need advice im confused

Well after a longterm relationship breakup she was my first for everything which lasted 10 years. Im now got myself in a situation between 2 women im 30 years old larger guy below is what im torn between.

Lady one. she is 29 years old we have heaps in common. huge personality .absolutley gorgeous. smile to die foris very intelligent. Heres the thing she admitted she likes me but has huge trust issues in guys. now shes had 2 of her own business's since she was 19 sold them not long ago to spend more time with her now ex. so shes reslly hurt over that . all she said she was she found out he wasn't so nice. She said she wants me as a friend and im willing to put in the time as that but she has many male friends and dont just want that in the long term. She also lives in the town im thinking of moving to which is 100km away.

Lady two. She is 37 we have a lot in common very warm loving lady who truly adores my soft nature and moods also knows I hurt easy (yes im a cancer male it sucks) shes a single mum of 2 ive never had much to do with kids so not sure how that'll work out. Bit larger ad well which doenst bother me she does smoke ive never touched them. My biggest attraction to this lady is her very very caring nature towards me which ive never experienced. She lives 700km away from me I would move if things work out though.

Now I have never meet either in person yet ive decided to visit lady two in a few weeks for a month. Thing id I dont wsnt to fall to easily for her charm equally more so important I dont want to break her heart either.
Lady one is actually heading to America for a month holiday but we also want to meet after shes back.


So there is my problem seeing lady one knowing full well she'll steal my heart plus shes admitted to really wanting me. Or risk number one and only remaining friends but love the fact we have so much in common I actually got to really liking her before I saw her gorgeous pics so the looks are just a bonus

Never pick the first one you love. If you love another after your first that means that you weren't really in love with your first or you wouldn't have fallen for the second.

My best advise would be to be honest with both of them, let them know what you feel and what is going on. To many guys try to juggle the same type of situation and most end up losing both because of it. you will have better luck being honest and seeing where things go.

Well you already got friend zoned with lady number one, so that will probably only end in more heartache for you. Lady number two sounds ok, but I can tell just by the way you describe her that you are not sure yourself about the feelings with her. I would say keep in contact with both of them, and maybe keep looking for your true love to appear.

Your allowed to 'date', your single, this means you go out with lots of different women, and have fun! Don't get serious just yet. Your not required to commit, just to date someone. Enjoy life for a while.

Ah, a fellow cancer male. Know all about that.

Sounds like you need a brain switcher device. If you can't find one, I'd say forget them both. It sounds like you're attracted to number 1, but she's a little messed in the head. While number 2 has a great personality, but you aren't attracted to her physically.

Obviously the personality is the most important factor, but let's be honest here. You still need to be attracted physically. From the way you describe number 2, it sounds like you're almost repulsed by her.

I'd say walk away from them both. Maybe one of them will chase you and sweep you off your feet. Half kidding on that last part.

Originally posted by Trigger82
. She said she wants me as a friend and im willing to put in the time as that but she has many male friends and dont just want that in the long term.

Scratch that one. Once a "friend," always a "friend." Don't waste your time.

very warm loving lady who truly adores my soft nature and moods also knows I hurt easy (yes im a cancer male it sucks) shes a single mum of 2 ive never had much to do with kids so not sure how that'll work out. Bit larger ad well which doenst bother me she does smoke ive never touched them. My biggest attraction to this lady is her very very caring nature towards me which ive never experienced.

She'd make a good Mommy for you because you get hurt so easily. Her two kids will be her priority and you'll be the third. Overweight and smokes. Dandy if you like licking ash trays. Fine if you like Big Momma types, but she's just going to get bigger. What will she be like in 10 years?

Now I have never meet either in person yet

You've never MET either one????? Gobsmacked! You are not living in the real world here, buddy. You're reacting to what you think these two are like based on correspondence. These are like mail order brides. I'm not saying this couldn't develop into something, but you are hardly in a position to make life-altering decisions based on a few emails. You need to meet some real people and not be in a hurry. It'll work out, but I'm thinking not with these two.

Well, you haven't met either one yet, so this dilemma might just take care of itself once you do.

You're just at the meeting and dating stage. You are not required to make up your mind.

reply to post by Trigger82


Sounds like you're deciding which xmas present to open.

You've never even met either but are asking on a conspiracy website for advice?

Best advice, don't take advice from a conspiracy website about people who you've not even met yet.

reply to post by Trigger82


Dear Trigger,

I know spending time and photo sharing online FEELS like you have gotten to know someone, but it just is way far from true. Until you spent time with someone especially around other people you start to see the real them.

When i was in your situation I vowed to dated every person who asked me (within reason) just one date at least. WOW did I learn a thing or two about people and compatibility! Take some people (locally AFTER your move) out to a meal or coffee or a park. DON"T think of them as more then a DATE. Start there don't jump the gun and run ahead.

Please please don't rush, it took me 5 years to do what you are doing now!

The distrusting lady has good reason i am sure, she sounds like me, so I found a guy who doesn't have any closed doors, I am welcome in every part of his life and I can reassure my self and snoop openly! if you can handle that it should be discussed ahead of any commitment.

By your age i would think you would know how you feel about kids. As another person said, the kids WILL come first always and unless you love the heck out of them as much as a parent it will not be a fun thing having 2 kids, It is hard enough raising two kids when they are yours!

These are things I learned through pain and a divorce that would crumble most people. Hope some of it helps.
Char

Originally posted by kimish
Never pick the first one you love. If you love another after your first that means that you weren't really in love with your first or you wouldn't have fallen for the second.

Lol well there ARE degrees of love right and people have been known to love more then one person. I think being compatible loving the same things and especially HATING the same things make a stable forever marriage...

and also two honest people who if they want out say so BEFORE they cheat and hurt people leaving them distrusting of everything around them because of their lies.

You've never met either of them in person yet....

Originally posted by Trigger82

Now I have never meet either in person yet ive decided to visit lady two in a few weeks for a month.

Does she know?

You already have a big fail on the cards imo. Being so serious about people you have never met sounds like insecurity to me which will bite you in the ass long term.

Good luck whatever you do, sounds like you need it I'm afraid.

With the kid side of things ive never had a chance to really be around any and the ex never wanted one plus I knew she wouldnt of been a good mother. Hence im only really thinking of it now.

And with lady 2 the reason it may of sounded bad is I honestly never thought id like someone with that age gap. Especially her been older. Plus she curvier not exactly overweight per say.

Biggest thing I dont want to do is hurt any of them. I may not know them 100% but no one ever deserve's to be hurt. But yeah time will tell after meeting them

reply to post by Trigger82


Take your time, Get to know them better i say. Go and meet them see how it flows. You might well not like what you end up meeting but at least you will know where you stand. You may well meet them and absolutely love the experience....Go i say, make that first journey and good luck

reply to post by nerbot


Yeah she knows im pkanning heading down will be actually staying at her house. So a good chance to meet the kids as well.

Only haven't meet number one as ive been busy and her now away for a month.

reply to post by Trigger82


Heres my take on this. If you are confused, then you shouldnt be with either of them. Falling in love is sometimes the matter of less than a second, and sometimes the matter of a few years, but in my opinion, getting involved before that happens is like buying a house without knowing wether it has subsidance issues.

Its hard enough to make a relationship work when you KNOW you love the other person, because you still have to have that trust that they feel the same if they say they do. To carry on with anyone when you yourself do not know for sure how you feel about them... seems daft to me. But that said, if thats the way you roll, then confusion like this is going to be a frequent experience for you!