How Do You Handle It?

What do you do when you miss your old life, but don't want to leave your new one? What do you do when your old life has aspects that you don't want to leave behind, and your new life has aspects that you don't want to leave behind? How do you distinguish what is actually good for you and what you're just clinging to because you aren't ready to let go? I am having such trouble with letting go of my past, it's keeping me from truly appreciating my present and future. How do I cope? Uggh. Help, please.

reply to post by qualm91


You know the past doesn't exist right?

Why hold on to something that is gone forever?

This sounds like "I have a nice guy... but I miss my party days where I was free"

Correct me if im wrong?

reply to post by qualm91


I ask myself what is better for me. I ask when I'm 10 years older what would I have wished I had done. Talk to me.

You cannot change your past. However, you can use the lessons to make the future a better place. I'm not one of those people who believe the "good ol' days" were the best. We always have good and bad days. We just need to strive to make it better for everyone.

reply to post by qualm91


You try to balance the past and the present,
keep what you loved and discard the rest from your past.
If it is in conflict with what you love now, then let it go, and enjoy what you have now, because you cannot relive the past, only the present moment.

But if it does not conflict with what you got now, then why give up all of it, just the parts you do not need.

One needs closure to move on. If there are parts of your past that you are clinging to you need figure out why. Once you have closure you are READY to move on. Till then you will struggle daily with your past. Closure isn't always going to be in the form of resolution or answer. It might just be that there will be no closure and that is closure itself. Lets use the one that got away scenario. Not saying that its your case just using it to convey a point. Closure can happen in many ways. Call/meet the person and tell them XYZ whatever you need to tell them to move on. They will hear you and that's that. or... they avoid you like the plague and want nothing to do with you. Once again closure presents itself. It might not be what you are looking for but it is what you needed to move on.

You need to be careful not to hold resentment about the things in your past. Not only are you focusing on your past you are focusing and getting angry. Making your memories and your day to day miserable.

Just keep on truckin' that's the best advice I can give you.


Don't let your past determine who you are or what you like, let you yourself make that decision.

That's why they call it "life".

We experience new things every day.

Be it bad or good.

And sometimes life sucks total ass.

reply to post by qualm91


My past informs my present. I am proud of my life, what I have done, and what I have survived. It is why I do not dye my greys away, or moisturise my skin, or pretty myself up. I wear my past in my eyes, in every inch of my beard, and every grey on my head. One should not live in ones past, but one should not forget the lessons learned by living through the things one has witnessed.

Trying to seperate ones life out, into past, present and future is a fools errand. Your life is a monument which grows higher and more grandiose the longer you live, not a series of seperate files, to be thought of as totally removed from one another.

reply to post by qualm91


Thinking of cheating on your man?

reply to post by qualm91


i am so glad that you brought that up....open eye's for suggestions

reply to post by qualm91



I think it's just your ego attached to this or that. Weighing the pro's and con's of both. Things, people, situations etc etc none of that makes you happy. They're all just extrenals. Only you can choose to be happy not happy in life. And the more challenging situation will grow you the most, the comfortable one will just make you weaker.

reply to post by Akragon


You got it half right, haha. I have a good guy with bad qualities. He has the emotional capacity of a box of rocks. He loves me but can't show it, he just literally does not convey any emotion. I am a very corny sort of sweet person and he gets onto me for trying to do sweet things. And it's not technically missing "party" days, per say. It's missing my old life in general. Going camping with friends (whom are 800 miles away from me now because I'm with my boyfriend in a different state), going out to dinner or to a bar to shoot some pool (my boyfriend is on house-arrest so we can't ever go do anything, he got sentenced to 2 years, we're only 6 months down), just DOING things, more or less.

reply to post by Darkblade71


That is wonderful advice, thank you. I do think it is worth it to stay with my man, even if it means letting go of things I don't particularly want to let go of. But sometimes it's harder than other times.

reply to post by BlastedCaddy


Holding resentment and being angry isn't my problem, it's loving my past more than my present. I have my past up on a pedestal, I remember it so fondly. My life these days just seems to fall short of what I would have expected it to be. Although, I do suppose getting closure could have something to do with that. I need to let go of the things that I wish would have happened or wish would happen again and move on from it.

reply to post by nerbot


NO! Haha, that is certainly not what this was about. It's more about a balance between giving up everything that I once loved for him, or giving him up for everything I once loved. It's not about another man, it's about another life. I only even consider it on occasion because I honestly can't imagine my life without him, but every now and then the feeling that I have given up too much overwhelms me.

reply to post by qualm91


no offence... but it doesn't sound like you have a good guy at all...

Sounds more like the bad boy type actually...

I mean, house arrest.... can't display emotions...

A non-emotional future that includes electronic ankle bracelets sounds awesome.
Forget about the days when life was enjoyable, with laughter, friends, and all those distracting healthy outdoor activities.