Gift or gaffe? Wedding present spurs online debate

A bride in Hamilton Ontario became irate because a guest at her wedding gave the happy couple a gift basket as a wedding gift.
Her contention was that the wedding was a function to make money for the future of the happy couple and only envelopes stuffed with money were appropriate gifts.

My opinion is that people are invited to a wedding to celebrate the wedding with their friends or family and should not be invited based on their financial situation.

Link news.ca.msn.com...

I would be ashamed to have friends like that couple.but sadly thats what this world is coming to

reply to post by Beartracker16


This is what happens when you raise children and teach them to be greedy and entitled.

She is showing poor form.

I think I would take back the gift basket and wish them a happy future together.

Selfish woman.

reply to post by Beartracker16


Nowadays,when people get married ,I swear some of them calculate how much they will make on gifts .
Cost of each guest vs presents form each guest .
Everyone is experiencing hardship .
That's one greedy b*tch. Good luck to the groom is all I can say .

Wow, what a witch!
I would have taken the gift back, and left her with nothing. What is wrong with people? How about remembering what is important? You get married because your in love. You invite guests to share in your celebration of that love. She deserves all the backlash she gets.

More and more weddings have become about throwing a fun party and collecting loot and less and less about the ceremonial commitment of a couple to each other witnessed by family and friends.

No different than birthdays, Christmas or bar/batmitzvahs.

Gimme, gimmie, gimme.

If the couple were really worried about their finances they wouldnt have spent money on a wedding in the first place.

Costs less than $100 to get your license and an audience with a justice of the peace. Then go out for a nice dinner afterwards.

Put the thousands people typically spend on a pointless party toward a home or establishing a savings. In the long term that step to financial stability will be more important to your marriage than a party now.

"You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue. To be exact the plates were $97 a person... But thanks again for the $30 gift basket my wife can't even eat."

Of course, who still thinks of marriage as a long term prospect anymore?

If that is all a reception is for, the market for electric can openers, Fry Daddys, blenders, silver-plated anything, toasters, and George Foreman grills would drop steeply, causing factories, warehouses, and stores to fail, causing unemployment. She could single-handedly bring about the end of the small kitchen electric industry.

If she is not ashamed of herself by now, someone needs to hit her with a Shame Stick, expose her for the greedy b*+(# she is, and advice the new husband to start saving for a divorce lawyer. Unless he agrees, and then they really are made for each other. Let us all bow our heads and say a silent prayer they do not breed.

Ripped off by the caterer, no wonder they are mad.

Do you get your money back after they divorce?

This couple got marshmallow spread in the gift basket, What are they complaining about!?

reply to post by thisguyrighthere


I agree..my husband and I are wedding photographers and I have to say that the weddings that we do that are small and intimate are my FAVORITE! The guest seem to really interact and the couples are sweet and very thankful. The larger the wedding the more tedious on everyone. I see people texting during the whole thing..I see people the looks of complete boredom..like "when can I get out of here"...plus you get the bridezillas with larger weddings.

This is such a problem that we have considered advertising and taking on ONLY small, intimate affairs..and leaving the larger weddings to others..because for us it is about the experience with the bride and groom. We have to feel connected to get good photos..with the larger weddings people tend to want to get wasted as fast they can..and when this happens the wedding photography suffers.

If I were the guest I would be done with that couple and I would request my 'horrible' gift basket back. People suck!

The second worst insult one can give another is to reject a gift.

The worst insult is to put a price on friendship.

This woman did both.

It would appear to me that the bride in this case is not interested in being married; she is instead interested in seeing how much she can make off her wedding investment. It's really sad when anyone decides to place such a high value on money that it overrides all friendships and feelings for others. Had this happened to me, I would have refunded her the difference in cost between the gift basket and the alleged $97 lunch, with attached receipt showing the basket price, via check to maintain a record and with a memo along the lines of "refund for wedding reception costs" and cut all future ties with her. That includes social ties and business ties. I simply refuse to deal with money-grubbers.

Given that this little episode is preserved for future generations on Facebook, I would hope that any of her future potential employers or business associates will take this action for what it is and treat her appropriately. I don't like the idea of using Facebook to investigate people's private lives, but in this one case it seems appropriate.

I'm glad to see most people here seem to be in agreement that this is a heinous way to act to anyone, much less someone close enough to be invited to a wedding.

(Incidentally, and definitely not to turn the subject of this thread, the term "husband" is inappropriate here. The bride in question married a woman. "Spouse" is more appropriate as I understand present social terminology.)

TheRedneck

reply to post by Beartracker16


What a bitch!

I had lots of guests that didn't even give us a present...sucky as that is. (or even a card). To be honest, I would have been cool with a card at least...but we certainly didn't dwell on it, or let it ruin our day.

To be sure, the gift basket givers were pretty cheap, but maybe that's who they are? I have friends who are cheap. Doesn't bother me, just one of their quirks. I deal with it, and accept their other qualities that make me call them friend.

If anyone wonders, the common etiquette is to at least give a gift that is the equivalent of the price per plate, for how many attended (so a couple would give a gift equal to the cost of both their plates). Of course, this is only if it is within your means to do so. Cash is always nice, but there is also a reason many brides REGISTER at certain places and create wishlists. (and brides, no item on your registry should be less than the cost of a plate at your dinner). You may not always know how much they spent per plate (and really shouldn't), but a common guess of $50 per is usually pretty close to the mark, if at a venue that does these kinds of things.

reply to post by Gazrok


I really have to disagree with you on everything..If people expect this..then I think people should really reconsider even attending these functions. You are there for the wedding..not the gift giving..and around 50 dollar gift is ridiculous. I just wouldn't show up.

The gift is supposed to be just that a gift..it shouldn't even be expected to be honest with you. Most of the caterers are so freaking bad (believe me I KNOW) the food SUCKS--it's dumped out of a can and placed on hot plates..there are no real foods being served..now maybe in bev hills or Manhattan or at a wedding that cost 50K but most weddings..the majority of weddings cost a few thousand at best..even though the KNOT.com has the average wedding in the USA at 26K. Most if not all weddings around here are 6K or less. No one says that people should spend it but they do. The guest don't get have any say in anything but the gift..and I say they can give whatever they want no matter the cost!

Eff these entitled little be0tches..they can all bite me. This is why I LOVE the weddings that are truly great weddings with few people and nice little things..the couples are there for the experience NOT the freaking Le Creuset cookware.

reply to post by Gazrok

Apparently I was born in the wrong century, but what you're calling etiquette sounds like begging to me.

If I give someone a gift, I do it for one of two reasons: to help them out because they need help or to thank them for something. I cannot understand giving a gift because it is expected... because if someone expects a gift from me, that's placing a price on my friendship and placing a price on my friendship means I think it costs too much for too little return. There is no return if the friendship is there to get something material out of it, and since the friendship has just turned business deal, I typically don't pay unless I receive something of value.

If I am invited to a wedding, I assume I was invited because they want my company. If they don't want my company, please don't invite me. If they need something, just ask for it; don't try to hint around and sway me with a fancy reception, because all that does is make me uncomfortable... I would rather be fishing to be honest.

Also, I always felt that giving cash (or even prepaid cards) was tacky in the extreme. If I want to give someone a gift, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what I can get them that will really make their life easier or make them happy. The real gift is my time and worry over picking out the material gift. Anyone can give money... and they can do it without any forethought, any real desire to do something nice, just pull a few bills out of the pocket and slip it in an envelope and looky looky what a generous gift-giver I am!

My son gave me the most wonderful gift for Father's Day... he made sure my daughter would be there and he took all of out for a meal at a local Mexican restaurant. I got to watch him play "bossman" (he drove my car because his truck wasn't big enough for all four of us) and be the big shot for one day, and I got to watch my daughter try to trip up that fantasy. We laughed, we kidded around, we talked, we ate until we were about to burst (I took 30 minutes just threatening the last two bites of my enchiladas) and in general had a great time together. Afterward, he drove us to WalMart and had me verify the attache case he had picked out for me met with my approval. He spent a lot of time (which is precious to him right now) to make sure I enjoyed the day. The attache case wasn't some grand executive-style leather rig, but it is a nice one and will work great for school; the meal wasn't a five-star restaurant, but it was nice and had great ambiance. And I had the best day I have had in a long time.

THAT's a gift.

He could have slipped me $500 in an envelope and I would have spent it on bills or on something for someone else... I would have smiled and thanked him, and just stuck it in my pocket and not thought about it again. But I'll remember our day out for a very long time, and it certainly cost a lot less than $500.

What you are describing is the attitude stores want us to have... every celebration involves someone giving a gift, and every gift has a set minimum value... that's guaranteed sales! It's no different than convincing people that engagement rings must have a diamond... 50 years ago that was unheard of! DeBoers started an advertising campaign and suddenly everyone getting engaged had to have a diamond... and DeBoers owns 90% of the world's diamonds.

Yeah, I know, it's 2013 and I need to get with the times... not my fault. I didn't ask to be born so darn late.

TheRedneck

Well then the spoilt ingrate shoild have worded the wedding invitations:"Bring cash or stay away"

She should be dying of shame. Her parents should be dying of shame. Her spouse should have run really fast in the opposite direction if they had any common sense at all (or maybe they deserve each other). If I were that guest I would have been sorely tempted to put my hands on her in front of God and everybody. This woman is ungrateful, spoiled, disrespectful, and too stupid to comprehend that she is dead wrong. She is a lost cause.

The wedding day is about family and friends celebrating a special day with the couple as they begin their new life together. NO gifts should be expected. Your attendance should be gift enough. We didn't accept any gifts and couldn't even afford a honeymoon. We got married with just our parents in attendance and had guests at a reception afterwards where we served finger foods prepared by family members. 17 years later.... I wouldn't change a thing.

Just when you think you've heard it all. :shk: Unreal.

reply to post by Beartracker16


I think I feel sorry for the husband above all others. I don't think he fully understands what it means to marry someone like that. (But for all I know, he may be just like her...) I see a very short marriage where the wife is going to try to grab everything he owns.

If my fiance acted like that, I'd ditch her. Honestly, I've been in enough bad relationships to know when to fold.

This is really pretty sickening, but then I'm always shocked at the audacity many Americans have of writing a list of things they want from their guests. It's treated as a way to profit from friends and family.

I think you guys call it "registering" or something, right? That's not a gift, it's an order. It cannot be a gift if you are telling someone what to get you. Gifts are supposed to be given out of affection, with some originality and thought.

These women are without class and basic manners, they're embarrassing, and I would be surprised if they actually have any friends left after this. I would have dropped them like a flaming turd if I had the misfortune of knowing them.

If I ever do marry, or have any kind of ceremony (being gay and Pagan) I would just want my friends and family around in a small group to witness it, that's what a marriage ceremony is supposed to be about. Presents are nice, not a requirement, but I would want them to be original and inspired if people did bring something - not a toaster or coffee machine.

It's actually pretty sad to see that these women have turned a day that should have been a celebration of their partnership - now that they can marry - into a bitch fest of greedy sniping. What a way to remember such a special day!

Originally posted by Auricom
reply to post by Beartracker16

 

I think I feel sorry for the husband above all others. I don't think he fully understands what it means to marry someone like that. (But for all I know, he may be just like her...) I see a very short marriage where the wife is going to try to grab everything he owns.

Did you read the article? It was a lesbian couple. Not that it makes a lot of difference, a bitch is still a bitch whether she likes chicks or not.