An Unwelcome Change

I have noticed a profound change within myself over the last few weeks. It almost feels as though my being has been taken over by some foreign force. While my behaviour has not changed, my thoughts have become rather dark. I find myself becoming less empathic and more cynical; less compassionate and meaner; less occupied with the spiritual and more concerned with the material. There is a general feeling of disillusionment with Life and its meaning. The desire for knowledge about the nature of existence - once a strong flame - is now like a fading lamp.

The world is filled with injustice, disunity and suffering. When one tries to do good things and act in a noble manner they get chewed up and spat out. The harder you try to be a "good person" the more difficult life becomes. Most people are rewarded or find success when they act selfishly or concentrate on their own desires. Pessimism seems to be the more realistic approach, whereas optimism is but a distant fantasy that only the deluded indulge in.

Maybe I lack resilience? There is no doubting we live in troubling times and it's only a matter of time that many of the Light will go insane with how messed up things are and give in to the Dark side. All I know is that it feels like things are only getting worse and the temptation to disregard what is "good" and "right" for what is "beneficial" is becoming harder to resist.

reply to post by Dark Ghost


Yep, It's a bitch isn't it. At one point in my life I didn't care about anything anymore. Just myself and my kids. Got screwed over on too many times. But that didn't quite work out either. What I find to be the better solution is to care about what I believe in that directly correlates with my life and the people I love. Bottom line, that's all that really matters. In my opinion of course.

reply to post by Dark Ghost


Read the Game of Thrones series of novels, or, watch the show.

The running theme is right at about what you're talking about. All the good, noble, unselfish, virtuous folk, one by one get chewed up in the meat grinder, killed, and/or fall into the worst of all lots.

The more you like and identify with a character, the more likely that character is on the short list for horrible torturous painful agonizing death.

The novels are very much a reflection on how life really works in the real world regardless its fantasy setting, where here in the real world we tend to rather like the fantasy of our happily ever afters.

Edit:
There's also a saying I once heard that goes ... "If you're not a bleeding heart liberal when you're young, you have no heart. If you're not a cynical, conservative by any age of 'maturity', you have no brain."

Life aint pretty. Instead of happy talking animals and friendly inanimate objects that want to be our friends in childhood, we'd probably be better prepared for adulthood if we had to compete and fight with every dirty underhanded trick we could learn or devise just to get the crayons, or achieve anything.
An entire pre-adulthood of gladiator life would make the rest of adulthood the vast majority of our lives a vacation, a reward well earned all to be appreciated for surviving those formative years.

Thankfully, that's not how things are, but, it's fascinating and abhorrent at the same time to think about it.

I get what you mean,how you feel.I go through stages where i get so disgusted with life,with the human race,with all the injustice,the cruelty,the suffering,the BATTLING.I get tired of existing,and as a believer in reincarnation,that tiredness is on a whole next level at such times:-) as you can imagine.But there's something inside me,something that seems to REASON with me,and i get back to seeing things in perspective.Also being a believer in reincarnation is a double-edged sword-at "down" times it can make me feel More tired,but at the same time it also helps to give perspective.How do i know that my hard life does'nt serve me better as a soul,than a fairly easy "just glide through" one? How,with the forgetting we come in with,can we know what is best for us as souls to experience here? We have been taught since we were kids,that if we battle through life,we are losers.That an easy life,success and jolly-happy means we won,we succeeded,we beat the house.No,i think such lives are "resting lives".Who knows what that soul went through during previous incarnations,how many lessons learnt in pain and blood?I think those relatively boring,easy-peasy ones are either "resting lives",some time out from major lessons.Or most propably,are lessons in themselves eg.now that we have it easy enough this time,so that we're not distracted by the need for mere survival,physical/emotional,mental or psychological-Are we gonna just sit on our asses+just enjoy the easy ride? Or use the comfort+ease we have this time round in most spheres of our lives,to help some of our fellow humans who are having a very hard tour? Also,as my hubby always reminds me at such times-things could always be worse,it could well have been harder even.Gratitude for what Is right and good can go a very long way-but we Have to keep bearing it in mind,it has be attached like a limb.Its has to be PRACTISED till it becomes a habit.Please do hang in there,please hold on to integrity.This is'nt a game where the good people always die tortuous deaths-its just not as easy a life as when "doing what thou wilt"-still,good people also get to die in their sleep in This game,and some of those who choose STS lives,die like dogs.Hang in there.

Originally posted by Dark Ghost
I have noticed a profound change within myself over the last few weeks. It almost feels as though my being has been taken over by some foreign force. While my behaviour has not changed, my thoughts have become rather dark. I find myself becoming less empathic and more cynical; less compassionate and meaner; less occupied with the spiritual and more concerned with the material. There is a general feeling of disillusionment with Life and its meaning. The desire for knowledge about the nature of existence - once a strong flame - is now like a fading lamp.

The world is filled with injustice, disunity and suffering. When one tries to do good things and act in a noble manner they get chewed up and spat out. The harder you try to be a "good person" the more difficult life becomes. Most people are rewarded or find success when they act selfishly or concentrate on their own desires. Pessimism seems to be the more realistic approach, whereas optimism is but a distant fantasy that only the deluded indulge in.

Maybe I lack resilience? There is no doubting we live in troubling times and it's only a matter of time that many of the Light will go insane with how messed up things are and give in to the Dark side. All I know is that it feels like things are only getting worse and the temptation to disregard what is "good" and "right" for what is "beneficial" is becoming harder to resist.

It is the end times. What do you expect? Everything to be laddeedaaa and fine? No people can't continue on playing the same tune they used to. Besides, we got an alien invasion coming this year. Do you really have time to be cynical? Well it be funny if you were to the pleiades when they come here. Lol. But they would just zap you after laughing at your joke and take your kids with em. All le kids are belonging to them.
At least that's how they feel about our children. Apparently, the children belong to the aliens Will the real messiah, please stand up. Please stand up. And zap all those ufo carrier towers. The day i see the invasion and see the towers fall from the sky is the day i drink myself to death in happyness. Shortly after i will reincarnate. Because i totally can at that point because people will survive and stay on earth! I could jump off a bridge or something. And be like YEAH! im coming back again! But i mean if this invasion goes thru, and no one stops em. Well #. Who wants to play operation for eternity? you be the operatee and the aliens be the doctor

reply to post by Dark Ghost


It sounds like you aren't happy with this recent change. Best recommendation is prayer, and a good look at all of the circumstances of your life. We have two choices when terrible things happen to us. We can react negatively, or we can look to learn from the event, and look for a way to see something good come from it. You didn't say what sort of beliefs you have, if any. I won't pry, but I will say that you don't have to fight such battles alone.

sorry to hear what you are going through, hopefully it isnt a long term change but a brief form of depression which will go alot quicker than it came.

Regards...

Things must be bad before they get good.

You must fight the negative thought forms in order for the Light to outweigh the thought of "dark".

"Dark" does not exist in the context of how 'people' put. "Dark" is merely the absence of Light.

How does one Light up the Dark?..by filling it with Light.

YOU have the divine power within, YOU control your thoughts..no one else does. If it feels as if someone else is, it is because YOU are allowing it to occur.

It is not a matter of Light/Dark, it is a matter of Attempting or not attempting; DO or DO NOT

Love and Light.

reply to post by Dark Ghost


Yeah, I've changed over the last few weeks too. I find myself less accepting of blatant stupidity. I can not for a second value others who are not willing to put the time and effort into anything. I find myself absolutely infuriated with blind faith.

I feel as though the rest of the human race has become a bunch of blubbering drooling imbeciles and I feel myself more and more treating them as vermin rather than taking my time trying to help them out. More and more drivers seem to be feeling entitled and invincible so when they attempt to merge into a space to small for them I don't slam on the breaks to let them in, rather I hold steady and let them scare the crap out of them. Rather than slow down and let those who don't signal merge into my lane I tap my horn and make them feel like an idiot.

I'm getting tired, really freaking tired of babying full grown adults. At my job, in public, on the boards. I seem to have lost my filter, and I've lost all sympathy and compassion for those who really don't deserve it. I haven't become heartless, but my standards have gone wayyyyyy up as far as acceptable behavior for an adult human being.

Those of you on the boards who have been on the bad side of my posts lately, take a hint. Grow up, educate yourselves and start acting like adults. I'm all for conspiracies, I'm all for spiritualism, but the line between potential truth and complete fantasy has all but faded away, and it's making me tired.

Jinx.

(edit because in my blind rage I cast aside spelling. There may still be a few errors, that I will stew over for now.)

Originally posted by Dark Ghost
I have noticed a profound change within myself over the last few weeks. It almost feels as though my being has been taken over by some foreign force. While my behaviour has not changed, my thoughts have become rather dark. I find myself becoming less empathic and more cynical; less compassionate and meaner; less occupied with the spiritual and more concerned with the material. There is a general feeling of disillusionment with Life and its meaning. The desire for knowledge about the nature of existence - once a strong flame - is now like a fading lamp. ...

Sorry to hear of your change. Sorry for you, anyway.
Wish I had some trick potion to send along, that would make everything better, roll back the clouds, and bring the sun shining through again... ...
A lot of people talk of their "awakening" or "enlightenment"... I had one too. Thought the world was surely on the verge of its glorious predestined solution, followed with the rebirth of a newer better existence. But, life keeps going... People keep hurting other people (& all aspects of Nature)...and arguing...and arguing and arguing.
You said it, well enough.
I follow along with many discussions of "enlightenment" and "awakening"...not really expecting (or even thinking it possible) that a glimmer of "truth that sets you free" will emerge.
Maybe the ONLY fact of hope you might lay hold to is ------- You don't know everything...yet.
And, in all that is not known...may be what you're looking for. (or - in other words - it may indeed exist)
Wish you well.

reply to post by Dark Ghost


Wow, so interesting that you posted this.
I feel the EXACT opposite.

I have been feeling drawn to being a better person and figuring out ways I can be an asset to humanity.
I wake up every day with one objective.

To be a blessing in someone's life today.

I am constantly looking for ways to make some sort of a difference in this miserable world we live in.
I am more compassionate now than I ever have been in my life.
Always praying for an end to all suffering.

I suppose people are being polarized.

you're highly perceptive. you're intuition about the situation at hand is accurate...

don't pigeonhole yourself into a polarized mode prematurely, without even giving yourself the chance to prove what it is you are made of.

when the time comes, situations will arise that will show you just what you are made of. you will be compelled to act. the path you choose will further define your character and illuminate to you the innate truths of your real being.

reply to post by Dark Ghost


Oh jesus. Soon you will grow hair in strange places....


All kidding aside. What you are describing is just a normal mood swing. Maybe a slight depression.

There are countless examples of people doing good and succeding with it. If you choose to not see them that is your fault.

What we perceive is very subjective. What you feel as real must not be objective reality at all. Crimes and unjustice decrease in numbers for years now. The world is far better off in 2013 than it was in 1983, agreed?

So get your head out of your butt and see the world for what it actually is.

reply to post by Dark Ghost


It's so true! It's like the people who take take take fare better! Disturbing and makes one think. I'm so tired of selfish people: "what more can you do for me me me". I have worked since the age of 14 as an example yet I have no health insurance and live hand to mouth. I've been feeling a bit resentful that someone living on welfare has privledges I wish I could afford. I have been asking if I need to be more self serving, less humble, less kind. I can't do it! I'm a nice person so have to find a balance. I think it's still unfolding for me but I'm with our topic initiator - for sure getting harder to some extent because I've been pushed to that by the entitled.

Originally posted by Nightaudit
reply to post by Dark Ghost

 

Oh jesus. Soon you will grow hair in strange places....


All kidding aside. What you are describing is just a normal mood swing. Maybe a slight depression.

There are countless examples of people doing good and succeding with it. If you choose to not see them that is your fault.

What we perceive is very subjective. What you feel as real must not be objective reality at all. Crimes and unjustice decrease in numbers for years now. The world is far better off in 2013 than it was in 1983, agreed?

So get your head out of your butt and see the world for what it actually is.

edit on 21-3-2013 by Nightaudit because: s

Your right. Never become bitter and its who we surround ourselves with and how we receive things. That is a choice to some extent (minus our work life maybe) so thanks for sharing.

Originally posted by Dark Ghost
I have noticed a profound change within myself over the last few weeks. It almost feels as though my being has been taken over by some foreign force. While my behaviour has not changed, my thoughts have become rather dark. I find myself becoming less empathic and more cynical; less compassionate and meaner; less occupied with the spiritual and more concerned with the material. There is a general feeling of disillusionment with Life and its meaning. The desire for knowledge about the nature of existence - once a strong flame - is now like a fading lamp.

The world is filled with injustice, disunity and suffering. When one tries to do good things and act in a noble manner they get chewed up and spat out. The harder you try to be a "good person" the more difficult life becomes. Most people are rewarded or find success when they act selfishly or concentrate on their own desires. Pessimism seems to be the more realistic approach, whereas optimism is but a distant fantasy that only the deluded indulge in.

Maybe I lack resilience? There is no doubting we live in troubling times and it's only a matter of time that many of the Light will go insane with how messed up things are and give in to the Dark side. All I know is that it feels like things are only getting worse and the temptation to disregard what is "good" and "right" for what is "beneficial" is becoming harder to resist.

All very well said. Every single word of it!

Unfortunately, it's all quite true, as well.

Originally posted by Dark Ghost
I have noticed a profound change within myself over the last few weeks. It almost feels as though my being has been taken over by some foreign force. While my behaviour has not changed, my thoughts have become rather dark. I find myself becoming less empathic and more cynical; less compassionate and meaner; less occupied with the spiritual and more concerned with the material. There is a general feeling of disillusionment with Life and its meaning. The desire for knowledge about the nature of existence - once a strong flame - is now like a fading lamp.

The world is filled with injustice, disunity and suffering. When one tries to do good things and act in a noble manner they get chewed up and spat out. The harder you try to be a "good person" the more difficult life becomes. Most people are rewarded or find success when they act selfishly or concentrate on their own desires. Pessimism seems to be the more realistic approach, whereas optimism is but a distant fantasy that only the deluded indulge in.

Maybe I lack resilience? There is no doubting we live in troubling times and it's only a matter of time that many of the Light will go insane with how messed up things are and give in to the Dark side. All I know is that it feels like things are only getting worse and the temptation to disregard what is "good" and "right" for what is "beneficial" is becoming harder to resist.

If life was easy then we would all make it out alive. I do not find it hard to be a good person, yeah I have my moments we all do, it is our nature.

What you say about good people being chewed up and tossed away is true to a certain extent. Personally, I do not ask for things in return, I just carry out what ever it is and keep on going in hopes someone will find pleasure from it, if not so be it, I still have my peace of mind.

You should take a moment alone and try and rekindle that flame, clear your head and get away from the "material" world. There is a lot more than wake up, get dressed, drink some coffee, go to work, come home, get undressed, go to sleep.

No doubt we have entered the times of the rapture; it is apparent everywhere, but you can not let it flood your spirit.

I find it difficult being a "good" person as well, I often times feel as though it all goes unnoticed, but when I think about it, it is never really unnoticed it is just not praised. Why should I care if others praise my work? It is after all my creation so to me it becomes something more.

All acts of kindness hold great outcomes, whether it be immediate or prolonged. It will be noticed in different ways.

I like to consider LIFE as a teacher, everyday is a different lesson. It is up to you the student on whether you will thrive or fall into depression about how things will never go your way. We are all born to just die. So why stop searching and hoping?

When I die I will be happy with the things I have done. Whether they went unnoticed or not. In the end it will be just me and I will be happy the way I lived my life.

We all have these dark moments of heart. I have one at least once a week ... sometimes I get over it in a split second, other times it may take me the rest of the day ... or two. I do believe in universal karma though and feel the golden rule rules. The takers of the world will be themselves taken in the end. I'm not one to believe that the death bed confession cleans your life's slate ... leave that to the Catholics. Live your life as your heart takes you and be it for good or bad , have no regrets as to your actions, and if you do then perhaps you did not truly follow your heart.