My friend girl is pregnant...and I like her

I don't know if she dated the ( possibly ) married man, but I had to talked her out of it because it was weird situation developing...
If the father is her ex boyfriend, he's younger than me...

reply to post by Zagari

she was positive she wasn't pregnant because she didn't feel pregnant

LOL. Most women don't feel pregnant until the morning sickness starts, short of that feeling the baby kicking, unless they're a freak of nature that doesn't have a swollen belly at all during pregnancy.

There're some things you need to understand.

1. she is pregnant with another man's child, that will never change.

2. if you end up marrying her you will forever be tied to that other man (unless you divorce), because that will always be his child and there may come a day when you might resent that, a lot of men cannot handle that unless they adopt the baby.

3. do not make any commitments with her until she has resolved the situation of the father and he is in her past, otherwise you're wasting your time. Oftentimes a pregnant woman after she has the baby and sees that baby and sees how it resembles the father, they can get very defensive and decide to fight for their family and return to the baby's father once seeing the baby brings back memories of what made her fall in love with the guy in the first place.

Do not make any long term decisions that involve the government until after the postpartum depression is over.It is a hell of a time for a women and can bring about many changes.

Originally posted by Zagari
what if the father is a man she liked that is not married yet but has a very young daughter and a girlfriend ( don't know, they may be married ) he has no intention to leave?
My friend girl talked with me about her interest in this man shortly before she broke up with her boyfriend...I talked her off of it because I figured out it was a very dangerous situation...a no no for her to be interested in a ( don't know for sure ) married man...She never told me if she has dated him...what if the father is him and not her ex boyfriend?

I saw a picture of that ( possibly married ) man and I would be afraid of meeting him by night...

wow.

this has thrown a real spanner in the works.

either man could be the father. you need to take a step back quickly. offer all the support you want , but the fact is she maybe does not even know who the father is. she may need to get dna tests done when this child is born.

what you are speaking about above is a little alarming. maybe she got pregnant with the man who is already in a relationship because she thought this would mean she could take this man from the other woman.

i think she needs to speak to a counseller in confidence about this situation. the counseller will be told the truth and will advise of the best and most sensible action to take.

do not get deeper involved in this situation when you don't really know the whole truth. encourage your friend to go and ask for some professional advice/help.

Ouch man. This situation seems to be a bummer no matter which way you slice it. If shes sincere and you cannot trust her, it will suck, and if you trust her and shes lying through her teeth, it will suck.

On the other hand, that should give you some peace of mind. Sound strange? Yeah, but hear me out. If you make a move and it turns out being the right choice, then a) you will have performed a miracle because no one is expected to make a good choice when everything sucks about a situation, and b) you get all the positives that a healthy relationship can bring.

However, if it all goes to hell, then at least you knew it might. Theres no suprise in it. In my expirience, its the shock that really tears at a person when the crap hits the fan. If you at least recognise the possibility of getting your heart torn out and eaten in front of you, then the impact is lessened, when compared with what it could be if you had no idea it might happen.

I will say, I fell in love with, and married my best friend 9 years ago. She came with a whole lot of baggage, but we got through things, and I'm still very happy and in love with her...so it can work out. Just be true with yourself, and her. That's all.

reply to post by introV


" she previously raised concern that she might be pregnant (she asked you questions, that's full blown concern.. with girls even a sliver of something should be alarming "

Guys, do you really think she knew since the beginning ( 3rd week of March ) that she was pregnant???
I don't know...

reply to post by Zagari


I think you ought to be seriously considering that as a possibility.

It certainly isnt worth finding out later that she did. You better be damned sure what you are doing in this situation, otherwise you might find yourself up a creek without a paddle.

Just continue to hit it until you get bored and then find someone else, its for the best. Abraham Lincoln would have wanted it this way.

reply to post by Zagari

Guys, do you really think she knew since the beginning ( 3rd week of March ) that she was pregnant??? I don't know...

There are freak instances where women truly don't know they are pregnant until much later. For the rest of us, we know or at least have a very serious suspicion.

In the end, it's really going to be up to you to analyze her sincerity and make the final judgment call.

My husband came with a lot of baggage- TWO ex wives I get to deal with and two children. However, when we became serious, I could tell that he truly loved me and wasn't just looking for someone to fill a position as a wife, mother, nanny, cook, maid, etc. Compared to a single father of three I once dated where every date we went on I felt like it was a job interview for a domestic servant.

You know her more than we do and will have to see if she's just looking for a meal ticket.You're going to have to use discernment to figure out whether she really is interested in you or she just needs a daddy for her baby.

Yeah what Ashley said, men should come to the table with the baggage. You shouldn't have to deal with her crap.

I don't support abortion, but this seems like one of those situations where it would be tempting.

oh that is a good one
Tell her you are against abortion but think its right for this situation (then she thinks you will compromise for her). but i would sleep with her before i get her scraped, then its just one less thing i got to worry about.

This is all very suspicious.

I plugged the dates int a due date calculator.
based on conception during the first week of march she would be 20 weeks or 5 months, visibly showing by now. Her due date would be the week of November 24th.
At 3 months she would have conceived late April and probably wouldn't be showing yet as it is her first. At five months it is pretty obvious you are pregnant unless she is fairly heavy. The skinnier you are the more obvious it is at that stage.

Did they do an ultrasound? if not, do not make any decision until one is done. make sure you are present just in case she isn't being honest about the dates. At an ultrasound they will measure the baby to get an accurate date to know how many weeks she is and when the due date is.

If she spotted after April (implantation spotting) and that is really the date she got pregnant then that is a concern and they will do an ultrasound asap.

reply to post by calstorm


No, she told me conception was around March 20, she told me she " did it " in first week of March...Her due date is December 11...

That means she had sex with 3-5 days of march 20th. I plugged her due date into a date of conception calculator and march 20th came up. But unless she conceived immaculately she had to have had sex with in a few days of conception.

The physical act of sexual intercourse can occur anywhere from a 5 days to a couple of hours before an egg becomes fertilized, as sperm can survive up to 5 days after ejaculation.

reply to post by calstorm


wouldn't that lead to her getting pregnant 14 days before March 20?

No, it would have to be within 5 days of march 20th. The date of conception is the day she got pregnant.
That means the earliest she could have had sex was march 15th.

Lets say for example that she had sex on march 14th. By the time she ovulated and was capable of being pregnant on march 20th, any remaining sperm inside of her would be dead therefore the egg wouldn't have been fertilized.

reply to post by Zagari


Go with your gut feeling.

Live your life and learn your lessons.

Too often these days we rely on others to tell us what to do but this works both ways. If you keep on asking other people what they think, there will come a time when your boat comes in and you ask another person if you should sit on it. They will always say no because they only have their own life experience to look too but the problem is that their life experiences are someone elses for they too listened to another person.

We are almost all fake people these days and we cannot even see it!

Be yourself and go with what you wish. If you are wrong, YOU are wrong and if you are correct, YOU are correct.

Enjoy yourself with YOUR choices!

Yes it is scary and it is hard these days for the reasons I have pointed out but once you make choices for yourself, you will realize just how in charge of your life you really are.

The alternative is to live a life full of choices that are not your own and regret deep down in the end. That too is a choice. Be careful who you listen to in your life because anytime you choose to follow another persons advice you are at the mercy of their will.

I hope this makes sense for you.

Good luck!

reply to post by calstorm


This is curious because on March 15 I had a dream that my family was involved into searching for the father of 2 children, a boy and a girl, who were left in the hospital, like abandoned...