Strange situation...

I have been sitting on the categories page for a good 5 minutes drawing a mental blank on a forum to choose. So i chose general. You help decide.

Okay, so towards the end of last year, i found out who my true friends were, or who my friends weren't - rather. The reason i say that is because it's left me with none. I haven't found "true friends" so to speak - instead, i found out that i shouldn't be accepting certain things in my life.

Without going into the details of what happened, i will tell you my solution. I removed all of them from my life except for one. It was a quick decision brought on by "built up anger" that one day brought itself outside to play with the rest of us.

Since then, i've spent the last 6-7 months in a strange situation.

To describe my social life, it started off with friends in year 1, but then became this endurance test of taking people's # throughout school and high school. I made friends in late high school (one of them being my "good mate"). However, my personality has always been introverted. I've never really gone out of my way to make friends, and have never really had a female in my life as i guess i've never really tried to make the effort in finding someone and maintaining it.

Anyway, in the last 6 to 7 months, i have spent it alone. Even my one and only friend left after removing all the others, i don't make the effort to see because he is draining and i get bored after a sentence with him, despite him being a mate for the last 9ish years...

I have my own hobbies like riding my bike, running in events, etc, but it seems that after this removal of friends, it's felt kind of weird - as if i haven't been in this situation before, even though my school life was spent like this. I can't help but think about it. I mean, i know i had to remove them from my life otherwise it could have been worse, but i don't know what i should be doing now. I'm very lost. I guess that's an easy way to put it.

I don't know where to find friends as i've never had to "find them". I get tired extremely easily as my work is draining physically and mentally. I often feel like a robot when i'm not working or sleeping. I feel like i'm not really around. I remember seeing a girl once or twice - but here's the strange part, i remember it from someone else's eyes. It didn't feel like something that happened in my life. Nothing does anymore. I'm stuck in this third person view of my life if that makes much sense.

I know i had a childhood and i see photos of myself that bring memories, but everything these days seems extremely distant from that, like i'm mentally in a different place. I have some days where i feel like there's something to look forward to, yet a few seconds later, the feeling will disappear, and i will realise it was my imagination running wild, and that there actually is nothing ahead.

Anyway, i don't know what i should think, and was just going to put it out there to see if any ats'ers think they know what's up and/or have had this before.

I could probably go to sleep or do something to forget about it, but it will probably come back tomorrow evening after work, as it has done for the past few years.

reply to post by xxdaniel21


You're isolating yourself and feeling disconnected from the rest of the world.

You need to force yourself to meet new people and make new friends.

What exactly do you do for a living?

Have you considered that you might be suffering from depression? Some of what you mentioned sounds similar...I've been dealing with depression a long time. If it keeps going, or you start to feel worse, talk to your doctor or even just your school counselor.

I'm assuming, from your post, that you're a teenager? It's a rough and exhilarating time in your life. You're trying to discover who you are, your core values and beliefs. You're maturing and coming into your own...it can be incredibly disorienting and tough.

I'll post more later, motherhood calls.

reply to post by Deetermined


Currently i'm fininishing a trade apprenticeship. I dunno, i just can't seem to make the effort to find new friends, even if it's forcing myself. Sometimes i go out for the hell of going out - but alone. In this strange third person view of mine, i seem to have someone else there with me. Like the version of me that i am observing is the original me and another presence at the same time.
I guess the best way to describe it is someone taking over your body, and you following him around.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Never talked to a doctor. Don't really want to talk to anyone about it. hahaha how ironic. Went to a counselor when i was at school btw (i'm 22), and it seemed to spark more bullying and jokes. I #ing hated it. There was nothing worse. So i'm not making that stupid mistake again. Sorry for getting angry, i do appreciate your input. I just strongly dislike those people. They told me to go see one to solve my school friend problem, yet the only outcome was people asking me in class "did you go see the school psych, daniel!?"

I am not going to make a diagnosis on your well-being, but do you or have you ever suffered with depression?

I am a very outgoing person, but I have a medical condition (Acromegaly) that has depression has one of its major side effects and at times I withdraw myself from all things around me. Like you state in your opening post, one day you are fine and the next you are totally different. This can be very difficult when it comes to making decisions because one day you feel positive and the next you are feeling negative. Having time by yourself is okay at times, but loneliness can be one of the most horrible situations to find yourself in.

I am now 48, I have no idea how old you are, but please do not cut yourself off from all around you because growing old and lonely is one of the worst things ever...

I suggest that you either look at what interests you like in life and join some kind of group that has like minded people, or maybe you should sort some kind of counselling. Counselling can be helpful, a counsellor is not there to tell you what to do, a counsellor is there to help you to reflect on your life and try to make positive changes that you feel that you need in order to assist you for the better. Counselling also gives you the opportunity to talk to somebody on a regular basis, you can say what you like to a person who is totally unbiased and is totally confidential just between the two of you.

As an example: I felt that I was not getting the humour and fun I required within my life from certain people, so I went on a 10 week comedy course. There I met like minded people, we had a great laugh and I made some great friends who I am still great friends with now since I did the course nearly 7 years ago. Then I went on to go out to comedy clubs and perform stand up and met even more and more people who had the same kind of humour and understanding of things as what I had.

All the above may not apply to you, but I encourage you to look at what you like in life and take it from there. At the end of the day, if you don't try, then you will never know will you...

I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do....

reply to post by xxdaniel21

Currently i'm fininishing a trade apprenticeship.

I'm with davethebear on this one. Find a social group, hobby group, or even a professional association group affiliated with your line of work where you can meet individuals who like and do the same things.

reply to post by xxdaniel21


I don't have any best friends just friends that i can go out with if i feel like it or just sit on my own and get peace whenever i want, maybe you should have stayed in touch with your friends instead of dumping them that sort of makes you look as if you think your better than them.

Get back in touch with your school friends again and if you feel like getting out then go with one of them i'm sure they wouldn't mind if you weren't at there beck and call friends like a bit of peace from other friends to.

Isolating yourself from everyone doesn't do you any good believe me i no take the first step and ring one up just to ask how they are getting on the rest won't be long coming back to the fold.

Originally posted by Deetermined
reply to post by xxdaniel21

 

Currently i'm fininishing a trade apprenticeship.

I'm with davethebear on this one. Find a social group, hobby group, or even a professional association group affiliated with your line of work where you can meet individuals who like and do the same things.

Hear, hear

Originally posted by ballymoney50
reply to post by xxdaniel21

 

maybe you should have stayed in touch with your friends instead of dumping them that sort of makes you look as if you think your better than them.

Trust me, i'm not an arrogant person nor do i care what they think. I didn't dump them - rather i stopped being around them for the simple reason that they were stuck in their ways. I always seemed to be the centre of their jokes, yet i always laughed it off and let it go. I was sick of being nice and smiling all the time. It ended up with my best mate taking a girl i liked and me pretending i was happy with it.

I took the gory details out of the OP for the sake of a more on topic thread

reply to post by davethebear


I'm 22 for the record.

Sometimes i feel as if i prefer to be alone.

I do a lot of research into my own projects online a lot - electronics communications serves both as a hobby and job. There's just really not many people in my city who share this hobby of mine. It seems more accessible from the computer, so i tend to spend more time indoors.

Who needs friends when you have ATS?

Honestly, don't worry about it. At your age, it's a phase you're going through, an attempt to define yourself and cut some of the BS out of the picture.

Nothing wrong with that.

reply to post by xxdaniel21


This might be pushing it, but what about family? Do you have anyone from your family you can connect with?

Thats exactly how i feel most of the time. I been isolating myself for a while now. As the above say you could join a club, You mentioned bike. Maybe cycling? You would meet like minded people and get out in the fresh air, That would be good. At your age you have the world at your feet. I need to address my life to, So your not on your own Daniel. Its not a nice feeling. Go on get out there!!!! And good luck

reply to post by TheDoctor46


motorbike... haha it's a sports road one that i take with me to the middle of nowhere at the drop of a hat

reply to post by xxdaniel21

Haha oh well. Taking it to the middle of nowhere! Theres your problem .

reply to post by xxdaniel21


ack daniel cheer up and look on the bright side of life at least you can chat to all of us and think of all the places you can be invited to for holidays do your old mates have that??

As someone who deals daily with depression, here's my advice. Take from it what you will.

Develop your hobbies and seek out others who enjoy those same hobbies. Great way to make friends...even online. Heck, there are folks on ATS I consider some of my best friends. Nothing wrong with socializing online.

Exercise every day, preferably outside in the sunshine.

Eat healthy.

Volunteer or do some sort of service for others. You mentioned you were bullied in school....maybe work with middle school kids who are going through something similar? You'd be surprised how much helping others can improve your outlook on life.

Let your emotions out, don't bottle up your feelings. Find a way to vent. For me, that's writing. Sometimes I'll vent here, sometimes I immediately shred what I write. The point is, you need a way to get your frustration, anger, and hurt out. Do it hear if you need to...or message me. ATS is a wonderful community, and while there are some folks who can be real jerks, there are also some wonderful people who genuinely care. We'd be happy to listen to you, because we've been there. We understand what you're going through.

I hope this helps. Good luck, and keep us informed of your progress!

reply to post by smyleegrl


Thanks for the reply I really enjoy talking to the people on here.

I actually already started volunteering. It was one of the first things i decided to do to take up my time. Although, it's only when i'm needed unfortunately :|

Your post reminded me of a few things i could be doing though. So i'll try and stay proactive this time - despite how easy it is to come back down

reply to post by xxdaniel21


Well let me see what i can advise for you to do. Alot of ATS has already given you some pretty good advice. My advice to you is. Take it all one day at a time. Yeha its cliche I know but it works for me. Sometimes you just have to roll with whatever happens but it does not mean you have to let it get you down. Thats all you can do and try to improve each day after that. Anyway. wish you feel better soon.^^