So... what now?

First off. Thanks to everybody who offered advice in this thread

So, now that that whole ordeal seems to be over, as nothing as happened since I last updated it, what do I do now?

I'm tired of being single, I've never really been the person who can enjoy single life.

However, it's been so long since I've dated, I really have no idea what to do to even meet new women. I do the online thing, but don't have any success there, there just aren't that many women in my area that even consider online dating.

As we all know, bars aren't the best place to try and meet women. Their expecting it, and usually put up a heavy guard.

So, what do you think I should do?

I mostly just want to meet someone so that I can have a better try at forgetting this last girl.

reply to post by dave_welch


Ouch... Not a good place to start from

IF you're not over your X... women will catch on to that really quick

I would advise you to take some time for yourself before jumping into the dating scene

Or at least look for someone to have fun with... No relationships involved

reply to post by dave_welch


I suggest getting more involved in your local community. Volunteer at a few places; you will meet people in a good setting.

I know when I have volunteered; right away I have something in common with the other people that are volunteering; we are there to further something in life; giving of our time freely; discussing that is a good conversation starter.

I wish for you the very best; and I do hope that in the near future; you meet a woman of quality.

You should keep your personal life to yourself

reply to post by caladonea


Good suggestion. I hadn't thought of that.

Originally posted by dave_welch
reply to post by caladonea

 

Good suggestion. I hadn't thought of that.

Thank you!

In fact...that is how I met the current man that I am dating...and it is going well. I was volunteering at the library and one day he was at the library looking for a book and I was on the escalator; he was behind me and commented on how nice my dress looked; that started a conversation; we went out for coffee a few times; became friends and now we are dating!

If I had not been volunteering at the library that day I would of never met him. There is hope!

reply to post by dave_welch


Dave... I am going to give you a tip here. NEVER date someone, in order to forget someone else. It doesnt work, it never ends well, and above all its bloody irresponsible, toward both yourself, and anyone you involve yourself with on that basis.

You shouldnt be dating because you are sick of being single either. These are classic examples of how NOT to approach the subject. The only reason to date someone, or have any sort of relationship with anyone at all, is because something about them, as a unique entity, appeals to you in some important way, otherwise there is no value in it. What happens if you forget that, and start dating for literaly no good reason, is you end up with a totally hollow relationship, based on nothing, which at the very best goes no where at all, and at worst ends up damaging both participants.

It is not right to use dating as pain relief. You may as well go out and just have one night stands for all the good it will do you at the moment. Before you start dating, you should work your previous relationship out of your system, so that it stops ruling everything you do, and negatively affecting any positive relationships you may forge in the future. Until you have dealt with these things, it would be irresponsible for you to start putting yourself out there.

Dont get me wrong, I have been in pain, and I know what it is like, so I say none of this lightly. But having been there, I also know that getting involved before you have worked your issues through, will just give you more to deal with long term.

Think it through, talk to friends, learn to love yourself before you get involved with someone new.

Originally posted by dave_welch
I mostly just want to meet someone so that I can have a better try at forgetting this last girl.

Without learning to live alone, you will always be forgetting the last girl.

know when I have volunteered; right away I have something in common with the other people that are volunteering; we are there to further something in life; giving of our time freely; discussing that is a good conversation starter.

reply to post by caladonea
[mor

I swear ....I liked you from the start

Get a job as a bartender, despite what you think, when you're the handsome, knowledgable, yet rough around the edges barkeep, they forget to put up their bitch shield. You will have fun with a lot of women. The trick is to make it so consistent that the idea of simply being with one seems completely insane and you completely forget about having a steady. Then you've freed yourself from the wheel of relationships. Now you're independent. Self sufficient, more confident, etc etc....

Don't believe people that say you're too old to do it....

Also working in a social environment with make you way better at being, well, social. Watching others interact, seeing what works, and what doesn't. One can get very good at meeting women if one wants to.

reply to post by liquidsmoke206
I have to agree with you! One of my nephews is a bartender and he has a complete blast, no to mention he has learned much information about how to act, and how not to act, to attract the sort of partner that he appreciates and has learned to distinguish infatuation from true feelings. Bartending has been a "life changer" for him!

reply to post by littled16


True. Also just check in your area for schools. In my area their are around 3 (out of ...32 listings of Bartending Instruction in Florida)

Also, you can go to a local college take a class or two.

I meet a nice woman pumping gas the other day. Unfortunately she was already married.

Good luck! (and wish me luck too!)

reply to post by RUFFREADY
Good suggestions! I would also add that for some reason I get approached a lot by men in the grocery store of all places, and I am an old married broad! Apparently many men are successful there or it wouldn't be happening. I am always polite in letting them down- wouldn't want to bruise anyone's ego!

Being alone after a bad relationship is not a curse, but a privilege. Is a time you must invest in yourself. Let those wounds heal, learn to appreciate yourself for what you are, know your qualities and shortcomings, learn from what went wrong. Your happiness is not in somebody else' pocket. Is within yourself. Find it first.
If you don't feel good with yourself, how can you expect others to feel good? People are more intuitive than you think.
When you'll enjoy and appreciate your own company others will want to be around you too, without any effort from your side.

reply to post by littled16


You are right!

I don't usually just go right up to women in the grocery store. (as a matter of fact ...I haven't) But, I have heard that, a lot.

I've had the look from some whilst there....but I really can't see myself going for it in Publix. The trouble is I go really early in the morning...usually around 8-9 AM.

I have made a piss poor effort to do what the OP is trying to do (since my wife passed) but, I'm getting along a lot better now. I'm so busy trying to keep the house and grounds up (and day trade) and on here

I read a lot also (a lot) ..if it happens it happens..

I swear, the best way to end up in a relationship is to not want to be in a relationship.
I believe there is some sort of cosmic law about this. If you are already in a relationship or aren't looking for a relationship, people will be drawn to you. If you are actively seeking a relationship, it pushes people away. I had sworn off dating when I ended up with my soul-mate. It helped that we were both active participants in the same hobby.
So take Caldoneas advice about volunteering, or get active in something you enjoy and forget about dating.

Originally posted by calstorm
I swear, the best way to end up in a relationship is to not want to be in a relationship.
I believe there is some sort of cosmic law about this. If you are already in a relationship or aren't looking for a relationship, people will be drawn to you. If you are actively seeking a relationship, it pushes people away. I had sworn off dating when I ended up with my soul-mate. It helped that we were both active participants in the same hobby.
So take Caldoneas advice about volunteering, or get active in something you enjoy and forget about dating.

Well, I guess I'll have me one woman soon then.
It'll be nice to go out to a restaurant again (a nice regular one not a fast food joint) and a movie. And such...


OP stop looking let it come to you..

reply to post by RUFFREADY


DON'T GO TO BARTENDING SCHOOL!
Thank god there are still professions left where a person can make a decent living while getting most of their training on the job.

You might have to work your way up from server or barback, but most places won't waste their time on someone who has been poisoned by all the BS that a bartending school teaches you. If you get involved with your local bartending community, if you live somewhere reasonably populated, you will find that there are events and parties ALL THE TIME to help inform and educate people who are selling liquor.

And women that are already married are the best. They already have commitment at home so they are just looking for fun.

reply to post by liquidsmoke206


Bartending sounds like fun. However, I'm not looking to mess around with any married women. I'm not that guy.

reply to post by RUFFREADY


You can meet women ANYWHERE. You just need confidence and an in. Grocery store is a great place, and there's about a thousand different ways to start up a conversation in such a place.

As far as finding a relationship by not wanting one, well...that might be kind of true. I'm sure that what the OP did was wait around being this special girls "friend" and it eventually paid off for him and he hooked up her. It should be noted that playing the "friend" role is very obvious, and NOT an efficient way to get a woman's pants. But for the OP he got lucky and managed to score after watching this girl probably go through a few "jerks." He then did the obvious next step in the nice guy playbook and laid everything on way too thick. Probably started spouting cheesy poetry and trying to show her how deeply he cares for her and etc etc...which naturally she sees as waaaay too much. He probably came off desperate and pathetic, thus putting her in extremely tough position as to how to handle someone she's known for a long time, who has completely misinterpreted their night together.

I could go on, but you get the point. Nice guys finish last...mostly because they deserve it, "nice" is just another way of saying desperate and pathetic. No one wants that type of person for a partner.