I hate my father.

Sorry. Its a whining thread, self indulgent, horrible, evil, I know I know.

Some of you already know, I grew up with a wicked stepmother. Like, no joke. She was extremely abusive. She was a manic-depressive bi-polar monster, an ex-prostitute, who liked to call me crazy, psychotic, useless, oh she had countless names for me...

I've been in countless physical confrontations with her.

She put a false restraining order on me TWICE--and she ADMITTED that she only did it to get me arrested for nothing, because she knew I couldn't pay court costs. I was still in high school both times.

She blackmailed my father, saying "If you don't want your daughter going to jail, you better come meet me somewhere and make everything up..."

So, after the second false restraining order, she moves to Florida.

After years of hell, she's finally out of my life, right?

NOPE.

Now, Dad's back together with her. She moved back up to Tennessee, after less than six months.

Now, I'm not allowed to see my father anymore, because the restraining order is technically still in effect, and he told my mother he can't take me to his new home for a visit, because there's not enough room... Lying trash. Not that I WANT to see him now.

He chose her over me.

Big shock, right? An abusive psychotic hooker who spent all her teen years in an insane asylum.

Sounds like someone worth throwing your daughter away for.

I thought I'd build some kind of relationship with him over the next year or so, because come spring next year, I'm finally moving to Austin Texas and I'm never seeing ANY of my pathetic family again.

He was abusive too, when I was little.

And here I am, the worthless idiot who thought Hey, I think I'll look past my childhood and get close to him before I go. He's the only father I'll ever have.

No. Forget that.

I don't need a father.

If there's one thing I've proven to him over the years, its that.

I don't need him.

And now, my little brother and sister are at his new house, WITH HER.

With this abusive monster I grew up with.

And there's nothing I can do about it.

Well, you know what?

I'm moving to Austin soon. I'll never have to see my worthless family again. Never deal with the violence, verbal abuse, physical abuse, substance abuse, and the vicious cycle of this sin-spreading hate that infects all of my family from generation to generation.

That's fine.

I have a bigger goal in mind.

I'm gonna get involved with We Are Change, or whatever other *awake* organisations I can find down there. I'm going to wake everyone up, make some REAL friends, and find some people that ARE worth my time. I am going to take part in history. I'm going to be at the Bilderberg meetings. I'm going to be crazy, and real, and wake up the world.

I just graduated high school, its all ahead of me.

My father can rot and die for all I care.

Sorry, ATS. Feel free to chuck this in the trash, mods. I just needed to vent.

I can't see straight right now. I am losing it completely.

Its unreal that he would do this.

Its unreal that ANYONE would do this.

I want role models who CARE about integrity, honor, humanity, and love.

NOT some pill-popping loser like my father.

Goodbye, family.

Good riddance.

I hate you.

You can pick your friends but not your family.
I too do not see my Dad anymore due to his partner so I know how you feel.
At the end of the day it is his loss.

Originally posted by XxNightAngelusxX

I want role models who CARE about integrity, honor, humanity, and love.

I have some quotes of wisdom for you from Mahatma Gandhi....

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world"

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

"Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent than the one derived from fear of punishment."

(my words now)...Sometimes you just need to walk away...just because someone is a blood relative... does not mean you have an obligation to be in their life...if they are abusive towards you. You have every right to walk away and move on with your life.

Find those good people...make important and loving friendships...those friends will be your family.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Well at least you have a plan I say live it and when you are reveling in success and happiness and he or she was to ever try to contact you, just rub it in how happy you are and how they will just bring an unwanted somber mood to your life.

It is sad to see any parent not giving their life for their kids but it happens all too often. I bet the word self centered comes to mind all too often.

As they say you cannot choose your family, but as an adult you can damn well choose who you want to be around you.

Kudos to you You have a life to live and it sounds like your going to do that.

Best of luck to you

You are angry and hurt right now, which is understandable, therfore you may not be wanting advice so please forgive me. I grew up in a dirt poor southern family, father was a drug-addict alcoholic and all the trappings that come with it. There are two routes you can take: avoid that lifestyle or be drawn to it. My sister was drawn to it and her life has fallen apart due to her addictions. I went to medical school. What I've learned is, to not let your family or your past define who you are. If you have a dream, do your best to live it. It can feel like you're carrying around a dead-weight sometimes...I wake with a smouldering anger nearly every day. But, if you ever contemplate forgiveness (it's certainly your choice) remember forgiveness will help you more than those you are forgiving. I sincerely hope you've got good people you can trust and rely on. Boymonkey is right on the money, it is your father's loss.

Again, not trying to tell you how to feel, just offering my experience that positive things can happen and more importantly you are not alone.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


I didn't grow up in a great household either...and I lived in several different ones! My parents had a chance to do everything right, but they're completely unreliable jerks. Families are funny like that. They can be your best friends or your worst enemies--sometimes they are both simultaneously.

What can you do? Just move on and don't let the negativity pull you down. Don't dwell on your contempt for them.

YOU have a choice to make: let the drama and BS flood your life, or let it wash over you.

Overcoming, is an art. Keep practicing.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


I like your attitude. When having to put up with this type of situation, a lot of people choose to sit back and play the victim. They basically let their abusive family walk all over them, and they take it, well into adulthood. You, on the other hand, are not going to let that hinder you when it comes to your ambitions, and that is something which you should be proud of about. Your friends on here sure are!

It doesn't matter if they are family or not. A person should not put up with abusive behavior from anybody. If they are family, then that is obviously all the more reason for them to not be abusive, but we know the world does not work that way, sadly.

I like your list of things to do, and I wish you all the luck and happiness on your journey in life. Keep us updated, of course!

One more thing: when you listed the things you're going accomplish, you forgot to include the awesome book you've been sharing with us.

Never make someone a priority when they only see you as an option.

I feel for ya though, I feel for ya.

Hang in there!

I lived in Austin, Texas and it is a great place. It is very active and young and there are so many different people that would love to meet you and help you get to a better place in your life.

Just remember, you can't pick your family, they are given to you. Sometimes they can be a blessing in disguise. Maybe you belong in Texas and these unfortunate events were just pushing you there to allow you to fully become yourself and discover what great things you will do in your life.

Just try your best to not talk about your family in such a negative way because it creates negative energy within you and that's never good. Just remember, family is family. Maybe one day things may be sewn back together.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


I went through the exact same thing with my own Father's wife back when I was your age. This Women, if I even want to call her that, was a mentally unstable wine guzzling drunk. She would start fights for no reason whatsoever with my brother and I. She would play head games with my girlfriends out of pure jealousy, so that would then set me off.

She would wake up at 10:00 am, get drunk and pass out. Then she would get up around 1:00 pm and get drunk and pass out again. Then believe it or not, she would be up again around 4:00 pm and be smashed by the time my Father got home from work. She drank those huge cheap jugs of white wine.

The idiot would go to the grocery store and come home with only 3 huge jugs of cheap wine and no food whatsoever! Maybe dinner for just that night, but my Father would cook it for us. One day we had it out, and you know the spraying nozzle some sinks have? Well she was coming at me and because she was a female and I would have run over her, I just sprayed her in the face and yelled sober up you stupid drunk bitch. LMAO! I still laugh thinking about it all these years later. This was one screwed up person let me tell you.

Anyway, she called up my Father at work and told on me, LOL!. My Dad came home and he and I got into it and almost came to blows. I told him to go # himself and I moved out. He did later on beg me to come back, but I said no, not as long as that monster is under that roof. She destroyed herself around 6 months later cause he kicked her ass out.

I moved back for awhile and then went out on my own for good. My Dad passed away 3 years ago, and I love him. I understand now that these things happen in most families. He never abused me though, so it's a different situation than yours. He loved me unconditionally, and that was the only time he ever turned on me in my entire life, so I am lucky to have had him as a Dad. Enough about my experience though, sorry about that.

My only advice is to try not to hate him, you only got one Dad. I don't know all that has happened between you and Him, so I could be wrong about that. Just don't let it occupy your mind, cause it's not healthy. I would just cut them off and give it some time. These things usually work themselves out, but sometimes not. Good luck. ~$heopleNation

Inside the nucleus of an atom is protons and neutrons what surround the atom is negatively charged electrons. Its a metaphor for life. Inside us all is positive and neutral energy negativity does help make us who we are.

I relate on multiple levels with both my biological "father" and "mother" or immediate family to say the least.

Hate will only consume you.
You have the power to turn a negative into a positive. when it come to mathematics, two wrongs (negatives) can have a positive outcome.(-3)-(-5)=2

Your experiences have motivated you to make positive changes in your life and the desire to surround yourself with likeminded individuals.

What I am saying is Love those who are full of hate for the impact they made on your life. Showing you teaching you the error in their ways because they never corrected them. You in essence are learning from their mistakes.

It is perspective. That was life is. we are all products of our environment regardless of nature vs. nurture or vice versa.

You DO NOT HAVE TO CARE FOR THEM ANYMORE and unfortunately you need to be in your siblings life so that they do not continue the cycle of HATE that your step mother will influence on their lives.

HATING them will only teach you whats wrong in life. You have found the solution to your problem which is complete separation from your evil step mother and my condolences for him choosing her over you. And I can relate to the circumstances. I firmly believe no one can give advice if the do not relate. for if you do not relate how can you understand. If you do not understand how can you give advice. If your interested in my family story I will gladly share it if you take merit into my advice. Do not hate them for they obviously motivated you to make the world a better place for yourself and others.

Usually people who are dreadful are that way for a reason. They didn't choose to be that way. They may very well have handled their circumstances in ways that just aggravated the original trouble but they themselves are usually victims in their own right.

For your own sake, your own mental equilibrium's sake, try to keep that in mind. It does help.

Keep your distance. Stay in control of your own situation as much as possible. Don't retaliate. Let all the aggravation emanating from the problem area in your life roll by like bad weather, as much as it is possible to do so.

Build your own separate life, patiently. Patiently.

Don't import elements of trouble from your old problems into your new life. Good luck.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Lots of good advice. I hope you feel the genuine concern for your pain from the ATS community. Just know that your father's choices are not a reflection of you or your worth as a person, a daughter. He makes these choices because of his own brokenness. It is not your fault.

You can accept him for who he is... Including his poor choices without having to judge them. Feeling forgiveness towards him is a gift for YOU. But even if you choose to forgive him, it doesn't mean you have to see him, speak to him, or do anything that puts you in a bad or unsafe place.

As for her, she is not worth your time or energy. Keep her toxicity as far away from yourself as possible. You don't need to be in her presence and don't ever let her guilt you into any decision. Your father is a grown man and can be accountable for his choices.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

Damn, Wish you were a Part of my life I'm 30 now so I'll be loveless for the rest of my life Wish you were in Australia No you don't have to take any crap Sending my love to you hugs and Kisses I'll A Pm awaits..

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX



Okay, the rant was good. You needed to get it off your chest. Now, I'm going to ask you to do something. Many here will probably suggest forgiving your father, but I won't. I'm going to ask you to understand him.

It really drives me crazy when religious people say that only love will fix the world we live in. This is a fairy tale they tell because they have absolutely no idea what being human means.

Your father is a human being trying to do the best he can with the coping skills he got from his parents. Let me re-state that: Your father is a human being trying to do the best he can with the coping skills he DIDN'T get from his parents.

Your human father is so lost and confused that he hooked up with a lunatic woman because deep down inside he feels he can't do any better, and he is so desperate for ANY kind of intimate relationship that he actually went back to this woman. He didn't do it for you, or against you. He did it because it's the only answer he can come up with to appease his own insecurities.

He isn't mean. He isn't hateful. He is, however, sad and pitiful. Believe it or not he is doing the best HE can to survive in this world.

This is the human condition. No one is perfect, and many are far more imperfect than we want them to be. But, to ask your father to be something other than what he is, well it's like asking a lion to become a vegetarian. It just can't be done.

My mother was a manic-depressive, cold-hearted, domineering woman. And, oh, did I hate her until I really saw her for what she was. Just another broken human doing the best she could, and being the only person she knew how to be.

With this understanding you will be able to go on with your life, because now you know that we all have obstacles that some of us just can't overcome. And nobody on the planet has all the answers.

Good luck to you.

reply to post by jiggerj


jiggerj - your words are wise.

NightAngelus - dear, you are so young and you have such bitterness in you. You've been abused and neglected, hurt and made to feel bad about yourself. And you can say you have the right to be angry and vengeful and full of hate. It's your right.

But, as an older and hopefully a bit wiser woman, I hope that you can do what I did when faced with pain early on in my life. I found myself wishing bad things on those who hurt me. I found myself feeling angry and hoping to somehow "get back at them." And one day, someone said to me, "The best revenge is a life well lived."

And that did it. I suddenly got it. I could have a wonderful life and stop giving energy to my past. I could instead enjoy the present moment, plan and intend for the future, and move forward. I could choose how I would live, be and think.

Also, in some circles, folks believe we "choose" our parents, our family, our general life situation before birth. Not all believe this and you may not. I think that may be true. Not from karma perhaps, but from wanting to learn and grow through our patterns that hold us back from being the most brilliant, magnificent versions of ourselves.

I'm not a "religious" person, and I won't tell you to forgive or forget. But there is a line of thinking that says there is never anything to forgive, for everyone plays a part in this play of life, and it's all choices -- unconscious or conscious choices.

But hating just hurts you, your heart, body, spirit. Hate is like a chain to your past. A chain that you can unlock by walking away from it. See your dad and his "lady" as very hurt, very sad, very angry "children" in adult bodies. They can only give what they got, until they wake up and choose differently. YOU are waking up. So YOU can choose differently.

I know you have anger, angst about the world and the lies we live in. I know you are smart and learning about yourself, what you want, what you value and believe. If you care about changing the world, and it sounds like you do, passionately, I hope that the world you wish to create is one of love and joy, not hatred for those who hurt you.

I hope you take my reply in the spirit in which it is given. With me wishing all the best as if you were my own child (which I do have a child nearly your age).

Moving away and starting a fresh new life is wonderful. I wish you all the best.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


i'm so sorry to hear how you feel! i too have a situation where it was my mother that caused a major family rift. to the point that i never saw my dad again, i'm 53yrs old now and he died about 23yrs ago and i did not even know and was not invited to my own dads funeral. i found out from my now ex father in-law who gave me the news because he had some very sick long distant friends at the time and used to keep an eye on the papers death columns.
i've never forgiven my mum for that and nor will i ever. so obviously i've had no contact with her ever since.
i have missed a relationship with my dad that still hurts to this day, and i guess will be that way till i die.
all because of a woman that gave birth to me and has denied me so much

so you are not alone in your hurt and i wish you love, strengh and encouragement in your future

reply to post by ozman731




Man up and stop blaming your mother ... take some responsibility for yourself.

You were 30 years old when your father died, which means you had 12 years from the

age of 18years when you came of age and had legal responsibility for yourself when

you could have contacted your father and had a relationship with him! so it appears you

chose not to?


Your mother may have been wrong to have kept you from your father in the first place when

you were young but she may have had her reasons? (abuse, disinterest, workshy,

alcoholic,etc.)

BUT

If you had taken the initiative in the first place to contact him when you came of age and

responsible for yourself you may have had a relationship of sorts with him on the other

hand you are probably looking on what may have been through rose tinted specs?

And then again ... where was HIS commitments priorities to you?? I know men who would go

through 'hell and high water' to keep in touch with their children!!

Originally posted by XxNightAngelusxX
I grew up with a wicked stepmother. Like, no joke. She was extremely abusive. She was a manic-depressive bi-polar monster, an ex-prostitute, who liked to call me crazy, psychotic, useless, oh she had countless names for me...

I feel for you. My mother is passive-aggressive. Not as bad as what you had ... but it's really disappointing. Parents are supposed to be loving and caring toward their children and not treat them as emotional punching bags.

My parents were married for over 50 years. My mother was a complete SHREW to my father ... being verbally and emotionally abusive. He in turn would purposely do things to tick her off because he couldn't stand her. It was the most idiotic dysfunctional situation I have ever encountered. (I don't know why they stayed together except perhaps both were too lazy to leave and they couldn't afford to live separately) When my father died 2 years ago, my mother decided I was her next target. I put my foot down and refused to be mistreated. She wasn't expecting that and she has had a hissy fit ever since ... badmouthing me and backstabbing me and telling lies about me ... all trying to get attention from her busy-body old lady friends, none of whom can mind their own business.

Anyways .. I hear ya' .... major disappointment when parents treat their children so poorly ... it's not supposed to be like that.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

I have a bigger goal in mind.

Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up.