Let's talk about sex... PLEASE read the OP....

.... it's not what you think.

As a species we have evolved beyond what we were to the dominant species on the planet. That's come with a lot of behavioral changes that we are still dealing with because of our biology. "What is the meaning of life?" I've been in these discussions before and the best argument I heard was, "To pass on our genetic material." Reproduce. Makes perfect sense to me.

Is it any wonder that humankind has always had a strong libido while young? No supermarkets or dry cleaners back then. If you didn't reproduce young you probably didn't. Much more dangerous times. Not even going back that far. Even just 100 years. So the young have the drive but, as I said, we've evolved. We need more. Especially as we get past youth. What's needed is "intimacy".

Intimacy.

As one gets older they see that MORE is needed to maintain a healthy relationship. A "connection". Mind not body. Sex should come from a bond that one loving person has for another. It's damn near impossible for intimacy to come from sex. That's not intimacy, that's sex.

Do I practice what I'm preaching? Yup. I've been single for 4 years. I've also been celibate for 4 years. Without intimacy sex become just another variation of masturbation imo. That said I'm in my 50's. Not missing it and yes the plumbing still works. What I AM missing is intimacy. Well, was. I've got a new friend this year. We'll see.

I'm sure the older crowd will read this and go, "Well, duh." The younger crowd will think, "This old fart is out of his mind." Well my pups, we were a pups too at one time. Think about it. What's more important NOW? Not what your biology tells you. A physical relationship that is physical or a physical relationship that was created out of a bond that 2 people share? Like I said, think about it.

Intimacy.... ??

I just want sex.. and back in the days I was single I was just on the hunt for more sex
its all I want
sex

its a natural feat we share with other male animals.. have as much sex as possible with as many as possible, and fight the competition

I have to be honest, the six to eight weeks after having my babies and not being sexual with my partner were special.

Yes we had the babies to bond over, but we also talked and bonded without the pressure of wondering if it was going to lead anywhere.

I understand it is natural and ingrained in our blood to um..get it on...,but sometimes it is overrated. I will take a good hug and snuggle with my hubby almost any day over a quickie on a lunch break.

Good topic. Hope it hangs around for mature discussion.

LOL at the "well duh"
I'm older, and have been with my hubby in total almost 18 years.
The intimacy is, to me, the glue that keeps us together. The sex is still there, and still great, but what would happen if that was no longer available? How many couples have the type of relationship that can withstand that?
Luckily I believe we do.
I also think, that if younger people would think about things like that, when forming relationships, maybe they could avoid some types of heartache early on.



Good thread!

reply to post by intrepid


Hmmm, while I do get your point and to a certain extent I agree that intimacy of the mind can be very uplifting and satisfying. I am a yoga practitioner and believe deeply that sex with the RIGHT partner can not only bring you closer it can heal the body and energise the mind.

reply to post by intrepid


I'm a very lucky guy,
I married my soul mate (eventually) and there is intimacy both with and without sex. Every morning when I get out of bed Mrs C although fast asleep reaches over and strokes my back.
Every night Although I'm asleep when she comes to bed, apparently I stroke the small of her back which she finds very relaxing. In my younger days (I was 46 on Monday) I was considered a bit of a charmer (Mrs C still thinks I'm an incorrigible flirt) but just laughs it off. Sex is like an entwinement of souls completely mind blowing. But no biggee if we have a few nights off,. Yes we still drag each other to bed sometimes but we also put the Ipod on the stereo and just dance for the fun of it.
It took a bitter couple of divorces for us but we found each other again, We'd met before in another country. We lived continents apart.
But true love could stop the very wheels of heaven turning.
It's that powerful.
Like I said
I'm a very lucky guy.

I love you Mrs C

Feel free to barf guys you're just jealous

I change shapes just to hide in this place but I'm still an animal.

Men will give love for sex, women will give sex for love.


End of story.

reply to post by cody599


I have to say to Cody, your post just made me cry Beautiful!

Having amazing sex but also having a connection is essential IMO....

Awesome thread!

reply to post by intrepid


Before I met my husband,I had been a celebate for 7 years.
I don't think he would have married me if I would have slept
with him first.

reply to post by intrepid


Intimacy and sex are not mutually exclusive, nor are they always intertwined.

You can have one without the other, or both together.

Sometimes, my wife and I are intimate without sex, sometimes intimate with sex, and sometimes, it's just sex with no real intimacy involved, all depends on the situation...and what we want at the time.

I can get missing the intimacy more than sex though.

Originally posted by paradisepurple
reply to post by cody599

 

I have to say to Cody, your post just made me cry

Beautiful!

Having amazing sex but also having a connection is essential IMO....

Awesome thread!

Can't hide the truth pp
Just lucky enough to live it

reply to post by intrepid


I have always been fascinated with the sexual cycles for males and females.

A young man would be better paired with an older woman. Their sexual drives are at their peek when he is in his late teens and she is in her late 30´s or older.

WHY?

What is the purpose of not having sexual drives that are at par with each other?

As we evolve as a species our psyche is changed as our self perception changes. The standard issue of just passing along genetic material can indulge in choosing who to pass it along to after understanding the consequences of their pairing. If you prefer certain traits and are not in survival mode, you can then seek out a desired partner for those particular traits so that they are reflected in your off spring.

When we are capable of selective breeding as we do now to a degree, it is because of the success of prior pairings which afforded those traits that adapted better to the environment and so secured our survival.

It is strange then to consider that survival is not then paramount to sexuality, but that sexuality becomes an exaggerated luxury of vanity in selective breeding.

When the more pleasing design is more important than the survival function in genetic transfers, the ability to cater to the ascetics primarily and over the survival function of the pairings lead to a state of diminishing returns where each successive generation is less adapted for survival, and so can focus less effort into "designing" its offspring out of vanity and must instead look for stronger, healthier and MORE adaptive partners to ensure the lineage /survival.

If we make a "perfect" human now according to our current preferences, we may limit our future ability to choose freely as it is that we stop choosing based on our ability to endure, regardless of our design. Our purpose takes over in the drivers seat and we go back into survival mode when that freedom of choice is drastically reduced by environmental changes or other such factors that suddenly favor new genetic traits. We then forgo what ever may be our visually pleasing attributes and choose survivability (function) over design to regain a more secure state of survival.

I mentioned the age difference in sexual drives. I think this process of design over function is repeated and during stages where survival is better secured, that the design aspect takes over and more vain indulgences can be afforded when selecting a partner. In survival mode you pair with your younger counterparts and produce your children earlier so they are better suited to survive, even though the more developed and visually pleasing older female might seem a better choice. Her ability to produce children is reduced so she then becomes less of an option over a younger female. This is all from my male perspective of coarse.

reply to post by intrepid


I got tired of meaningless sex and got married. Although I do miss the conquest of new women for sex I am happy where I am at. it is more fulfilling. I like the intimacy

Originally posted by zedVSzardoz
reply to post by intrepid

 

I have always been fascinated with the sexual cycles for males and females.

A young man would be better paired with an older woman. Their sexual drives are at their peek when he is in his late teens and she is in her late 30´s or older.

edit on 13-2-2013 by zedVSzardoz because: (no reason given)

I don't know about that.... when I was 28 my dating range was 40-18 and I found that both had roughly the same sex drive though some differed due to personality.

The only difference was exeperience. Older women have had more experience so they are not shy to get to the point. some younger ones are not shy either but many are. When I was in st petersburg i met a woman who was honest with me saying that she hesitated on sex because of her lack of experience. I doubt she is the only one.


At one point in time I thought my sex drive was diminishing since it is said men peak early. I think it is not so much that we hit our peak it is more like we get used to it. I remember that the first few times i experienced sex it felt really good. I think with time I found it still pleasurable but not as pleasurable as the first 500 times.
After you get used to it I think you can manage your craving for it. it doesn't mean you do not want it, it just doesn't run your life anymore. at least it ran my life for a long while.

Which is when I discovered how empty it left me feeling and then I began to like the intimacy in a relationship.

I am 34 and my wife is 20. There are months we have binges and there are months where it happens just once in a while. But the most important part for us in our relationship..is how we share our lives and how close we are.

One thing I did find however is that unlike when you were a teen, when you are older you have more responsibilities. Those things wear on you, stress, fatigue and just being over all busy affects your sex drive. Not because it does not exist anymore but simply because you have no time. Ther are many times when we are laying in bed and my little head wants to but my I am just too tired hahaha.

when i was a teen i had no responsibilities and I could dedicate myself to chasing sex all the time.

I take a month off of work every 3 months.. guess when we have our binges

reply to post by intrepid


Speaking from experience, I am married for 30 years to the same man, it gets better with time. We know each other so well and we never gave up the physical part of our relationship we just gave up the birth control because mother nature did that for us. It used to be thought that married sex was boring or something like that but I think it is being proven that it is better the longer a couple is together. Just my experience though I cannot speak for others. He knows my buttons and how to .........

reply to post by intrepid

Even though your hella old, you likely have a point. But since your so old and wise you should know that you did not listen when that age, so I do not think you expect anybody else will. In either case I don't think what your talking about can be learned by reading about or by people telling you about it. However I do not think anything would last any long period of time unless there is something more to it that is brought about, or grows over time, call it intimacy call it what you. And whatever you call it its bound to be different for every single person.

Originally posted by cody599
reply to post by intrepid

 

I'm a very lucky guy,
I married my soul mate (eventually) and there is intimacy both with and without sex. Every morning when I get out of bed Mrs C although fast asleep reaches over and strokes my back.
Every night Although I'm asleep when she comes to bed, apparently I stroke the small of her back which she finds very relaxing. In my younger days (I was 46 on Monday) I was considered a bit of a charmer (Mrs C still thinks I'm an incorrigible flirt) but just laughs it off. Sex is like an entwinement of souls completely mind blowing. But no biggee if we have a few nights off,. Yes we still drag each other to bed sometimes but we also put the Ipod on the stereo and just dance for the fun of it.
It took a bitter couple of divorces for us but we found each other again, We'd met before in another country. We lived continents apart.
But true love could stop the very wheels of heaven turning.
It's that powerful.
Like I said
I'm a very lucky guy.

I love you Mrs C

Feel free to barf guys you're just jealous

edit on 13-2-2013 by cody599 because: (no reason given)

I admit, I am jealous

seriously though, I am happy for you, as a hopeless romantic I longingly yearn to feel that of which you speak once again

reply to post by intrepid


sex = sex
sex + intimacy = making love

Treat each day as if it were your first date works for me.
I always wanted a long running relationship like my parents....50 years for them.

reply to post by CrimsonMoon
I like Alan Watts take on it. We are here to mature and to fully do that we need to pass on our knowledge to the next generation so they can carry on the project.

"And people get all fouled up because they want the world to have meaning as if it were words... As if you had a meaning, as if you were a mere word, as if you were something that could be looked up in a dictionary. You are meaning.” - Alan Watts