A major, enormous problem. Have you ever felt like you live without purpose?

Like others have said. Focus on what you can control. Your mind. We can't change the world to suit ourselves.

Originally posted by ganjoa
SO!? What's keeping you? Why are you holding back?

It sounds as if you need some sort of external stimulus, something "good enough" to capture your thoughts and imagination. Obviously, you're not mature, you have little imagination, your self-deluded that nothing is worth doing if you can't do or be something amazing.

Amaze yourself. Challenge yourself. Make you own initiative. Set your own standards. Determine your purpose. Look inside yourself - see anything there? What do you see?
What - besides a longing to be and do something, anything that sets you apart from your apathetic behavior?

Either go to the doctor and get a happy pill that makes you feel less antagonistic about yourself - or - get off your butt and actively start to learn and grow up. It's up to you if you want to be a victim.

ganjoa

edit on 10-1-2013 by ganjoa because: added phrase

You're entirely missing what I'm saying.

I've got morals. I've got standards. I've got insanely mind boggling dreams. And, don't talk smack about my imagination until you've seen my artwork and read my books.

That said, I don't want to BE something amazing. I want to DO something amazing, for other people.

See, Alex Jones inspires me--say what you will about Alex, I've heard it all and I don't give a damn--but if you look at his personality, excluding one or two flukes of course, he is very, VERY passionate, and VERY angry. Just like me. And he's out there, on the radio and on the streets, and even recording videos from his home on youtube, constantly updating the status of the world as he sees it, so others can hear and spread the message.

I have done that before. I made a youtube account that was exclusively webcam videos of myself, reporting on my personal, and logical, take on something occurring in the world, and the controversy regarding it... conspiracy related, and other wise. I also made a website, got over sixty members, and had a good thing going for a while, until eventually my life outside of the computer consumed me, and I abandoned the site for a while, then the members started branching off, making their own sites and facebook pages, and the site died.

I even had a little organization, teenagers like me who came to my house, and we all talked and discussed the current events in the alternative world. I even have a mole in a Freemason lodge. He's a semi-close family member.

But I don't do nearly enough.

I once heard Alex Jones say something that explained EXACTLY how I feel.

He said, "I don't feel like I'm doing enough, and I don't feel like I can do enough."

It's not that I want glory. I don't.

I don't like attention.

But, I do like doing things that feeds hungry people, helps the mentally ill think properly without a pill, so on. I have a lot of fun interests, but when I write, draw, or play, I feel guilty. There are so many things that need to be done in the world, too many for me to have time to play and draw. Most things I love to do, art related or otherwise, don't actually help people in need, or open people's eyes to realities that the MSM hides from people with unfulfilled ambition, like me, who need to hear it.

Helping those in need, and opening eyes, are my two goals in life.

And in my current situation, I'm finding myself almost incapable of doing either one. I can't seem to find any effective ways of doing them, and I'm always facing moral conflicts that I'm not okay with leaving hanging... even though they're always hanging, unresolved. Is there a God? What if those assholes are right about Alex Jones? What if I do more harm than good if I try anything? What makes me fit to do this? What makes me strong enough? Or smart enough?

Originally posted by woodwardjnr
Like others have said. Focus on what you can control. Your mind. We can't change the world to suit ourselves.

I like your avatar better than your response.

You don't really believe that, do you?

Originally posted by PurpleVortex
Bro, you and I are in the same boat...same room. You explained EXACTLY how I feel about life in general. Ever since I have been "awakened" it's has been an up and down rollercoaster. I don't enjoy doing things anymore...It's pointless. I am not fullfilled. It sucks man, I feel you. If you need to talk, U2U me.

I knoooooooow how you feel!

I'm a girl, by the way.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

I hope you don't mind this long reply, my thoughts ramble. I like your strength to post your heart, it inspired me to share my similar struggles, and share some advice.

Every time I laugh, I feel something awful inside me, something saying what are you laughing for? You're not happy.. You've done nothing with your life. Just shut up.

I have that same conversation with my self daily, moment by moment.
For me it's when I feel I have something important to say, no one cares, what will your clumsy useless words accomplish? Just shut up and listen.

I also couple this with the feeling of guilt for not being joyful, as a Christian "the joy of the Lord is our strength"right? But I can tell you I will not forge a false joy, a superficial emotion. I have learned that joy looks and feels different to each individual.

I by nature am a thinker and observer not a great doer. I sort of absorb the world not react to it. It's not like I can just buck my instincts and start getting active and excited taking on big tasks. That would only end in frustration.

There is a natural order that you operate in well, there are qualities we see in others that we would like to have ourselves. The idea of improving yourself by adding foreign qualities to your nature is difficult. But if you try to operate within yourself and your boundaries, you will learn those qualities you desire in relation to your natural qualities. The joy will be real not forced.

I can tell you one thing that has worked for me that you might look into that will get you out of the house and help others, that's coaching or teaching. It's very rewarding, those games which have no value will be easy to replace, with an activity that promotes your best skills, help others and if you can do it right you could do something big some day.

One more thing if your going to do something about this, ask for help. Recognize what you lack, get accountability from someone to keep you on track. That for me is still hard, I prefer to go things alone, but since I lack drive, I need someone to keep me working toward the goal.
You should not see that person as a way to replace your low skills, but as a teacher to learn how to implement those skills into your nature.

Thanks for reading.

Originally posted by boymonkey74
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

Obviously some people are but I think in some point in your life you have to face facts and say "Iam not going to be a rock star/ I will not change the world" and then concentrate on what you can change.
Doesn't make me feel inferior to anyone because we are all cogs in a massive wheel and we are all important.

I don't want to be a rock star. I really don't want glory.

I just want a purpose. I want to know that, when I wake up, everything I'm doing is needed, and other people, some chunk of humanity, is counting on me.

Accepting that you're "not so special" (that's a really crude, demeaning way of putting it) is like throwing up a white flag to our government when SHTF day comes.

"Here! You can have our guns! Take them! Just don't hurt us!"

Everyone is special.

Saying "I'm not so special, and there's not much I can do." is giving yourself an excuse to fail.

That's all it is.

Originally posted by Observationalist
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

 

I hope you don't mind this long reply, my thoughts ramble. I like your strength to post your heart, it inspired me to share my similar struggles, and share some advice.

Every time I laugh, I feel something awful inside me, something saying what are you laughing for? You're not happy.. You've done nothing with your life. Just shut up.

I have that same conversation with my self daily, moment by moment.
For me it's when I feel I have something important to say, no one cares, what will your clumsy useless words accomplish? Just shut up and listen.

I also couple this with the feeling of guilt for not being joyful, as a Christian "the joy of the Lord is our strength"right? But I can tell you I will not forge a false joy, a superficial emotion. I have learned that joy looks and feels different to each individual.

I by nature am a thinker and observer not a great doer. I sort of absorb the world not react to it. It's not like I can just buck my instincts and start getting active and excited taking on big tasks. That would only end in frustration.

There is a natural order that you operate in well, there are qualities we see in others that we would like to have ourselves. The idea of improving yourself by adding foreign qualities to your nature is difficult. But if you try to operate within yourself and your boundaries, you will learn those qualities you desire in relation to your natural qualities. The joy will be real not forced.

I can tell you one thing that has worked for me that you might look into that will get you out of the house and help others, that's coaching or teaching. It's very rewarding, those games which have no value will be easy to replace, with an activity that promotes your best skills, help others and if you can do it right you could do something big some day.

One more thing if your going to do something about this, ask for help. Recognize what you lack, get accountability from someone to keep you on track. That for me is still hard, I prefer to go things alone, but since I lack drive, I need someone to keep me working toward the goal.
You should not see that person as a way to replace your low skills, but as a teacher to learn how to implement those skills into your nature.

Thanks for reading.

Thanks for the response, it's very awesome.

Honestly, I have thought of having someone to keep me on track. Sometimes, everyone needs to be slapped into place by someone else. But... my problem with that is, no one really sees things the way I do. I know that's kind of an immature thing to say, but I haven't met anyone who thinks this way. It truly feels like I'm alone.

I'm the only one who can keep me on track, because I'm the only one with my heart set on my own personal goals. Also, if someone else tells me to do something, I tend to attack them.

So, as a previous poster stated, I am immature. Don't try to use that as an insult. I'm 19. I know what I am, and I don't care.

In fact, my view on maturity is that, the more mature you get, the more accepting you're getting of the wrong things around you. People who have strong reactions to things are often considered immature, because they see the situation like this; "Hey! That's wrong! Something should be done about it!"

Mature people see bad events, and think; "Hm. What else is new. Whatever..."

I don't pick fights for no reason, I don't throw hissy fits when I'm in the wrong, and that's as mature as I need to be.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

I hope I'm not intruding too much here.

I'm the only one who can keep me on track, because I'm the only one with my heart set on my own personal goals. Also, if someone else tells me to do something, I tend to attack them.

I will be honest, that accountability person became my wife. Not a perfect match at first, and still isn't, But it never should. I will warn you if you look for someone with your exact idea you will:
1. Not find them because you have eliminated everyone but yourself.
2. You already know you are not happy with yourself.

So, as a previous poster stated, I am immature. Don't try to use that as an insult. I'm 19. I know what I am, and I don't care.

Your only 19, your mature enough to recognize something missing, many older adults still run around looking for the first shinny thing to fill that hole.

Mature people see bad events, and think; "Hm. What else is new. Whatever..."

Take advantage of this passion you have for change while you can. Go on a missions trip or volunteer for some ministry that serves others, you might encounter others with the same perspective.

It's ok if you attack me, I will still be around.

reply to post by Observationalist


I'm sorry, that entire post wasn't totally directed at you. I wasn't trying to be acidic.

Everything you said is fairly possible. I'll think on that. Thank you very much

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


Thanks for the thoughtful reply. As you might surmise, my intent was to rattle your cage - get you to think a bit more - you've done a much better job of explaining yourself with that reply. Right, now let's get to work.

Seems like the guilt aspect is getting to you about how you're spending your time when you do something creative like art or writing. At your stage in life, it's sometimes difficult to see the tangible "good" something you create does for other people. If any of your creative efforts is "inspiring" to anyone, there is tangible goodness. One thing you need to identify is WHAT inspires you - how are you moved to action - what makes your interest pique to the point of acting? Music, art, literature (ok writings in general) have the capacity to uplift spirits and mend souls - undeniably helping.

Amazing - there's a word for ya! A trite example - go climb Everest that would be amazing! But that's "not what I'm talkin' about". Go for amazing yourself. Not smart enough - get smarter. Not strong enough - get stronger - oh not necessarily physically, get stronger in character. It helps if there is something tangible you're both GOOD at and interested in. You've got plenty of time, although I understand the urgency of getting off the dime and just doing it - now! But you need to come to an understanding of yourself, it's that maturity I was talking about (not your age). Don't let that word maturity turn you off - it's not meant as a criticism. Let me give you a real example: it wasn't until I became disabled/useless/dependent that I really came to know the limitations in my own attitude and demeanor had been throughout life - pain and angst is part of the process of learning. Right now you seem ready to go off in 360 different directions to DO something meaningful - you just need a bit more time in introspection without judgement/guilt to know yourself.

GENERALLY... you'll be most effective if what you DO is something you enjoy, not necessarily anything that others think is useful or that you perceive as useful, just something that gives you peace. For some, that comes with working with your hands, working the land - those folks might join the Peace Corps or something like that if they are so inclined to help people. That may not work for you, but I hope it gets you thinking in the "right" direction.

Realize nobody here or any other online forum can really help you - you MUST help yourself as you are the only one in a position to know your true self. Look for a source of inspiration - you can inspire someone else. And you'll find those small things that help another person aren't so amazing, but the effects they have are truly amazing - if you'll make the effort to see them.

ganjoa

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


There is an art to writing on these forums, I haven't got it but I can see how my post read to you.
Yah, I wasn't trying to defend myself there, I was anticipating you taking offence to my advise.
And was inviting you to let me have it.

Encouragement all the way.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX

I draw, and I write, and it makes me happy, but it doesn't fulfill me. I need to do something for other people, something huge.

We're moving out of our apartment, with nowhere to go.

Sorry to hear about your pending homelessness, Night, but you just answered your own question about doing something huge for others. A lot of people don't get this.

Defining 'Huge' in the context of this thread, this is what huge ISN'T:

Killing an evil leader who is one second away from pressing a nuclear button.
Give a speech worldwide that inspires everyone to end war and hunger and cruelty.

These things aren't huge because they're fantasies. We all have them, but it's not going to happen.

Now, what 'Huge' IS:

Doing something huge for mankind is when you work to support yourself. No matter how unrewarding a job is, it ensures that you won't make yourself a burden on family members, friends, and society. 'Huge' is not committing crimes. "Huge' is becoming involved in feeding the local hungry, and beautifying your neighborhood. 'Huge' is not becoming a problem to the solution; the solution being, if you take care of you, and I take care of me, and she takes care of herself, then the world becomes a much MUCH better place.

Doing these small things isn't a fantasy...it's HUGE!

You've received great feedback and insights from fellow ATS-ers. I hope you really spend time re-reading them and gleaning the gems from them all.

When I was in high school, I felt the same way, but then, there wasn't an internet community to turn to with like-minded people. I too was fairly intelligent, angry (inside) and felt I was born to do something big. I read a lot, about the world, politics, religions, philosophy, poetry...I majored in art in school, and painted, sketched and photographed...I wrote poetry and stories...I played guitar and sang...and what I wanted to do was be a revolutionary instead of a teacher or nurse or postal worker -- or whatever my guidance counselors thought I should do.

School seemed to be such a waste of time. I was itching to get out and "do something." I dragged myself to school each day, painted on a smile (sometimes) and made it through. I was a good student, but could care less. Everyone seemed so wrapped up in stupid stuff that my mind screamed each day.

I share so you know you are not alone in your thoughts.

Here's my two-cents for what that will get you ...You are still young and your whole life is ahead of you, to create as you desire. Find a magnificent obsession. Find what fills you with passion, what makes you want to get up and do it--even if the whole world thinks it's lame or trivial or a waste of time...if you are passionate about it, you will have energy, love and excitement. And you'll then find/attact/stumble upon others with that same feeling of passion -- maybe not for what you are focused on -- but passion nonetheless. You'll find people who are as "alive" and "awake" as you are.

I have found that being appreciative and having gratitude for the simple joys in my life and simple things makes a huge difference. I appreciate having the ability to reach in the fridge and grab an apple...or being warm in the house when there's a howling wind, or a car to drive. So many in this world would love to have the lives and opportunities for knowledge, education, and material goods that we take for granted.

And, even if you don't feel like leaving the house or going outside these days, go anyway. Being outside, being in nature, taking a walk or drawing outside can only make you feel more connected to all of Life.

You matter. It matters that you are here, in this space/time. Let your love and passion drive who you are and how you choose to live your life, not your angst or anger. Then you are really a freedom creator rather than a freedom fighter. I wish you all the best.

reply to post by Observationalist


No worries, I asked for advice... it would be really stupid of me to attack you for giving me yours.

I've been staying at my Mamaws, with my little brother, sister, and all my little cousins, and I'm kinda the "big sister" to everyone. I still feel like I have no purpose, doing stupid work in school that I hate and couldn't care less about, then I go home and the kids are asking me to take them to the park. Then, I feel a little more assurred. Look at those babies... of course you have purpose, minor as it may be.

Then I have nights like last night, when I watch Piers Morgan on tv and get angry over all the "conspiracy" stuff, like a British dude coming to our country telling us we shouldn't have guns (GRRRGH!)

Then, I get online, spread the word through my facebook page, get my friends on board, post on ATS, etc.

Those little things give me purpose, but I still feel like I'm not doing enough. A popular phrase among conspiracy theorists is "If you're not doing anything, you're the problem." Another is "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention." Well... I am doing nothing, even though I am outraged. But, I wouldn't know what to do at all. I'm just ticked at myself for not trying harder to make a difference in some way. I'm a prepper, but in the end, that will only really benefit my inner circle... and that's IF I'm doing it right.

I read all of your responses, and I've taken them all to heart. I really appriciate all of you giving your time to respond, no one in my circle would really understand this. I love all ya'll.