Do we still have manners, or is that a thing of the past?

Yesterday was my son's birthday. He asked to go to a Hibachi Japenese steakhouse. So off we went.

The group we sat with was also celebrating a birthday, this time a teenager. We had a great time talking to each other, even though we were strangers. The teens were very polite and well-mannered, thanking the waitress and chef for everything.

Contrast to the next group over, where the entire bunch sat with their noses buried in cell phones the entire time. The only comments they made were minimal grunts.

I agree, this new trend of constant social media is disturbing. It's like the zombie apocalypse.

On the other hand, yesterday I was purchasing one item at a local store and all the lines were long. A teenage couple invited me to step in front of them so I could get out quicker. They did this with smiles on their face...although when they called me "ma'am" I felt really old.

reply to post by beezzer


I think more and more parent are failing to teach their kids manners and respect for their elders and authority. I'm also part of the baby boomer generation, and I remember my mother telling me to hold doors open for women and the elderly when we entered stores. I was only six or seven years old when she would tell me to do it. She would always tell me to give up my seat if an elderly person needed a place to sit. The thing I remember the most is that she also did it, and modeled the good behavior. I also remember her teaching me restaurant manners and never talking back to my teachers.

It's a shame how manners and respect have been replaced with rudeness and vulgarity. It only breeds hate and selfishness in humanity when people only think of themselves.

reply to post by littled16


I have to do this all the time.
I'm pretty short so I always have to ask someone to get the item if it's on the top shelf.
People are very helpful, even strangers.

A big part of this whole manners thing is location.
I'm in an area that is old and quaint.
The more rural and laid back the area, the more social people are.

reply to post by beezzer


OMG come on. Give me a break. You thinking that she was shocked somehow means your generation is the last of the nice people? What the hell? I'm very nice and I am a genxer . When I'm driving behind some one who's super slow, I make sure to get a good look at them when I pass to make sure they aren't in duress because there's no other reason why a babyboomer should be driving that friggen slow.


Seriously though. I actually am nice. I shovel my neighbour's parking space in the Winter because he's old and I hold the door open for this lady in my building who's obese. I help her with the step and I take my elderly neighbors garbage out when their is ice on the ground so she doesn't slip on her azz. And sometimes I get dressed and go do it because she tries to go out there in -5 temperature scooting along all slow.


So, no you guys are not the last generation.


t

reply to post by WeRpeons


Yeah, like the boomers who were at work and came home too late to hang out with their kids who grow up and repeat the pattern because they were raised with parents who were never there for them............


Like those kind of parents?

I agree Beezzer, manners are going out the way of AM radio, chrome on cars, and drive ins,t is sad but very true. I turned 40 a couple of months ago and I notice people even of my generation seem to be lacking manners and respect for their fellow man a lot. My father was born in 1920 and was raised during the depression as an orphan and he always said that he didn't care what we grew up to be, whether a doctor or a ditch digger but we WOULD have respect for others.

I see a lot, not all but a large majority of the generations younger than me and there are times that they are just downright nasty to others. I really feel that we are losing our humanity and compassion for others as human beings and that is not a good thing at all.

People are surprised sometimes because our children say yes sir and yes ma'am but that was the way I was raised and I strive to instill those traits in our children.

reply to post by Tankgirl
I agree it's all about location. I live in a town of under 13,000 people- I haven't had to open a door in public myself in decades!

So, while we're on the subject, what about the staring thing? I was always taught that openly staring is rude, but it seems to be the norm, lately. Maybe it's me? Seriously, I am a normal-looking woman -- certainly nothing to stare at -- but I've noticed more and more people just sitting on a BART train looking right at me and not looking away when I catch their eye.

reply to post by graceunderpressure
Maybe you're just too darn sexy!!!
Now stop being so sexy and dress like a nun or something- it's not fair to everybody else!!!

. When I'm driving behind some one who's super slow, I make sure to get a good look at them when I pass to make sure they aren't in duress because there's no other reason why a babyboomer should be driving that friggen slow.

reply to post by skepticconwatcher






this cracked me up when I read that...lmao...

Originally posted by littled16
reply to post by graceunderpressure

 

Maybe you're just too darn sexy!!!
Now stop being so sexy and dress like a nun or something- it's not fair to everybody else!!!

Now, that made me laugh out loud. I'll be sure to "ugly down" when I go out in public from now on.

I can't speak for others in my demographic (18-25 year olds) but I'm 24 and I have impeccable manners (as every good lady should)...I have had manners my whole life, from childhood through teen years to my current early adulthood. I was born and raised the South, though, (Charleston SC) so that might have made a difference...Southern hospitality and whatnot being factored in. Most people around my age that I know have manners (ranging from pretty good to perfect) but there are still a few bad apples...I guess you just can't win them all. Luckily, the bad apples around here are the minority, not the majority.

reply to post by skepticconwatcher


Sounds like you're taking this thread personally. It's just a fact that the younger generations are becoming more and more rude and disrespectful. If you're not one of them, don't take it to heart. Your parents did a good job teaching you manners.

If you want to get a good perspective on the change in generations, ask a teacher. Generations change, even the Baby Boomer's parent's generation were different. That generation was affected by a world war and the depression. They were much more patriotic, saved more and were much more practical compared to their children. They taught their kids there were always consequences to their actions. Mother's stayed at home and kids helped out around the house with daily chores, while the husband provided for the family.

I personally think the Baby Boomers generation spoiled our kids. What the Baby Boomers had to do without while growing up, they compensated by giving their kids the better things in life. I think manners and respect got lost in the pursuit of acquiring bigger houses, and luxury items. We did everything for our kids. We no longer restricted our kids to do their household chores, we did it for them! Even the Baby Boomer government gave more rights to children over their parents.

We did a disservice to our children, not knowing how it would affect them. I think Baby Boomers, the education system and social media are partly to blame for the rudeness and disrespect we see in "some" of the younger generation today.

I have seen people who disrespected me for no reason. To be honest I have been called arrogant and hard headed because that is how I am as a person. But I do my best to respect others and I dislike bullying. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Originally posted by beezzer
Tonight the wife and I were outside of our apartment enjoying a cigarette. Before anyone starts, yes, we fell off the wagon a bit, but we are still committed to quitting.

The point is, an elderly woman was walking towards the entrance and she had a large basket (on wheels) of groceries. I immediately offered to take her basket and carry it into the building while my wife held the doors for her.

The woman was taken aback by our offer but took us up on the offer of help.

Afterwards, my wife just looked at me and asked, "Are we the last generation that has manners?" (We're baby boomers)

Well, are we? Are the millinials as polite?

Are the X-gens as polite?

Do we still look to help our fellow man?

Are we still our brothers keeper?

I have often asked the same question, I have good manners at 40 and see them less and less these days.

Kids having kids is the main problem.

The majority of young mothers these days are usually council estate/projects pond life.

Those babies will only have those parents to teach them manners, when the parents aren't even old enough or brought up well enough to have manners themselves.

That's my theory anyway.

And for the record I'm not saying everyone on council estates or in projects are pond life, unfortunately it's usually a large amount though

reply to post by beezzer


I'm in my thirties and I'm still pretty well mannered, don't use how I conduct myself on ATS as an example though lol. I'll stop and help, I'll hold the door for you, I'm that guy. When I was living in the apartment I had before I bought my house, it was mostly old ladies on my floor, which was the top of course. I'd take their garbage down to the bin for them, occasionally help them with their stuff on their way into the building.

Little things like that. Manners aren't dead at all.

reply to post by beezzer

I'm not disagreeing with you, but could you elaborate on how Facebook etal, is creating that?

I think it is due to people's lack of ability to prioritize the REAL world vs. the virtual world. They treat a conversation via text as just as important as responding to the person who is right there in front of you. Sadly, it is just getting worse, even in our OWN generation.

In addition, it is making them ignorant of their surroundings. My stepson, for example, wouldn't have even SEEN the old lady struggling, because that would require looking up from the screen.

My cell phone was on the fritz for the past week. I had been dragging my butt getting it fixed, because frankly, the ONLY reason I even have it is because I have a long commute, so for emergencies, or letting her know I'm stuck in traffic, etc.

She (my wife) couldn't even comprehend why I was so reluctant to get it fixed. I challenged her to go without it for 3 days, and see if she still felt the same. We'll see.

Born in the 80's, still got em.


Its culture and parents. Some culture enforces respect more often, i see Asian, Indian, and pretty much most Asian countries value respect for elders, and teachers and professionals more than western countries do, then 2nd in line is parents, no matter what culture your are from, your parents attitude is passed on to you.

However, i would also like to add, old is not wise anymore either.

reply to post by smyleegrl

I agree, this new trend of constant social media is disturbing. It's like the zombie apocalypse.

new? Maybe the social media aspect of it is new.... 15 years ago, those kids would have their faces burried in nintendo gameboys or sega gamegears. A few more years before that it would be electronic football and blackjack. It always comes to the parents for me on this one. Clearly you are one of the good ones, you actually seem to want to engage your kids, many parents take a hands off approach.

There have always been ample distractions for kids. the difference now is, in many ways, society has made kids scared to be kids.

No, you can't just go play, you have to signup for a sports team, a music lesson, art classes, gotta make sure each millisecond of your life is preplanned. No, you can't go play outside, you might get abducted by the roaming bands of child rapists hiding behind every bush. No, you can't just entertain yourself outside for the day, you will get skin cancer. No you can't go catch lightening bugs at dusk because of all the cancer causing child rapists, and besides, you need to study for your pre-pschool pre-exam standardized test.

Heaven forbid a child gets injured or sick, cause you know, that's kinda part of the whole development process.

So instead, the kids turn inwards. They don't have to sit on your corded phone for 5 hours a night anymore, they can take their cell or tablet and text or im. And let me say, when I was one of those kids clutching a gameboy, there were still jerkoff kids who acted like jerks.

It's time to stop whining about society doing it, and "these new kids are crap". Start taking responsibility. Parents need to be parents, it's not the kids fault, they started with a crappy hand of cards. It's not the technology either. It's the absence of any form of direction.

And here's the thing. Even if you are a lazy deadbeat parent, it only takes the first few years to shape that child, you can put in 5 or 7 years then just walk away, if you did a good job, the kid is already on course. Sadly though, if you don't get through to them before they hit their teens, it's basically over.

Thankfully the only industry growing faster than fast food is prison, so there will always be a place for them if not work.

We have the technology to bring us together, I'm not going to blame it for the parents who can't be bothered to even try. I'm not a violent person, but whenever I go shopping there's always a few kicks that I'd smack the crap out of if they were related to me, after i was done smacking the crap out of their parents first of course.

I've noticed that not as many people have manners, and it isn't just the young people. My question is, do you do something about it. I live in a fairly small town. Just yesterday, I had to be in a "superstore" to pick something up on my lunch hour. I was walking pretty fast through the store, and when I approached the checkout, a young man, maybe in his 20's, got there before me. He actually stopped and asked me if I was in a hurry and wanted me to get in front of him. I told him thank you, no, I still had time, and let him go. I thought that was very nice of him. But yet as I am walking out the door, where there is a stop sign for cars, so the pedestrians can walk to the cars, this very old man, never stopped. I had to or he would have hit me.

Now, most of the time I will say, it seems to be the other way around, Younger speeding by, elderly being mannerly. And I think most people here are right, Technology is making people "forget" how to interact with real people.

So, back to my question. Do you point it out to people when they are rude? I have and will continue to. I try to be polite about it, and mostly I get dirty looks. But hey, if they don't know what they are doing wrong, how can they correct it?