Satan HAS Taken Over - The Evidence

This was originally going to be a reply on another thread, but as this response took shape, it became apparent that these amazing Revelations ( pun intended ) deserve a thread of their own. As with all things Satanic, this kind of evidence does tend to fall into the Gray Area ( Yes, Satan prefers ambiguity over clearly defined facts ), so I'm going to ask the Mods to please let this thread remain in The Gray Area.

As stated in the title, Satan has indeed taken over, and I have the proof right here. Well, OK, as much "proof" as anyone has about the workings of his Infernal Majesty, but I feel that my "proof" is just as valid as any other religious assumption. Many threads are posted on ATS that are based on the presumption that a particular religious view or political belief is inherently valid, and I feel that my personal experience desrves equal consideration. OK, here's my case, and I'm sticking to it!

If you've been reading the pro-gun threads, it's clear that Satan is against the Second Amendment. Satan is a Socialist-Fascist-Commie Traitor, and he's going to go house to house to take ALL of the guns away VERY SOON to prepare us for a U.N. One World Totalitarian Government scenario.
If you've been reading the Gun Control threads, you see the evidence that Satan is manufacturing more assault weapons and high capacity clips as we speak, and if you want Satan's guns, you're going to have to pry them from his HOT dead hands. Why does Satan need a gun that can shoot that many bullets anyway???

He's also backing a Liberal Gay Rights Agenda by hosting free screenings of Gay Porn in Hell on Wednesday nights in hopes that he can destroy God's work by erasing the Traditional Family from the face of the Earth while simultaneously working to recruit more members for the Westboro Baptist Church. And yes, Satan wants a separate "straight" prom as well, just so you know. (He wants both kinds of music played at the "straight" prom, which is Country AND Western, but I don't really know what that's all about.)

Satan is enthusiastically backing Jihadists and trying to get more countries to implement Sharia law, and subsequently he's doing everything he can to support Israel by tampering with U.N votes, sending more efficient tactical nukes to the Israel's Security Forces, and convincing people everywhere that bagels are delicious.
By the way, he just lets Ahmadinejad say whatever he wants to, there's not much Nefarious Interference required in that department.

Satan has also become a corporate-shill farmer, who's aggressively turning out crop after crop of GMO foods for you and your children to consume so that he can alter your DNA and kill you off more quicly while polluting the water supply. ( All of this GMO Super-Food Stuff will of course be processed in factories that spew out as much toxic filth as possible, per Satanic Production Guidelines. If ever that was a case for industry de-regulation.... ) Strangely enough, Satan has also inspired Legions ( pun intended ) of dope smoking New Age Hippie-types who who demand clean food, water, air, consumer protections, and fair access to education and health care.
I also want you to know that Satan tried VERY HARD to keep Twinkies on the shelves, and he's not quite sure what happened on that one, but he has a task force specifically charged with getting the Twinkies back online, so be patient. He was equally for and against Unions until this happened, and now he doesn't know what to think about them.

Satan has recently taken a course to become a real estate agent, because any idiot or Demi-God can see that the market is picking back up. He's putting a lot of Faith ( pun intended ) back into the market, and he hopes to help the Wall Street Crowd get back into the game ASAP, and get the cash flowing ( to the "right people" ) again.
He's working hard on getting some real legislative reform implented in the economic sector through de-regulation, because after all, we don't need any "outsiders" trying to regulate an industry that "outsider" don't understand to begin with. And of course The Dark One is trying to reboot the Occupy Movement and get them motivated and organized so that they can fight their battle against corporate greed and governmental apathy more effectively. I mean really, what's more Evil than a bunch of Losers criticizing a bunch of Winners anyway, right?

You may be asking yourself, "Did Satan suddenly lose interest in subconsciously programming the Youth of America through modern music?". The answer simply is, no, of course not. Justin Bieber and Psy both have vibrant careers, and their contracts with Lucifer Records are still obviously good.

Satan is video taping UFOs every week and posting them on YouTube, he's leaking government documents related to the subject and sending them to Ufologists everywhere, and then through a variety of fake accounts, he's posting threads with this evidence on ATS. Through a variety of other fake accounts, he's also debunking and dismissing this evidence with the weakest of aruments, because really, who believes this UFO crap anyway? If aliens were here, we'd know it by now, because the U.S. Government can't keep a secret, we all know that.

OK, OK, I know there are skeptics out there, just waiting to rip apart my thread and debunk my EVIDENCE.
Surely you're all wondering how I came upon this proof. Well, I'll tell you.
I went into the desert to find a secret NWO/FEMA Base/Camp that my cousin's friend's girlfriend told my uncle's co-worker about, and I found the base hidden behind what is obviously a holographic rock wall that has been designed to look and feel like the real thing. Anyway, while standing next to this rock wall/fence, I overheard THREE strange looking Men dressed all In Black discussing how they had successfully orchestrated the 9/11 attacks and fooled everyone. ( They were also saying something about the Pope, but I didn't catch all of that ). Anyway, when I heard about 9/11 and The Pope, I let out a gasp, and they heard me. I immediately took off running through the desert ( in the dark mind you, the moon was not out that night ), and I tripped over a rock and hit my head, but when I hit the ground and rolled over, my mouth landed on a Peyote Cactus, and I was knocked out for a few minutes...or hours, I'm not really sure how long it was. Anyway, I had a strange dream/vision in which appeared the Ghost of a Sasquatch who told me all about what Satan is up to, and the Sasquatch Ghost laid out all of the details that I have related to you here today. I know this all sounds incredible, but trust me, I had to pull SEVEN Peyote Cactus needles out of my tongue. That REALLY hurt a lot!
( By the way, I must tell you, I also saw the Curiosity Rover "pretending" to do its mission at the secret NWO/FEMA base/camp, that whole thing really IS a hoax! ).
I don't have any pics ( I know, I know, "Pics or it didn't happen" ) because my camera batteries were mysteriously drained as I approached the camp/base. Sorry about that, but believe me, it's ALL TRUE.

Anyway, yeah, Satan HAS taken over, so look out.

reply to post by moonzoo7

This was originally going to be a reply on another thread, but as this response took shape, it became apparent that these amazing Revelations ( pun intended ) deserve a thread of their own. As with all things Satanic, this kind of evidence does tend to fall into the Gray Area ( Yes, Satan prefers ambiguity over clearly defined facts ), so I'm going to ask the Mods to please let this thread remain in The Gray Area.

Why keep it in the Gray Area? There's only one forum for a joke this bad...

I'm giving your sanity the benefit of the doubt here in assuming this thread is a joke. Otherwise, I can't imagine where you people come from. I'd post the part that made me laugh most, but your OP is too big.

The jokes or short stories forums would be a better place for this or just 404 it since it has no value to anyone except maybe the OP.

reply to post by Tardacus


No value to YOU, perhaps, which is valid. If other people are going to post threads filled with assumptions and beliefs that have no value to ME, then why isn't my story just as important?

reply to post by Tardacus


There is an actual point to this, and if you will put your ego aside for a sec and think about what I'm trying to say, then you might understand it. Or not. There are other people here who will understand what this is about, no worries.

so you are saying that satan invented multi-tasking.
that as

I am going to assume the thread that you were going to post this in as a reply was the thread of mine about Satan in the Vatican.

LINK

Kind of glad you didn’t and believe that’s not a complement.

EVIDENCE. Surely you're all wondering how I came upon this proof. Well, I'll tell you. I went into the desert to find a secret NWO/FEMA Base/Camp that my cousin's friend's girlfriend told my uncle's co-worker about, and I found the base hidden behind what is obviously a holographic rock wall that has been designed to look and feel like the real thing. Anyway, while standing next to this rock wall/fence, I overheard THREE strange looking Men dressed all In Black discussing how they had successfully orchestrated the 9/11 attacks and fooled everyone. ( They were also saying something about the Pope, but I didn't catch all of that ). Anyway, when I heard about 9/11 and The Pope, I let out a gasp, and they heard me. I immediately took off running through the desert ( in the dark mind you, the moon was not out that night ), and I tripped over a rock and hit my head, but when I hit the ground and rolled over, my mouth landed on a Peyote Cactus, and I was knocked out for a few minutes...or hours, I'm not really sure how long it was. Anyway, I had a strange dream/vision in which appeared the Ghost of a Sasquatch who told me all about what Satan is up to, and the Sasquatch Ghost laid out all of the details that I have related to you here today. I know this all sounds incredible, but trust me, I had to pull SEVEN Peyote Cactus needles out of my tongue. That REALLY hurt a lot! ( By the way, I must tell you, I also saw the Curiosity Rover "pretending" to do its mission at the secret NWO/FEMA base/camp, that whole thing really IS a hoax! ). I don't have any pics ( I know, I know, "Pics or it didn't happen" ) because my camera batteries were mysteriously drained as I approached the camp/base. Sorry about that, but believe me, it's ALL TRUE.

I mean is this a joke and i mean that.

Seriously is this a joke?

It is the only logical reason why a person of sound mind and of good intellect would bother posting this.

Originally posted by moonzoo7
reply to post by Tardacus

 

There is an actual point to this, and if you will put your ego aside for a sec and think about what I'm trying to say, then you might understand it. Or not. There are other people here who will understand what this is about, no worries.

I think everyone knows what you are saying.. Your agenda as it could be put.. Your post is not as clever as you might think, and it does go against the rules of this site.

What does a name or concept mean if analogies cannot be seen?
Nothing.

There is a certain darkness in the powers of this world. Call it as you may, but don't for one second think your best interests are on the agenda.

Yes yes... "WE" are Satan via our collective actions, fears, and doubts... from all spectrums of life. Regardless of whether there are consciousnesses "bigger" than ours or not... we still all make our individual choices resulting in the global circumstance we find ourselves in.

That's pretty obvious by now. You mock but still wind up telling the truth. har.

So what are "WE" gonna do about it besides make fun of people trying their hardest to understand bit by bit in a field of total confusion?

reply to post by ErgoTheConclusion

So what are "WE" gonna do about it besides make fun of people trying their hardest to understand bit by bit in a field of total confusion?

We're gonna nominate you to lead us, so you better think of something clever that we haven't heard before. I'll give you a few days to work on it.

reply to post by AfterInfinity

I would decline and be quite skeptical of anyone offering or thinking along those lines.

So what are "WE" gonna do?

Sad that you make fun of something so serious. So very deadly serious.

reply to post by WhoKnows100

Sad that you make fun of something so serious. So very deadly serious.

Sad that you take it serious, really. Maybe you should give us a few good reasons why you take it so seriously.

We all think that "the other guy" is the evil one. We ll think that we are right and anyone who opposes us has nefarious motives and ill intent. We are all Satan or under his influence to someone else who disagrees with us. When will we learn to see that people generally mean well, or maybe some of them are greedy jerks, but for the most part their motives are self-preservation, making more money, and once in a while doing what they believe to be right. And that generally just because they disagree with us does not mean that they are evil.

That's the point of the OP. To me it didn't seem confusing or ambiguous at all.

I stopped right here:

Satan is a Socialist-Fascist-Commie Traitor

and squirted coffee out my nose I started laughing so hard.

Thank you for the laugh.

I do, however, need plug in a spare keyboard to use while this one is cleaned.

reply to post by moonzoo7

Yeah, Satan is into taking the guns away, but he is also behind the obsession with them. We have a perfect
recipe for maximum civil strife. Its interesting to me how different countries collapse into total chaos. Spain during the 30's is a good example. There's Somalia and Iraq. It appears that Egypt is right on the verge. Some time in the near future the USA is headed over the cliff.

If you want to look at how Satan has taken over, look at the churches. Who needs Satanists when you have
seditious preachers?

If Satan is a metaphor for progression (i.e. equal rights for all people, regardless of sexual orientation) in our backwards society, then bring on the Satan. Religion is retarded.

reply to post by moonzoo7


Ever watch Billy Madison with Adam Sandler? When he gives his speech at the end, then announced to the crowd is how I feel......"You are now dumber having heard this".....

No offense OP, but Satan is a facist traitor??

You stated you have PROOF and made sure to say this over and over and over again......Can you provide some now that I read this joke?

Proof, as in evidence as something that supports your theory......Not opinion, not a joke, PROOF....

Originally posted by moonzoo7
reply to post by Tardacus

 

There is an actual point to this, and if you will put your ego aside for a sec and think about what I'm trying to say, then you might understand it. Or not. There are other people here who will understand what this is about, no worries.

I actually get your point. Imagine that.

Your conclusion that "Satan" is responsible for all the worldly woes is suspect. Oh I know all about how he was the real Lord God of the Bible and how he is the real craftsman behind religion, but, as his form is rather distasteful to human beings, he does not make personal appearances, and when he does they are few and very far between.

He, Satan, must use "Patsies" that are acceptable to the masses. They must look like us and act similar to us so that everything you mentioned can be realized. He must have henchmen and dupes to effect his plan, he must have real humans to supply him with the "inside" details that he would know nothing about otherwise. He must have intelligence assets within humanity, just like any other enemy. His plan could never be accomplished if it were not for these traitors to humanity.

No insult intended-- but I think the OP and the Pope are sharing the same
or similar "end times" paranoia.

I thought this would be over on Dec. 22, 2012 but apparently now we can
add The Catholic Church on the list of Christian churches as well as
Jewish Synagogues that believe we are nearing or in some kind of
Armageddon Scenario.



Rebel 5