Separate Bedrooms?

Lyndon Baines Johnson (LBJ) former president of the US and Lady Bird Johnson had seperate bedrooms...although LBJ had a door in his bedroom that led upstairs to his 'private nurse'!

I find it odd that so many are saying this would lead to eventual marital issues when divorce rates are already so high and I'm pretty sure MOST couples share a bed.

I myself considered what this would be like. My husband considers his bed hogging a 'cute trait' and it seems to be getting worse. I don't mind cuddling, but to get any REAL sleep I need my space.
I really don't want to fan any flames though and I think what I really just want is a place to unwind that I can call my own. If we had that kind of extra space I probably wouldn't feel so confined in the bedroom.

Originally posted by Rainbowresidue
I wanted to see my husband's reaction to this, so I just told my him, that I'm sleeping in the other room from now on , and he said:
"What did I do?"
lol Then I told him about your post. (And yes, we like to play pranks on each other)
Been married for 5 years, but simply could not imagine not falling asleep next to him. I've been a terrible sleeper all my life, til I met him. I finally feel safe to fall into a deep sleep.

Also we cuddle every night before we fall asleep, it helps us both unwind and relax. The only time he slept on the couch, was when I came home with a terrible cold, and I insisted because I didn't want him to get sick too, and even then I missed him.
I think sharing your bed with the one you love is very important in a relationship. It is also important for your intimacy.
Then again every relationship is different I guess, so I'm sorry that I can't give you advice or tell you what to do, I can only say that my hubby would be offended or think that he did something wrong.

I hope you do find a solution to your problem, and if I might be honest here, I would say that something else is the problem in your marriage, and the "wanting a seperate room" is just the tip of the ice berg.

I wish you the best of luck in your decision.

I agree with you 100%, I was trying to basically say the same thing as you but you said it so much better than me.

reply to post by Darkphoenix77


Thanks, I tried my best. I hope the OP works everything out with her hubby.

second post

Originally posted by Rainbowresidue
reply to post by Darkphoenix77

 

Thanks, I tried my best. I hope the OP works everything out with her hubby.

second post

Me too, the most important thing in any relationship is honesty, honesty with your mate and honesty with ones self.

reply to post by MojaveBurning


Separate bedrooms have served royal families well over the centuries. So why not for us commoners

Personally I wanted to do this at the start of our marriage because I have a very light sleep. But my wife could not stand the thought.
14 years into the marriage she is starting to consider the advantages, as I have started snoring
We have a lot of physical contact in our relationship and this is great. But sound sleep is the most important building block of good health and becomes even more important as we get older. That counts, too.

If one approaches this with some creativity and as a decision taken in agreement I think it could work well. Some ideas:
- The two bedrooms should not be too far apart.
- Make sure to always visit each other before going to sleep for hugs and kisses.
- Consider starting the night together in the same bed. Only if one wakes up because the partner disturbs the sleep he/she can go to the other room.
- Only use separate bedrooms when good sleep is important (during workdays, for example). Spend the night together on the weekend - just like when we were young and stayed with our lovers :-)

I imagine that separate bedrooms can even better a relationship if used wisely and with loving respect for each other. We will probably give it a try when we move to a bigger apartment.

reply to post by SacredLore

- Consider starting the night together in the same bed. Only if one wakes up because the partner disturbs the sleep he/she can go to the other room.

That in my opinion is a reasonable compromise, assuming that one partner isn't just using it as "an out" to mask other problems.

Originally posted by SacredLore
reply to post by MojaveBurning

 

Separate bedrooms have served royal families well over the centuries. So why not for us commoners

Royal marriages and those of the 'upper class' were arranged marriages, business transactions that benefited the families involved by expanding and entwining land holdings and inheritances. In most cases you were not allowed the choice of spouses. Your parents and senior family members arranged things, sometimes at your birth. The marriage 'partners' were expectd to provide 'an heir and a spare.' If they did that their obligations and commitments were secure. 'Romance' won in Jane Austen's "Pride & Prejudice," but that was an exception--as well as a harbinger of things to come.

Further, these people had servant to dress and undress them. It would not have been seen as appropriate for a female maid to undress her Ladyship in the presence of her naked royal husband, nor the manservant to be in the same bedroom as her ladyship: Awkward! Tyhere's also the ostentatious aspect.

The male in the situation either had concubines and harems (Ottoman Empire), or a mistress on the side (UK) where the male paid all the expenses of a townhouse for his mistress, until he simply dismissed her when he grew tired of her.

Then, alas, there is the Marquess of Bath.....*


*Americans are unlikely to get this.

It's your lucky day OP.... I'm on my second marriage my first wife being a cold frigid woman she didn't even like holding hands or public shows of affection..... in the bed department she didn't like spooning or caressing in bed. (Its called 7 year itch ) Needless to say 3 years later for above and other obvious reasons found out later we got divorced.......
Now 10 years into my second marriage we cannot sleep apart ever, she is my total soulmate we would gladly die together in each other's arms...... Can you say the same? As stated earlier in the thread something is a miss...
You either love to be with your partner or you don't and if you don't then regardless to what anyone says, 7 years in and wanting separate rooms....... sounds doomed to fail.

My own honest opinion based on experience. Take it or leave it.

P.s to be completely honest with you I knew 2 years into the marriage she would one day be unfaithful.... the clue is in the name but it was my duty to try and make it work for my baby daughters but the outcome was inevitable.

I'm a little surprised at the majority of answers thinking that this idea is automatically indicative of problems. I'm especially amazed at the people who said they'd move out at such a request! Seriously?

The idea of being constantly joined at the hip is what I think DOES ruin a lot of relationships. Of course, for quite awhile now, society views being in love as necessarily getting married, necessarily cohabiting and necessarily sleeping in the same bed. This is essentially unnatural for entire 50 or 60 years. Though people derive security from it, I see that often, that security is all they're left with 20 years down the line. No, not in all cases, but yes, in many.

I know that in my last relationship, I was asked to move in. I really didn't want to. I saw no reason to be living together and doubt I ever will. That doesn't I won't do it in my next relationship, but if I did, you can guarantee I'd have my own bedroom. That would not mean we wouldn't sleep together a lot of the time, but it would mean sometimes we wouldn't.

I do remember that IN my last relationship, I had a hard time sleeping together for the first bit. By the end of it, I had a hard time sleeping alone for awhile. Now I think I'd have to reacquaint myself with sleeping with someone again. So I chalk that down to what you're used to.

But I don't think it can any one way for everyone. Only you know what wanting to sleep in a separate room does or does not mean.

Originally posted by DreamerOracle
It's your lucky day OP.... I'm on my second marriage

my first wife being a cold frigid woman she didn't even like holding hands or public shows of affection..... in the bed department she didn't like spooning or caressing in bed. (Its called 7 year itch ) Needless to say 3 years later for above and other obvious reasons found out later we got divorced.......
Now 10 years into my second marriage we cannot sleep apart ever, she is my total soulmate we would gladly die together in each other's arms...... Can you say the same? As stated earlier in the thread something is a miss...
You either love to be with your partner or you don't and if you don't then regardless to what anyone says, 7 years in and wanting separate rooms....... sounds doomed to fail.

My own honest opinion based on experience. Take it or leave it.

edit on 27-2-2013 by DreamerOracle because: (no reason given)

I don't buy this, "you either love to be with your partner or you don't." Very black and white and not at all inclusive of people and their various predelictions.

reply to post by MojaveBurning


I'd be more than likely offended if my wife suggested this. Part of what's great about marriage is that you have someone who is there. I sometimes migrate out to the couch because my wife snores pretty loudly. I still feel like I belong beside her though. I don't think I could have a separate bed and still feel the same amount of intimacy and connection to my wife. But that's just me. I wonder if I'll feel the same in 10 years, in twenty? Hopefully we will both be around to find out!

It's quite simple really........ TRUE Love means that being together when opportunity allows is the number one goal for any partnership ..... Until you have actually experienced being with your soulmate you would never understand, sleep is impossible without each other's company. We often lie in each other's arms and simply wish to stay there forever, our joke is searching for the zippers on each other so we can be even closer(Soulmates we know there's something closer , it's just these dang fleshbags in the way ) ..... That to us is Love and to contemplate separation...... we just don't see how you could say you were in love. As I said my own opinion take it or leave it.

Originally posted by zonetripper2065
Thats what my parents did after my dad caught her cheating on him. Then the whore stayed a few more years as if she was wanted there.

Ouch, my ex cheated on me and we have 3 kids, I hope my kids don't have these type of issues when they grow up. Everyone needs their own space, but if you don't want to spend time with your spouse, why are you married?

reply to post by Superhans


You sir, do not deserve the love of a good woman.

My husband and I had seperate rooms in the city. I loved it. But we have since moved off grid into a little, little, little place in the mountains. So we are sharing the bed, which means I am up all night because he hogs the covers or is sleeping on my side, pulling my hair, elbowing my face, getting up for the 5th time to pee. I am so tired by the time the sun comes up. Maybe this lifestyle change would not seem so hard if I was rested. All in all, I know it's worth it. BTW we are in our 20th year of marriage.

I'm curious why there was an administrator hold on this thread for two days. I hadn't read anything racy or inflammatory.. Did I miss something? Can someone explain why an admin hold would occur? .....I've not seen that on other threads since I have joined ATS

Originally posted by rimjaja
I'm curious why there was an administrator hold on this thread for two days. I hadn't read anything racy or inflammatory.. Did I miss something? Can someone explain why an admin hold would occur? .....I've not seen that on other threads since I have joined ATS

What administrative hold? The thread started on 2/25. There were a number of posts on the 25th, 26th, and today, the 27th. There is no evidence there was an administrative hold for two days since the thread is three days old and there have been multiple posts every day.

It seems like the relationship is already in trouble if it would end because a body isn't laying within a certain number of feet from another body. Wanting personal space isn't automatically exclusionary. A couple is made up of two individuals. I don't think sharing a home should mean a person has to give up any hope of ever having personal privacy or their own space again. It's not as if the door has to be barricaded or an appointment must be made to get together. Open door policy and all that.

Originally posted by rimjaja
I'm curious why there was an administrator hold on this thread for two days. I hadn't read anything racy or inflammatory.. Did I miss something? Can someone explain why an admin hold would occur? .....I've not seen that on other threads since I have joined ATS

I made a questionable post a few pages back that went over the heads of some as a joke, but I don't think there was a "hold". When that happens the thread either gets trashed and nobody talks about it again or it is "closed pending staff review" which means its game over.