went to asda to get some dinner, 10 minutes of looking around i get a phone call from mum, as usual she’s rabbiting on so i ask her if i can call her back after i have finished as my other arm was killing me from carrying a full basketand it would have been awkward whilst switching arms. She had a go at me and put the phone down, and after that I went through my text messages and found about three messages all from her when she has obviously called and text me whilst I was a sleep and after I went through her text’s I was actually shocked from her reaction from me not awnsering, Below I will type out her texts sent exactly how she put it to me and also I still have the text messages to prove it.
Text #1- ‘’Awnser ur phone it urgent I know u can hear it I am pissed of’’.
Text #2- ‘’#ing answer ur phone as when I get back u will defo know about it’’.
Text #3- ‘’Thanx alot u pratt u wait till I get home as totally peed of and #ing freezing alright fos some people who can lay it bed most of day.



The point is she just will not leave me alone. She always creates at night time.

Here is some more


 Taking an overdose on my birthday.

 Constant shouting at me for no reason.

 She won’t stop bringing up her past up and having a go at me about it.

 I am to blame for everything and anything.

 Plays music and talks and argues to herself most night from 12am onwards – latest 4am.

 One minute is fine and then the next it’s an argument about nothing and she won’t leave me alone.

 I can’t get away, if I am out she’s ringing me, If I am at home she’s constantly shouting up at me or if I am making dinner she’s constantly in my face she just won’t leave me alone.

 She wishes I get something wrong with me.

 She never listens to how I feel or even notice that I am too stressed and that I can’t deal with anything anymore.

 She keeps threatening to kick me out.

 Threatens to smash my car up.

 Constant harassment all the time.
whatdo you guys think

Your mum needs professional help.
Good luck

Å99

She keeps threatening to kick me out.

I would have moved out and left her to her vices long ago. Maybe look into having her committed? If she has all of the issues that you describe, it shouldn't be hard. Either way, best of luck.

Don't know why you're living with her but get out any way you can, then either block her calls or get a different number.

She's crazy and will be nothing but trouble as time goes on. You're not safe there and I'd be unwilling to sleep in the same house.

Hello sister-friend. You are to be commended for being there for her and all you go thru day to day.

I think youve got to come to terms as well if it helps her at all....or hurts you completely. It seems the tables are balanced against you.

Sometimes the best way to help someone...is to not help and to let go. It in no way represents that you dont care any more. Its obvious you do.

I cant tell you what to do, nor should any of us. But, know this. You and your life ahead is just as important.

Bless your efforts
MS *(longtime caregiver for both my Mother, alcoholic step-father)

I read the other post you linked to as well as this one. I am sorry you are going through this and as my Mom is my best friend, I can only assume what it would be like to have to make some difficult life choices.

As a parent I would say it is bullying.... but more like codependency. Both of you seem to be stuck in a cycle where she needs to be saved and you need to save her. One of you is going to have to forfeit your role for anything to improve.

You are old enough to move out. You should focus completely on making this happen. You might not be able to do it right this minute or next month but it should be your main goal. You need to remove yourself from the situation and understand that you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Again... I have a mom... I understand how hard that would be. But as a parent SHE should have your best interest at heart but the disease/alcohol is blinding her better judgement.

She is sick and as long as there are people enabling her, she will only get sicker and in return so will you. You will wake up one day realizing you have spent your life mopping up someone else's messes and have naught to show for it. In order to survive you may have to make some seriously hard decisions. She may never get better. She may never willingly seek help. You need to be prepared for that.

Again... I am sorry you are going through this. It is hard to feel like we are leaving those we love most behind to defend themselves when they seem so helpless, but unless you can find a way to force her to get help it really is out of your hands. You may have to decide whether to go down with the sinking ship or row for shore.

I know you love her even when she has degresse into her recent state. Do some research and find free programmes that can help you help her. Neigbours are often a great help. Good Luck.

If it's her house, just leave. If it's your's, call someone and tell them to take her away. It's hard, but we've seen the same situation reversed on a number of threads before. It's the whole, " it has to be her choice" to change type of thing.

yamammasamonkey
If it's her house, just leave. If it's your's, call someone and tell them to take her away. It's hard, but we've seen the same situation reversed on a number of threads before. It's the whole, " it has to be her choice" to change type of thing.

edit on 31-10-2013 by yamammasamonkey because: (no reason given)

As do all people that have actual experience with this situation.

reply to post by BloodSister

Constant harassment all the time.
whatdo you guys think

Dear god, move out and never talk to her again unless she fixes herself. Why do people think because it's family you are allowed to be total dicks and transfer all your anger towards them?



By the way, I have to agree with the codependency comment from another poster. Just you living and tolerating that kind of behaviour suggests you are not against it as much as you probably feel emotionally. You will have to assess yourself after you break things off with her, and make sure you haven't picked up traits like the need for toxic relationships simply to feel like you have an emotional connection with someone. Hard to believe but your mother's behaviour is a type of bonding for many personality types.

You got some good advice in here already. Your mother needs proffesional help and you need to get out of that house. You can only makes things worse by staying. It's not like you havn't tried to help her, but it is way beyond your power. HUGS!

Dealing with an alcoholic in the family myself, it's hard.

One thing I keep telling my wife is that the alcoholic is no longer the person she remembers(her brother).

He's now an addict, and he will fight tooth and nail anyone that gets between them and their problem.

They will lie, they will steel, they will manipulate and harm anyone , anything to keep themselves in the addiction.

Some people have to hit rock bottom before they seek help. Sometimes it's out of your ability to even help, in those cases distances might be the best answer.

An alternative solution to moving out would be to pack anything of importance into your car, and go on extended stay with a sympathetic friend.

With you gone over a long time, as painful as it might be, she'll not have anyone to harass or get money from and will likely get caught stealing (again), and be forced to get help.

Whatever the case, your mum's problems shouldn't be your problems.
Her problems are only your problems so long as you are around for her to make her problems into yours.

If you can find another place to stay for a month or two with a friend, even if it's sleeping on the floor with some blankets, it should give you time to save up for your own housing, and/or to find reliable roommates to help pay for a new flat.

As much as you might want to fix your mum, your mum is the only person that can do that, and as far gone as described, she'll need quite some professional and maybe even official assistance in getting to a place where she will help herself.

Get the hell out of there!!!!!

If you cant kick that crazy lady out! Get her arrested.

Plant some money and a camera and let that nut job do the rest. Get it on camera, and then once you see on film she did it, call the police without her knowing.

When they show up, show them the tape privately, then have her arrested. Just make sure its a lot of money so she gets a grand larceny (spelling lol) charge.

You might be out money if she has a chance to spend it, but then you are rid of her.