The girl of my dreams? Not in MY bed!

Hello again, ATS! It's been quite a while since I have logged in. I wasn't sure where to put this, but relationships seemed appropriate.

First:

I have plenty of friends, but none that I can really talk to about this... whatever the hell it is that I'm experiencing, for various reasons. I'm coming to you ATSers far and wide, for input. Also, and please take no offense, I'm really looking for input from folks older than myself, unless you have some direct insight relating to the matter. I'm 27 by the way.

A little background:

I've known this girl for many years now, we'll call her Lily. I have always had very strong feelings for her, and one time I wrote her a letter, pouring my heart out. (Not like over-the-top, mushy garbage.. just the truth) Being the chicken sh*t I was then, I asked her not to reply and to give no indication as to how she felt about me... and she hasn't. Lily would not just leave it at that if she really felt the same, so her silence was as good as any rejection.

We're still very good friends and I no longer consider myself "friend-zoned", just a friend. She now has a man and a child in her life and I would never dream of messing with that, I respect her.
Don't get me wrong, I love Lily fiercely and I would do anything for her, but I keep it to myself and do not let it affect our friendship. It is hard sometimes, when we make eye contact (she has eye's that'd make Liz Taylor huff and puff indignantly) which is why I avoid it when I can, but I manage.

Now, I'm not just some hopeless romantic that can't get a girl. On the contrary, I'm actually quite a man-whore. I'm not proud of this, but it's the truth. Which leads me into the point of this post..

Here it is:

As desperately attracted to Lily as I am, I am not sexually attracted to her... not in the least.

I. Do. Not. Get .This.

I can't even picture having sex with this girl. The very idea is unappealing, and I have no clue as to why. I mean, she's a 10 in my book and at least an 8 to anyone else with eyes. I've fantasized about holding her and taking in all that she is, but that's as far, physically, as it goes. I've forced myself to imagine sex with her a couple of times, but it was just so unnatural and underwhelming.

How can I desire this girl so deeply and completely, yet have no sexual feelings for her? I'm a frickin sex addict for crying out loud!!

How would that even fly with a girl? "Hey Lily, will you be my girl forever? But let's never have sex."
Yeah, I'm sure that's go over like a lead balloon.

What is this? Has anyone else ever had a similar experience? If so, I'd really like to hear your take, or how you've come to terms with it.. if you have at all.

Take about 3 extenzos.

reply to post by Generator85


Age restriction: about the same age

I did the same thing a long time ago ago.. I loved this girl. Her eyes were amazing.. She was very funny.. She gave me a CD for my birthday that she mixed and she said she spent about 30 hours getting the perfect songs and order and I believe it.. Problem one: we worked together, and I was a little slow at the time and became friends with her. Friend Zone... I tried to get out and sent her a note, not sappy, but just explaining very simply I liked her more but this was in friend chat online.. In short she liked being friends.. Girls are quicker than guys.

There was still an awesome attraction between us.. It was mental it was emotional.. I thought it was sexual and would often wonder what she looked like umm without her shirt on.. Some how it never worked out.. Meanwhile two other ladies at the same work place got my number so I'm no chump either.

Sometimes it's just not there..

You are her friend..

Sex is important..

That's all.

Maybe you have some sort of psychological hang-up having sexual feelings for someone you love and respect. If you are as much of a "man-whore" as you say you are, and are displeased with that behavior, there might be some disconnect approaching a woman as both a sex partner and a woman as someone you love. Does that make sense? I'm tired and having one of my insomnia bouts. I don't know you, I could totally be wrong. Just throwing it out there.

reply to post by Lysergic


Or gay. Closets are much longer an deeper these days. Get over yourself and ask her out.

Stop making this harder on yourself. I broke up with mine this summer, got a new one for the last seven months. And after I manned up.... Omg the first one is back with me cause I wanted her. Still no sex.. A man will always get what he fights for. Give up on her if your not willing to pursue. Plain n simple friend


Good luck, sounds to me you're in the friend zone... Poor bastard

reply to post by AK907ICECOLD


I have taken three pro models n my bed before with no car or money..... All it takes is confidence. If you don't have it stay away from women

To be honest
It sounds like the kind of love a brother has for his sister.
Without the imagining sex bit eeeeeeeeeeew

Nothing unusual my friend I have some very attractive female friends that still turn the heads of younger men at 40 years old. But the sexual chemistry just isn't there, sometimes friendship is just that, friendship. Regardless of the intensity of feelings.

Cody

reply to post by cody599


I think you may be closer to home than some of these other yahoos.

reply to post by Rosegaol


Thank you for your input. That is something I have given thought, but I wouldn't know what, where or how that "hangup" would work.

Originally posted by AK907ICECOLD
reply to post by Lysergic

 

Get over yourself and ask her out.

Dude did you even read the op, or is it a comprehension thing? This is clearly beyond you.

There are different kinds of love, but the English language uses one word to describe all of them. Sounds like you feel an asexual romanticism for this girl, or maybe something more along the lines of loving her the way you'd love a best friend or family member. Love =/= sex.

With that being said, don't fall into the rules of engagement that society has established around relationships, love, and sex; you can feel whatever you feel and that's okay provided you're not acting on it without mutual consent.

reply to post by Generator85


Yeah I did, did you? Or are your running on emotion rather than logic an reason. No insult. But the thing is is.. If your a man or wanting to be one. You'll get what youll want as long as you fight with heart instead of desire with manipulations... Sad imo

Just a simple answer is needed to the op, is this a cousin or you bffs girl. Complications may stem from this



Okay, nowhere in there did I read that he asked to take her out, mostly a poet writing crap he wants without having it.. It makes me laugh because I did the same when I was unable to be a MAN. IMO the op sounds like a 40 year old IT GUY OR A 14 year old kid.. Tell me I'm wrong

To the op quit your whining! Do something about or move on. If its meant to be it is, my advice to you... Do wait for her, enjoy your life an have some fun. Remember to wrap you strap friend with all respect!

reply to post by AK907ICECOLD



I get where you're coming from, but that's not what this is about.This is a topic that concerns an atypical matter of the heart... yes, that means emotion. Not all things are best approached with black and white logic and reason. It doesn't hurt to look at things that way, but answer it may not.

I've known this girl for 13 years. She is in a committed relationship and has a child with him. I'm not going to "fight" for her when doing so would, more than likely, end our friendship. I'm happy with the way things are, I just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced something similar.

You're not wrong, you just don't understand what the op is about.


Hahaha you don't seem to realize you're talking to the op. And, FYI, I did ask her out.. I just did it too early, before I developed confidence.

Originally posted by Generator85
reply to post by cody599

 

I think you may be closer to home than some of these other yahoos.

That's what I said too.



last 4 lines may give you a hint


She found her sexy man.. Go find a woman.

reply to post by Dustytoad


I'm sorry lol I must've overlooked your post.

Originally posted by Generator85
reply to post by Dustytoad

 

I'm sorry lol I must've overlooked your post.

That's what she said.

hahaha

lol I'm starting to remember why I don't visit this site much anymore. C'est la vie.

reply to post by DestroyDestroyDestroy


I think you may be right. It's just strange to feel a romantic desire for someone, but not sexual desire. They usually go hand in hand for me. I love family and friends.. but certainly not in a romantic kind of way.

reply to post by Generator85


The last three GF I was with had children, I paid for everything yet I was always the assh!!! For doing so, it happen. Give it time or move on. Quit writing her letters. Either she accepts you or not. Let he decide, and quit pushing her. Eventually you'll push her over the edge an may never return to solid ground you first offered her...


Time heals everything. Small steps bro. I understand the pain it may cause, go have some beers with friends. The next may sit closer to you than you think.

reply to post by Generator85


I hope that's not about my joke.. It was only that. I can't help myself when she says things.. I'm also in a 3.5 year relationship.. Sex is important is all I wanted to let you know. If it's someone else, well I didn't read their posts.

unconditional love isn't sexy Well, not until further in, and then it's mostly the main thing.. Hahaha aww..