Out of the Silence (A Looking In View)

Like most insomniacs, I have a dyer addiction to wakefulness. And it is during these late night dwellings that my metaphysical mind goes into meltdown mode.
Over the past few months something strange has been occurring, that for some reason is manifesting itself as an all-out physical and mental assault on my life and being. Something is trying to break my Will, but I WILL NOT let this happen!

It is my hope that by “casting” my inner world outward, I may be able to neutralize whatever is “haunting” me.

The Inner World:

“I am the voice inside your head; the dweller beneath your flesh.”

As a creative, my training as an artist and musician has hardwired my brain to receive/channel information from higher planes. I have no clue where the music or images come from, but it seems to me that when the town goes to sleep… some part of their collective conscience comes crashing down into my mind. But in a more sinister turn of events… the last few months has caused a splinter within my consciousness and something “new” is present.

In absolute darkness, the internal dialogue that takes place within the depths of my mind… is nothing short of a cacophony of conceptual-mental chess matches. Internal debates and arguing over politics, social issues, personal struggles, metaphysics, and philosophy are the norm, but during a lucid dream about a month ago all things changed.

The Dream:

I was on a dead planet. Sitting in a meditative position, I became aware of my surroundings and immediately knew that I was dreaming. At this point a figure came up to me and asked me a simple question.

“What do you need?”

I didn’t answer at first. I just sat quietly trying to make out who this figure was. It was obviously a masculine figure, but there were no features that stood out. It was as if this being was made entirely of smoke. The more I tried to focus, the more confusing the presence became. Facial features blurred and blackness radiated from the edges of the man now before. Again he asked.

“What do you need?”

It was at this point that I realized who this might be. So I answered as softly as I could…“The Truth.”

The figure raised his hands above his head; elbows bent forming a triangle, his face became a giant eye. Within a matter of microseconds I was transported back to my body. In a mild state of sleep paralysis, I realized that I could hear the hum of the air-conditioner and the fan that stood by the bed. I tried to move, to at least sit up. But nothing! I was frozen in place. My hands felt as if they were on opposite sides of the Universe. The only thing I could move was my tongue, which traced from side to side behind my closed teeth.

Please note that at this point, at least from my perspective, I was no longer dreaming. It was then that I heard the man’s voice again. From behind my internal voice… again it asked me a question.

“What is truth?”

I thought to myself. “Truth is nothing more than opinion. It is a collection of information used to weigh the illusions of our perceptions against the sum of our collective experiences…”

What happened next was one of the scariest things I have ever experienced. Still in a state of paralysis, I felt something take over my body. As if I was no longer in control. I could feel my conscience shrinking as I realized how much larger my body was to its controller… i.e. Me. I lost all sense of self and became the big picture. I could “see” a mental comparison forming before me. A Yellow Star encased in a clay figure resembling a human head. I was immediately overcome by the feeling of being trapped.

From this point on no words were exchanged, just information. I understood now; As Above, So Below. Self-Similarity. I could see how the Earth’s Sun was interacting with the internal sun to form the figure of a human head. I could see the Universe in this one image. I realized how important our bodies are and how our actions impact the whole of reality. I saw the morbid image of a human ouroboros… I will spare you the details. I saw Hell.

I could hear myself physically sobbing. I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes. But I still could not move. I saw war like nothing before. Buildings falling, cars exploding, bridges collapsing… in the blink of an eye… I was back on the dead planet.

I opened my eyes and realized that I was once again dreaming. And once again the figure showed itself. Hovering a few inches from the surface of mass destruction, the figure approached me.

In a menacing tone and with a guttural force the being roared. “I AM THE BEAST. YOUR SINS MADE FLESH. I AM THE END OF THIS EXPERIENCE AND THE DOORWAY TO THE NEXT!”

As if the sky had fallen, I was thrown back into absolute darkness. Detached from my body, I felt weightless. I felt nothingness. There was no fear, despite what I had just experienced. I willed myself back towards my body, but to no avail. I was lost.

The next thing I remember is opening my eyes. I was once again in my bed; the aforementioned hum still present. Looking around my room, I noticed a change in my perception. It was not something that can be packaged neatly into words. It was something that can only be felt and not explained. Even now I can still feel the energy of that moment. The presence has yet to leave. More importantly, there is an understanding that silence brings. I can see how my actions, my thoughts, and my intent engage the outside world. I feel connected to both Heaven and Hell, because I can see it manifesting.

I can feel the latency between the world I perceive and the world within. And if I meditate on these feelings, I can move between the awareness of body and soul.

The Interpretation:

The Beast is obviously my body. The Dweller Within is my Spirit. Existence is my God.

All are forms of energy… and ALL feed off of one another.

To balance the Three will lead to bliss. To be more aware of one over the other will lead to distraction and misrepresentation.

In short, if we dislike the dictatorships of our surroundings. We only need to address the dictatorship within!