Respected members of ATS, I need your advice.

reply to post by cody599


Thanks Cody...I don't actually think your reply was harsh at all; realistic, yes, but I didn't find it harsh. I respect your opinion.

Do you know, another aspect of this is pride. I do try not to be proud but people always expect a culturally mixed marraige to fail and I don't want to fail or give up. But I will not let my kids suffer in any way.
Living on benefits is not something I would be proud of....Not something I have ever done.
But of course the option is there. Just makes it all the more tough a decision.

Thanks for replying Cody x

You have answered your own question...

This is an absolute no-brainier to everyone that read your OP.

Your bags are not packed yet?

Best of luck to your Family.

ProfessorChaos
reply to post by Lovely1973

 

My advice is simple.

If you are sure that the U.K. is the answer as far as money is concerned, and your husband truly loves his family, perhaps the best thing is for all of you to return to the U.K. and for him to assume the role of stay-at-home Dad, while you work as a nurse.

He obviously is unable to provide as far as income is concerned, but there's no reason that he cannot provide in other ways.

As an aside, I don't know your husband, or his mentality towards an idea like this, but at least in the U.K., there would be far less public scrutiny placed on him for staying home and taking care of the children as opposed to the Middle East.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you good luck and hope that the two of you manage to do what is needed to keep your family together, especially considering that it sounds like a close and loving one.

A big thankyou. For whatever reason your reply stood out to me the most.

My only reservation is, we lived in UK for 7 years together but he screwed up! Am not sure how receptive he would be to the idea but your post is certainly food for thought and another option to consider.

I'm struggling to write coherent replies to all the replies I recieved but do want to thank you all for your honest and kind input! For now I have to go and give my little ones some attention but I do thank you all and will be mulling this all over.

Thank you all

reply to post by Lovely1973

We married in UK in a Registry Office so it was a part of the vows 'for better for worse' (I think!).

Nope

Not in the ceremony unless requested

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Entrance & Welcome by registrar
Bride is given away (response:I do)

Affirmation of intent- 'Will you Mr take Miss to be your wife, to be loving and loyal to her for the rest of your life? (response: I will)

Optional reading
Extract from marriage law

1st marriage vows - 'I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I (Mr may not be joined in matrimony to Miss)

Optional exchange of rings - 'Please accept this ring as a token of our marriage and as a symbol of all that we share'

Optional extra premise/vows

Last marriage vows - 'I call upon the persons hear present to witness that I Mr do take thee Miss to be my lawful wedded wife'

Marriage pronouncement
Optional reading 2
Signing of register


No for better or worse, richer or poorer..................................................

You don't remember your personal vows to your husband ?

On your wedding day ?

The ones you agonised over ?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Alive healthy kids on benefits may not be a proud moment

But it is safe

I hated being on the dole with a passion I would throw up before signing on

The vows you made to yourself and your unborn kids as a soon to be mum outweigh everything IMHO

But it is just that

My humble opinion

Cody

reply to post by cody599


lol...thanks for that! Yes, I have a terrible memory and that day was such whirlwind, I can hardly remember it at all! Besides, I usually forget what I've just gone in to the kitchen for, let alone what I said 10 years ago!

I blame having kids! lol...thanks Cody

reply to post by Lovely1973


I empathise with you

I appreciate the pride, standing tall, being independent,

I married a girl from the Middle East got divorced and we have 2 beautiful kids.

The one thing I can say regardless of how bitter the divorce was

She was a better mother than I a father at the time. As much as I agonised, it was better for the kids that I leave.

It took 10 years but we are back in touch and I never lost my love for my kids.

That step onto the plane was the hardest in my life.

But the best decision I ever made

Please please please..................whatever your decision......................

Be as good a mother to your kids as my ex wife is to mine, I may hate her with a passion on a personal level, but I will be eternally grateful to her for raising our kids so well.

That wasn't easy to say

Cody