Dark Night of the Soul took some of my talents. Can I get them back?

I myself went through a dark night of the soul. (Oct - Jan of 2011). Depression is still something that tinges my world, and everything droops, like rain from a cloud. Especially when I have to look back upon some of those truly mad times in my life. Some days are better than others. The apathy I often find myself in - well it's alarming.

They say that St. Francis, a spiritual 'afflicted' man, was as much attacked by "demons" and bouts of darkness, as he was given spiritual guidance and teaching. Why? I think, it's because no true guider in the human condition can identify with people as fully, or as completely - as those who experience all extreme states of being of the soul. If you do not know the darkness, how can you speak of it? If true madness has never brushed by you, how can you in reality, counsel others who experience it?

Let your art, speak of what your soul experiences. I think that we are all gifts of experience. We've just forgotten to appreciate that about one another. Instead, people poke fun or are arbitrarily cruel of others experience. It is truly alarming. I for one, think the world is in a state of depression. The all seeing eye of "God's Money" (I'd link Nine Inch Nail's song "God's Money", but I'm lazy.) has it's hold on humanity. We reap what we sow.

Blessings to you,
Cirque

reply to post by xxshadowfaxx

It sounds to me like you're lacking love. Acceptance, love and gratitude. Have you ever tried going into an isolation tank? They are amazing devices for relaxation and letting go.

I already stated in the OP, I'm out of the Dark night. There is a complete Acceptance of all things, there is gratitude for every single thing and every single day given me here, and there is Love and compassion for all. Albeit all of these things exist in a detached manner.

Go in a float tank... You have to go back to the beginning. Your ego is the key. Only when you have hit rock bottom, will your ego give up and your true nature return. Go into the darkness. Surrender yourself to it. Accept it. Accept the fact that the dark night will be how you live for the rest of your life. Accept it and never expect it to end. On the otherside of that darkness, is the light you seek. Acceptance of this, may take a while, but like the beginning, it took time and effort to become spiritual. It will take time and effort to once again, become spiritual. It's all about surrender.

yeah I already went through that and accepted and let go. I am now out of the Dark Night and in a state of equanimity and detachment. Everything is O.k. If I look back, a part of the ego was the creative and fiery part, and that seems to have died.

You need to reassess why you want to get the oomph back. If the desire is not real it won't manifest. I would suggest that something from the past has turned you off. Do it all again but this time do it for all the right reasons and you will be better than ever.

What turned me off before, is that I felt like a mastered a high degree of art and was working with famous people. Then the Mystical experiences began and I took a year off. After that, I could just never do my craft again. I was empty.

I would like that oomph back because I have golden opportunities staring me in my face right now. One's which I passed up before and regretted are now back and open to me

reply to post by dominicus


everybody here on this thread seems to be so much more metaphysicaly versed i am almost afraid to post, but maybe i have something that could be of help to some reading here.

after going thru a lot of dark 'crap' myself, i was getting very detatched and more recently noticed something in particular about it.

i seemed to only be using a very small part of my brain to do my concious thinking [explains some of my posts... lol] located at the back of my head, practically in my neck.

it was as if my conciousness was retreating as far deep inside as it could to that one area.
it was really wearing me out mentally, always thinking in one part of the brain.

anyway, the exercise i came up with for this problem was to first clear my thoughts and then pick an new area at random, to do some thinking with.
then clear again and select another area and so on ...

doing this before bedtime and concentrating on using 'more brain' throughout the day really picks me up ... give it a try!

reply to post by tinhattribunal

That's the purpose of the dark night. To strip away everything and to reveal the Observer. That's why it seems like you retreated into the back of your head.

You should examine this further. Instead of looking out, look at the looker, observe the observer, be aware of the awareness.

There's a saying, if you're not growing, you're dying. This goes for your talents as well. Seems like you have a major case of creative block, along with a lack of inspiration, and a feeling of decayed ability. The good news is that, although you may not have painted or played music in a while, once you start back up again you will likely recover to your previous ability within a few months.

Regarding depression and darkness, you can be a victim, or you can accept it as a blessing and try to create something out of it. Unapologetic darkness is a powerful source of creative power, don't be afraid to utilize it, even though people may judge you for it. Acceptance of depression is key to living with it and perhaps overcoming it.

You lost your muse...

“I am a creature of the Fey
Prepare to give your soul away
My spell is passion and it is art
My song can bind a human heart
And if you chance to know my face
My hold shall be your last embrace.

I shall be thy lover...

I am unlike a mortal lass
From dreams of longing I have passed
I came upon your lonely cries
Revealed beauty to your eyes
So shun the world that you have known
And spend your nights within my own.

I shall be thy lover...

You shall be known by other men
For your great works of voice and pen
Yet inspiration has a cost
For with me know your soul is lost
I'll take your passion and your skill
I'll take your young life quicker still.

I shall be thy lover...

Through the kisses that I give
I draw from you that I will live
And though you think this weakness grand
The touch of death your lover's hand
Your will to live has come too late
Come to my arms and love this fate

I shall be thy lover...

I am a creature of the Fey
Prepare to give your soul away
My spell is passion and it is art
My song can bind a human heart
And if you chance to know my face
My hold shall be your last embrace.”
― Heather Alexander

reply to post by dominicus


I had this same experience for about the same amount of time. I am coming out of it now and finding the same thing. I can pinpoint the difference in your art for you - you are probably basing it off experience and previous works instead of using your imagination and creating something new.

So I would recommend finding a way to solve that problem. I am trying Vitamin K2 along with other vitamins (D3 and A) to reverse pineal gland calcification, but I can't guarantee anything as I haven't seen any results yet. If you recently turned 26-27, it could be a result of your brain hardening.

Later on in their career, Smashing Pumpkins lead singer Billy Corgan stated that he finally came to terms with the fact that his music was restructuring or using parts of other songs. You could also try learning new art styles and combining them, that would work even if you weren't able to get back your creative spark.

For me and my music, I have recently started listening to a song and getting inspiration from it, and then writing a song similar, or taking a bass line and using it for something different.

ALSO - I suspect that in general, people are losing imagination, especially when it comes to socializing openly about the imagination - and even this socializing effect is a strong one, because being imaginative used to have more of a social reward to it, in my opinion, I mean even 5 years ago.

reply to post by Epirus


Losing your muse, that is about right.

One thing I have learned, and still am learning. Is that every extreme leads to its opposite. You cannot hit rock bottom, without landing among the clouds. But you need too be aware of this. For example, I've suffered from prostate pain for a number of years. Only recently, have I decided to stare at that pain, and actually try to make it worse when it happens. Really feel it, let it hurt as much as it can possibly hurt. Will it to hurt you. The pain, did increase, it got unbearable, and still I willed it to hurt more. And after a few minutes, this pain, started to turn into pleasure. It started to feel good, and the next day, I felt lighter and happier. No pain. I faced my fear of pain, and the illusion of that fear, disappeared, along with the pain. It's all an illusion, and its a very convincing one. It's only when you accept it, that you realize all is not as it seems.

I don't know what this world is. I don't know why we are here, having these experiences. But the veil is getting thinner now. Questions are being answered. Suffering is coming to an end, even though it seems like its becoming greater and greater as we destroy this planet. The night is darkest just before the dawn. So no matter what suffering you are going through, stare at it. Face it. Accept it. Don't be a victim of it. If you become a victim, you will suffer for a much longer time than needed. You must be strong, and realize that all suffering is an illusion. This is alchemy. Pain into pleasure, suffering into love. Turning lead, the lower qualities of man, into gold, the higher qualities of man. We all have this power within us. It is necessary to learn these lessons, if we want to evolve.

Now I know I will get flack for this, but its true even if it sounds like it isn't. The biggest thing we need to do, is to learn to stop wasting our creative energy. Sex energy. We are so addicted to pleasure, and having conventional sex, that we never learn what it actually is. If you can open your mind, and instead, try to draw that energy upwards, through your body, up your spine, to your brain. You will feel the energy move. You touch the tongue, to your palate, the area about 1/4 inch behind the front teeth, you will feel the energy flow down your throat to your navel. In order to do this, you must stop wasting your seed through conventional sex. You must wait for the energy to build up in the genital region, you must be horny. Then, instead of giving into the desire of wanting a genital orgasm, you draw the energy upwards, with breathing techniques, and your mind. When you do this, you will feel much better. You will no longer be horny. You will wake up parts of your brain that were dormant. You will inspire creativity itself. You may unlock talents you never knew you had. You may gain great insights into life. You may find new perspectives you'd never thought of. And most importantly, you will wake up from the illusion of what the world is. You will see how many people are really asleep, how many people are lost and confused. You will find yourself being called to help those people, to live a moral life, to accomplish your true purpose. In a time such as this, this is exactly what you need to be doing. And when I say you, I don't just mean the OP, I mean you, reading this, right now.

A warning, to those of you that want to try this, for selfish purposes. Don't do it. You will find yourself in a world of hurt, if your intentions are not pure. To do this, you must have the intention of wanting to cause an ego death. You must want to give up all your current beliefs of who you are. If you cannot do this, the energy will run into problems. The energy is called Kundalini, and once she is awakened, she cannot be put back to sleep. It is a life long commitment that you make. It is a beautiful thing, but if you are not pure, you are not ready, and if you are not ready, the serpent bites. Kundalini is the divinity within you, and it sleeps, until you deem yourself worthy of awakening it. Do not awaken it, unless you truly want to stop suffering, unless you truly want to help others. Unless you can let go of all things materialistic. It's not an easy path to follow, but it is the path of enlightenment. It is the path, were are all meant to walk. If you can commit, if you are pure and your intent is to live a moral, life, helping others, you will find the greatest joys life has to offer.

Wow, so I don't have any advice for the solution to your problem, the main reason I'm posting is because I've epxerienced that same type of thing happen to me. I used to be quite excited about a lot of my artwork and would spend hours and days creating pieces, only to finish and then delve right into a new one....and I was never happier. Then I ran into my own "dark night" that lasted much longer than I wanted it too, and as I've come out on the other side I've had the exact same feelings you decribed about my artwork. I can still do it, but now it seems like a chose, and I look back on my older pieces and can still feel their "soul" but the newer stuff seems cold and empty. Like a shell of sports car with nothing on the inside......it justdoesn't "pop" anymore and I'm not sure what happened.

To hear someone else describe exactly what I've been experiencing is kind of releif and even more of a releif to hear others talk about their own struggles like this and coming out on the other side of them and rekindling that fire. I was startin to wonder if it was gone.....but it seems there's hope in there to get the fire started up again. Thanks for the original topic posting so it gives me one to follow to read more of other's accounts and things they did to overcome and get back in the game.

reply to post by Starcrossd


Agreed, take a hike! Get into some nature and let some nature get into you.

Embrace it, I've painted and written some of my best work while in detachment phases. Don't look to external sources for answers. You already have the answers, it just takes some elbow grease to dig them out. In the end, your work may be even better than it was before.


Art is purely subjective. Any medium. If it's not something that's bringing joy, then don't do it.

reply to post by dominicus


Mayb you need to take a different approach to your art/music center yourself forget old styles,techniques,feelings ect. and let something new flow from your heart. Mayb you have a whole new creative style there just old ways blocking it.

Good luck

reply to post by dominicus



SInce its your thread Im not going into the gory details of my own... but I found that fighting it does nothing. Embrace your dark night.. and draw off of that for your art and music. Its a untapped well that you have to draw from now. Change isnt always a bad thing.. soon you wont even miss the previous "you". When you accept and look into the abyss.. not only does it look into you, but its not so dark or deep anymore. AKA USE it.. it can be your new muse.

reply to post by dominicus


Dominicus - I can relate to your post, thank you for your honestly.

I have never quite recovered from my 'dark night' and I think once you have been through the wringer as such, you experience a heightened sensitivity to many things, which means that you may, if you are like me, feel like you need to retreat in a way that you might not have done a few years ago.

Part of my survival strategy, in a way, was to numb myself to my feelings in a way that was alien to me. I used to have such exquisite feelings of pain and joy, they were clear and powerful. Not so much now.

In my opinion - for what it is worth, life goes in cycles, you are possibly in a cycle of 'rest' in terms of your artistic passons, but because it is your work, then you need to technically produce your art, but because the passion and inspiration is not 'sharp' and powerful, the whole process might feel a bit deadening ?

That is so normal I believe.

Even great artists - have been through 'rest' periods where they have thought they had lost their mojo - but it was not so. It was just resting ... as arnie says[ sort of ] 'you'll be back ..

I always compare life to a garden - it is a good analogy I believe, So maybe your 'seeds' are still under the soil, you know the new ones that were sown when your life was rearranged during your dark night, or the 'winter', waiting for the right conditions, the right season ? spring ?

Originally posted by dominicus
reply to post by indigothefish

 

Yea it is like I;m gone...there's no more me. A mere Observer and eve that tunes in and out.

Maybe that is it , maybe you need to reclaim ' you' , do you know anything about shamanic soul retrieval ?
Whereby 'bits' of our essence or energy retreat due to the extreme pain or trauma in the physical world.

Maybe it is time to welcome back 'you'.

reply to post by HelenConway

I have never quite recovered from my 'dark night'

Me either, everything comes with a price.
"When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the soul laughs for what it has found." - Sufi aphorism.

I play music. I only play for the Muse. I am sometimes afflicted with desire of commercial success. The Muse won't hear of it. I am grateful, but sometimes perplexed. My talent was given as a gift, until the motions became automatic, but I constantly strive to stay with the giver, and add things, or subtract, based on that alone. I feel like water...formless. To put a song together is enough to slam me against a wall, in my tracks.

I'm guessin Emmy Lou Harris is a vain little bitch
I never met her
Is she rich
I'm puffin on my bowl she's pulling on my pipe
Then we make it to the bedroom
I kiss her goodnight

I never smear her makeup
She says it's all right...© ...usd (rough her up a bit, maybe hit her with a bottle, and that would be 'country')

songs don't cut it for me.


I never heard of any artist in music who simply got on stage and said, here I am, I will play what I need to play, what I feel, what I am given, what needs to be said. I intend to say not a word. See, I live under an odd set of rules. In this Christian household, I am unallowed to hum. I really need my own house. That may ameliorate things slightly.

Take the higher ground, always. Oppressive forces can be used to advantage. If they take away your ability to speak, you may just find yourself singing.

Originally posted by dominicus

What turned me off before, is that I felt like a mastered a high degree of art and was working with famous people. Then the Mystical experiences began and I took a year off. After that, I could just never do my craft again. I was empty.

I would like that oomph back because I have golden opportunities staring me in my face right now. One's which I passed up before and regretted are now back and open to me

I know what that feels like. About 12, 13 years ago, my psychic abilities and sensitivity was so heightened that I had the most unbelievable supernatural experiences and insights. The feeling is absolutely addictive, I tell you that. Then I got married, had a child, started working on a regular schedule again, then came the added schedules of my kid's school, and all the many little things that make up the "daily grind."

For the longest time, I thought I had lost my abilities, a very depressing feeling. Until I realized that it just had matured to another, more down-to-earth level. The connection with the divine is still there, the psychic abilities are still there, but they are different now -- more sporadic, but also more "organic," more a normal part of me if you will.

I used to do spiritual counseling, Tarot readings and Reiki sessions for a living for a while, and found it incredibly fulfilling. When I got back to a more "ordinary" life, all that went away, but I always yearned for it, like those were my best years and now they were gone. Just last year, I tried to revive these and rented a room as a sub-tenant at a naturopath's office. I had all the chances to do my old stuff that I had before... but somehow it didn't feel right anymore. After a few months, I stopped doing the counseling and readings; there was just no way of going back. I'm glad, though, that I made the attempt, otherwise I would have always longed for that phase of my life and would have wished to get it back. Now I realize you can't replay the past -- the world changes and you change, and things simply can never be the same as they were... and that's good, because we're supposed to move forward, not backwards. But it took this attempt to go back for me to realize that.

I can't speak for you, obviously, but maybe you should go for those "golden opportunities"; maybe this is what's needed for you to realize that that's just not "you" anymore. It took me a while to get it, but it was a valuable lesson.

reply to post by Stormdancer777


I think it is because I came out of it with out my 'protection' so to speak, which means I find it really hard to be around people for any length of time if they have really mixed up energies, it makes me feel physically sick.

Also I cry for the earth and her innocent creatures - I know that sounds corny and trite but it is true. It breaks my heart when I see and feel the lack of sensitivity and kindness that is prevalent. The casual cruelty. I have a very strong connection to the earth and her animals .. it makes me despair sometimes , to the point where as my connection or empathy has increased, my ' faith' has diminished. Hard to explain.