Me, and my damaged brain and me...

reply to post by FlyersFan


It's very cool for you that your husband could accept the changes.

But I think being a fan of the Flyers is brain damaging in itself, no?... That's how it seems for a Habs fan anyways... lol Just kidding!

I don't look at hockey the same way, sadly. I'm less thrilled by it than when I was young. I watch some games because the boys want it, but I won't sit to look at it anymore by myself. I'm still interested in the results, tho. And that sucks.

I pray for the Best for you too.

reply to post by Antipathy17


I'll be waiting to hear your story.

Take care till then.

reply to post by InverseLookingGlass


Hi and thanks for the appreciation. I hope someone can benefit or help others benefit from this.

Your questions are indeed interesting.

I've wondered if I've become a kind of psychopath sometimes. Not in the sense I would coldly kill another human being, but in the fact the remaining emotions I feel are messed up and inaccurate so I can dismiss them more easily.
But I do feel emotions, so I don't think I would qualify as one, tho it feels like it compared to before, I guess. Knowing I used to feel more.

I have always been a man of faith, and the accident didn't change that. But it changed how I feel my faith. It feels more flat, more cold than it used to, if I can say it like that. I also notice that I'm less inclined to believe in something new.
I desire more proof than before.

Why am I keeping my old faith then? Because I lived some spiritual experiences when I was younger. And I ended up reading about similar experiences in old books. Things very precise and particular, not inspired by anything I knew or was exposed to, prior to the experiences. So for me, that is proof.

But I understand that they could have been triggered by traumatic experiences and that since our brains use a lot of symbolism, my reactions were similar to what one would live thru given the same set of circumstances, explaining the similarities with old events told a long time ago. But. It had more effects on others than on me, so...

I may have changed, but I remember how it impacted me, and how it impacted on my life. And the power that was shown to me, I still believe it is there, even if I don't have the same feelings towards it.

I would need to write a whole thread about it.

But you know what? I am not even sure anymore that what I believe I believed is what I was really believing in. It can mess a mind, I guess, but I'm kind of protected by my anhedonia and I go meh, nonsense!

Like with the Beatles songs I talk about in the OP, I recently saw Zoolander, a favorite comedy of mine, and after 15 minutes, I was wondering if it was the good movie I was watching. I had forgotten the first third of it. Completely.

But it has advantages. I'm reading a ton of books for the first time again, and I'm amazed by what I read. lol I end up recognizing pages towards the end of the books I think I read for the first time...

Cuervo
I have always wondered if people who experience life the way you do will ever be used by brain surgeons to learn to "fix" other people. Like smokers, or people in chronic pain, or people who have been hurt by abuse and need to forget. It seems you have changes in your brain now that would help with these things.

ps - From now on, just buy frozen yogurt.

I have been wondering the same thing... A while ago, on a thread about quitting smoking I said my trick was to get a particular head injury... lol Not recommending it, but I am witness it works.

On that note, a few weeks after the accident, I decided to try stopping smoking. I felt uneasy for a few hours, the first 4 to 6 hours, and that was it. After 3 days, I went and bought little cigars.
I had stopped smoking cigarettes as a test because I wasn't feeling them anymore.
I smoked up to 26 cigars a day for 2-3 months, then decided to stop. I felt them a little.

But it was costing me SOOOO much more... lol

There was no use consuming something I couldn't enjoy properly...

Which is still the case with ice cream, even if I call it yogurt. A rose by any other name, etc.

reply to post by LittleByLittle


At the time you wrote your post, I was feeling beaten and all. But today the collar helped me and tonight I feel great. Well as great as I can feel great... lol

Have a nice day too!

reply to post by luciddream


Thanks, I guess... lol Or should I not?...

reply to post by NowanKenubi


It gets better. I am glad to be off the meds. I had very little short term memory when on them. Without experiencing the short term memory problem, nobody can really comprehend how it effects your daily life. You cannot experience that from a textbook.

reply to post by rickymouse


Absolutely true.

I had to rely to writing everything down, which I forgot to do half of the time.

It still happens to me that I think I'll go get myself a coffee. Get up and once in the cuisine, think I need to go back to work already. And leave empty handed...

As you say, experience of a thing is wholly different than knowing a thing.

The symptoms of brain stem damage vary, depending on the intensity of the injury, and can span a range from mild cognitive impairments to coma. Identifying damage early and providing prompt treatment will improve the chances of a positive outcome significantly. Brain stem damage is most commonly associated with car accidents, but it can also be caused by sports injuries and other forms of trauma, such as sharp blows to the head. Medical evaluation will include examination by a neurologist along with imaging studies of the brain.

The brain stem is a very important part of the brain. Although it isn't involved in higher level cognitive processes, it does regulate a number of physical processes including heart rate, respiration, and balance. It also receives and distributes sensory input. When the brain stem is injured, these functions are disrupted and people may experience serious complications.

Commonly, brain stem damage causes a loss of consciousness. It may be temporary or more extended. People with severe brain stem damage can enter comas and persistent vegetative states with limited probability of waking up again. Other people may be conscious and aware, but could have severe breathing problems, abnormal heart rates, or balance disorders. More mild injuries may result in a staggering gait and sensory impairments associated with interruptions to sensory signals.

Symptoms of brain stem damage can include insensitivity to pain and other sensations, including in the viscera, which can be a serious problem. Patients with internal injuries may not exhibit pain in association with them, thus depriving doctors of a key diagnostic clue they could use to identify these injuries quickly. People can also have difficulty speaking and swallowing because the brain stem also controls the cranial nerves used to regulate facial muscle movements.

Take Proper Diet and don't take any kind of stress Damaged Brain

Op, thank you so much for this thread!

My son suffered a severe axional brain injury exactly one year ago as of tomorrow. He has small spots all over his brain that are simply dead now - they have no blood flow. its the same sort of damage that usually occurs with shaken baby syndrome.

He experiences many of the same problems you have described. Even after a year of every sort of speech, physical, psychological and occupational therapies, he still searches for words. He also has inappropriate outbursts, and has a hard time managing his own emotions. He also has the most terrible headaches for which he has to take narcotic pain killers. His personality totally changed too.

It gives me comfort, in a strange way, that someone else is going through this and understands. Plus, my son is only nine, so he can't really put into words what is going on inside his head, which makes it difficult for me to help him sometimes. And you and I both know that brain injuries don't come with an instruction manual!

So star and flag for you for allowing me a glimpse into your mind. I appreciate it and hope it will give me some insight into my son's mind. In the meantime, if you ever want to talk about it, feel free to message me. Oh, I also want to give you kudos for being so brave as to write this thread!

Eta: my son now takes a very small dose of a stimulant drug called focalin to help him focus and help with his impulsivity, and I swear since he has been on it, his short term memory has improved as well. May not work that way for everyone, but I thought I would share. If you are interested in his story, Chiefsmom started a thread for me called Lets all say a Prayer for DustbowlDebutantes son!

reply to post by wilsongrace1111


Thank you for all that info.

I have been wondering about my pain level being all messed up and the dangers it could hide, such as having a terrible health problem, and not feeling it at all...

I sometimes feel light headed, but it last a second and it goes away. But it does not happen often.

And sometimes, when I walk, I notice I walk in a different way, feet not really getting up the floor, and making fast, small steps. But I notice, and kick myself to walk correctly. No one around me has noticed it, so it may not be that bad... :/

But recently, I have decided to consult a doctor.

Because the only places that remains painful are the soft tissues between my cranium and the vertebrae right under it, and the one below. When the pain there gets worst, I feel really really bad.

I can control, and half the time correct it. But there is still half of the time I can't...

You talked about speech impairment that can happen with a stem injury. Some 12 years ago, I had my throat crushed and displaced. Enough to cause problems, not enough to risk a surgery there.
Since that accident, every time I became emotional, my throat would painfully lock, preventing me from speaking for many long minutes.

Since my head and neck injury, it does not happen anymore. I can get emotional and my throat won't lock...

But, once in a while, I do get some pain signal back for a few minutes. For example, my left knee was painful when I bent it and I couldn't put pressure on it to get up. Now I do. And about once a month, when walking in the stairs, my knee suddenly feels as if someone was splitting it in half with an axe. This lasts a few minutes only, rarely longer.
So yes, I noticed there were some "stuttering" from my stem signals...

I'll admit tho I "appreciate" my pain free life, but... only relatively, of course...



Again, I thank you very much for all this info.

reply to post by NowanKenubi


You and I are alike. I've had many issue with head trauma, fighting, falling, sledding. I've had 8 concussions diagnosed by doctors at a young age. After that I stopped going to the hospital because I knew the symptoms and what to do when I experience a concussion. Most of them were from really bad accidents, I didn't get injured easily. Life for me changed when I was 18 years old. I went sledding downhill backwards lying down with a partner on my legs. We hit a steal table so hard she flew over it and I landed in it. I hit head first. Fractured 3 vertebrae, severe muscle damage and a major concussion.

From that day forward I've been a completely different person. I've become more timid while still thriving when asserting myself. I am now more of an Ambiversion kind of person oppose to being an extrovert as I previously was. I actually don't fully agree with the last statement since I am slightly leaning introvert.

As with you, my short term memory is gone. I can remember a lot doing get me wrong but in comparison to time prior to my accident ... it's like nothing. I'll forget what I am trying to say, conversations will disappear from forethought immediately after having them, family is something I care for but I've lost the passion for my non immediate family and it's been a struggle.

There is so much more to talk about.

I've been dealing with this a long time myself and feel we could both benefit from a conversation. If you'd like message me and i'll give you a skype name to reach me by,

reply to post by DustbowlDebutante


For me, it was 3 days ago that I had my first "anniversary" of the accident.

I'm truly sorry for your son.

--------

I've spent the last 2 hours responding to your post and I find it very hard. I think I wrote already over 15000 words, but I'm always adding, erasing, rewriting, ending up with a confuse text... :/

So I'll get back to you with a longer and more appropriate answer later today. Sorry.

But, I want to tell you, when I get my emotional moments, there is no possibility to argue with me. I tell people to wait a few minutes and the fire will burn down by itself.

Because in those moments, I won't make any compromises. Trying to argue, even if I'm wrong as hell, will only serve as to pump me, like a relentless machine.
But if I am let to calm, which is quite rapidly, I see the stupidity of my way, and then intelligent discussions can take place.

So unless I'm a danger to myself or others, let me calm down in peace. Even agree with me, just so I get calmer more quickly.

It's bugging and sad, but I can hardly ignore it, and others too.

I wrote this thread because I was finding myself looking and sounding pretty stupid when meeting people. I avoided people until a few months ago. And when I began socializing again, I saw how messed I sounded at times. I was faced with the decision to shut up and crawl to a hole, or tell and see what happens.

Some people who looked to be open-minded stopped talking to me, and others who didn't like me before are now very cool with me, and we get along fine.
I changed, so my dynamic with people did too.

I know I still sound stupid at times, but I now know people know why and they ( generally ) will allow me to correct myself.

I'll stop it here, because again, I'm overdoing it... lol

See you later and thanks for stopping by.
(I think I saw the thread you mentioned, but I'll look at it again.

reply to post by NowanKenubi


Thank you for the reply! I can't express how grateful I am to have run across your thread so that I can converse with someone who understands what we have been thru with this brain injury. Doctors don't ever want to say much, and never anything definitive, regarding what to expect as far as recovery goes. And I understand they can't predict what will happen as every brain is different and every brain injury is different. I also understand that, from a legal point of view, they have to be careful and cover their butts.

My son is similar to you in that when he gets upset or frustrated to the point of melting down, I take him to a dark, cool and quiet room so he can regain his composure. This sometimes used to take an hour or more, but he has it down to about fifteen minutes now, which is progress! At school he has a personal aide who watches out for him, and I think I've just about gotten her trained to recognize the symptoms of an impending meltdown and the school has set aside a room just for him to rest and regain his composure, which is a great thing.

Please don't worry about sounding "off" in your replies to me - I live with "off" every day and I understand. If it is more comfortable for you, you can always just pm me instead. But trust me, there's nothing that can weird me out anymore...lol.

Additionally, I saw an earlier post where (I believe it was you) you mentioned wearing a collar for neck support. My son dislocated the two vertebrae in his neck right below his skull (I think they call them C1 and C2 vertebrae?) in addition to all of the tendons, ligaments and muscles which were torn in one side of his neck, the skull fracture, numerous broken bones and bruised internal organs. He had to wear this thing called an aspen brace for two months solid - even when bathing, he was not allowed to take it off. It was a cumbersome contraption, but when it came off, he experienced quite a bit of pain until we had to use a collar as well (and slowly weaned the collar away as his neck muscles became stronger).

I wonder if one of those braces would give you more relief than the collar. The brace will immobilize and support not only your neck, but your entire spine. I threw his into the trash as soon as they let him out of it, so I can't take a photo to show you just the brace, but I have a photo of him wearing it in the hospital:

You can see those two metal bars down the center of the front? Well, it has two metal bars down the back too, in order to keep the spine and neck perfectly straight and immobile. My kid has the best posture you could imagine thanks to this brace. The child could balance a tea tray on his head!

As for socializing, Will does really well, considering the brain damage. Social interaction was overwhelming for him at first, but he had spent months in a hospital where they implemented and insisted upon keeping him in a "low-stimulation environment." Sometimes he still gets a little overstimulated, but he will let the adult in charge know in short order if things are too much. He still has difficulties with large groups, but if it's a one-on-one scenario or just a small group (less than 5), he does fine.

Like you, some of his friends have ditched him or he has ditched them, but he has also made some really great new ones along the way. I think some of them noticed the personality changes and it freaked them out - after all, these are only little kids, not adults. Hell, it freaked me out pretty bad for the first few months. Even though he had survived (and he only had a 10% chance of surviving), I felt like my son had died anyway. The kid I had raised, loved and knew was gone and there was a new and different child in that body whom I did not know, and that was really hard as a mom. However, I got to know the new Will and he has become his old self to a certain extent after a year. He is still a kind and sweet boy - it's more like his tastes in various things have changed...and maybe a little of his attitude has changed as well.

Thank you for your time and your reply. I look forward to hearing from you again!

In the meantime, I will put you in our prayers.

reply to post by Antipathy17


Maybe I should look into skype. My brother told me I should a few weeks ago.

Yeah, I hate when I forget what I was about to say... Well, in a way, I'm not bothered, because I not only forget what I was to say, I don't remember why I wanted to say anything in the first place.

But I hate it because I feel it has cut an opportunity to a discussion... I should say slightly annoyed instead of hate.

Sometimes, as I speak, I'm hit by a stupor, it can happen when I'm in the shower, and then I wonder where I am and what I'm doing. Then I know what I'm doing, but it's as if I had just woken up. In fact, what I may have been thinking previously feels like it was only a dream from long ago, a dream of which I have only evaporating memories.

But the stupor thing... It has me wondering if I should keep on driving the car. I stopped for 6 months, but drive a little now. It has not happened while I was driving yet. Maybe because it uses a different part of the brain, or something like that?

Until I get skype, you can always PM me, don't be shy for that too.

PS: I looked at skype and see it is like a phone line thru the computers. I was born speaking French ( not quite at birth, but... lol ), and learned English in school, and life. But after the accident, I had trouble speaking French, my English was/is terrible now.
It is easier for me to write it than speak at the moment. I keep messing up my words when I write, and its definitely worst when I speak.
I'll need to practice a bit before I feel comfortable for that.

At least, I can practice with my daughter who is in the process of learning it. But it's hard.

Take care and see you soon!

NowanKenubi
reply to post by Antipathy17

 

Maybe I should look into skype. My brother told me I should a few weeks ago.

Yeah, I hate when I forget what I was about to say... Well, in a way, I'm not bothered, because I not only forget what I was to say, I don't remember why I wanted to say anything in the first place.

But I hate it because I feel it has cut an opportunity to a discussion... I should say slightly annoyed instead of hate.

Sometimes, as I speak, I'm hit by a stupor, it can happen when I'm in the shower, and then I wonder where I am and what I'm doing. Then I know what I'm doing, but it's as if I had just woken up. In fact, what I may have been thinking previously feels like it was only a dream from long ago, a dream of which I have only evaporating memories.

But the stupor thing... It has me wondering if I should keep on driving the car. I stopped for 6 months, but drive a little now. It has not happened while I was driving yet. Maybe because it uses a different part of the brain, or something like that?

Until I get skype, you can always PM me, don't be shy for that too.

PS: I looked at skype and see it is like a phone line thru the computers. I was born speaking French ( not quite at birth, but... lol ), and learned English in school, and life. But after the accident, I had trouble speaking French, my English was/is terrible now.
It is easier for me to write it than speak at the moment. I keep messing up my words when I write, and its definitely worst when I speak.
I'll need to practice a bit before I feel comfortable for that.

At least, I can practice with my daughter who is in the process of learning it. But it's hard.

Take care and see you soon!

I'm sure you have a neurologist looking after you... But the "stupor" where you come to and don't know where you are or what you're doing...that really sounds like an absence seizure. You might ought to mention it to your doctor or neurologist, if you are under the care of one. I have a friend whose daughter has them and it sounds identical. Even if you are only zoning out for thirty seconds at a time, thirty seconds zoned out behind the wheel of a car could cause death, not only to you but also to others on the road. Always better safe than sorry when it comes to driving!

After all, had a certain young lady not taken Valium and then got behind the wheel of her car and then decided to play on her phone rather than pay attention to the road, my son would still be a straight-A student attending 5 martial arts classes per week!

reply to post by DustbowlDebutante


I'll be back a little later, but thanks for the info about the seizure... As I said in a previous post, I didn't think I had seizures... hmm.

I understand about the driving. But I don't drive when my neck hurts in a certain way, because it is then that I have my brief moments of zoning out.

About having a doc taking care of me... Well, I didn't go see one except for my chiropractor, 10 weeks after my accident.

But since my C1 and C2 vertebrae are still sensible, I had decided to go see one. I have an appointment for next friday. From then, I'll see what is proposed.

---

I went to read the thread authored by Chiefsmom for your son and I had my eyes all watery...!
It is a real miracle he is still with you.

I can't imagine how it must have been for you. Well, Will and you will be in my prayers too!

Take care till next time!

reply to post by NowanKenubi


Try googling "absence seizure" and watch some of the videos of people actually having one of these seizures. Might shed some light on it for you personally. And I may be completely wrong, as I am certainly no doctor!

Hope the doctors get it sorted out for you!

And I'm starting to think ats needs a thread for us to have a brain injury support group! I am amazed at how many people are speaking up about their injuries on here... I'm learning so much! Thanks to all who have shared!!!

I read and wrote a lot in the last 2 days... pant pant... lol

I was afraid I would feel my brain busted today, but I only feel a mild pressure in parts of my brain and my nose.
No real pain as it is...

It is pleasing.

What is not is that I have a ton of things I'd like to say, but it all remains kind of foggy for now, making it hard to express.

Well, like DustBowl, I appreciate the comments that were made here and I, too, learned a lot.

I have been "awaken" about certain of my symptoms, and that is why I decided to consult this time.

I don't understand how I managed to convince people around me all was fine for so long... lol man My entourage makes me feel really safe... lol


Dang. I'm still in the "writeeraseadd" mode... gggh!


Well, thanks again everyone! See you later if I can put 2 related sentences in text without writing an encyclopedia in between!

Found this thread that may/should be interesting at the bulletproof forum.

forum.bulletproofexec.com.../topic/999-hacking-for-brain-recovery/