The UNhelpful thread...... silly tips and tricks for fellow members...

Well folks, as you all know, my good mate Cody here on ATS has created a very fine thread called The helpful thread.... tips and tricks for fellow members which can be found here :

www.abovetopsecret.com...

There is some great stuff in there and i strongly advise you all to take a peep and contribute or just quite simply profit from some of the brill ideas that can be found there.

However, it is all good and well having those helpful tips and tricks, but what about a few UNhelpful tips and tricks too?

So, without any further ado i would like to set the ball rolling :

Tip one :

If you are an antique dealer, calculate the age of old tables by sawing off one of the legs and counting the number of rings in the woodgrain. This works for chairs too!

Tip two :

Toe nail clippings chopped up finely make an ideal substitute for wood chippings when repairing wood chip wall-paper.

Fire away folks...

Kindest respects

PS. Everyone gets a star here

Rodinus

reply to post by Rodinus

I sometimes stand in front of the mirror with my eyes closed so I can see what I look like when I'm asleep. Does that count?

reply to post by Rodinus


Thats a little odd... Hurray for the joke section i suppose...

Lets see...

Be sure to rewind your dvd and blueray discs.

reply to post by tanda7



ALL UNhelpful tips and tricks count Tanda...

Kindest respects

Rodinus

Originally posted by Akragon
reply to post by Rodinus

 

Thats a little odd... Hurray for the joke section i suppose...

Lets see...

Be sure to rewind your dvd and blueray discs.

Thats what the joke section is for Akragon... a little place to chill out and have a laugh without thinking, away from the doom porn from time to time... Especially as it is Friday... Well, it is where i live!

I will try rewinding my DVDs after a couple of drinks tonight and let you know the outcome... or send you the bill for the new DVD player

Kindest respects

Rodinus

Ps. Isn't your avatar created by the same person who designed Oggy?... wicked

reply to post by Rodinus



I used to refurbish / restore antique furniture and i found that un-helpful tip very funny because there are folks out there that have brought me some Fd up pieces due to some bad decisions they have made.


Here is another unhelpful tip.......instead of properly restoring your 1820 french buffet, paint it with several coats of paint.

Originally posted by Kreyvic
reply to post by Rodinus

 

I used to refurbish / restore antique furniture and i found that un-helpful tip very funny because there are folks out there that have brought me some Fd up pieces due to some bad decisions they have made.


Here is another unhelpful tip.......instead of properly restoring your 1820 french buffet, paint it with several coats of paint.

And don't forget to apply several layers of extremely strong paint stripper and scrub down with wirewool beforehand!!!

Kindest respects

Rodinus

reply to post by Rodinus


Need AA batteries?



(Remember that is the UNhelpful thread!)

reply to post by jiggerj


Do you reckon i can do the same thing with a car battery??

THAT is actually a pretty damned good tip (will try this weekend) and should be added to Cody's thread Jigger!

Here : www.abovetopsecret.com...

Whilst i am at it :

Fool your next door neighbours into thinking you have more stairs than them by always banging your feet twice on each stair.

Kindest respects

Rodinus

Teeth dipped in sugar make excellent candy for children.

GIVE SPIDERS the nailbiting experience of a real life indiana Jones adventure by tipping them down a cardboard tube whilst slowly closing the lower end with a playing card. For added excitement roll a Ferrero rocher down the tube and hhave a friend insert cocktail sticks through the side at regular intervals.

Shandy drinkers. I've found that mixing Kaliber and Hooch makes a fantastic 'reverse shandy'.

DEVOUT CATHOLICS. If the Lord has not yet made Himself visible, perhaps you are looking in the wrong place. Try paying more attention to the flaking paint on your walls, the rust on your frying pan or the mouldy stains on your carpet as these are the sort of places where He usually turns up.

SHOE BOMBERS. Increase your payload by becoming a clown.

PRETEND to be a tiny person by pouring all the crisps from a multi-pack bag into the big bag they came in, and eating them out of that.

Originally posted by boymonkey74
Teeth dipped in sugar make excellent candy for children.

Can i send you the dentist bill for my youngest sibling shortly... he has just gone out and taken your advice!

And did you know that old contact lenses make ideal 'port holes' for model boats?

Kindest respects

Rod

I got loads (thanks old copies of Viz)

SHOPPERS. When buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

MARS BAR fans. Buy a Snickers bar and pick out the peanuts. Hey presto, a Mars bar and a handful of peanuts, all for the price of a Snickers.

Originally posted by boymonkey74
I got loads (thanks old copies of Viz)

SHOPPERS. When buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

MARS BAR fans. Buy a Snickers bar and pick out the peanuts. Hey presto, a Mars bar and a handful of peanuts, all for the price of a Snickers.

Hehe, Glad to know that an ex reader of Viz is also here mate...

NORMALLY Cody (HINT HINT) should be bringing the latest albums across to France... i stopped at the BIG BELL END!... *winks*

Is it possible to keep it to 2 top tips before the thread dies you reckon?

Kindest respects

Rod

reply to post by Rodinus


Don't worry Rod I got your viz

Reporters pause before answering in live interview this way people will think
you're abroad

Old people keep your empty cornflake boxes at the bottom of the stairs
to help break your fall

Cody

Originally posted by cody599
reply to post by Rodinus

 

Don't worry Rod I got your viz

Reporters pause before answering in live interview this way people will think
you're abroad

Old people keep your empty cornflake boxes at the bottom of the stairs
to help break your fall

Cody

I am refraining myself from spluttering my cofee all over my keyboard, so there are slight possibilities that you might find a green choked up dead Rodinus on the floor when you arrive!!!... meaning a fair bit of hitch hiking to my place for the funeral!

Thats not fair... you are reading Viz before me!!!???... *whines*

Warmest respects

Rod

Well i always seem to lose my keys. So i came up with a totally un helpful tip to superglue the keys to my hand....Its kind of a hand key thingy now, But i never did lose my keys again. Just make sure that its not your bottom wiping hand or there could be some health issues going on there...

Originally posted by TheDoctor46
Well i always seem to lose my keys. So i came up with a totally un helpful tip to superglue the keys to my hand....Its kind of a hand key thingy now, But i never did lose my keys again. Just make sure that its not your bottom wiping hand or there could be some health issues going on there...

Lickily (whoops, luckily) i have 4 dogs!

Ewwwweee did i really say that?

Kindest respects

Rod

Originally posted by Rodinus
reply to post by jiggerj

 

Do you reckon i can do the same thing with a car battery??

Well, of course you can!

reply to post by jiggerj


You know, i nearly fell for that until i saw the battery being tipped over

Kindest respects

Rodinus

Originally posted by Rodinus
reply to post by jiggerj

 

You know, i nearly fell for that until i saw the battery being tipped over

Kindest respects

Rodinus

I completely fell for it until I looked at the name of the website: Gagfilms.com.