ive hit rock bottom

I've been trying to act like everything is ok.

its not.

And yesterday I lost you.

Because im an idiot.

And im crying . Driving.

Hoping to outrun the pain.

Hoping to see you.

But your gone arnt you?

Why cant i fix me?

You were all i needed.

I screwed up.

And i know you will never read this ..

But if by chance you do

I love you.

and i want to come home.

reply to post by Another_Nut


It sounds like you're going thru something similar to a friend of my kids. I hope you don't mind if I share with you what I told him: You don't need to be fixed, you just still have some growing and learning to do, and especially with regards to yourself. Maybe it's time for you to focus on a relationship with YOU! I'm pretty sure there's an awesome person inside just waiting to get out and live and love and play with you. Explore, expand and experience YOU! You'll find strengths you didn't know you had, and you'll turn weaknesses into strengths. Sometimes you'll laugh, sometimes you'll cry, and all along the way you'll find wonders to behold both within and without. And just start by loving yourself and knowing you're worth the effort. I'll be rooting for you and sending you love and strength the whole way.

Rock bottom sucks. About the only good thing that comes from rock bottom...no where to go but up.

I won't bore you with inane platitudes and advice. I've been there, many times. If you ever need to talk, send me a message.

Hugs to you...

Believe it or not, sometimes timing is everything.

If for some reason, this particular relationship doesn't work out, it only means that that this particular person wasn't meant for you.

Who knows, maybe you'll end up meeting someone new who's been through the exact same things you have, has made all of the same mistakes, and the two of you can mature, love and appreciate each other more based on what you've learned together. It happens!

No . Its me . I have failed.

Bad choices . Good choices. They have all taken their toll

My life continues its spiral.

Im the modern Job.

Im thinking of heading south. My last check will be the 3rd.

Ill find her, my home, again someday.

I wont rest until I do.

reply to post by Another_Nut

seems like the perfect time for you to listen to Alan Watts..

Been there and done that.

Everyone goes through scenarios where you feel like the world is ending or crashing down around you. Yours is no better or worse then what everyone deals with so take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

Just keep moving forward.

Im leaving Friday for Cali. Searching for the one I love. Anyone between Oklahoma city and Cali im asking for anything. Gas food shelter. Anything.

I must fix this. And I will.

so if anyone can help please drop me a pm.

reply to post by Another_Nut


I can't help, I live in NC, but you've got my mental support. Best of luck to you, keep us updated!

The good thing about hitting rock bottom is the only way you can go after that is -- UP.

reply to post by Another_Nut


Anyone between Oklahoma city and Cali im asking for anything. Gas food shelter.





Sorry to hear, or read, that things suck...


You should consider asking for anything from those you have formed a bond with - anything else is disingenuous.


Good luck...

reply to post by Another_Nut

I think the fishing is good at Rock Bottom.

I have been depressed for like the last 8 years... you eventually get used to it...

reply to post by Another_Nut


I will start by saying I don't know you. I don't post often enough on ATS but I've been reading here a long time. I've seen many "nuts" come and go.

Judging by your original post, I, at first, assumed you were writing poetry. As I continued down the page, I discovered you were serious in your OP. I'll say, chasing her, isn't a good idea. You sound unstable.

Piggybacking off of people across the country to reach a woman who left you, as you said, for obvious reasons, is a terrible idea. I'm just assuming here but considering you need help with gas and food means you don't have a job. This to a woman, a man who can't hold a job, is a serious problem. Have you hit rock bottom due to this and perhaps drugs? Statistically speaking, these are two of the most common reasons people hit rock bottom (laziness or drugs). I'm not saying these are the ONLY two reasons (I've hit rock bottom from reasons outside of the two I mentioned) but, reiterating, those are the two most common. You instability leads me to believe it may be one, if not both of the two most common cases. Perhaps your instability stems from the break-up, this is possible (but unlikely) due to the reasons I just mentioned.

I can almost guarantee that if you somehow managed to find her she would look at you like a legitimate nut-job and this would likely make things worse (restraining order?). Stay home, wherever that may be, deal with your emotions like a normal and reasonable man. Don't react immorally or illegally (or stupidly). Breaking up sucks, especially with someone you love or are in love with, but it happens and the feelings as a result are completely normal. The pain is severe (I know ...) but in a majority of cases it makes you a better person. Why? Simple. If it was the person who you were meant to be with, you wouldn't be dealing with what you are now. If you feel like this is the person you were meant to be with, you would stay home and get your # straight and prove to her you're the man she's meant to be with (not chase her halfway across the country on a strangers dime).

Learn from your mistakes. Quit being a pussy. Stop talking to her about it, BE about it.

reply to post by Another_Nut


If you've hit rock bottom, all I can say is, congratulations! Rock bottom is a blank slate, but with knowledge. You can draw or write whatever you want on that blank slate. Decide your direction, with nothing to hold you back...or left, or right, etc. When people hit rock bottom, many just keep finding a new bottom, addicted to failure and unhappiness. Many others, however, know what they don't want...and have the freedom to explore what they do want.

Nothing to lose, nothing to keep you from doing what you want to do, being who you want to be. Its quite intoxicating. The key is to control it, and realize the "high wave" you'll right once you re-engage from rock bottom isn't a permanent feeling. It is just the excitement of new birth. I'm sure if i'm being entirely clear, but hopefully its helpful. I've been there, and it allowed me to make shifts I had wanted to - intended to - for years.

reply to post by Another_Nut


In failure there is learning and that's how we all grow.

Sometimes the lessons are not immediately apparent or what they seem to be at first, and patience is required.

Just keep building on what you have - it's a continual process.

reply to post by Another_Nut


I'm sorry, OP. I think I can relate.

But ATS loves you.




^ You are not alone. *Hugs*

Here's something to make you smile. It always works on me.




God bless, OP. If you wanna chat, U2U me.

I'm sure lots of ATSers would be willing to chat with ya, too. Stay strong, and pray.

EDIT; I'm sorry, I'm on the east coast, or I'd help ya out. I don't have much myself right now, but my big southern family is oldschool in the respect that they help anyone who needs it.

reply to post by Another_Nut


Breathe... Like many here I am around if you need to talk. Be gentle with yourself, don't beat yourself up and be mindful of what you do. But most of all be gentle with yourself. It ain't easy being here sometimes and I recon those of us who suffer the most also learn the most. Good luck xxx

Don't worry, you'll bounce. Humans are surprisingly rubbery when they hit rock bottom.

Never, ever chase a woman, or man who left you, they aren't worth it.

Originally posted by EViLKoNCEPTz
Never, ever chase a woman, or man who left you, they aren't worth it.

Worth repeating.


Never never never ever never.