I guess I have my answer, time to just grin and bear it.

reply to post by dave_welch


Don't tell him, if he's an innocent part in this there is no use messing with his head man. I'm really sorry this situation has fallen in your lap, but some women, sorry some people are just like that. They # with your head for lack of better words, they thrive off it.

Do your best to shrug it off, don't let her play with your head.

reply to post by schuyler


First off, sorry it took so long to reply, it's been a while since I have logged in and checked my messages.

Anyway, I could see where you got that.
But, this was a relationship that had lasted in one form or another for 8 years, give or take. We were friends in high school, and I used to see her a lot for the next 3 years. There was 4 years where I was in the Navy and didn't see or hear from her. Then, after I was discharged in 2012, we started talking and hanging out. We had become close friends. For a long time, I didn't try for anything more, as she was with another guy and I'm not the type to go after women who aren't single.

Anyway, I guess an update is in order. After this whole ordeal, she got evicted from her house because the guy in this thread turned out to be fairly worthless and would not help pay rent. Him, her, and her two small kids were staying in a small camping trailer for a time, winter was on, and both of the kids were sick. She finally left him and got in contact with me again. We had a barbecue and talked. Everything was hunky-dori again. A few days later I call her up to ask her if she'd like to go out for dinner and she says "I would, but I'm talking to someone right now."

So, finally, I get pissed off and ask her what her deal is, when is she going to give me an actual chance. She says that someday she will, she's just not ready for that yet. Which, of course, makes absolutely no sense. So I told her how I felt. She gets mad at me and says "I told you I'd only end up hurting you."

So, I told her that I'm tired of being used by her and that maybe she'll understand one day after this guy does the same thing that all the others did and I won't be there to pick up the pieces again.

After that, she hasn't spoken to me and has blocked me on Facebook.

I can't say I'm over it, but I'm not going to deal with her anymore.

dave_welch
reply to post by schuyler

 

She says that someday she will, she's just not ready for that yet. Which, of course, makes absolutely no sense. So I told her how I felt. She gets mad at me and says "I told you I'd only end up hurting you."

Of course it makes sense. She just finally plainly told you that she never had any intentions of doing anything more than just enough to keep you hanging on. And then justified it by telling you that she told you that all along. You my friend were her meal ticket never anything more.

Now nurse your wounds and then get yourself out there engaging other women. There is a world full of them that are worth your time. And in the future take what you have learned here and use it. If it doesn't feel like she is into you and only you get the hell out and move on.

/Hugs and bandages.

reply to post by KeliOnyx


Yeah, that's exactly what I've been doing. It just bothers me to no end that she'd do that in the first place. Sometimes I think that most women lack empathy when it comes to their male friends.

I'm not saying they're all like that, but it's a pretty large percentage.

Youre coming across like a wounded bird. You cant get on like that. So what if you were lead on? Does that change anything? If she said she's sorry would you be able to trust her again? That to me sounds between the lines like youre a "needy-why-me-what'd-I-do-wrong" guy. Brother, let it go. Its not you. It seems to be her.

There is something for you to learn here, and damn the reasons why this happened. It did, now its time for you. Im sure you have value and are most likely a great guy. It hurts at 1st and makes you angry too. But that stuff will eat you up. And it doesnt have to. Your life now is ahead of you.

Dont confront the guy, or her...let it go. Move on. There are some fine female members
here at ATS and iIf anything? Im sure they would be glad to share the female perspective with you.

I'd listen to our ATS sisters....they'll have a lot of insight for you.

reply to post by dave_welch


It might not seem like it now, but I am willing to bet that far from missing out on something wonderful, you have dodged a bullet there.

When somebody tells you "I am only going to end up hurting you" it might seem like a noble thing for them to do, to warn you of the impending agony ahead, but actually, its weak. It is them saying "You could be the best thing since sliced bread, but because I honestly do not give a damn about myself, I am incapable of giving a damn about anyone else, and the best you are going to get from me is being tolerated, rather than loved, cherished, or anything else you deserve."

When someone uses that phrase to distract and deflect honest, and insightful criticism of their flawed behavior, it is a good idea to cut your losses and say "I am better off well out of the way of that crap."

I recently had to excise a lady from my life, who had been playing that tune for years, and if I had not wasted so much time trying to let it grow on me, I could have prevented the waste of about five years of my life. Consider yourself lucky to be out of the back end of this one.