I Am No Victim..

Daylight breaks the maddening darkness of labored fitful slumber...

Eyes straining to focus on the nearly empty temporary supposed friend bought and paid for the night before which promised relief. Stumbles to his feet and off again. Checks cash reserve, Still holding steady but dwindling fast. Eats and out the door he goes.

Walking the streets, his head spins as he remembers everything in crystal clarity. Half emotionally comatose crosses the street dodging those who have a purpose. Wanders about wondering where the day will lead. Focused on the past, avoiding the present while fearing the future....

Thoughts drift..



*Roy, Will, Scott...

How is it there?*

Reaches into pocket, feels two nickles and thigh. Startled by a child's laughter, turning away, avoids eye contact and proceeds to a meeting. Many emotionally scarred and broken bodies greet him. Styrofoam cups, coffee stains and powdered cream. He sits quietly and listens to his brothers....

'Where are you today?"

"I'm here..."

"You?"

"There, still...I...I think"

"I hear ya brotha"



Looks away and out the window, the sun is bright. Checks chest pocket for smokes, still has enough. Notices his trembling hands..

*Will it ever stop?*

The lump in his throat chokes off the feeble reply while attempting to share his thoughts. Looking up shamefully from his worn boots they acknowledge the sentiment without a word just a knowing nod. The pat on the back and the squeeze of a shoulder and it's over for today. Breath.

Side glance as the bus passes the stop for a third time.

Checks his old watch for the 6th time.

*A gift from a wife of 18 years he once knew...*



*Misses his BMW*
Crushes out a smoke and steps aboard. Always sits on the right looking out at the passing scenery, just a blur as the night settles in one more time.

She's lovely...

*Should he dare?*

His palms sweat and heart raced as he finally met her for the first time in person. Wonders whether she'll accept his baggage. Promises nothing, offers affection but mentions little of himself. She smiles and offers him some coffee.

The company is invitingly warm. His thoughts drift. Her soft loving voice awakens him from his tortured thoughts of darker moments. Hand shakes as he accepts the hot cup of Joe.

Realizes she deserves better, pulls back and waits...



Wants to give what he doesn't have. The world. Owns up to his frailties. Emotionally scarred, physically marred and semi spiritually bankrupt.

Systems a go...

Charges in making a mess of it, himself and what may have been possible by sabotaging it on purpose. Mission accomplished. No emotional commitment. Less to tether oneself with today.


Steps on toes and they retaliate....




Comes to once again.

Attempts to stand, His back aches from a dance long ago with a Chinook. It wasn't even his MO. Sticks tongue out at himself in mirror. A young man looks out and sees an aging older man staring back.

Shuts off light.

Makes pot of coffee, checks mail. Nothing. She's gone forever and a day. Ponders next move while feeling a certain kind of familiar sadness. It's comfortable and familiar.


Does inventory..

Bad back

Shot knee

Emotionally scarred

Spiritually semi bankrupt.

Checks his Six..

We're here man. Offers him a cup of Joe with powdered cream...



Crushes out a smoke, sips his coffee....

Holy crap.

You nailed it.

Hard.

Yeah, they're on your six. Always.

Talent and soul./

Christ, Slayer........

........hands over Scotch Bottle.

Brilliant.

Slayer, young friend, did you live this? It reads like a memoir.

Poignant, sad, and utterly mesmerizing.

J

reply to post by SLAYER69


Very interesting visual/harmonic presentation SLAYER69. The thing 1 loves about music is the ability for it to share the different connections many share as we experience the different aspects of life we are exposed to. With that always remember Pandoras box last exiting Energy my friend HOPE. We ALL have been exposed to the ups and downs of dedicating ourselves to usually benifit the ones we Love to sometimes end up with them not even recognizing or acknowledging how much effort is or was palced on the line to support. But 1 feels its acknowledged and appreciated beyond where some may wish to think after all your helping others. Again remember the last in the story of Pandoras box and like on of my favs. said -keep your Head up - Take care and again interesting visual / harmonic displays, 1 enjoyed them

Simply Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!

When does the best seller come out?

Thanks for the replies and the many private messages
Peace

***APPLAUSE
Sometimes by saying less, it says much more.

reply to post by SLAYER69


That was wonderful my friend.

Tears brimming over.

reply to post by natalia


Thank you.

I appreciate the feedback

Outstanding!

I rarely post.

This spoke to me and was worth the time to read, thank you for posting.

Very well done old friend.Poignant,insightful and something most of us don't have to carry around.Some emotional scars never really heal.Thanks bro.

reply to post by SLAYER69


Slayer,

Thank you, that is real, and so very touching.

This is just a snippet of a poem that I thought of reading your story.

"Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?
Or would you prefer a soldier, who has sworn to defend
His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?"

A Soldier to the end.
For you, and all of you.

reply to post by burntheships


Thank you.
I appreciate the posting of that quote.

Well, I'm off to charge into the next writing fiasco.....

No pride to feel, no waiting country.
No parades to line your way
Though your hands may bleed, and your body may lie broken
Every storm must soon give away.

Raise your head up high
So the heavens hear you cry
light the brightest fire
from the highest mountain
so the whole world knows, that your spirit can't be broken.

The rage you feel, will consume you and destroy you
let this rage inside you die.
One day, you'll find the signs in every motion
close your eyes so you might see
I will hold you still, every second of every hour.
Let your actions speak your will.

Raise your head up high
So the heavens hear you cry
light the brightest fire
from the highest mountain
so the whole world knows, that your spirit can't be broken.

Give up your fear,
these senseless longings.
Let this pain inside you die.

Raise your head up high
So the heavens hear you cry
light the brightest fire
from the highest mountain
so the whole world knows, that your spirit can't be broken.