Living with a Narcissist....

To Lie or not to Lie--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles …..

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My submission of a Lie told that --well I got away with it and enjoyed it.
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I lived with a Narcissistic man who was a total control freak, and wanted everything his way and would never listen to reason about why I might want this situation to be different, be better for us.
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Example: he knew I was making lunch but suddenly had to do something, like tell the guy next door something very important, or go to his shop and attend to a quick matter, then be late for lunch.
If I ate without him he chewed me out for not waiting for him, since he had told me where he was going.
If I waited for him, he chewed me out for acting like a child who needed his permission to eat.
There was no ’winning” but I was not playing a game. He was narcissistically personality disordered, and that is VERY difficult to live with.
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We may find that in high places, such as Presidents, Politicians, Lawyers, Doctors, hell even a guy who failed College--- he/she--- fell above everyone else.
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To my Lie:
He took all the Trade Dollars we earned, in our computer business and turned them in for (he was/is an alcoholic) 4 cases of white wine, 4 cases of red wine, and a case of Ice wine. I was quite disturbed about this amount of alcohol in the house, downstairs, when I lived upstairs, in a Wheelchair, and the downstairs was rented out to two young men who were into dope, alcohol, working nights and making horrible noises at 3:00 a.m. when they came home. I was loosing sleep-- bah blah blahhhhhhhhh.

One day, alone in the house, I “bummed” out of my ‘chair and down the stairs to the landing, turned, then on down to the furnace room, saw the wine cases, but didn‘t know what was what…however I grabbed a bottle of ice wine and “bummed” my way back upstairs and shoved the bottle into my underwear drawer. He came home from a job and immediately called up to me about a missing bottle of wine. I said that I didn’t know anything, as downstairs was his territory and upstairs was mine!

All of this was done in a time coordination, and then he realized that “the guys downstairs had taken it” and he kicked them out! (Wheeeeeeeee! I got what I wanted). They begged me to point out that he drank in the garage and other places, and I said, I didn’t know what anybody did.---all I knew was that I had asked them to be quiet at 3:00 a.m., and to not use our laundry room without asking first, but they acted like they belonged, so maybe they were acting as though they owned the wine.

They tried to sue us, and other junk, but never showed up in court, and were then gone,

Then HE moved his computer shop downstairs, and I was pleased. Then I set out to find a place in which to live, and to leave him, and I did.

Then he went on huge benders, because he couldn’t keep his books (my job.) I wrote a cheque for my Capital in the business, and sent a form to the Government to dissolve the Partnership Agreement between us. obvios;y i had all the info.

Tell me who is smarter?

A drunken /male Narcissist or a woman in a wheelchair….you don’t have to answer--obviously HE thought he was.

That was 2002 and to this day none of the 3 of them know what I did.

(By the way, because he watched me so much, it was over 2 weeks before I could sneak the Ice Wine, still unopened, over to the Court House parking Lot, as we were answering their lawsuit, and I dumped it into a garbage container----- ha ha!! Some hobo or garbage collecter much have been very happy to have found it.

reply to post by canadiansenior70


Congratulations on getting out of a toxic relationship; doing it smartly and saving yourself.

How is life going for you now?

Which character was the narcissist?

trouble is those who act like this for the large part have no reference point to their behavior being wrong. i can confess to four of five years ago acting in a similar manner (tho not alcoholic). this was of corse a while ago & before i had studied philosophies of mind/body/spirit and their relations to consious descisions. to be driven to insanity by impulse is sadly usualy not a concious choice.

reply to post by LesMisanthrope


Your avatar is such that I expect you might be one--- if you have to ask. Why did you ask?

reply to post by canadiansenior70


I was confused. Lines were blurred. Apologies.

reply to post by canadiansenior70


canadiansenior70
Good for you no one needs to live like that ..I'm glad you took control of your life and got out of that marriage i hope everything is going good for you and life must feel like pure freedom..peace,sugarcookie1 S&F

reply to post by canadiansenior70


I enjoyed reading your story
Sometimes revenge is fun, especially when it is against a dickhead

Originally posted by canadiansenior70
I lived with a Narcissistic man who was a total control freak, and wanted everything his way and would never listen to reason about why I might want this situation to be different, be better for us.

That is the problem I think, you both wanted a nice house to live in together, you both needed to merge the existing houses and how this was done was decided by the male. Now you didn't like that and instead of adding to the merger yourself in the way you wanted to you let him do all the work and then complained afterwards.

You might say he was narcissistic, but I would say the man knew himself and liked it and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I'm sure a lot of women would want a man to be secure like that but I'll leave it at that.

Originally posted by Dragonfly79

Originally posted by canadiansenior70
I lived with a Narcissistic man who was a total control freak, and wanted everything his way and would never listen to reason about why I might want this situation to be different, be better for us.

That is the problem I think, you both wanted a nice house to live in together, you both needed to merge the existing houses and how this was done was decided by the male. Now you didn't like that and instead of adding to the merger yourself in the way you wanted to you let him do all the work and then complained afterwards.

You might say he was narcissistic, but I would say the man knew himself and liked it and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I'm sure a lot of women would want a man to be secure like that but I'll leave it at that.

edit on 1/2/2013 by Dragonfly79 because: (no reason given)

I doubt most women would like the doors left open for flies to get in, for him to bring his tools into the house and pile them on the kitchen table, (in my case being in a wheelchair, he would leave huge boxes, items in hallways and doorways whereby I couldn't get through), for him to stash all his beer empties in the spare bedroom until they spilled into the hallway, because he went for a walk without telling me where, so I went to the store for us and came home to find I was locked out of the house for the night, from his using an old lock that was NOT to be touched as there was no key, and that was on the only door I could use to get into the house.

Ad infinitum

No. I'm sure a lot of women would NOT want such a man...

How do you end up with someone like that?

reply to post by canadiansenior70


That was back when you were just a caterpillar, I'm thinking?
Good job on spreading your wings.

There are probably many more examples you could share about this Narcissist person. Would you mind giving some examples? Written in the style of your opening post if you don't mind. I kind of enjoyed the storytelling.

Originally posted by Wang Tang
How do you end up with someone like that?

They can fool many people with the Jekyll and Hyde characters---
They can spot a 'target' that might be worth the risk by 'mirroring' i.e. I write songs, lyrics and melodies. He absoluley adored my writing. He complimented me on my computrer abilties, and what a strong independent person I was, for a partial paraplegic. He introduced me to all his friends. We would go to the park, where he would ride his bike for a while and I would just sit and read. He wrote some poetry, and asked me to make a song from it.

I lived alone and had my own money!

Life had been a bit tough for him, as he was adopted and wanted to meet his birth parents. We searched them down and he took me to meet with them when he did--- I didn't like either one! and his adoptive parents were dead.

His plan to move west and set up a computer business began to take root and with me worked into the plan, as accountant (he was no good with figures) website builder, teaching computer basics and more, we moved west.

We set out with his truck and a camper, with my hand controls on the truck, while my car and our furniture remained behind------plans made for getting them later.

When we reached about ½-way we were in Northern SK, the prairies, and stopped to see his old pal from elementary school--huh why the big deal?

Well 3 days of dope and booze and I knew I had been conned--- he was no gentleman, nor was his old pal and I couldn't get out of the situation "in the desert" in my wheelchair with my hand controls on his truck, plus clothing etc in the camper. That first night of drinkng, I took all the beer from the fridge and stuffed it into the cubbyhole built into the headboard. They had built a 35' fire out of picnic tables, sawn up for disposal, and stayed up until 4:30 a.m. I heard them come in, as their outside beer was gone and he said, when he looked into the fridge, 'Oh I thought there was more. We musta drunk it." ....so went to bed.

Next morning I told the buddy to ride up front in the truck and I'd stay in the camper (against the law--BUT I HAD TO DUMP THE BEER.) Down the sink it went and the now warm bottles were put into the beer cases.

I was angry, as he knew and apologized like crazy. I no longer trusted him,: it never happened again, so I held on with trepidation until all my belongings were together again and the controls back on my car and.............. I left after 4 years total.

( I had registered for accessible housing, but none came up, then finally a suitable normal one did, but I had to get my name off the partnership or my bank accounts could be accessed by the Gov't, if he reneged on Tax payments. I was thinking; he wasn't. I forgot a couple of things and emailed him to have them out of the locked garage when I came the following Friday, and if he didn't I would call the police. I turned onto his street, late, saw his vehicle, went back to the RCMP statioin, showed the emails, and was accompanied by a cop who did all the talking while N went for the things, dusted them and loaded them into my car---saying, "At least you could have warned me"----that's an N--blame someone else,)


....everyone has a story in them somewhere!

reply to post by canadiansenior70


Wow, what a story! It sounds like something out of a movie. It seems like a tragic story to me too, after you described his past and how you guys met, I can understand how he ended up the way he was, and I can see how you'd want to be there for him in his situation. I can't bring myself to hate him, and I can't blame you for getting together with him, but it also know that getting away from him was the only right decision.

reply to post by Wang Tang


You have it "dead-on"!

It seems to be the question for anyone involved--how, why, when, where? did this all start and--how, why, when, where? will this all end?