Why Should I care?

I care too much.

I know this, I've been told this many times from many different people from different walks of life.

I'm too nice, I've been told this many times from many different people and I know this also.

So why should I care?

I am constantly trodden down, ignored, stabbed in the back, singled out and given grief and all because I am "too nice" and care too much.

It's seen as a sign of weakness. Because I don't bite back it's seen as weakness but DO NOT confuse my ability to forgive and walk away as weakness.... If you keep pushing I will bite back eventually and believe me you wont like it.

The problem is, I don't like to bite back and I feel worse for defending myself and standing up for myself... I'm by no means a pushover, no sir.. In fact in given situtations I'm probably the most stubborn person I know...
I guess I just don't like or enjoy conflict and will avoid it as much as I can but given the circumstances I will.

I see a lot of people in my job and you wouldn't believe the amount of abuse I get (I'm a courier)..... WAIT A MINUTE.. You don't even know me!! Why the attitude? Why the abuse?

The amount of times I walk into a reception with a big smile on my face ""Good Morning, How are you? I have a box of goodies for you"" I'll say, full of happiness... just to be looked in the face and ignored... I mean ignored to, they look at me, they don't smile, they don't reply.... they just look.

Erm... excuse me... where the hell are your manners? I just spoke to you? I just asked you a question.. you could at least reply.

When I ask how someone is, I genuinely want to know how they are... otherwise I wouldn't have asked right?

Bit too personal maybe? How about just a "hello" then or "Good morning"

I walked into another building the other day, there must have been 20 people sitting there and I said "Good Morning everyone" smiling as I usually do.... NOT ONE of them answered me... they all looked at me, they all saw I was there, they all heard what I said... not one answer.

You got a problem with my company? You got a problem with couriers in general? None of this should matter.. I am there in front of you extending a greeting as a person, as another fellow human being.. can't you even acknowledge I exist?

I would do anything for anyone.. I don't have to know you to help you. I care about you as another human being. I don't want reward or praise, just a smile and a thankyou is plenty and yet some can't even bring themselves to even say "hello" back to me.

I see certain people every day, in fact I've seen certain people every day for the past 6 years or so and still they can't bring themselves to say "hello" or "good morning" back to me... I dont' want to be your friend but we see each other every day, the least you can do is acknowledge that fact with a greeting. And yet, there I am... the stupid fool, I'll still walk in, every morning, a smile on my face.. "Good Morning, how are you?"

I find it so alien to ignore someone... I can't understand how people do it.

I've had my "best" friend (yeah right...) stab me in the back to sleep with my then girlfriend. I used to blame him for that, I was very very angry... but I now blame her just as much. I don't speak to either of them now. But why did they do that? My supposed best friend, who at the drop of a hat I'd do any favour for, I'd be there to hold him up when he needed it, to support him when he was depressed, to be an ear for him to bawl into when he needed to rant.... and my girlfriend, we were planning a baby together, we'd seen a house we were going to buy... etc etc..

He was engaged at the time to another woman, should I take revenge and let her know? Spoil his life for him the same way he spoilt mine?

Am I angry now? No... I've forgiven them... I will never forget mind you and I will not give them the time of day now.

I had the same problem when my wife ran off with another man (prior to that last girlfriend by the way haha) I'd have died for that woman. I still love her deeply.

So, why do I care so much? As much as I am nice, as good a job as I try to do and as friendly as I try to be I keep getting flak and abuse and yet I still do it.

It hurts, I wish I didn't care so much but all I can do is remember this saying from the Hopi Indians...



Thanks for allowing me this rant, just needed to vent some steam.

reply to post by Mister_Bit


Stand up for yourself and people will stop trying to walk all over you.

you are not alone.. we are born with empathy and our civilzation beats it out of us. I personally think folks behave as their leaders treat them.. trickle down hate I call it..


I never consider civility and kindness a weakness. I do consider those who make fun of it TROGLODYTES

it's sad that human decency has become so rare that those you encounter don't see your intent.. I get the same stuff. I don't care how far civilization falls.. IF I can be nice I will.

However, being female I do think having a "witch from hell "attitude online keeps the fools and idiots at bay.. Around the local mountain men and rednecks I have my personal tricks for getting them to consider me human.. trotting out my accent and making fun of all politicians usually wins their hearts (no I don't bash our prez) just the twts like Boehner who cannot be bothered to find his humanity

There is a cancer of cyncism in our culture so deep I don't know if we are worth saving. I'd venture to say that you should never let people rent sace in your head. IF they aren't nce tis tween their maker and them.. their karma their mistake and their loss

Originally posted by ollncasino
reply to post by Mister_Bit

 

Stand up for yourself and people will stop trying to walk all over you.

edit on 25-2-2013 by ollncasino because: (no reason given)

I don't think so.. Not all women fall into your "women do this " limited view..


I respect guys who are civil and have no time for those that limit others humanity by lumping us all into blocks their small brains cannot decipeher the reality of women so they make blanket claims.. OHJ NO buddy you are so wrong..

reply to post by Mister_Bit



stop caring man, leave that for women.

be assertive, confident(even if you have to fake it) and most of all dont be over sensitive and emotional. it sounds to me like you must have some sort of mother issues...you desperately seek a females attention, even after they treat you like a piece of gum on the sidewalk.

enough is enough. reality check. everyone lies. they lie about who they truly are.

it sounds to me like you keep being attracted to women who think very highly of themselves and those are usually the type who will always go from man to man because they think that they are the center of the universe. little do they know that their beauty wont last for ever and soon they will be old and decrepit and most of all ALONE. with the grand canyon between their legs.

find a humble woman, even if she is not that attractive. DONT GO FOR LOOKS. those are the stuck up ones. go for an "average" woman who is down to earth. make her feel special but not all the time.

even though sadly more and more as the years go by, most of womens expectations are way too exaggerated, and sadly the average nice guy will never meet those expectations.

Originally posted by aem56

I respect guys who are civil and have no time for those that limit others humanity by lumping us all into blocks their small brains cannot decipeher the reality of women so they make blanket claims.. OHJ NO buddy you are so wrong..

Perhaps my brain is too small to decipher the reality of women.

On the other hand, people who don't stand up for themselves do tend to get walked all over. Especially by women.

Of course, I realize that not all women are the same. Still, whatever the OP is doing, it clearly isn't working for him.

Originally posted by ooYODAoo
reply to post by Mister_Bit

 

stop caring man, leave that for women.

be assertive, confident(even if you have to fake it) and most of all dont be over sensitive and emotional. it sounds to me like you must have some sort of mother issues...you desperately seek a females attention, even after they treat you like a piece of gum on the sidewalk.

enough is enough. reality check. everyone lies. they lie about who they truly are.

it sounds to me like you keep being attracted to women who think very highly of themselves and those are usually the type who will always go from man to man because they think that they are the center of the universe. little do they know that their beauty wont last for ever and soon they will be old and decrepit and most of all ALONE. with the grand canyon between their legs.

find a humble woman, even if she is not that attractive. DONT GO FOR LOOKS. those are the stuck up ones. go for an "average" woman who is down to earth. make her feel special but not all the time.

even though sadly more and more as the years go by, most of womens expectations are way too exaggerated, and sadly the average nice guy will never meet those expectations.

Thanks for the reply and I understand it's difficult to get a feel for someone from a few words on a forum but this is way off the mark

I am assertive and confident, I wouldn't last 5 minutes in this job if I wasn't.

No idea where you get the idea I'm seeking female attention from?

The post is more about common decency and why is that people should have to "defend" or stand up for themselves, shouldn't everyone just be civil and polite to each other all the time?

Why would a friend stab you in the back? Why would a "lover" betray you?..... I know the answers already.

You say that people give you grief as you are a courier and I have no doubt that it's a hard job to do (I have a couple of friends who are couriers). Funny thing when your in an office environment, you can tell who has never worked in a service position before (ie. your first job as a cashier dealing with customers, etc.). These are the people who normally mistreat others or are generally rude to them. They seem to think that your below them for some reason. I've seem this play out a thousand times as I'm an IT guy. Basically it's like they weren't taught any manners on how to be polite.

Originally posted by ooYODAoo

everyone lies. they lie about who they truly are.

make her feel special but not all the time.

I have to agree with comment #1... Everyone lies... even if only little white lies. And certainly when representing themselves to others. After spending so much time hearing and seeing people lie to you, day in and day out, it is a very hard thing to stay away from.

Some of us try VERY hard to NOT lie though. I have a select few I NEVER lie to. Even little white harmless lies. And I do attempt to do the same for everyone but sometimes it is difficult. A little thing such as a relative excited about the weird color they had the exterior painted, (a color I would NEVER pick by choice!) is sometimes treated more diplomatically by smiling, asking why they picked it and choosing something positive and commenting on it... "Wow they really did a great job around the windows!"

But no matter how good someone is... the truth is ALWAYS revealed at some point. So better to just come outright rather than get caught in the web of lies we all spin for ourselves.

As for comment #2 I have to wonder why it is not acceptable to make someone you love feel special ALL the time... do you not want to feel special and cared about ALL the time? Or just 1/2 the time?

I truly have to disagree with comment #2. Treat others as you wish to be treated and when they don't hold up their end of the bargain... kill 'em with kindness! I would much rather be the good guy / girl than be lumped with the jerks who don't care about anyone but themselves or have sticks so far up their butts they cannot muster even a civilized hello.

But I am just weird like that! =P

Hi OP... the greeting in the morning thing.. i used to do that, slowly less and less people replied, so i stopped greeting as well, i guess this how it spreads.

Why greet when they are not interested...

Now i just smile with my mouth closed if i see someone.. and wait for them to open their mouth first.

Originally posted by aem56
you are not alone.. we are born with empathy and our civilzation beats it out of us. I personally think folks behave as their leaders treat them.. trickle down hate I call it..


I never consider civility and kindness a weakness. I do consider those who make fun of it TROGLODYTES

it's sad that human decency has become so rare that those you encounter don't see your intent.. I get the same stuff. I don't care how far civilization falls.. IF I can be nice I will.

However, being female I do think having a "witch from hell "attitude online keeps the fools and idiots at bay.. Around the local mountain men and rednecks I have my personal tricks for getting them to consider me human.. trotting out my accent and making fun of all politicians usually wins their hearts (no I don't bash our prez) just the twts like Boehner who cannot be bothered to find his humanity

There is a cancer of cyncism in our culture so deep I don't know if we are worth saving. I'd venture to say that you should never let people rent sace in your head. IF they aren't nce tis tween their maker and them.. their karma their mistake and their loss

Thanks for the reply.

It's heartwarming to see at least someone feels the same.

It's a huge shame I feel to see society, or at least the major part of it, fall under this "me me me" spell. There is nothing wrong with looking after yourself but at the same time, look after others too, it's not that difficult

Originally posted by RedShirt73
You say that people give you grief as you are a courier and I have no doubt that it's a hard job to do (I have a couple of friends who are couriers). Funny thing when your in an office environment, you can tell who has never worked in a service position before (ie. your first job as a cashier dealing with customers, etc.). These are the people who normally mistreat others or are generally rude to them. They seem to think that your below them for some reason. I've seem this play out a thousand times as I'm an IT guy. Basically it's like they weren't taught any manners on how to be polite.

Thanks for the reply.

You know, some times I really do get the feeling these people look down their nose at me. I know one chap does for sure.

Bottom line, we're all just people working to make a living right? Why not make everyone's day a little easier with a smile.

Originally posted by pslr2301

Originally posted by ooYODAoo

everyone lies. they lie about who they truly are.

make her feel special but not all the time.

I have to agree with comment #1... Everyone lies... even if only little white lies. And certainly when representing themselves to others. After spending so much time hearing and seeing people lie to you, day in and day out, it is a very hard thing to stay away from.

Some of us try VERY hard to NOT lie though. I have a select few I NEVER lie to. Even little white harmless lies. And I do attempt to do the same for everyone but sometimes it is difficult. A little thing such as a relative excited about the weird color they had the exterior painted, (a color I would NEVER pick by choice!) is sometimes treated more diplomatically by smiling, asking why they picked it and choosing something positive and commenting on it... "Wow they really did a great job around the windows!"

But no matter how good someone is... the truth is ALWAYS revealed at some point. So better to just come outright rather than get caught in the web of lies we all spin for ourselves.

As for comment #2 I have to wonder why it is not acceptable to make someone you love feel special ALL the time... do you not want to feel special and cared about ALL the time? Or just 1/2 the time?

I truly have to disagree with comment #2. Treat others as you wish to be treated and when they don't hold up their end of the bargain... kill 'em with kindness! I would much rather be the good guy / girl than be lumped with the jerks who don't care about anyone but themselves or have sticks so far up their butts they cannot muster even a civilized hello.

But I am just weird like that! =P

Not weird.. or else that makes two of us lol

But I agree with you, you should make your lover feel great ALL the time!!

I had one fellow I delivered to on a daily basis and he was the grumpiest fellow you could ever meet, I'd do my usual morning greeting and the most I could expect was a grunt... I made it my mission to make him smile.

Took me a couple of years of persistant "niceness" but eventually I'd have him laughing and smiling every morning

Originally posted by Mister_Bit
Bottom line, we're all just people working to make a living right? Why not make everyone's day a little easier with a smile.

Couldn't agree with you more. Applause and claps.

Originally posted by luciddream
Hi OP... the greeting in the morning thing.. i used to do that, slowly less and less people replied, so i stopped greeting as well, i guess this how it spreads.

Why greet when they are not interested...

Now i just smile with my mouth closed if i see someone.. and wait for them to open their mouth first.

edit on 2/25/2013 by luciddream because: (no reason given)

It's a real shame isn't it

I really question myself some days... am I flogging a dead horse but then I can't really be anything other than who I am as much as it annoys me haha

find a humble woman, even if she is not that attractive. DONT GO FOR LOOKS. those are the stuck up ones. go for an "average" woman who is down to earth. make her feel special but not all the time.

even though sadly more and more as the years go by, most of womens expectations are way too exaggerated, and sadly the average nice guy will never meet those expectations.


doesn't anyone ever call you on your sexism? I for one am offended by the ay you portray women.. BUt then, after reading your threads..one can come to the conclsuion that your instinct has been overuling your intellect.. has that brian migrated south so long you cannot get it back to the north forty?

Come on all people do this stuff is such a throwback as to not even ... ever... be relevant.. IF that guys wants to be caring let him. There are enough callous brains in their lower forty guys like you all over the world

I've learned to separate myself from how people treat me, because I know that it has nothing to do with me. As long as I love and respect myself nobody can bring me down or tell me any different. If somebody is being an asshole, let them because negativity like that brings you so far from your spiritual self so you'll be the one laughing.

Excersize love, respect, empathy, care, sympathy no matter how people treat you. It is what we are here for. Don't whine or groan about it because the negativity you experience is the negativity you bring upon yourself.

If you ever wonder why people walk all over you and treat you like #, is because you probably do it yourself.

I work in the hotel business as a front desk clerk and I take more # from people than you can imagine. I have to be friendly 24/7 on the phones and in person, all while assisting customer needs, divulging tasks for housekeepers who don't listen and managers who don't give a flying f*** about the quality of my work. I am passed by day by day without hello's or good mornings even though I've got a smile on my face. I have heard it all. People call me stupid, retarded, yell slander over the phones, throw paper, huff and puff like babies.. Yet I don't let it bother me because you know why? Worrying about the negative just brings more negative. You have to remember these people are in their own struggles. Nothing people do to you is /because/ of you. Their own little worlds and society has made it so everything --especially love-- is to be disposable. Oh my husband doesn't have sex with me the way I like anymore so I'm going to get a new hot guy. Oh my wife is getting fat let's go out and find young women who don't care about anything but money. Oh my cellphone broke, let's get a new one. Society has molded people into cold hearted, incapable of feeling robots. Disposable society. The "I feel like # so I'm going to treat everybody else like #" Thing only gets you so far.

Love yourself.

Originally posted by clairvoyantrose
I've learned to separate myself from how people treat me, because I know that it has nothing to do with me. As long as I love and respect myself nobody can bring me down or tell me any different. If somebody is being an asshole, let them because negativity like that brings you so far from your spiritual self so you'll be the one laughing.

Excersize love, respect, empathy, care, sympathy no matter how people treat you. It is what we are here for. Don't whine or groan about it because the negativity you experience is the negativity you bring upon yourself.

If you ever wonder why people walk all over you and treat you like #, is because you probably do it yourself.

Love yourself.

Thanks

I try to live by these rules but it can become difficult at times and it gets me down occassionally.... bad day today

Oh.. and I do love myself, it just frustrates me that other's can't love and respect others also.

I guess I want the whole world to be happy and it feels like I'm fighting a losing battle.

I so agree with that lovely lady who suggested that folks do this because society urges us to treat folks as we treat paper plates..I so agree and the net has made it worse..

Be true to you .be as kind as you are. Karma runs over dogma and people who are mean get theirs in the end.. That said..online... I can be purposefully abrasive when I see guys or anyone being mean.. Yet, ultimately I think the biggest issue facing us all is our failure to find commonality with our fellow humans..

treat others as you would be treated per se.. Yet onine, for females, I don't think you can be totally civil.. I was once in the bar biz and you have to know which drunks to chuck out and which to give a swift verbal slap to the head.. for women tend to be perceived as " lightwieights" when we are nice and ... that is one mistake guys should never make with me...
So do what feels good for you .. cause goodness is it's own reward

Originally posted by aem56

So do what feels good for you .. cause goodness is it's own reward

I like this a lot