Polyamory 2013

When I first heard about this I was, of course, curious. All of my research indicated it was an alternative lifestyle of the very few, ranging from the 70's "hippies" to the Goths of the '90's. I had seen in the early 2000's that it seemed to be gaining in some sort of momentum whether it was "coming out", experimentation, or "for real". And I have to admit most of my research was couched in Pagan/Wiccan/New Age material where it was given the most acceptance. Then, just now, I run across this article on CNN no less, today!

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So, despite all the obstacles to this lifestyle, it appears that many (NOT most, NOT majority) are still carrying on their lifestyle of a polyamourous relationship(s). To me, that smacks of a trend, not a fad. Which begs the question: What will "family" be like, defined, experienced in 50 years from now? Considering all the pressures we are under today, is this lifestyle the "canary in the coal mine"?

reply to post by missvicky


Link isn't working.

Second line cause i gotta.

Jealousy ALWAYS gonna rear it's ugly head. Won't trend for long. Just a guess, ahem.

Might work with pecking order personalities.

Someone will come along and try and deny it, but let's see how many 50+ year anniversaries we can tabulate.

The GUT
Jealousy ALWAYS gonna rear it's ugly head. Won't trend for long. Just a guess, ahem.

I have to agree here. Jealousy is an emotion we all have and for it not to rear it's ugly head in these kinds of situations... ever??? Somebody's lying to you or lying to themselves. JMO.

The show Sister Wives that came out a few years ago was proof of that. At least they were all honest enough to admit that they did get jealous. I guess then you just have to have enough self control to keep a lid on it when it rises up.

I don't have that much self control.

deadcalm
reply to post by missvicky

 

Second line cause i gotta.

No you donta!

This was always going to happen. We have gone from a village lifestyle to an extended family lifestyle to a nuclear family lifestyle to a broken lifestyle.

The Nuclear family experiment is a failure and it was always going to fail. The human species is tribal in nature and always will be.

Now, something new has to fill the void. The nuclear family BTW is the best model if you want to control a population! It will fail but not in a nice way as some western societies are beginning to realize. With no real support network the nuclear family is the worst possible model to base a society on!

P

reply to post by The GUT


Jealousy is a learned trait not a natural one! It is based on ME thinking as opposed to US thinking. We can all love a multitude of people if we are taught to do so.

P

pheonix358
Jealousy is a learned trait not a natural one!

Learned from who in the first place? Can you prove that? Why is it a dominate and persistent feature in ALL ages of society?

I've loved more than once, sure. But that's not so-called polyamory. Experience tells me different. 'Nuff said.

If experience tells you different: How long have all y'all been together?

I always like the dense lines of the poets. Leonard Cohen's turn of phrase "new skin for old ceremony" always comes to mind when I hear talk of changing sexual trends... The skin is new, but the ceremony is very, very old.

Homosexuality is a good example. I had some conversations with people about life in countries where homosexuality is suppressed, and it still goes on. I talked to seniors about life in the 1950's, and it was going on at the same rate then, also, just not talked about. When it comes to sex, people basically do what they do, and its always been going on (things like polyamory) the only things that change is the amount they hide it:

www.youtube.com...

So the people talking about the basic emotions like jealousy on this thread are right, those have always been there, and they will block any major social change toward polyamory. But nothing will wipe out these old ceremonies.

Genesis 28:8-9 “8 Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac; 9 so he went to Ishmael and married Mahalath, the sister of Nebaioth and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham, in addition to the wives he already had.”

tridentblue
Genesis 28:8-9 “8 Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac; 9 so he went to Ishmael and married Mahalath, the sister of Nebaioth and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham, in addition to the wives he already had.”

Any word on what all of the wives thought about that?

The GUT

pheonix358
Jealousy is a learned trait not a natural one!

Learned from who in the first place? Can you prove that? Why is it a dominate and persistent feature in ALL ages of society?

I've loved more than once, sure. But that's not so-called polyamory. Experience tells me different. 'Nuff said.

If experience tells you different: How long have all y'all been together?

edit on 27-10-2013 by The GUT because: (no reason given)

Jealousy is just a product of one's shortcomings from my humble perspective, once you feel yourself "settling in" you become the greatest enemy to your own relationship. If you can't respect your mates feelings enough to acknowledge them and give your own thoughts priority over theirs the relationship is doomed.

It may seem like a rarity but a polygamous relationship is in store for us human beings, we are "well-equipped" enough to ignore monogamy and are forced into monogamous relationships through shaming.

If you were to let your potential mate dance with someone of the opposite sex, just dance in a nightclub setting, what would be your feelings at that crucial moment.

Confidence in yourself is always key, because confidence will allow you to persevere and keep a mate by your side at all times. Flirting is inevitable and sometimes reveals that the spark that initially brought both together is still there.

Just my 2 pence.

reply to post by The GUT

Learned from who in the first place? Can you prove that? Why is it a dominate and persistent feature in ALL ages of society?

From your parents, from your society! Prove it is a dominate and persistent feature in ALL ages of society. Have fun with that.

I've loved more than once, sure. But that's not so-called polyamory. Experience tells me different. 'Nuff said.

And we get back to the same tired rhetoric of 'I can't do it so no one else can do it either.' Just because you can't love many at the same time does not mean that others can't.

P

Knives4eyes
Jealousy is just a product of one's shortcomings from my humble perspective, once you feel yourself "settling in" you become the greatest enemy to your own relationship. If you can't respect your mates feelings enough to acknowledge them and give your own thoughts priority over theirs the relationship is doomed.

It may seem like a rarity but a polygamous relationship is in store for us human beings, we are "well-equipped" enough to ignore monogamy and are forced into monogamous relationships through shaming.

If you were to let your potential mate dance with someone of the opposite sex, just dance in a nightclub setting, what would be your feelings at that crucial moment.

Confidence in yourself is always key, because confidence will allow you to persevere and keep a mate by your side at all times. Flirting is inevitable and sometimes reveals that the spark that initially brought both together is still there.

Just my 2 pence.

How long have you been in a polyamorous relationship?

Even if one person is not jealous, or even two, what about number 3 or 4 or 5? Degree of intimacy and physical attraction will seldom--if ever--balance. That's where the trouble begins.

Nothing unnatural about mild flirtation or dancing it seems, but intimacy adds a whole 'nuther dimension to the scales and balances. Can it work for a very few? I guess so. Is it equal all around? I seriously doubt it.

Our opinions differ---no harm, no foul. I'm still waiting to hear from folk who are making it work in a committed way rather than hypothesizing about it. I BET, if they're honest, they would even admit it has serious challenges and they sometimes wish the numbers were less.

pheonix358
And we get back to the same tired rhetoric of 'I can't do it so no one else can do it either.' Just because you can't love many at the same time does not mean that others can't.

P

Tell me again how long your polyamorous relationship has been in effect?

The GUT

pheonix358
And we get back to the same tired rhetoric of 'I can't do it so no one else can do it either.' Just because you can't love many at the same time does not mean that others can't.

P

Tell me again how long your polyamorous relationship has been in effect?

Is that seriously the best argument you have. Try discussing possibilities. Try thinking of evolving past this ME, ME, ME stage of western societies evolution. Try thinking of being raised in a caring, nurturing society instead of this self centered mess engineered by 'christian' religions and totalitarian Governments dressed in sheep's clothing . Jeez man, try thinking, please.

P

Everyone seems to be focusing on the dynamics (jealousy) of the relationship, not on the topic, which is it appears to be a trend, not a fad. And if so, what would a "family" be 50 years from now.

Has anyone else had issues with the link to the CNN news source?

pheonix358

The GUT

pheonix358
And we get back to the same tired rhetoric of 'I can't do it so no one else can do it either.' Just because you can't love many at the same time does not mean that others can't.

P

Tell me again how long your polyamorous relationship has been in effect?

Is that seriously the best argument you have. Try discussing possibilities. Try thinking of evolving past this ME, ME, ME stage of western societies evolution. Try thinking of being raised in a caring, nurturing society instead of this self centered mess engineered by 'christian' religions and totalitarian Governments dressed in sheep's clothing . Jeez man, try thinking, please.

P

Oh, I'm thinking. I'm just not some silly pie in the sky guy theorizing some conceptualized 'perfect humanity.' Look around you. Maybe you think 'ascension' is just around the corner?

I'm not saying you're going to hell for thinking the way you do, you don't know me so quit fantasizing that you do.

I'm just saying, 1.) You're not in a perfectly balanced polyamorous relationship, and 2.) you obviously haven't been, and 3.) therefore you're talking out your butt.

reply to post by The GUT


Unless we conceptualize 'perfect humanity' we will never strive to get there.

The best you have left are insults. To use your own turn of phrase, nuff said!

P

reply to post by The GUT



www.polyamoryonline.org...


I am interested in your response to this thread...especially as to your determined posts trying to derail the topic from "What do you think family will be like in the next 50 years?" to your focus on jealousy.

If you feel threatened by this conversation, please refrain from reading the thread. If you are curious, may you be quiet until you have formulated a genuine question or response. If you are angry, please focus on another thread.

missvicky
Everyone seems to be focusing on the dynamics (jealousy) of the relationship, not on the topic, which is it appears to be a trend, not a fad. And if so, what would a "family" be 50 years from now.

Has anyone else had issues with the link to the CNN news source?

It will be just the same. Some married couples will swing (polyamory) and most won't. Whether the swingers do it openly or clandestinely will be a product of the culture.

You are being heard. But my point is that our sexuality comes from a deep place in us, in many cases more tied to nature than to nurture. Changes in the culture won't change our attractions, that's the lesson of decades of trying to "fix" homosexuals. Nothing will change.

reply to post by missvicky

Sorry, I thought I was on topic in stating the reasons why I don't think it's a trend of the future in my opinion. 50 years from now, should we still exist, the numbers will all be pretty much the same is what I'm thinking.

I've said it will probably always somewhat work for a minority. I'm also the only person speaking from admitted experience so far. Does that count? It might sound good on paper, but try and make it work is all I'm saying.

I'm the one that has been accused of "not thinking" and being some kind of impediment to the progress of humankind and I'm not mad at all, but it seems like a couple of y'all are.

I can give as good as I get though.