Bullying is Murder

spartacus699
I beat on kids every day at school. That's what boys do. Boys will be boys. They wrestle fight, and if they sense weakness then they really go after the weakling. It's just what boys do. ohhhh I forgot see now a days they're not suppose to learn how to be men. Only sissys

This is not what I did, nor is it what I do.

My son is huge as a 6'3", 350lb 15 year old. No one bullies anyone when he is around. The same as when I was his age.

That is not what boys do. It is what small minded people do. Teach your children to not be small minded. I have, and it actually works.

Even when you hear them badmouthing classmates. "So and so is a slut". My response? "Why do you care what she does in her crotch? You jealous? You just going to tell everyone that she will hook up with everyone in the world but you, and so you are jealous?" Last time I ever heard him say that about someone.

"So and so is gay". My response? "And this matters to you how? Are you planning on dating him? "

Teach your kids how stupid their little childish hypocrisies are. Demand that they rise above their peers. Become the example you want for the world. But quit making excuses. "Boys will be boys" has been the apology excusing all manner of bad things. Including that poor man dragged to death in Jasper, TX several years ago. I mean, they were just doing what boys in that part of the world did, right?

Eryiedes
reply to post by spartacus699

 

So, if I understand this correctly...you would solve this problem using the identical mindset that created it, employing some sort of Darwin-esque solution to human interaction which has done nothing but fail throughout the entirity of man's history?
Complexe social problems can't, have never and will never be solved by violence.
Your solution is not a solution at all.
It is just another symptom of the same sickness.

-Amitaba-

no I'd teach them to become sissy's.

reply to post by spartacus699


How telling indeed that your opinion of those seeking to find permanant working solutions to complexe social problems that don't meet with the approval of your "action movie mentality" get deemed as "sissies" while the cowardly & violent retribution you advocate gets lifted up by you as "preferential human behavior". Problems disguised as solutions are the reason we have bullies in the first place and there's been enough ignorant nonsence from the "just hit 'em harder" crowd to adequately demonstrate that might does not make right.
It, in point of fact, makes losers of us all.

-Amitabha-

reply to post by spartacus699


My oldest son is gay. So I find your attempt at an insult to be crude and lacking in any real bite. Given the amount of pissing and moaning you have done on this forum, I am not sure your advice on how to create a healthy worldview is really needed.

I teach my kids to treat others with empathetic kindness. A common phrase in my household is, "Be kinder than necessary". It means, take the high road. Don't treat people disrespectfully. And my kids have seen that they reap what they sow.

Especially the younger one. He was being bullied by a bunch of gangbangers in 8th grade. After he beat up about 2 dozen of them over a 1 week period, they all got the picture that he will stomp a mudhole in their ass and not regret it one bit. Ever since, the kids who are bullied will tend to hide behind him for protection, which he is only to happy to provide. He isn't a fighter...but he isn't afraid either. I am damn proud of the two men I have raised.

So let me ask....do you have any kids?

Some people man, I swear.

spartacus699

Eryiedes
reply to post by spartacus699

 

So, if I understand this correctly...you would solve this problem using the identical mindset that created it, employing some sort of Darwin-esque solution to human interaction which has done nothing but fail throughout the entirity of man's history?
Complexe social problems can't, have never and will never be solved by violence.
Your solution is not a solution at all.
It is just another symptom of the same sickness.

-Amitaba-

no I'd teach them to become sissy's.

Something to consider: in my viewpoint, not wanting to fist fight doesn't make one a sissy. It makes them smart enough to not get hit.

What DOES make one a sissy is someone who finds life so hard and unbearable that they whine about how unfair it is.

Being tough...that ain't about your fists. Its about your mindset. The way you approach the world. The metaphor of "when you get knocked down, you get back up again" is what comes to mind.

You may think you got "tough" down just fine. However, I have seen how you respond to adversity here and here. I could link to more of your threads, but that should suffice to make my point: what you consider "tough", i consider "stupid". I don't think you have a clue what the word "tough" means to me.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


I think we have a similar style in how we raise our children and I commend your son for standing up for himself. My sons have had to do the same. In fact, my oldest is the type of kid that stands up for the people being bullied.

Also, I have taught them that the smart person will do everything to avoid the fight. It doesn't make em a sissy.

sheepslayer247
reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan

 

I think we have a similar style in how we raise our children and I commend your son for standing up for himself. My sons have had to do the same. In fact, my oldest is the type of kid that stands up for the people being bullied.

Also, I have taught them that the smart person will do everything to avoid the fight. It doesn't make em a sissy.

I put a stop to bullying in my high school during my sophomore year. By that point I was far bigger and stronger than anyone else in the school (including the teachers). I had grown tired of the bullying I had recieved from the HS juniors and seniors (it was a fairly small school campus with shared facilities, etc) from back when I was in 6th grade. That phrase, "with power comes responsibility" stuck in my head, and decided once I had gotten my own personal bullies under control, I would do the same for others.

My youngest is the same way. He is in a much, much bigger school. But he makes an impact for his friends, and anyone who asks for help.

My oldest is a pip squeak, so he made his way through by being quiet and passive. It fits his personality. But he was never afraid to assert himself...just wouldn't do it unneccesarily. He is now 22, and only grew to 5'6", weighing around 115 lbs. My youngest son just hulks over him, but they love each other tremendously.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


My boys are big-ens. I've always told them that they are to never, under any circumstances, to bully anyone.....or they would have to deal with me. Thankfully, they have turned out to be compassionate and kind.

I've also taught them that they are to defend themselves if need be. I don't care about school policies...if they are at risk or attacked, defend yourself. I'll back them no matter what.

Lastly, I've taught them there is some honor is standing up for those that are being bullied or at a disadvantage. One of my oldest son's best friends is a kid that he helped out in 8th grade and people now know to not mess with him or my son.

I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with this but my son is now the target of bullying by an older kid. This kid just walked up and slapped my son in the face - hard. My son was shocked and did nothing. I'm sure he felt powerless (kid is way bigger than him), and stunned. Two other kids saw this and were just as shocked. They were the ones who told me about it.

Evidently this is a "game" that is spreading to my area - catch someone off guard and knock them out (I'm told it starts out as slapping and advances into punches). I don't remember the name of it but the kids have a title for this. What I want to know is - why are some kids such a target for this while others are never touched? Should I tell him to walk a different way or have a meaner look on his face?

I need some input. Report to school my kid gets it worse (even thought I am saying something I've asked the school to protect identity and just keep an eye on it - which they have promised to do). It's happening on the school bus, and while I would love to go and talk to this kid that will make it worse as well.

I'm not against him hitting back but don't think he has the confidence to deal with this kid. I think he is afraid but also ashamed that he is afraid. I am checking into some mixed martial arts for him - or maybe boxing (both are sports so are good anyway), but he is not the fighting type. He's a good kid - doesn't bother anyone so why such a target? It hurts to see this happening and I feel powerless in the short run on this.

reply to post by Dianec


So sorry to hear about this.
Sounds like a Rated PG version of the "Knock Out Game" and the school needs to nip that kind of behavior in the bud...it can only escalate.
I hope you & yours find closure to this disturbing turn of events.

-Peace-

Dianec
I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with this but my son is now the target of bullying by an older kid. This kid just walked up and slapped my son in the face - hard. My son was shocked and did nothing. I'm sure he felt powerless (kid is way bigger than him), and stunned. Two other kids saw this and were just as shocked. They were the ones who told me about it.

Evidently this is a "game" that is spreading to my area - catch someone off guard and knock them out (I'm told it starts out as slapping and advances into punches). I don't remember the name of it but the kids have a title for this. What I want to know is - why are some kids such a target for this while others are never touched? Should I tell him to walk a different way or have a meaner look on his face?

I need some input. Report to school my kid gets it worse (even thought I am saying something I've asked the school to protect identity and just keep an eye on it - which they have promised to do). It's happening on the school bus, and while I would love to go and talk to this kid that will make it worse as well.

I'm not against him hitting back but don't think he has the confidence to deal with this kid. I think he is afraid but also ashamed that he is afraid. I am checking into some mixed martial arts for him - or maybe boxing (both are sports so are good anyway), but he is not the fighting type. He's a good kid - doesn't bother anyone so why such a target? It hurts to see this happening and I feel powerless in the short run on this.

Know how you stop it? Tell your son to just go at him like a zombie. I am dead serious. Fly at him teeth first. If you can rip a chunk off his face, even better. But the bigger kid will be so horrified he will run away. And the message will be sent: "F with me, and Ill do whatever it takes to make you stop".

My oldest...he is bigger than most kids. But being passive got him nowhere. He beat up a couple dozen kids from a "gang" over the course of a month, and has never had any problems since.

reply to post by Dianec


Being a "good" kid makes him a target. It means something is missing from the people who find the need to mess with him. It's usually just basic jealousy that's involved. No need to make it complicated.

You have to out bully bullies one way or another. The psycho approach does work, but another is to simply play politics. I speak my mind rather freely, and this can get me into potential fights all the time. I have to make sure to charm enough people so that the fool who tries to mess with me is seen as an idiot, so auto-disarmed. Took a few brawls for me to figure out this strategy. Prevention is the best cure.

Thanks to all for your thoughts. I told him "if he does this to you again you stand up and hit him as hard as you can". He smiled and then was quiet - he said, "it's ok mom, I know how to avoid him". He is clearly afraid. As a parent I just want to fix this but know there is no easy answer.

I have given him permission to do something (why the bus driver doesn't is beyond me), but I think because he has never needed to he has zero confidence. I guess in this day and age you get your kid into martial arts or boxing and keep them there to build these confidence and physical skills.

If it gets worse I'll have to do the mom thing and make it worse by getting some authority involved. This is an absolute last resort. I wish the schools would do mandatory courses for what kids can do. I guess they don't see real life experiences as educational enough. If all learned at the same time it would be more effective than dealing with it after the fact and from different approaches by parents. Ugh.

reply to post by Dianec


Well, if you live anywhere within 200 miles of me (in West Texas), i would be happy to scare the hell outta the little bastard. I actually enjoy scaring the hell outta bullies. A lot.

On a side note, getting the authorities involved is what helped us (strangely). The officer told the school that there zero tolerance policy on fighting would not withstand a constitutional challenge from a parent with an axe to grind like myself. Thats why my son could beat them up and they would then be suspended. It truly was glorious.

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


Those were exactly the words I used "scare the little B". I'm pretty much in the North Pole at this time but if I were in Texas would probably take you up on it - plus be much warmer. I like Texas (except downtown Dallas).

Anyway - what a day. I re-read some threads in here and noticed one guy mentioned not letting our kids "get tough" means we are raising them as sissies. I spoke with some folks today and this knock out game is very real. Don't knock them out you keep after them until it happens. That's why he is a target now The way he was hit (a total stranger - out of the blue - in front of others), is indicative of this game.

I spoke to a jut jitsu (sp?) guy today. He said they teach distance, distraction, and then down. In that order. I am going to enroll him. This kid was not on the bus today so I'm guessing the principal caught wind and dismissed him from it for a few days. I just hope it doesn't make it worse but maybe as said herein - it will delay it long enough for my kid to get some skills.

I will say fighting is likely natural for some kids - especially for those middle school years. However - it isn't the same fighting as when I was a kid. It's organized and there is an end (knocking someone out - I think concussion or worse). Thanks a bunch for your spirit. I bet your a parent. I hope if any of us see this kind of stuff we step in and do something. I suppose there is a line - knowing when it's just a life lesson that will be a bad memory and maybe toughen someone - or more serious thing with a few boys standing back to see the others' success at the knock out game.

reply to post by Dianec


If your school district hires a company to bus the kids, they may have cameras in all of the busses. Our busses have video, but no audio (like you would hear anything anyway). My son has been in a similar situation. I called the school principal AND the bus company. They will review the tapes. The drivers don't tell parents about this, because if a tape HAS to be reviewed, then they can get in trouble. In this instance, Big Brother comes in handy.

Good luck!

There will always be bullies. An important part of growing up is to learn some method to handle bullies. Tattling is not a healthy way. It engenders whining and complaining rather than individual courage.

One of the agendas of TPTB is to criminalizes all "hate=speech" against themselves. This is in order to keep their behind the scenes atrocities more easily protected from retaliation, They have their ADLs and AIPAcs if that doesn;t work.

Lolliek
reply to post by Dianec

 

If your school district hires a company to bus the kids, they may have cameras in all of the busses. Our busses have video, but no audio (like you would hear anything anyway). My son has been in a similar situation. I called the school principal AND the bus company. They will review the tapes. The drivers don't tell parents about this, because if a tape HAS to be reviewed, then they can get in trouble. In this instance, Big Brother comes in handy.

Good luck!

I never heard back from the school so I called the bus company. I told them I didn't want to make a big deal out of it but if they could maybe keep and eye for a couple of days. He asked me if I was the mom of the kid who had his kindle smashed - I'm not but I was told there have been a bunch of problems. He got defensive so these other parents must be freaking out. I personally understand they are driving and can't see/hear everything so assured him I was realistic. If they have cameras he didn't tell me but the kid wasn't on the bus today so I think he must be a problem overall.
It's sad because the bully is usually the one who is the most afraid of something. I do have to wonder why the school didn't call me back though. Maybe it's so common they don't have time.