Being Nice Is Always Good ... or is it?

This could be a fun conversation.

'Always be nice'. Pretty basic stuff, right? Most of us are taught that as children. We have to get along with others and the way to do that is to always be nice. Be polite. Turn the other cheek. Defuse a difficult situation by being mature and allowing insults to roll off your back like water off a duck. Teach others who aren't being nice by being a good and positive example. etc etc

So ... should people always be nice ... no matter what?
Or ... does it sometimes happen that 'always be nice' should end and something else begin?

Some quotes (pro and con) on 'always be nice' from the Christians, Buddhists, and Hindus ...

Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Matthew 5:39 (Jesus says) "You have heard it said 'an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth', but I say to you do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn and offer him the other also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, give him your coat also.

Buddhist Quotes on Anger, Forgiveness, and Compassion

“Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love. This is an unalterable law.”

“Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.”

“In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.”

“Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.”

“To understand everything is to forgive everything.”

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”

Hindu quote on always being nice - “Should even one's enemy arrive at the doorstep, he should be attended upon with respect. A tree does not withdraw its cooling shade even from the one who has come to cut it.”
― Mahabharata 12.146.5

Another Hindu quote on always being nice (sort of) - “The person who is always involved in good deeds experiences incessant divine happiness. ” -The Rig Veda

Karma and Balance - Why Being Nice Isn't Always Good

f you think of all relationships of having a measure of energy, what is given and received, when we are in a reciprocal energy exchange those scales of karma are balanced. Yet, sometimes when we are being “nice” instead of standing up for ourselves, or asserting our right to be treated better, or walking away from people who mistreat us, then we can be tipping those karmic scales. We will keep attracting situations towards us to help us correct that balance until it is righted. You might want to look at any uncomfortable situation in your life that you seem to attract over and over again, and see if there is a lesson there about reciprocal energy exchange. You can evaluate whether you are giving too much or too little in that circumstance relative to the outcome, and make appropriate adjustments.

Why Being Nice Isn't Always Possible (Christian)

The Bible doesn’t ever use the word nice to describe our behavior — not once. Instead, we are given the instruction to be kind, compassionate and forgiving (Ephesians 4:32). We’re also told to do our best to “live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). As we talked about yesterday, the word nice means pleasing and agreeable, and the truth is that it’s not always possible to be pleasing and agreeable. Too often, though, we lead our kids to believe that it is.

When Being Nice Isn't Good - Education Week Magazine

Teachers, confronted with the responsibility of keeping peace in a classroom, generally construct a set of norms and rules to ensure a civil, considerate, fair-minded, and orderly social environment. Many of the rules are summed up by what young children call "being nice": helping, sharing, taking turns; avoiding "being mean": fighting, bullying, and saying, "You can't play." The moral premise supporting such norms and rules is that all children, equally, deserve to flourish at school, that one child should not flourish at the expense of another, and that flourishing is compromised when children's feelings are hurt. It is this code of being nice and not hurting that I wish to explore.

Being nice means to be 'pleasing and agreeable'. Is that always possible?
Common sense says no. But the major religions of the world say we should be. Right?
How to be 'pleasing and agreeable' towards those who are destructive and/or violent in their errors?
That's a really good question. Can we be? Should we be? How long should we be before
we need to slap the wayward person/entity/country silly? Or do we just walk away?
That's not always possible. etc etc??

Anyways, I thought this would be a good conversation for the Philosophy forum.

Its best to just treat people how you expect to be treated,when you come across as too nice people start taking advantage,and has it goes they say the good always dye first so if you want to live long be a nasty horrible person lol.

reply to post by FlyersFan

How to be 'pleasing and agreeable' towards those who are destructive and/or violent in their errors?

Give them advice using quotes like

"what goes round, comes round"
"you get what you give"
and lets not forget
"those who live by the sword (violence) die by the sword"

Say to them, "when they die, who is going to want to be with them for eternity ? No One"

EDIT. my answer goes against the thread title and possibly zapped by the OFF TOPIC POLICE lol. However its worthy advice for a nasty person who might soon end up with absolutely nothing in a dark place for all eternity.

SupersonicSerpent
Its best to just treat people how you expect to be treated,when you come across as too nice people start taking advantage,and has it goes they say the good always dye first so if you want to live long be a nasty horrible person lol.

Let people take advantage then.

I do. But they only get to do it once.

Then they don't get the benefit of my niceness any longer... I don't stop being nice, generous, giving.. but I direct it to those who reciprocate. Rather than getting angry at those who "owe" me something, and taking it out on people who have never even met me, I prefer to simply give everyone the chance and if they take advantage, then they get no more.

Nothing funnier than someone who thinks they are pulling a swifty over you, realising that other people are getting things, and they're getting nothing. Oh then you see their greedy smile turn into their upset frown.

I despise greed and people who take advantage. Best way to offset it however, is by letting it know itself.

I think many people take "being kind and compassionate" as being weak and defenseless, which is not true. MLK and Gandhi are two well known modern day examples of this philosophy to look at. Both practiced strict non-violence and "love for ones enemy", yet were considered some of the most dangerous men of their time. Their consistency in choosing the moral high ground in any given circumstance could literally transform the minds of the masses and deconstruct their "enemies" power.

Here is a few parts of MLK's speech on "Loving Your Enemies":

Certainly these are great words, words lifted to cosmic proportions. And over the centuries, many persons have argued that this is an extremely difficult command. Many would go so far as to say that it just isn’t possible to move out into the actual practice of this glorious command. They would go on to say that this is just additional proof that Jesus was an impractical idealist who never quite came down to earth. So the arguments abound. But far from being an impractical idealist, Jesus has become the practical realist. The words of this text glitter in our eyes with a new urgency. Far from being the pious injunction of a utopian dreamer, this command is an absolute necessity for the survival of our civilization. Yes, it is love that will save our world and our civilization, love even for enemies.

So somehow the "isness" of our present nature is out of harmony with the eternal "oughtness" that forever confronts us. And this simply means this: That within the best of us, there is some evil, and within the worst of us, there is some good. When we come to see this, we take a different attitude toward individuals. The person who hates you most has some good in him; even the nation that hates you most has some good in it; even the race that hates you most has some good in it. And when you come to the point that you look in the face of every man and see deep down within him what religion calls "the image of God," you begin to love him in spite of. No matter what he does, you see God’s image there. There is an element of goodness that he can never sluff off. Discover the element of good in your enemy. And as you seek to hate him, find the center of goodness and place your attention there and you will take a new attitude.

Another way that you love your enemy is this: When the opportunity presents itself for you to defeat your enemy, that is the time which you must not do it. There will come a time, in many instances, when the person who hates you most, the person who has misused you most, the person who has gossiped about you most, the person who has spread false rumors about you most, there will come a time when you will have an opportunity to defeat that person. It might be in terms of a recommendation for a job; it might be in terms of helping that person to make some move in life. That’s the time you must do it. That is the meaning of love. In the final analysis, love is not this sentimental something that we talk about. It’s not merely an emotional something. Love is creative, understanding goodwill for all men. It is the refusal to defeat any individual. When you rise to the level of love, of its great beauty and power, you seek only to defeat evil systems. Individuals who happen to be caught up in that system, you love, but you seek to defeat the system.

mlk-kpp01.stanford.edu...

reply to post by FlyersFan


When I was always nice to people and ignored their treatment of me I was taken advantage of. I eventually got tired of being a doormat and started treating people the way they treated me.

Being nice isn't always a good thing. Sometimes you have to do the opposite to get someone to see your point. Believe me been there done that.

If you are rude to me I will give it right back and then when you tell me how rude i am I will tell you how I am just treating you the way you treat me. If you want respect you earn it.

Originally posted by LifeIsEnergy
I think many people take "being kind and compassionate" as being weak and defenseless, which is not true. MLK and Gandhi are two well known modern day examples of this philosophy to look at.

.. and both were murdered.

I suppose a person could say that MLK and Gandhi came out on top, even though they were murdered, because they didn't allow the evil in those that killed them to touch their souls. But ... if all the good people are murdered off then all that will be here is a bunch of thugs. Ya' know?

reply to post by mblahnikluver


And if you are always nice, and the bad person keeps getting away with being bad and doesn't learn from your example, are you really doing the person a favor by continuing to be nice when they dont' deserve it? How long do you keep up the 'being nice' for ... when perhaps the person could learn more from having a good strong talking to .. or a slap upside the head with a dose of reality??

At the same time, how to deal with people who aren't nice without having their 'not nice' effect your own soul??

Ahhh .. the conversation we could have with this ...

Always treat people with respect and kindness, especially a stranger.

You never know who they are or what their struggles are, so why make their day worst?

ETA: Always followed that in business and it has served me well. As you also never know who you are talking to...

reply to post by benrl


The question is ... .when people aren't nice to YOU ... how long do you continue to be 'agreeable and pleasant' (NICE) to them ?? Is there a point where you have to get tough .. or do you keep being nice no matter what? I posted what the Christian, Hindu and Buddhist religions have to say as well as some other opinions on the matter.

Do you do what those major world religions say and be nice no matter what in the hopes that your good example will change them or at the very least so their evil won't touch your soul ... or do you listen to modern psychology and stand up for yourself immediately so the bullying (hopefully) stops that way??

There was a time in my life that I was nice.

I do believe in the words love your enemy and yada yada, but the more I turned the other cheek the more it got slapped.

Seemed when I finally fight back people make me the bad guy, or say what on earth got into her, and then I only feel bad about myself for fighting back.

I need counselling, oh wait that didn't work either.
lol

Being "nice" regardless, is getting harder. Do you really think nice thoughts about someone that cuts you off on the road?

"Have a nice day", the checkout clerk smiles and says.

"The weather is so nice".

"You're so nice".

Like that other word, "fine".

"Hows it going", we ask each other. "Oh fine", we smile back.

"Thats a fine mess you've got us into".

"Your fine sensibilities will be the end of us all."

We misuse words a lot. Actions are more important. I believe we don't really know the people we meet every day. Our neighbors, our family sometimes. People "treat" each other nice as much as possible given all things are equal. Its when chips are down that niceties fade. Or when we challenge others actions that the "nice" manners evaporate. If you make a few true blue friends over this life time, you are a lucky person.

No matter who you are, I'll still hold the door for you at the market though. Or let you cut me off on the freeway, while muttering "niceties" under my breath.

FlyersFan
reply to post by benrl

 

The question is ... .when people aren't nice to YOU ... how long do you continue to be 'agreeable and pleasant' (NICE) to them ?? Is there a point where you have to get tough .. or do you keep being nice no matter what? I posted what the Christian, Hindu and Buddhist religions have to say as well as some other opinions on the matter.

Do you do what those major world religions say and be nice no matter what in the hopes that your good example will change them or at the very least so their evil won't touch your soul ... or do you listen to modern psychology and stand up for yourself immediately so the bullying (hopefully) stops that way??

I don't define how I treat people externally, it comes from myself.

I treat everyone the same, its up to them how they treat me.

Ive honestly never experienced "bullying" Or attempts at intimidation, although I am a fairly imposing person and usually a quick scowl will end most "rudeness" people greet me with. (really though I am a big ol softy)

In business I never let another person behavior effect mine, more so when most of my jobs have been management in nature.

I found I gained more respect in relationships when I tell it like it is, especially with my husband.

reply to post by benrl

Ive honestly never experienced "bullying" Or attempts at intimidation,

I have experienced horrible abuse, my first husband, and I never fought back, I wonder what I would do today.

Originally posted by stormdancer777
reply to post by benrl

 

Ive honestly never experienced "bullying" Or attempts at intimidation,

I have experienced horrible abuse, my first husband, and I never fought back, I wonder what I would do today.

The one time I can recall someones attempt to bully me was when I first met my wife, her father was an abusive asshole. He tried to intimidate me, whole alpha male in your face bull crap, he got in my face just once.

I calmly told him, "this is not how real men acted or solved their problems, only a man child who never grew up responds in such a fashion. But if you insist, I am not one of your kids, If you insist on acting this way by all means I will gladly treat you like a petulant child and spank you." Cue scowl...

He backed down, Firm and Calm is far more intimidating than irrational and crazy.

ETA: Before and after that I treated him with the most respect and kindness possible, he hates me, and my calm happy smile always sends him running away from me.

reply to post by LifeIsEnergy


Yep... i agree with this
I personally think it shows a great strength...

It is indeed a very difficult thing to love when all u wanna do it get mad, angry and hate

It is a cycle most get stuck in time and time again... stuck in a spinning vortex that never
goes anywhere

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I've had to tell more than a few people, "Don't mistake my kindness for a weakness." when they are being rude or whatever.

As my mood says, I am humbly arrogant and I am also a self described happy jackass. But I am usually respectful of others.

And then there is this.

reply to post by benrl


to this day he still hates you?

Some people are just like that, you can never get through to them.

Firm and Calm is far more intimidating than irrational and crazy.

I agree but

Sometimes I go from firm and calm to irrational and crazy.

reply to post by FlyersFan


Yes, they were murdered, but I don't see your point. Are you saying people should not remain morally consistent in the face of danger? Should "good" people not remain "good" people just so they can survive?

You see, if your argument is that "being good" means you will be murdered and thus "evil" will prevail, what does that leave you with? Aren't you essentially saying, "good people" should not be "good" so "evil" doesn't win? Does that make any sense?

Maybe you are right, maybe humanity is destined towards "evilness", but does that change what is morally right? What side of the coin will you fall on?