Things to discuss on airplanes

My wife sent me this i my email. I thought it was kinda cute.

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you... strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God,
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which
the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know sh*t?"

And then she went back to reading her book

reply to post by lonewolf19792000




Oh that has me laughing hard! Thanks. I needed that.

reply to post by Wrabbit2000


Yeah i liked it.

...thats good,your wife is a keeper.

reply to post by SarnholeOntarable


I can't argue with that. I like her paycheck too.

reply to post by lonewolf19792000


lol...I was waiting for a come back

It's an old played out joke. The religious overtones are intellectually draining.

Really?

Wow!

You proved god's existence by not knowing different biological mechanisms which produce different excrement in animal species.

Good for you, god-humor-person who wrote this joke! Good for you...

reply to post by boncho

I do hope I'm misunderstanding you. Please tell me I am, and what you really meant.

It was a joke.

Are you really criticizing a joke because it does fit with your philosophical opinions? There was humor in it.

Go ahead, try it. Tell us an Atheist (or an Agnostic) joke. It will do us all good.

Originally posted by boncho
You proved god's existence by not knowing different biological mechanisms which produce different excrement in animal species.

The point in the joke is obvious, and perfectly logical. If you don’t even know how the specified animals function, then what business do you have trying to declare that you know that a creator of the universe does, or does not exist?

That is why I don’t tell people one way or the other. I don’t even pretend to know the answer. I just say, “It’s above my pay grade.”

To try and say, that there is, or is not, is just asinine. The best policy for us is just to keep an open mind. There may be a god, there may not be. That is one of those great mysteries of life. If the urge comes over you to pray, then go with your inner feeling, and do what comes naturally. If not, then so be it. But it never hurts to hedge your bets, in case there is. It can’t hurt.

Originally posted by charles1952
reply to post by boncho

 

Go ahead, try it. Tell us an Atheist (or an Agnostic) joke. It will do us all good.

An Christian was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you... strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the Christian. "How about why there is a loving God,
that Heaven or Hell exist, and that's where you go after death, but you only go to heaven if you accept Jesus Christ into your heart?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Christian, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which
the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know sh*t?"

And then she went back to reading her book





Wow, see how original I am?

reply to post by Mr Tranny

The point in the joke is obvious, and perfectly logical. If you don’t even know how the specified animals function, then what business do you have trying to declare that you know that a creator of the universe does, or does not exist?

It's not logical at all:


I think the point I was trying to make was, the girl could run into a into a biologist that knew exactly why animals poop the way they do.

Would that mean the person be qualified to answer the premise then?

The other point being that this joke has been told over and over in different formats.

reply to post by lonewolf19792000


The funny thing about this is, that religious people need to make up scenario that would not normally happen..

Why would any atheist all of a sudden turn to children and say, "hey! there is no god, na na na nana!" that sounds like what a parroting religious nutcase would do!

Most atheist only rebuttal when approached by a parrot or when they(their lives) are under attack.


Its funny such a sad, impossible scenario make people laugh! Whoever find this funny must not have any logic!

reply to post by lonewolf19792000

So atheists are clueless idiots and religious people are intelligent and witty. Got it.

May I suggest another topic that one may want to discuss while on a plane?

How about being placed on a secret government watch list for doing nothing:

Marshals: Innocent People Placed On 'Watch List' To Meet Quota

Originally posted by boncho
It's an old played out joke. The religious overtones are intellectually draining.

Really?

Wow!

You proved god's existence by not knowing different biological mechanisms which produce different excrement in animal species.

Good for you, god-humor-person who wrote this joke! Good for you...

Wow... only at ATS would someone try to logically analyze a joke, which, while it discussed religion, was not about religion at all. The point of the joke, and all jokes for that matter, is to make someone laugh, which I did because I've never heard the joke. I imagine most of the people at ATS are not so well versed in religious jokes as you are, hence, only in your life is it old and played-out. So please, let them, and myself enjoy the joke and the following conversation without your smug comments polluting the air of discussion. If you are so anxious to argue about how religion and fecal matter expertise are not related, go start a thread about it somewhere else. Though I imagine a thread of such obvious stupidity could only be found in the joke section.

S+F OP for bringing something new into my life that made me laugh.

reply to post by boncho, luciddream, and gladtobehere


Hey guys, I come in peace. Just want to talk for a second. Hey! Bartender! Bring us another pitcher of your best. I've got some friends with me here.

Friends? Sure, they've got interesting opinions and have contributed mightily to ATS. But guys, I don't want to talk or argue about your opinions, everybody's got different ones, heck, I don't have the same opinions I used to, doesn't matter.

Say, I gotta tell you a joke I heard.

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.

However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good- natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.

So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:

"Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

And a great voice was heard from above:

"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"

Wait, I heard another one.
How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to remove the dead bulb, the other to video tape it so Fundamentalists can't argue it came back to life.

But honestly, guys, it's not your opinion that matters, it's you, yourselves. Fighting for a cause is wonderful and I support that dedication. But I think you'd better throttle back a little, just sayin' you know? Everybody's got to have a laugh now and then. Sure, Ok, somebody told an old joke (I never heard it before) and it rubs you the wrong way. But giving up humor is like giving up love. You don't have to laugh your heads off, but some folk thought it was funny. You could just give a little grimace and think to yourself that their humor is stupid. But they're just regular guys, too, and they got a minute's smile out of it.

They didn't mean anything bad by it, and it didn't hurt anybody, so why not just be tolerant, see it as their kind of humor and be glad that some old Joe with troubles of his own got a little grin in the middle of his crummy day?

Here, let me tell you what happened to me in another bar (thread) yesterday. Some guy was showing a video of the Turkish riots. Now, I don't have a dog in that fight. I'm not sure who's fighting or even why. The video showed a man who was yelling at a water cannon truck what appeared to be the equivalent of "Come on and shoot me, you &^^)# bastards!" He was waving his arms and jumping up and down, but he was ignored. He went over to the truck, pounded it, kicked it, then moved back away from it. He started jumping up and down again, and shouting again.

Well, the expected happened, the Police gave him a shot from the cannon, and knocked him head over heels. It wasn't the funniest thing I'd ever seen, but it ranked up there with America's Funniest Videos. I said that I got a grin out of it and you should have seen the "S" storm that caused. I was called inhuman, racist, and worse.

I don't want you guys to get like that. If you can't smile at a joke, at least let others enjoy some harmless fun.

I'm not talking about racist jokes. I'm talking about things like Republican-Democrat jokes. If you can't laugh at yourselves, you're losing some humanity, and I care about you three too much to want that to happen.

With respect,
Charles1952

I don't care what anybody says....... That was a GOOD Joke!!! I laughed so hard my eyes watered. Thanks for the giggle. I'll be passing this one on to all my friends and family. Cheers!

reply to post by charles1952


I see it is a bad attempt at joke, i mean there are tonnes of atheist jokes that makes you think hmmm "i see how that makes sense".. now that is a joke.. but this joke is stupid... its already sets up the target by making him be dumb and ask stupid questions then he falls for the question.... it is expected...

I see this joke as same as putting a blind fold on a man and pushing him into a dirt and laughing about it. It makes no sense other then his fall, but its not funny because he was forced into it without a choice.

Itell you an atheist joke that is funny.. and you can decide why this one is dumb and not even funny...

An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself “Oh God, I’m screwed!!!!!. ” There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: “No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you. ” So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief. As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: “Okay . . . . . NOW you’re screwed.

Or

A minister, a priest, a rabbi, and an atheist meet in a bar at 10:00 a.m. The bartender asks the minister what he’ll have, and the minister orders a martini. The priest also orders a martini, as does the rabbi. When the bartender asks the atheist what he wants, the atheist says he'd like a cup of coffee. “Why aren’t you having a martini like those guys?” asks the bartender. “Oh,” says the atheist, “I don’t believe in martinis before lunch.”

Or

An atheist buys an ancient lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, “I’ll grant you three wishes, Master.” The atheist says, “I wish I could believe in you.” The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. “What about your third wish?” asks the genie. “Well,” says the atheist, “I wish for a billion dollars.” The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. “What’s wrong?” asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, “Just because you believe in me, doesn’t necessarily mean that I really exist.”

Or

the best one...

During the Reign of Terror of the French Revolution, one morning's executions began with three men: a rabbi, a Catholicpriest, and a rationalist skeptic.

The rabbi was marched up onto the platform first. There, facing the guillotine, he was asked if he had any last words. And the rabbi cried out, "I believe in the one and only true God, and He shall save me." The executioner then positioned the rabbi below the blade, set the block above his neck, and pulled the cord to set the terrible instrument in motion. The heavy cleaver plunged downward, searing the air. But then, abruptly, it stopped with a crack just a few inches above the would-be victim's neck. To which the rabbi said, "I told you so."

"It's a miracle!" gasped the crowd. And the executioner had to agree, letting the rabbi go.

Next in line was the priest. Asked for his final words, he declared, "I believe in Jesus Christ the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost who will rescue me in my hour of need." The executioner then positioned this man beneath the blade. And he pulled the cord. Again the blade flew downward thump! creak! ...stopping just short of its mark once more.

"Another miracle!" sighed the disappointed crowd. And the executioner for the second time had no choice but to let the condemned go free.

Now it was the skeptic's turn. "What final words have you to say?" he was asked. But the skeptic didn't hear. Staring intently at the ominous engine of death, he seemed lost. Not until the executioner poked him in the ribs and the question was asked again did he reply.

"Oh, I see your problem," the skeptic said pointing. "You've got a blockage in the gear assembly, right there!"

See these make you think.. but OP picked a retarded one that just offends people...and its not even original.

reply to post by luciddream

Dear luciddream,

I really liked the first joke and the last. The one with the genie in it seemed to be missing a sentence or two. In fact, when I went looking for atheist jokes, I almost put in the guillotine story, but I was afraid someone would criticize me for describing Atheists as stupid.

Let me combine a couple of sections of your post:

I see it is a bad attempt at joke, i mean there are tonnes of atheist jokes that makes you think hmmm "i see how that makes sense".. now that is a joke.. but this joke is stupid... its already sets up the target by making him be dumb and ask stupid questions then he falls for the question.... it is expected...

See these make you think.. but OP picked a retarded one that just offends people...and its not even original.

I don't think I've met many people who think as differently as you and me.

A joke isn't funny unless it makes you think about it? You discard Punch and Judy, the Three Stooges, Foster Brooks, Rodney Dangerfield, and Don Rickles? (and countless others including Jerry Lewis) Of course you may see them as purveyors of childish or stupid humor, but I don't see how any human being could claim that they were not humorous.

And any joke that offends someone is not funny? That makes no sense. Blonde jokes may be offensive to some, but they're usually funny. Every country has it's variation on the "Polish Joke," making fun of a neighboing nation or tribe. Haven't you laughed at any jokes making fun of politicians?

Dear luciddream, I hope I'm misunderstanding what you wrote, otherwise, I'd be afraid for you. By the way, did you read my rather longish post a few up from here?

With respect,
Charles1952

I know this is a joke thread but I recently sat next to the CFO of the United States Army. I was an interesting conversation indeed. I didn't know they had a CFO until I met him and he gave me his business card.

I thought the joke was cute, loved the punch line. Thanks for making me smile.