Sirs (Dads) and Ma'ams (Moms)

Okay so this evening I was at the grocery store and a dad was trying to get his son (looked to be around 3 years old) to call him "Sir". Whenever the son ended a sentence the dad chimed in "Sir!" Now, I think it is fine to teach your kids to address people outside the family with "sir" and "ma'am" but I don't think people should have to address family members that way. I think it places a barrier in the relationship. It also makes the parent look insecure - like he is desperately afraid of not being in control.
I'm interested in hearing from people who have parents like this - parents who insisted on being formally addressed with "sir" or "ma'am". How did you feel about it? Did you carry on the practice with your own kids?

Sal

To each their own.

Maybe he was trying to lead by example.

Maybe he's insecure.

Who knows? Was he being mean or loud about it?

Whoa, I dread to think what this guy would do to my son, he calls me all sorts "Ma'am" isn't one of them.

Sound like this guy is a little too authoritarian in his approach, which will only breed comtempt in the future.

But each to their own I guess.

I do not remember my father coaching me on "Sir." I will call him such when disagreeing, and have a healthy respect for the titles- probably due to reading Poe as a young adult.

`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

For me as an individual, the more angry I get within a conversation, the more formal I get in speech or writing.

The dad seemed frustrated that the kid wasn't ending every sentence with "Sir".

Sal

Originally posted by Mr Headshot
To each their own.

Maybe he was trying to lead by example.

Maybe he's insecure.

Who knows? Was he being mean or loud about it?

My parents required me to refer to them as sir / ma'am.

Not at the end of every sentence but if I was asked if I understood or was told to do something. Then, it was expected I would only reply with a "yes, sir / ma'am."



Peace.

Called my parents Mommy & Daddy ! & still do :-)

My kids call me Mommy and that's how I like it.

:-)
leolady

I think this is about how people react to change in social customs.
As far as I know, calling your father "sir" is an American custom, at least in modern times. I've only heard it in American films. In Britain, when I was young, it was only the teachers who expected it.
Perhaps the custom is beginning to be eroded even in America (as some of the replies in this thread suggest).
In which case this father is probably conscious that things are changing and trying to put up a resistance.

Addressing the older man as "sir" is a battle which was lost in Britain a long time ago.
What is under threat now is the use of "Mr".
When a hospital nurse addresses her patients as "John" or "Jane" instead of "Mr. Smith" or "Mrs. Smith", the older people tend to resent this as patronising.

reply to post by SallieSunshine
Maybe it is a "southern thing" but I still say Ma'am and Sir when addressing my elders (and contemporaries), although I have become lax in my internet interactions mainly because sometimes I can't be sure whether I'm addressing a man or a woman. My children do this as well, and my grandchild who is not yet 3 years old also says Ma'am and Sir. We do not consider it in the way that you do- we consider it instilling good manners that will last for a lifetime.

reply to post by SallieSunshine


To each their own indeed. In the country, sir and maam are simply terms of respect. I use it quite often. If he wants to raise his kid that way, it's his prerogative. To be fair, the kid will likely be better off for it, and he'll respect his elders. The world could use more of that these days, in my opinion.

My kids call us mom and dad, but we also use sir and ma'am when things start getting out of control.
If I ask my son to do something, like pick up his room and he whines no at me, he is expected to correct that with a yes ma'am. We use it in our house more as a counter to the attitudes of the ages, and yes to instill some respect into them. I would rather raise two respectful young men, and it takes a little extra effort in the world we live in today.

Did you read my post? It was about people who require their children to call them "sir" and "ma'am" not about teaching your kids to say "sir" and "ma'am" to other people.

Sal

Originally posted by littled16
reply to post by SallieSunshine

 

Maybe it is a "southern thing" but I still say Ma'am and Sir when addressing my elders (and contemporaries), although I have become lax in my internet interactions mainly because sometimes I can't be sure whether I'm addressing a man or a woman. My children do this as well, and my grandchild who is not yet 3 years old also says Ma'am and Sir. We do not consider it in the way that you do- we consider it instilling good manners that will last for a lifetime.

Originally posted by SallieSunshine
Did you read my post? It was about people who require their children to call them "sir" and "ma'am" not about teaching your kids to say "sir" and "ma'am" to other people.

Sal

Yes, I read your post. That is how most people teach their children to use the terms Sir and Ma'am- by requiring it of them when addressing their elders including their parents. It is about instilling the behavior at an early age so that it becomes a habit. Same thing when it comes to teaching your children to say Please, Thank You and You're Welcome- with Sir or Ma'am tacked on at the end. By teaching them to use these terms with ALL of their elders (including parents as they are usually around their parents more than any other adults) it becomes an automatic behavior.

Now maybe the guy you witnessed was going a little overboard with it but as I didn't witness it I do not know. My guess would be since he was being so adamant about it that he had not been consistent in his teaching else all the child would require is a gentle reminder as children learn by repetition and by example. My children and my grandchild always heard/hear their own elders address others as Sir and Ma'am so it was easy for them to develop the habit. My kids are in their 20s, and while we don't require it anymore they still use Sir and Ma'am when addressing me and their dad the majority of the time. Requiring them to use the terms when they were children did nothing to strain the closeness or bonding between us as we are an extremely close knit family and we still are either visited or at least called by the kids every single day, and they either call or Facebook with their grandparents nearly every day as well- and that says something with them being busy adults with their own lives going on.

It's funny, but sometimes it's a location thing as well. In the city, I don't use it near as much (because it's off-putting to some, or causes some to have incorrect assumptions). In the country though, I wouldn't dream of not using sir or maam to an older client or acquaintance.