Throwing people away for things

Throwing people away for things seems to be becoming all too common anymore.

Please explain to me why I need to take from the mouths of my children to give to people who take advantage? How can people take so much and instead of saying thank you, turn around and stick their hand out for more? Why is it acceptable to play and not better yourself, but absolutely expect someone else to provide it for you?

I am not talking about government handouts either, are people just so used to that aspect that it bleeds onto everyone in their lives?

Just one example from last weekend, an old supposed friend of nearly 20 years moves into my home with his wife. They treat us like crap, sit on their butts and watch me cook and clean for them. They supposedly needed the help, but were "stocking" up on expensive power tools and buying multiple vehicles. We mentioned feeling taken advantage of, and they moved out that day without a word to me. They literally moved their stuff out past me, while I made dinner for everyone. No Thanks, no see ya later, not even an FU after living in my house for 6 months. I don't hear from them for almost 6 months, I hear private about conversations between my husband and I, brought up by mutual friends, but nothing from them.I know for fact they are untrustworthy, but I thought they were friends.

Well this weekend I get an email from said friend, and I open it thinking that maybe they have come around.
OH NO!! It was a spam message for a weight loss supplement. He actually had the balls to ask for money (in my eyes) after all that was said (or not) and done over this last year. I was livid! Absolutely livid!

As a lady it offended me even more that it was for a weight loss supplement. My husband got something different from him. I lost over 85 lbs from stress in the course of a year, so trust me I don't need to lose any more. He was aware of this fact but the sheer insensitivity disgusts me!

Other friends want things from us too! I never was told Thanks for trying to help them out last month, it is just assumed that since we could then so we will continue. We aren't rich people by anyone's standards. We work hard and save money by budgeting and saving up for what we need or want. I always scrimp and save for Christmas. I work on that budget for months! I cook from scratch and don't leave my house for weeks at a time to save gas to accomplish what I want. This year I spent most of that on others. My kids don't NEED more toys. They got the clothes they needed and some books. One toy from their dad and I, the rest was from distant family that make up for the distance at the holidays. We knew of the need this year and chose to do other things.

Is it fair of people to turn around and just expect more? I can't afford to support other people's poor choices. I feel like a pretty crappy person for being so angry about this, but where does this stop. People are being rewarded for poor choices and it is falling on the responsible among us to take care of it. I am tired of it. Someone even took the leftover's for my husbands lunch today, from my fridge yesterday.So he took my $20 bill that has lived in my wallet for weeks now, because I like to have a couple of bucks on me. Because of the denseness of people, I literally have $2 to my name at the moment. As long as they have an easy dinner tonight though right.

I know what it is like to be homeless, I lived it!
I know what it is like to be hungry, I lived it!
I know what it is liked to be abused, lived it!
I know what it is like to be alone and kicked while you are down, I lived it and wish none of this on anyone, but damn!!! They just keep kicking me!

I have always tried very hard to prevent others from having to live those things, or at least give them a hand when they are, because I had hands extended to me. I don't understand the lack of taking any responsibility for one's own actions. If you choose to go to the bar instead of paying your bills, THAT"S NOT MY PROBLEM!!!

I am tired of feeling like crap because other people pass out the guilt trips for not taking responsibility for their own lives.

Thanks ATS for letting me rant! It saved a few nasty phone calls that have been building up, and I really try not to be that person. Things build to a point though, and I refuse to be a pushover. Now maybe I can communicate this to people without getting so mad!

End Rant!!!

To some people, the life of a loved one is far more important than things.

For example, if you saw your girlfriend suffering on her deathbed, and the grim reaper comes and knocks on your door, offering an exchange of your gf's soul for yours... Some people would choose to sacrifice themselves.

Another thing important in life is stability. My neighbor actually killed himself to get out of debt from money lenders. He was 1-million dollar indebted and his house/car was going to be taken away if he didn't pay.I don't know how it works but he killed himself so that his family would still have the money. How sad

Please do not think that things are more important than people.

reply to post by inj3ct0r


I completely agree with you!! People are more important than things!

I am tired of the attitude that I get from others telling us that things are more important.
We work very hard to provide stability to our family, and others come through our lives and home with nothing but the attitude of gimme, gimme.

My frustration comes from giving constantly and being taken advantage of. The people in question have thrown our friendship in the trash because they have no desire to take any personal responsibility for their own actions, and could care less if they take it from the mouths of my children.

The fact that people are changing my ability to be generous makes me mad. I refuse to be stepped on because I make the sacrifices that they can't, and expect me to still give more. I understand the hardships of life, and have done everything in my power to ease that for as many as possible, and I am beginning not to care as much. My family comes first.

reply to post by woodsmom


Beautifully expressed.

We are in the mire of a trend in our society of living the entitlement lifestyle. It's fostered by our government, our schools, and every bit of commercial advertising we see today. No reason to feel any responsibility for any of our actions, it's always some other persons' fault if we are lacking anything.

Some people you will just need to write off. Because they are the kind of people who only equate friendship with how much you give in your hard work, and material items, to them. They'll never see you as the Beautiful, Loving, Giving person you are. They'll never see past their own immediate wants and desires. As long as you continue to give to people like this. They'll continue to take. Once you say enough is enough...they get angry, and it's your fault they aren't still getting what you were giving them.

I applaud you for your generosity to friends in need. But, you must remember, that giving to some is not helping them in any way. It only reinforces their skewed notion, that they *deserved* it.

Des

I've never been homeless, I always had friends to stay with when I didn't have a place of my own. I thank them and hope the help I gave them was adequate for the room and board.

I've never been hungry, I always had low stomach acid so have never really experienced hunger till recently when I decided to try to boost it to fix some health issues. It's an odd feeling to me. I only want to temporarily do this to help healing some issues. It would be hard to go back to eating once a day with adequate stomach acid. I've raised my body temp almost a degree to 97.9.

I've never been broke, I have been low on money and had to strive to make ends meet but My honesty in the past took me through bad times. I cannot work anymore until I fix the problems I acquired from taking meds for a long time that I was found to be allergic to. I should have quit them when I was experiencing so many problems but I believed that their definition of normal metabolism applied to me.

The right way to help someone is to give them some work so they can earn money to help themselves. It has more meaning to a person to get somewhere on their own. When we destroy the desire to help ourselves to live these people get to dependent on us for survival. I have taught many people to work. Accomplishing something that is needed while working gives a person a boost. So much of the work in this country today is meaningless and it is hard to feel good about yourselves when you do this work without making up in your mind that it has meaning. Working in a kitchen making food has meaning if it creates food that is nutritious. Providing a service has meaning if the service is really needed by someone. If you see that your work is truely necessary you go home with a good feeling. I like that feeling.

reply to post by Destinyone


Thank You!
That means alot to me coming from you.

I am guilty of enabling, it is very hard to see people struggle.
Maybe this is my current life lesson, to just focus on my family rather than straining them for others who don't care.
It hurts to lose friends, but losing my sanity over trying hurts too, especially when they could care less.

Have a beautiful day Des!!

reply to post by rickymouse


I hope you continue to heal!!

I have actually tried this! People are too lazy to split wood or get in the kitchen anymore.
They want it without giving anything in return. I have had one of the people I mentioned actually get a lawn chair and sit and watch us buck up wood for the winter. She also sat and continued to watch while I ran in and out of the house that night making dinner for everyone, while helping my husband haul and split logs. I had already explicitly asked them to step up for dinner just once a week, but after she torched everything and got my husband sick twice it fell back on me again. I still think she did it just so she didn't have to help.

It worked, she was rewarded for her ineptitude by having a full time chef again.
Sometimes I wonder how many able bodied people play stupid just because they are lazy?

I understand also that the inability exists too, I devoted a few years of my life before I got married to help a very close friend of mine who is a disabled vet.She is in need of physical help on a daily basis, and is still one of the kindest people I know. She gave her health in service of our country, I have no problems returning a little . She will also give the last of her food to feed a child, I love her dearly, but maybe people taking advantage of her should have taught me some things too. If only people had to actually experience some of these issues they might try harder for themselves.

Thank you Rickymouse!

reply to post by woodsmom
Don't let these "takers" get you down! Sometimes you just have to know when to cut your losses. If those people were truly friends they would not have behaved in such a way. Even though it is difficult to a person with a kind heart to not feel guilty for not helping someone anymore please try to remember that you were not helping these people but enabling them.

I felt like you in recent times as I had a similar situation going on. Despite feeling guilty about it I cut the apron strings and left the "taker" to his own devices (someone close as a family member since my childhood). It was difficult at first but I'm happy now that I ceased my support. You cannot help someone who does not want to help him/herself. The person is happily using someone else now. There are just some people in this world who prey upon the kindness and generosity of others.

Do not let this experience discourage you from helping others! There are always going to be people who genuinely need a hand up without expecting a hand out. These sort of people really appreciate the generosity that you can provide and will always remember your kindness. In them you will find true friendship and gratitude.

Don't EVER feel crap for being a good soul.
Some people disguise themselves as friends but are vampires in reality.
They'll bleed you of your money your happiness possibly your family and your soul.
Cut them loose and do it quickly, don't feel bad about it, if they get nasty threaten to sue them for unpaid rent and then see how far they run.

Cody

reply to post by littled16


Thank you!

You are right, I won't let these people pull me down anymore.
I was at my wits end this morning, and ready to start calling people knowing that it would only cause more pain.
I really didn't want to do that,just tired of being pushed around. I am grateful for this community, and the kind intelligent people here.

I have been tempted to ask you this before, but do you need a couple more grandbabies? I have a couple that need an awesome gramma! Just kidding, but I do appreciate your kind words this morning. It helps to remember that there are good people out there.

Just to toss it out to others, don't forget the people that just need a friend and a hug please.People may not seem to need any "thing" but could use a friend.

Now that I have cooled down a bit, I want to say thanks to everyone who has responded!

I have been reading here for so long that I feel like I know some of you a bit already.
I didn't think that my rant would even be read really, but those of you that have responded have given me a breath of fresh air this morning. I respect all of you so much and have enjoyed all of your posts for some time now.

I am honored to be able to be a part of such a true community, no matter how much everyone argues!!
Thanks again for not letting me fall on deaf ears.

reply to post by cody599


Thanks Cody!
I do like your new avy too!

reply to post by woodsmom


Thanks

Same avatar just sexed up by inj3ct0r and resized by JustMike.
You've a good soul don't waste it.
something I read years ago and took on board
Perspective.......... use it or loose it

reply to post by woodsmom


We bought an old wards kitchen cookstove last summer and we use it to help heat the house and to cook many of our meals. It's great and it requires me to feed it a chunk of wood every half hour to forty five minutes because of the small firebox. I have never felt better, I get off my butt and throw in a chunk of wood and get my exercise. My wood was split too big so I take some of the big ones into the shed from outside and chop the chunks easily when they are frozen. Then I go into the basement occasionally and have a cigarette. I make at least fifty trips up and down the stairs each day for various reasons. I get my wood from the neighbor who cuts trees down that have another need for being cut so it is environmentally friendly in that aspect. I only buy about one full chord a year and also get some from broken and blown down trees on my land. I have been losing a lot of trees in the last three years from storms. It's depressing.

Meat taste better cooked in a woodstove oven and so do pies. Soups come out richer tasting too. Other than that I haven't noticed much difference in flavor. Baked potatoes and pasties both get done in three quarters of the time for some strange reason even though the temp is a little less than the electric stove. (300 degrees)

reply to post by rickymouse


I love my woodstove! I have been hinting at one of the old school kitchen stoves for years, but that one hasn't quite worked yet. A friend of mine told her parents have built a small oven on top of their conventional stove with a few bricks, it is supposed to work great. I have yet to try it though. It is amazing how such a simple thing like providing your own heat can make you feel good. The exercise is a huge bonus, as well as the fresh air. I probably wouldn't venture out nearly as much at -20 otherwise, it's too cold for kids to be out for long. We have discovered as a family, years ago, that we would rather produce as many of our needs as possible. It's enjoyable family time spent, and good lessons for the kids. I would rather be outside for any reason. I am bad in the winter though, I spend way too much time here . I am grateful for the contact with the outside world though. Cabin fever is very real.

The universe works in funny ways too. After waking up so frustrated with people in general, not only have you guys stepped up and given me faith in people, I also heard from my brother and had a 2 hour long conversation with him about the same kind of issues. You guys helped out 2 of us today. Thank You!!

reply to post by woodsmom
I always have room for a couple of more grandbabies! And since we're supposed to get an early Spring it won't be too much longer before it's time to start building forts and catching frogs and butterflies. Bring them on! I have enough love for a hundred grandbabies!

reply to post by littled16


Nice, Thanks, time for a mama break yay!!
Thanks for the good news on the early spring too, not that it matters to these boys though.
They have their nice little fort all camouflaged in the woods next to the house, or so they think.
I usually ignore the groundhog because up here an early spring still means after Easter.
Thank you for your kindness

Have a beautiful day, or evening now depending where you are!

Homeless, hungry, abused - sounds like we were dealt a similar hand.

I have a similar situation with selfish people - except mine is ongoing.... I have a brother-in-law that I let move in with us so he could get ahead. I even paid for his move from California to Texas! His situation there was bad and getting worse, so I offered for him to move to Texas where there is more opportunity and so he could get a fresh start.

Before moving, he sold his car and consolidated his belongings. Originally, I understood that he was going to move out here and that I'd be providing a place to live and some support while he got back on his feet. Instead, I found out that he sold his car, and he had talked my wife into driving out to get him. So, wear and tear on my car, fuel and food for the trip - yeah, I paid for that.

Once he got here, I loaned him my truck for months until it became clear that he wasn't going to get a car because he couldn't afford it (his gourmet coffee budget wouldn't allow it and money burned a hole in his pocket), so I loaned him $1800 to buy a car. Then I put tires on it, and have been paying for insurance for it.....for almost a year now... I'm a generous person, but he's not my kid - yet he expects a home, a phone, a car, insurance, food, internet access...

The real kicker is that lately, he's been talking about getting a new tattoo! Seriously! He's also planning to go back to California for his friends wedding...he's been saving for that trip... Since I've made that drive several times myself, I happen to know for a fact that he barely has enough money to cover the gas one-way. Secretly, I hope he stays.....but because he's my wifes little brother, I can't say that aloud.

So, recently I had a serious conversation with my wife about her brother. It started as an argument, but quickly she saw my point of view when I started doing the math on how much her brother costs me and that soon we would face taking our child out of private school so we could continue to support her brother. When I hit $10k and still counting, she finally agreed that a year is enough time. When/if he returns from this wedding trip, he will be given the option to come up with his own (reasonable) plan to move out - or be subject to my (very unreasonable) plan.

Some people believe that they are entitled to everything they want. I've been in the situation where my brother gave me a place to stay when I was down. I used that opportunity to get back on my feet and honored his gift by not burdening him for any longer than I needed to... It took me 6 months to get ahead and move out of my brothers house. In that time I helped him with projects around his house, ran errands for him, took care of my nephews - and even afterwards I helped him on the weekends when he was building a patio...yet, I still feel like I owe him!

Anyway, you're not the only person to notice these things about other people.

@ woods and stuttering Don't let those people get you down, and you are completely justified in parting ways with them. Real friends appreciate you for who you are and not what you can give. I think the first quote in my signature says it best.

reply to post by stutteringp0et


What is wrong with people?

After knowing what crap life can hand out it is hard to turn away a loved one who needs a hand. I know that I wouldn't have made it through a few situations without that same helping hand myself. It makes you appreciate the good when you have to experience the bad.

The biggest problem is that so many don't know what bad really is and they expectation of being handed everything without personal effort has taken hold of a large segment of society. In the long run it may be better for your brother-in-law to have to hit rock bottom on his own, maybe then he will see the reality.

When my husband finally found me (at rock bottom) we decided to put together a good life to raise a family. It has taken sacrifice and struggle. We have worked our butts off to accomplish having our own home and the ability to provide whatever our children need. Unfortunately, too many people see the end result of what we have put years into building, and they actually expect the efforts of our hard work to be handed to them. I do not understand this mentality. Like you said, you still feel like you owe something to the people that helped you out. I feel the same, and those of the older generation that did help have said to please pay it forward, be that for someone else. Well, people make that hard any more. As someone stated in this thread, the act of helping someone only reinforces the fact that they deserve it. People need to be taught the concept of personal responsibility again.

That's great that you tried to help out your brother-in-law, karma does work, it's just sad that so many people do nothing but take advantage. You made it six months longer than we did. I am happy for you that your wife was able to see the numbers too. Laid out like that it changes it from an emotional situation to a reality check. That was my first indicator that things were really going south in my house. My husband actually told me one day that I didn't need to buy him coffee creamer, it was an unnecessary expense and he didn't deserve it anyway. That pissed me off. He was the one providing the home we were all living in and buying the groceries that we all ate, and he was going to give up his one cup of coffee a day? It happened to be that same afternoon that our "friend" walked in the door bragging about how he was stocking up on power tools while he could. I went outside and the back of his wife's stations wagon was packed and stacked to the ceiling with hundreds of dollars of tools. It was the following weekend that he showed up at our house with his second new (to him) vehicle since they had moved in. It stacked 6 vehicles in our driveway,when only 2 people in the house were even working. Enough was enough, and of course we are the bad guys, but whatever at this point, I don't care anymore. I was surprised getting the e-mail from him last weekend, but alas, he was calling me fat and asking for money.There is just no hope for some people I guess.

Hopefully this helps you out, I never really expected that, I was just mad yesterday. I guess with the right attitude good can come from just about anything. Your family needs to come first, hopefully he sees that too, eventually. The kids don't have any other choice, that falls to the adults.

Best of luck to you and your family, I will tell you now that our situation caused alot of hard feelings on both sides. Love on your wife a bit extra, it may buffer the hurt from her brother, the hurt of having to ask him to go and feeling guilty about it will be my guess after our own experience.
Maybe you will just get lucky like you said, and won't have to be 'the bad guy', even though the bro in law is the issue.