Is a 50 Year Old Too Old To Seek the Help of a Surrogate to Help This Couple Have a Child?

ATS people, please give me your honest opinion....do you think someone who is 50 years old is too old to think of having a woman act as a surrogate to carry a child for she and her husband?

My sister is 50 years old as is her husband. She had 2 kids from a prior marriage who are in their late 20's and she also has 2 grandsons, ages 10 and 5. Her first husband cheated and got another female pregnant, so my sister divorced him (the marriage wasn't happy the majority of time anyways). She had a hysterectomy at 30 years old and obviously couldn't have additional children as a result. She met a man who had never married before, nor does he have biological children of his own. They've now been married 15 years.

He's a great step father and has done a lot for the now adult kids. The problem is he was adopted at birth by a single woman who had zero family, nobody whatsoever. My sister found his birth family and thought that would help, but they have not been interested at all to get to know him or have a relationship, including the birth mother. That was very sad for both she and her husband as he found out he had 4 half brothers/sisters and many nieces and nephews. It's been 8 years since she found them and they will not incorporate him into their lives. He never had siblings or extended family and now he won't experience fatherhood.

My sister didn't want to adopt for years, but now is wondering if she shouldn't of considered a surrogate biologically connecting her husband with a child.

My sister's argument is she is currently taking anti-aging hormones and she thinks she could realistically live to be in her 70's, which obviously would make a baby only in their 20's. Both are in good health now, but her husband has ongoing heart palpitations. They don't know about his biological father's history, so not sure how this will play out long term.

My argument to my sister not to do this is her energy will decline rapidly as she continues to age. She could start to have genetic type health problems as she ages as well. There is no guarantee she will live healthy and active in her 70's.

Is it selfish to think that she could do this at her age? Why? I plan on summarizing the results and discuss the pros/cons with her from other peoples perspective, such as those on ATS.

Thank you for taking time to respond.

I see nothing wrong with them getting a surrogate to assist .. as to age being a problem no its not - am 70 and raising two adopted children ( 14 and 17 .. have 4 other adopted childen who are grown now and one grandson .. ) at present .. age only a number . does good to have children liven up a household and amazing to teach them and see them learn and grow .. good luck to your sister and her husband may they have a healthy and happy baby ..

I think it's a decision only they can make, realistically, any parent can die at any time, young or old, so I don't see the fact that they are older than most parents starting out as a huge challenge in and of itself. I'm 41 and personally I can't see me starting over with a little one at this point, I'm just starting to get my freedom back.

However, it sounds like your sister is really considering out of love for her husband, using a surrogate. Are they financially stable enough to support a child if other medical expenses related to their own health come up? Are they able to enlist help, via a nanny or even a housekeeper? Because let's face it, little kids take ALOT of energy! And tend to take alot of cleaning up after.

On the other hand, grandparents worldwide often raise their grandkids and do a darn fine job of it. I guess the biggest question they really have to face is would they have someone ready, willing and able to care for the child as a guardian if something were to happen to themselves? But then this is again, is something every parent should consider, naming a legal guardian in the event of their demise.

If they can get help, have the legal requirements covered, then I say, more power to them if having a biological child will bring them both joy.

reply to post by sweetstuff


Yes, they are financially secure.

If anything happened to them, they would probably put her oldest son as the guardian as he's very responsible.

reply to post by Expat888


How long have you been raising the 14 and 17 year old kids? Are you able to keep up with them if you had them for the majority of their lives?

Originally posted by derekg
reply to post by Expat888

 

How long have you been raising the 14 and 17 year old kids? Are you able to keep up with them if you had them for the majority of their lives?

found them in the aftermath of the fukushima earthquake .. they stuck close to me .. decided to adopt them officially a couple months later when was unable to locate any members of their families ..

quite easy to physically keep up as practice martial arts daily and keep myself in shape .. can still run kids half my age into the ground .. both have been joining me in my morning workouts and keep up quite well ..

I dont plan on dying any time soon .. unless have an accident .. but healthwise no worries ..

reply to post by Expat888


What a beautiful story and you are a wonderful man. Thank you for sharing your story.

reply to post by derekg



welcome .. hope it helped give some perspective for you in regard to your sister and her husbands situation .

am just a man .. doing what can to make the world a little better place along the way ..

I am totally unqualified to render a "valid" opinion on the subject, never having had kids myself - resulting from a decision I made when 12 or 13 years old.
I can attest to the fact that I have seen far too many co-workers hanging on to their careers long after their retirement age just to be able to continue paying for their adult kids' college education. These were children conceived by parents in their 30's, NOT in their 50s. Personally, I would not want to undergo the throes of raising an adolescent when Medicare and Social Security are kicking in. How about those student loan payments!?

Suffice to say, at almost 60 years old I am constantly given the opportunity to rejoice in my childless life by the trials and tribulations of my closest friends and their relationships with their own children. Many of them seem to be being driven into early graves by the stress - now raising their grandkids because the parents (their children) are too preoccupied or busy to be bothered raising their OWN kids.

ganjoa

It doesn't matter if it's selfish since everything we do in life is selfish and self-serving.

I personally think this is a selfish thing to do. She already has kids and grandkids. Why the "need" for another child? Think of it from the kid's point of view. He will be isolated because he has the oldest parents in the world. This is not trivial. I had a friend in junior high who was seriously depressed about this. Her parents were probably in their late forties while everyone else's parents were in their thirties. In this case the woman is already a grandmother.

And though this woman THINKS she'll be around for awhile, the chances are much greater that she will not, leaving a kid in his formative years without parents. It can happen to anyone, I know, but this is pushing her luck--and his.

Sometimes you don't realize what you have or don't have until much later. I have a 40 year old daughter who is still very dependent on her mother for daily advice about living. At first the daily phone calls and download bothered me, but I've learned to just accept it. But during one rather involved "Woe is me" conversation I turned to her and said,

"Missy, when I was your age my mother was already dead. Count your blessings that you even have a mother to complain to."

It would be very hard for the child to grow up with older parents.

My parents had me in their late 30s, and its kinda embarrassing when my friends meet my parents... now my parents are in the mid 60s but my friends parents just reached 50.

Think of all the activities the kid will lack? amusement parks all the fun stuff kids do? how will they do that with their now aged parents.

I think no one should think about kids after 40(unless of server health reason or was unable before or lost a child).


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OP i was a bit confused at the OP...

whose biological cells are being used here? the father and the 50 yrs old mother? a 50 yr old egg cells cause way too many problems.