Fell for an 'impossible' girl.... (religion involved)

This is really cheesy, but need to get it out of my chest one way or another. Sorry to anyone stumbling upon this!
So i fell for this new girl at work, she's the best thing that happened to me in years.

We get on so well, and she understands me like no one ever has. She saw right through me without me even saying much, pointing out to me aspects of my personality which I generally hide at work, and in everyday life.

We talk about life, our purpose in it, the existence of a higher power/God.
Which really are all things that I avoid talking about with almost everyone else, as I tend to (respectfully) disagree with everyone once religion is brought up.
But when I'm with her, her smile, her kindness, it just makes it seem all so unimportant.
And so I let her talk about her views, her culture, and I ask more questions about it.
She gave me a copy of her 'holy book' along with other information and introductions to her religion.
And I gladly accepted. Although as I said, I already have a very strong personal opinion about life and the world. (It's not that I don't believe in God, I just don't believe in organised religion)

And still I fell in love, not just because she's very pretty, but also because she knows me, and I can be myself around her. Which is exactly the kind of person I have been waiting for years for, (what romantic single man/woman hasn't?)

But you can't always get what you want, as the song goes.
She's to be married, and with someone she barely knows.
I asked her if she's happy with it, and she says that whatever happens is in God's will, and that's what matters. Although I told her that I see she's scared about it, which she says of course, but that's the way it is.
The way she looks and talks to me now after all this, she knows my feelings for her, and it's clear she also feels the same about me.
She's to be transferred to another place soon, so I won't be seeing much of her anymore. Which is just the cherry on top of the cake.

This is more of a rant, I realise, as even though I consider myself an open minded person, and I respect other's way of life, I just can't get over the fact that something like culture and religion still has such power over someone's entire future, and over love.

Anyways, feel a bit lighter now, have a nice day.

I asked her if she's happy with it, and she says that whatever happens is in God's will, and that's what matters

And therein lies your problem my friend

Unless you can turn it around

After all if it's God's will that you be together then you will

Hint: God needs a helping hand sometimes.

Cody

reply to post by athousandlives


So sorry if this is offensive but I wanted to respond and ask you a question. Do you think she was or is in love with you as much as you are with her? Because her response to this situation didnt seem ... whats the word I am looking for it didnt seem very passionate. It seemed lack luster. If I am in love with someone I am gonna find a way to be with said someone. Or try something.

reply to post by athousandlives

She is to be married to someone she barely knows?
Let me guess- is her religion the community of the Rev Sung Myung Moon?
I have come across their female evangelists. Their approach can be quite flirtatious.
If she is one of these, I wonder how much she really cares for you anyway.

reply to post by cody599


Ha! Good one, kind of put my hopes up, a little bit, as she's kind of stubborn.

Cheers

reply to post by athousandlives


Read your signature and believe it my friend

Tell her that

Then look under my name in my avatar

Good luck

Cody

I am going to back Cody on this.
Is this marriage something she is forced into by her parents by her religion?
I am just curious because I am thinking of different ways you can fight for her, but circumstances surrounding her situation matter.

reply to post by American-philosopher


I see what you mean, but I too can see through her, and I have my way of looking into people, her body language and her response wasn't as lacklustre as I (now realise) wrote in my post.

Unfortunately some people are blinded by what they are taught in their upbringing and communities, even though they feel certain ways, they are taught to ignore it and follow 'the path'.
And I just feel powerless about it.

reply to post by athousandlives

I asked her if she's happy with it, and she says that whatever happens is in God's will

Did she not desire to acknowledge that souls bear a Creator Given will toward personal responsibility and accountability in their own decision making within this earthen Testing field?

Is it 'God's Will' that we allow negative control measures to overcome us based on laws and traditions of men outside His Counsel of Instruction?

reply to post by DISRAELI


Never heard about them before,
No, actually most females in her religion would seem quite distant and 'untouchable' to men in general, and with that I said enough.

reply to post by athousandlives

Fair enough.
If my hypothesis was wrong, then the conclusion fails as well.

athousandlives
This is really cheesy, but need to get it out of my chest one way or another. Sorry to anyone stumbling upon this!
So i fell for this new girl at work, she's the best thing that happened to me in years.

We get on so well, and she understands me like no one ever has. She saw right through me without me even saying much, pointing out to me aspects of my personality which I generally hide at work, and in everyday life.

We talk about life, our purpose in it, the existence of a higher power/God.
Which really are all things that I avoid talking about with almost everyone else, as I tend to (respectfully) disagree with everyone once religion is brought up.
But when I'm with her, her smile, her kindness, it just makes it seem all so unimportant.
And so I let her talk about her views, her culture, and I ask more questions about it.
She gave me a copy of her 'holy book' along with other information and introductions to her religion.
And I gladly accepted. Although as I said, I already have a very strong personal opinion about life and the world. (It's not that I don't believe in God, I just don't believe in organised religion)

And still I fell in love, not just because she's very pretty, but also because she knows me, and I can be myself around her. Which is exactly the kind of person I have been waiting for years for, (what romantic single man/woman hasn't?)

But you can't always get what you want, as the song goes.
She's to be married, and with someone she barely knows.
I asked her if she's happy with it, and she says that whatever happens is in God's will, and that's what matters. Although I told her that I see she's scared about it, which she says of course, but that's the way it is.
The way she looks and talks to me now after all this, she knows my feelings for her, and it's clear she also feels the same about me.
She's to be transferred to another place soon, so I won't be seeing much of her anymore. Which is just the cherry on top of the cake.

This is more of a rant, I realise, as even though I consider myself an open minded person, and I respect other's way of life, I just can't get over the fact that something like culture and religion still has such power over someone's entire future, and over love.

Anyways, feel a bit lighter now, have a nice day.

It's bad to put moves on someone who's currently in a relationship. Even if she broke it off you don't want to be her rebound gag. It's easy to get close to people at work as you spend so much time together and have nothing to do but talk. If she gets transported to a new location and your friendship fizzles just keep in mind that the close proximity of work probably had more to do with the original attraction than anything.

Either way, she's to be married. The only way these situations turn out well is if she broke up with him and you gave her a breather of at least six months. If she still liked you at the end of that time then I'd say she really likes you. Also, regardless of religion...what does it say about a woman who's about to be married and yet she formed an attraction to you and doesn't bother to even set boundaries beyond it's in god's will.

reply to post by calstorm


it's not that she's being forced by her parents, although there are those families that are much stricter. She's being forced by this invisible rule or law taught to her, that when a man of her own religion, 'proposes', she will accept, regardless of her feelings.
Of course this happened a little before I met her, and, me not being part of her religion really doesn't help.

reply to post by athousandlives


Personally, I think you need to tell her how you feel.
You can be gentle about it - tell her that you understand all the reasons why it will never happen etc., but she has the right to know how you feel. You never know, it might make a difference to her in some way, and it will certainly make a difference to you.

The Bible says "better is open rebuke than hidden love"... and it's very true.

Tell her.

I probably wouldn't go for her personally. The main reason behind my logic is: She's going to be married. It's possible that she actually does know her "husband to be" more than she's letting on to. Just the fact that she hasn't changed her mind even after talking to you should be an indicator that her mind is made up (also, when she says that it's "Gods Will", usually that also indicates that her mind is made up).

As for barely knowing the guy - most of my friends that are married didn't marry someone that they knew forever; in some cases, the person was a complete stranger. Even in my case, I didn't know my S.O. until I met her a couple years back, we've lasted so long because we learn more about each other as time goes on.

I recommend moving on, as there will probably be 10,000 other girls just like her. Doesn't mean that you have to shun her, or never talk to her again. It just means you might be a close friend. As long as you stay within your bounds, neither she nor her husband should have a problem with this. I mean, most of my married friends are women - I still catchup with them every so often, and haven't had any threats (well, at least not to my face...then again, I'm not asking them anything specific, but just how things are going).

In short: If you're feeling for a challenge, then tell her, and let her know how you feel.
My opinion: Don't, and move on.

-fossilera

reply to post by athousandlives

Um, you could ask her why it was God's will that she met you BEFORE she married this other person, and not after... just sayin.

athousandlives
reply to post by American-philosopher

 

Unfortunately some people are blinded by what they are taught in their upbringing and communities, even though they feel certain ways, they are taught to ignore it and follow 'the path'.
And I just feel powerless about it.

And unfortunately some people are blinded by their own self interests and sense of enlightenment. Face it you saw the forbidden plate of cookies and want one. Number one reason I know you aren't in love with her is you belittle her religious beliefs because she isn't choosing you. If you were all that you think you are to her she would be with you. You are not anymore enlightened than anyone else on the planet, so get over yourself.

reply to post by KeliOnyx


Agreed.

When I was a young man, I became romantically entangled with a gorgeous woman from a long line of well-known Jewish rabbis. (I'm not Jewish of any ancestry, as far as anyone knows). He family urged her to break it off with me, and so she did.

I regretted it, as she was fine in every way. But I understood completely. Some of my friends were horrified on my behalf, and griped about her religion, her values, and her sacrificing our romantic love, for a "dead tradition."

I understood it completely, and was willing to end it because, if we had sons, they'd always wonder what life would have been like if "Dad" had been in the tribe.

Her religion was part of her, and making her drop it, and her 100-generations-of-tradition, would be like touching a butterfly's wing---your lightest brush would break her wing, and mar the beauty you coveted there, and ending her own self in that instant.

My friends thought she was racist. I thought she was a devoted daughter and pious member of her community. I honestly hope the right man found her and treasures her.

Besides, I eventually found Miss Right.

reply to post by KeliOnyx


I understand what you are saying about being blinded by self-interest and about the forbidden cookie, really, it is something that has crossed my mind a few times.
But I do not consider myself enlightened in any way, I know I have a long way to go.
And am not belittling her religion, I realise there are many paths, all leading to the same place. (It's just that I chose my own path, not a ready-made one)
What I find hard to accept is the imposed 'separation' between people and/or beliefs.

I am frustrated I guess, I'll admit it.

Anyways I'll find out soon, she promised to talk seriously about it before she leaves.

Thanks for the reply,

reply to post by athousandlives


If it helps

Mrs C was a forbidden cookie, with religious views I disagreed with.

She is now the icing on the cake, with religious views I still disagree with, but as she says

God must really love us as a couple, even if you deny His existence.

Then she gives me THAT smile,

I couldn't and wouldn't even attempt to shake her faith, we've had some brilliant discussions about it.

Without it she simply wouldn't be the same.

Admittedly it took 10 years, 2 divorces (one each) and a move of continent .......................... but it was worth it

Cody