Being Nice Is Always Good ... or is it?

AthlonSavage
I had a good think over this and I believe Yes good is better.

Being good still got me kicked in the head, I will tell you this if someone did that to my daughter there would be hell to pay.

Yes, I believe in love.

I have to say there is that thin line between love and hate, good vs evil and survival.

People are "nice" because they want something, they desire something – whether it be a reward in heaven, mutual respect, to be known as nice, or common courtesy. There is a purpose there.

Our vanity guides when and where to be nice. There's no point to being nice when no one is watching, is there? In that case, I don't see the purpose in being "always nice" unless one is vain even when no one can see him.

reply to post by NiNjABackflip


Absolutely even love is selfish, after years of reading and researching these human emotion and survival instincts, that is exactly what they are, love and hate same brain center control


Scientists prove it really is a thin line between love and hate
The same brain circuitry is involved in both extreme emotions – but hate retains a semblance of rationality
www.independent.co.uk...

reply to post by FlyersFan


The prisoner's dilemma strategies can be applied successfully in real life:
Basically depending on your previous experiences with a person
1. start out nice and trusting,
2. if abused retalliate once and equal to the offense (discourages abuse)
3. make it known that things are even again and you wish to go back to play nice

en.wikipedia.org... Prisoner's_dilemma

By analysing the top-scoring strategies, Axelrod stated several conditions necessary for a strategy to be successful.

Nice
The most important condition is that the strategy must be "nice", that is, it will not defect before its opponent does (this is sometimes referred to as an "optimistic" algorithm). Almost all of the top-scoring strategies were nice; therefore, a purely selfish strategy will not "cheat" on its opponent, for purely self-interested reasons first.
Retaliating
However, Axelrod contended, the successful strategy must not be a blind optimist. It must sometimes retaliate. An example of a non-retaliating strategy is Always Cooperate. This is a very bad choice, as "nasty" strategies will ruthlessly exploit such players.
Forgiving
Successful strategies must also be forgiving. Though players will retaliate, they will once again fall back to cooperating if the opponent does not continue to defect. This stops long runs of revenge and counter-revenge, maximizing points.
Non-envious
The last quality is being non-envious, that is not striving to score more than the opponent (note that a "nice" strategy can never score more than the opponent).

reply to post by FlyersFan


reply to post by FlyersFan


Being nice is just as much for us than it is others. If I'm not nice what am I? Rude or indifferent - not ever wanting to connect so just nasty to everyone for fear of being hurt, or just basically unconcerned with anyone around? I understand we dont have to reach out to everyone but to not at least be nice during interactions seems like it would be a lonely way to live. For me, being nice makes me feel good about myself and provides a sense that the world is a cooperative place. It's the energy I want around me so I must be that energy.

If I have to choose: walk through the world believing everyone is out to take and hurt, or walk through the world believing people are generally good; want the same peace, I chose the later. But people do equate nice with weak. I have found when you allow people to run with associating kindness for weakness they will go the distance.

Here are a few examples I've recently had that I wondered about in response to this thread:

Had shoddy work recently done on house (blatant damage and half done fully paid job). Guy thought I should pay for his mistakes (or tested to see if I would). Was nice in everyway but motive for being nice was actually not what true kindness is (it's manipulation). I was put into a position of needing to tell him he would be paying for it. Every bit of it was a battle, and the battle was much harder due to him being nice about it - to a point. Being nice may get people what they want in the short term but the internal feeling it gives to me is what's rewarding.

My kid is waiting in line for an ice cream cone (a distinct line - is 2nd; hands folded, standing still so not unclear he is in line), and a grown woman cuts in front of him, chomping on popcorn, clearly in a feeding frenzy as she cannot wait. I said nothing because there was a shared astonishment. Something about that shared understanding and kindness from others overrode the rudeness of the woman. My son is of the age to allow him to speak for himself. He looked at me, eyes big. I couldn't help but to raise an eyebrow while at the same time smiling at how ridiculous it was. He picked up on my cue. He then got a second cue from one of the attendants who was busy washing things but who stopped to attend to him while the woman was getting her ice cream. She was blatantly rude in this case, and it would have been easy to say something. In fact, I have before. It was a choice to let someone else have that battle that day. We made light of it and were better for it this time.

Not being able to relax on my front porch because of a religious sect constantly coming by. My fault - have been very polite in saying "no thank you", "not interested", etc. I have to now, sadly, be more direct because my politeness has been mistaken for a weakness somehow. Different occations are cause for different responses. Some would be immediately rude to a group pushing a religion at their front door (maybe they have experienced what I have). Some would have no ego present and let them change their views - assuming they had a belief system in place and weren't searching.

Giving away your power should not be equated with being nice but many did not learn to differentiate between the two. It takes time to develop what ones line is but I would say being nice is beneficial both internally and externally. If others did not use it to extremes (to strip others of power or push agendas) it would be ideal. Since that isn't the case people need to be aware, and know when to put the breaks on others who are affecting them negatively. To let rude people jade you entirely is an extreme response to rude or misguided behavior in my opinion. I choose to be nice first and foremost, and only not be nice if the occasion leaves no other alternative (or I lose patience with people after lots of bad experiences in a day have worn me down). Always working on being aware of the later of these two.

I would say be kind and merciful, as opposed to 'nice' however it amounts to the same thing.

I think you are missing an important element though.

I also should be kind to myself. To my body, the amazing nature creature who is a symbiote part of what I think of as "me" in this reality. To my family, and my community, who depend on me as an equal in many ways. To the land and its creatures and nature, which do me the great honor of serving all of us in this reality.

I would be kind to the enemy up to the point where it would require being UN-kind to myself, my land, my people to do so. At that point, I have the free will to choose who I will be kind to. The choice was 'forced' by someone who chose to arrive as an enemy of any of those things.

Then I choose to be kind to someone other than said enemy; as what kind of lesson to the evolution of even the enemy (who, and whose people, also deserve positive lessons and evolution), if bad deeds were rewarded and innocents punished?

At that point, it is my honor to demonstrate individual courage, faith in a good eventual outcome, defense and protection of my people and land, and many other positive qualities. Though not as nice an experience as simply having everyone for a lovely tea, it is still an opportunity to let the light live through me. Even Archangel Michael wields a sword.

If the enemy should happen to die during this mutual opportunity for interaction that he arranged, it will be because he has chosen to make that sacrifice. I didn't murder him; he committed suicide at my hands. While unfortunate, it is his choice.

reply to post by FlyersFan


Tough love is not nice, you can be caring and thoughtful and kind and still it is necessary to NOT be nice sometimes. I am capable of being nice to everyone and I do treat others the way I want to be treated;

Do unto others....However, this only works for those that are not evil to begin with, evil people do not care if you are nice, rather they look at it as a sign of weakness...okay...I am not weak and have no problem putting an evil person in their place.

Still, those closest to me will have to deal with tough love from time to time, because sometimes that is the kindest thing they can get for the circumstance, nice is not always the best answer.

Soul

Atlantic Starr - all because of you



no sweeter treasure on Earth as female
your own female

breathing inside you
kissing inside you

feeling hér gorgious feelings
...- blowing away Male

as it writes : ' without Spot nor Wrinkle'

..gorgious being beyond comparison - Female

Being "Nice" is an opinion. There are no set rules. Everybody has their own idea of what "nice" is.

You can be acting "Nice" but the person sees it as being disrespectful.

You can be feeling upset and act disrespectful, but to the person, that is normal for them so they don't see it as "mean".

If someone does you wrong, once then ok turn the other cheek. If someone does wrong twice, then ok. If someone does you wrong thrice, then beat the living #$%@ out of them.

reply to post by FlyersFan


I strive to always be kind. Well, unless I am debating some mental deficient on FB; that will cause me to go a little Julia Sugarbaker on folks occasionally.

Yesterday I was in a neighboring town where I use the library. As I was coming out of the library I noticed an elder lady with a cane leaning heavily on the handrail at the bottom of the steps. As I passed by I spoke. She asked me, quite apologetically if I could give her a ride. (It was 100 degrees) She looked not too healthy and I thought how I would feel if I had to walk in that heat. She said she was only going a few blocks so I agreed to take her.

Now here's the thing; when this started it was with a good heart, but almost immediately after she fastened her seatbelt I was thinking to myself I should have hidden my wallet before she got in the car. I was ashamed of myself for allowing my fears to intrude on my heart.

Anger habors inside one's head and heart and can eat the self alive. I have learned to turn the cheek from my own experience and trials of life. There simply is NO JUSTICE IN THIS LIFE. The world is out of balance and we will not find justice in any form here.

Daddy loved you more than me. I was right and the judge ruled against me. He won because he cheated. I am not paid fair wages for my services. She married rich and I got the poor guy. My child is disabled and she bore six healthy children.

Life is not just. Fighting the injustice gets us no place because this life cannot offer justice. Thus, Jesus Christ atones to remedy balance. I challenged justice for years to realize this utter fact.

Originally posted by SupersonicSerpent
Its best to just treat people how you expect to be treated,when you come across as too nice people start taking advantage,and has it goes they say the good always dye first so if you want to live long be a nasty horrible person lol.

This is very true. I am not a what you would call a people person i do not like humans. i grew up believing treat people the way i want to be treated. well i made it to 41 and today its different. about 5 years ago. i stated to my wife im sick of getting ran over and i was going to start to be a dic*. in that 5 years i got 2 MAJOR promotions in my work field. My income went almost double from what i was making 6 years ago. Today i treat people as i see how they treat others. I still consider myself to be a nice guy and i am. Im only a dic* to be people that i see being a dic too. Example my brother-in-law. Got along with him good but he started his own biz then started acting like he was better then everyone and had to use money to gain friends. Now i had lots of respect for this guy for starting his business on his own (at lest that is what i thought) then i found out he had to use his wife's parents money to start the biz. witch i have no issues with they loaned him the money and gave him a year before he had to make any payments back. as soon as that year was up and he needed to start making payments he ended up closing the shop getting a divorce and moved out of state. then let 3 puppies alone in the house to fend for themselves in the house he moved out of. 3 months later he asked us to go in the house and make sure nothing was left. before they auctioned off the house. me and my wife walk in and see 3 puppies all malnourished and dog poop and pee everywhere. I still have the image in my head and how bad them dogs was. no reason for that crap at all. If i had my way i would lock him up in a room for 3 months with no food or water my brother in law that is.

same goes with muslims you want to toss my brothers and sisters off roof tops because they do not pray to your book they should have the same opportunity with you and toss you off the roof.

Nice guys will always have tread marks on there back from being ran over. i am proof of this.

Good post
I liked this.

f you think of all relationships of having a measure of energy, what is given and received, when we are in a reciprocal energy exchange those scales of karma are balanced. Yet, sometimes when we are being “nice” instead of standing up for ourselves, or asserting our right to be treated better, or walking away from people who mistreat us, then we can be tipping those karmic scales. We will keep attracting situations towards us to help us correct that balance until it is righted. You might want to look at any uncomfortable situation in your life that you seem to attract over and over again, and see if there is a lesson there about reciprocal energy exchange. You can evaluate whether you are giving too much or too little in that circumstance relative to the outcome, and make appropriate adjustments.

It's good to be nice but there's a limit to how many situations you can keep being nice in.
You can't go around being nice about everything to everyone.
Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind.

I got as far as biblical quotes...

Yes, always be nice, even if its cynical, kindness kills



on a side note, will people stop shoving the "bible" down peoples throats?

You don't have to be nice, just don't be mean. But if the other is mean and it's a me or the other or my country or the other than it must be the latter, simply nature's programming at work where both sides have the same rules, both have no choice but to survive.

Just do what feels right, sooner or later you will learn that being positive is good to yourself, so you do it, for others and also for yourself.

BBut we cant always achieve it, but thats ok we are not meant to be perfect all the time.

Some folks you have to poke or even kick in the ribs, so to speak, every now and then. Its just a fact of life.

Originally posted by FlyersFan

Originally posted by stormdancer777
Don't ever do this, and never ask for patience.]

Yep. If you ask for patience .. you'll get tested.
The Powers in the Universe listen to these things .. and they react.

Yup, I am just trying to hide now maintain a low profile.