We have failed as parents...

And kids are increasingly precocious, yet once young adults and should maturing, it seems they're in a fog they can't shake.

Every day is a new adventure. Everyones looking for the next best thing. Most people are so into themselves, their clothes, their hair, makeup. And status updates. So emo!

Flash mobs! getting drunk, tatts, piercings, popping recreational drugs, bad diets, being fat & sickly, having multiple kids/divorces, overly flaunting sexuality.. anything goes, so much attention seeking behavior and self-loathing.

But, this is all what TPTB want Americans to be. 300 million slaves to the system, oblivious & indifferent to the world tyranny.

I hope you dont include me in that title?

I have four children, one of which has just had a baby and is on maternaty leave from work about to be married, my second daughter is deputy manager of a high end beauty shop she is 20 years old, my lad is 17 and has a part time job and is studying to become a Gym Instructor and coach, my youngest daughter is 9 and doing well also.

I think I did rather well

reply to post by Tardacus


legally nobody can tell you how to raise your children,so since you have 100% of the benefit of raising your children the way you want to,


What? What state do you live in? Because here in MI they sure as hell CAN tell you how to raise your children.

Originally posted by HomerinNC
You know I was thinking, in light of all these children and teems who are being arrested for possible attacks on their schools, those kids are eventually found out to been picked on, parents putting their children on ADD and ADHD medication, I come to realize, we have failed as parents.
I was picked on, beat up, spit on, you name it, it happened to me as a kid growing up. We were one of the poorest families in the neighborhood, and my mother and stepdad had the rep of being the drunks of the neighborhood, in other words, white trash on Long Island NY. this was back in the 80's
Never ONCE did I EVER even THINK about killing anyone or blowing up the school. We just didnt think about doing that back then.
What did we do as parents, to fail our children, to make them think about doing these things?
Are we too busy in our lives to LISTEN to our kids?
Do we ignore our children, not see the warning signs that there is trouble?
We blame the kids when this happens, we blame the TV shows they watch, we blame the video games they play, we blame the weapons and devices they use, we blame the medication theyre put on, we blame the government, we blame EVERYTHING under the sun for these events, BUT we dont put the blame where it rests upon, US, THE PARENTS.
Take timew to talk to your kids. If your normally outgoing child becomes withdrawn and angry, spends long amounts of time in their room, STOP AND TALK TO THEM. Dont just talk to them, GET INVOLVED with them.
Its easy to say we are too busy, gotta pay bills, gotta work, but OUR CHILDREN NEED US.

Homer, blaming parents for the way society works doesn't even begin to address the issue that needs to be solved.
Childless people would have a field day if they were ever implicated for the way their peers act. I know you have to pick your battles, but you're off target on this one, not to mention turning blind eye to the pertinent factors.
Just because you grew up under crap conditions that does not give you the place to put your thumb over a general group of people who are the least likely to have a reason to promote gun violence at school.
There are kids suffering just as there are parents suffering just as there are elders suffering just as there are childless adults suffering, life is tough but you don't get to gloat about how well you turned out because you never know what life will throw your way.

Originally posted by chiefsmom
reply to post by Tardacus

 

legally nobody can tell you how to raise your children,so since you have 100% of the benefit of raising your children the way you want to,


What? What state do you live in? Because here in MI they sure as hell CAN tell you how to raise your children.

And heaven forbid, the moment THEY disagree with YOUR methods of parenting, THEY can and DO, interfere by removing the children from the home, and charging YOU, the parent for doing your job as a parent. It seems the cart has been placed in front of the horse.

I am a parent of two. People tell me ALL the time how great my kids are. I know they are.... I have taken a lot of pride in raising them, molding them to be productive citizens. They are caring, tidy, funny, respectful, smart, and the list goes on.... but.....

I know so many kids ( their friends and my bf's kid) who is not parented properly. I see it and see the behaviour issues some of these kids have.

Take my boyfriends son for an example. He is a bright student and very athletic. He has issue with respect, following directions, and is not disciplined at all. He is on the spoiled side, to say the least. His Dr. wants to put him on meds so he can focus better in class and not twitch around. His father and I have had battles over it. He is still not on meds. I have been in the household for two years now and can tell.... he doesn't need meds... he NEEDS consistent parenting by his father. I am the same today as I was yesterday. His dad... not so much.

He also allows him to play video games in his spare time, which is a lot of the time. I on the other hand make them all go outside.

Parents seem to take the easy way out these days. Relying on the tv, games, internet to pass time and then when they are all grown up... they have no clue who this child is. They don't even know them.

Crazy times we live in, I tell ya!

Excuses. Blaming. People attacking each other in their minds.

*yawn*

Is another day.

You know, it's living that's evil, not doing evil things.

Just have to let go of the good/evil thing.

And base your life on science as much as you can. Its the only real practical answer.

But what do I know?

We've survived for thousands of years drunk on religion.

reply to post by XLR8R

If the kid is told he's ignorant all his life because he can't figure out calculus or can't concentrate in class because he has an abundance of energy and sitting there 8 hours a day drives him crazy, doesn't one come to the conclusion this child will grow up to be unstable in some way.

Not really, that's not what ADHD is about. Hyperactivity is more than "Can't sit there for 8 hours". It goes far beyond that. Women actually manifest it in a completely different way (so no squirming). ADHD is really an impairment in the brain's executive function. If you've got it you do way more than squirm in your seat. You will be prone to being very impulsive, late all the time, forget all your appointments, your life will very disorganized, you'll be constantly restless and bored.


This is a PET scan image from a rather detailed study on the subject done in 1990. Every study since then has shown the same thing. There is less activity in the regions in the brain associated with "executive" functions such as planning, judgement, etc.

The problem here is people hear this and they think it's all bad. It's really not, it has it's strengths. Many of those rags to riches entrepreneurs people talk about have ADHD. The founder and owner of IKEA has it. It's why his company runs some strange hours, it caters to his problem. Richard Branson has it as well. In fact, in a study it was found people with ADHD were 30 times more likely to start a business. There was study done in Boston looking at areas where ADHD was diagnosed at a higher than average rate in school children. They found most of these kids had parents who had ADHD. This wasn't the poor section of town. Most of these people were very successful by most western standards. They found a rather high number of CEO's among the study. Hell, They say even Ben Franklin had it.

The whole "stupid" self-image comes from a lack of understanding on the part of the people in the kid's life and from the child's own failure to live up to their expectations. I know this. I lived it. I was constantly frustrated with my inability to pay attention. I tried hard, I just couldn't. My brain was (and still is) all over the place. One of my biggest problems has always been that I have a rather acute sense of hearing. I hear everything. It drives me nuts. It's why I don't do parties without loud music. I can hear everyone's conversation and I'll just get overwhelmed after 15 minutes if there is no loud music to cover it up. This is something a lot of people with ADHD complain about. I lay in bed every night with so many thoughts in my head. I can't shut em off either. It takes 30 minutes just to get to sleep. I daydream constantly, I am bored almost all the time. I'm a very messy disorganized person and if it wasn't for Google calender I'd miss all my appointments. No amount of "You're Lazy" or "You are a dingbat" commentary and subsequent punishment ever helped me.

Drugs do help some people. It didn't help me much as I can't tolerate stimulants. The effect is not what people imagine it to be though. It doesn't "sedate" you. The best example I can give is that it's like putting on a pair of glasses if you have bad vision. It just helps you focus. It doesn't work all day either or solve all the problems. It doesn't really do anything other than help you maintain focus. People with ADHD need coaching more than anything. Most people who have it will never get treatment for it.

I liken it to having a double-edged sword. It can do great things for you or get you in serious trouble. If all your kid needed was a challenge then your kid never had ADHD. Most people with ADHD generally do not like doing mentally taxing tasks if they have no interest in the subject and they will procrastinate to get out of it. If someone tells you that your kid has it then do yourself a favor and read about it. You'll be able to help them if you actually take the time to understand it.

These recent shootings have involved semi-automics and pistols with large 30-round clips. This recent shooting involved a crazy amount of guns. Like the other one at the theatre. Not only that, but the guy even had body armor. We're seeing more and more lethality here.

I'd like to compare old school shootings with new school shootings and ask "If they had had a better weapon, would they have killed more people?" Old(er) weapon suffer from obsolete tech.

Furthermore, with the internet kids know more and can find out things better. Someone 50 years ago had a lot less information to go on if htey wnated to execute a school massacre.

Kids these days are more dangerous because of these reasons and others, not because culture has changed for the worse. If you ignore hte points I make, you miss a big piece of hte pie.

I think there's too much hysteria.

I recall looking into the issue a while ago and finding that a lot of states aren't doing good background checks and they're not getting people off the list that shouldn't be on it fast enough. Many of these shootings areh appening in states that don't do a good job. For that matter, even the states that're ranked high are performing poorly since the standards are low nationally.

The world can't tolerate dangerous people like it used to because our technology is so much greater and cheaper. One bad apple can have a very fatal impact on everybody else.

Originally posted by Pedro4077
I think there is definately devolution going on.

Maybe it's the GMO's? The Fluride? Chemtrails? Reality Television?

I really don't know

We have gone from this

To this

I'm going to take the easy way out and say "It's Bush's fault.

Nah this is just the result of the first 2 pictures. No such thing as a perfect family, TV filling your head with illusions causing family's to fight because they cannot be the perfect bunch they see on their favorite TV show. The degrigation of America started far before these TV shows. Every thing has been micro planed.

reply to post by antonia


I'm not saying having ADHD screws you up. I'm saying being told you're not good enough all along you're childhood does.
By the way I have very sensitive hearing as well. It drives me nuts sometimes.
Thanks for the info. I had no Idea ADHD manifested itself differently in girls. Very interesting.

Originally posted by XLR8R
reply to post by antonia

 

I'm not saying having ADHD screws you up. I'm saying being told you're not good enough all along you're childhood does.
By the way I have very sensitive hearing as well. It drives me nuts sometimes.
Thanks for the info. I had no Idea ADHD manifested itself differently in girls. Very interesting.

I'm sorry, I was just speaking generally and using your comment as a launching point. I should have said that. A lot of people in this thread are acting as if ADHD is somehow related to bad parenting. It's a position which comes out of ignorance and it's sad it still comes up in this day and age.

reply to post by HomerinNC


OP, I agree. But may I add a caveat?

Many parents look to school officials as authority figures who know what they are talking about And many times, the school officials don't have a clue.
(3 years ago)
My son was "diagnosed" with ADD and the principal scheduled a meeting to discuss it. She did not know I had an advanced degree in developmental neurobiology. Needless to say, I verbally gutted her.

Had I not had the information at hand, she might have convinced my wife and I.

Many schools look to have a compliant student body.. Pharmacology has been able to provide this with no thought to what psychotropic drugs can do to a developing organ (the brain).

We fail as parents if we don't educate ourselves on what influences our children.

Be it drugs, tv, lesson plans, games.

Originally posted by HomerinNC
You know I was thinking, in light of all these children and teems who are being arrested for possible attacks on their schools, those kids are eventually found out to been picked on, parents putting their children on ADD and ADHD medication, I come to realize, we have failed as parents.
I was picked on, beat up, spit on, you name it, it happened to me as a kid growing up. We were one of the poorest families in the neighborhood, and my mother and stepdad had the rep of being the drunks of the neighborhood, in other words, white trash on Long Island NY. this was back in the 80's
Never ONCE did I EVER even THINK about killing anyone or blowing up the school. We just didnt think about doing that back then.
What did we do as parents, to fail our children, to make them think about doing these things?

mom ended up needing to find work, often full-time, to make ends meet. dad, often, ended up having to find a second 'night' job for the same reason.

Are we too busy in our lives to LISTEN to our kids?

see above

Do we ignore our children, not see the warning signs that there is trouble?

in conjunction with the above, perhaps mos and dads are/were just far to friggin busy trying to keep the roof over their heads to even possibly have the time to 'keep an eye on what the kids are/were doing'

We blame the kids when this happens, we blame the TV shows they watch, we blame the video games they play, we blame the weapons and devices they use, we blame the medication theyre put on, we blame the government, we blame EVERYTHING under the sun for these events, BUT we dont put the blame where it rests upon, US, THE PARENTS.

Definitely not in complete agreement there.

Take timew to talk to your kids.

We did and Do

If your normally outgoing child becomes withdrawn and angry, spends long amounts of time in their room, STOP AND TALK TO THEM. Dont just talk to them, GET INVOLVED with them.

Exactly... especially the Get Involved part

Its easy to say we are too busy, gotta pay bills, gotta work, but OUR CHILDREN NEED US.

edit on 1/8/2013 by HomerinNC because: (no reason given)

Yes. they most certainly Do. However, Due to both moms and dads often having to find additional part time jobs that keep them out of the home and day-to-day family life and activities, The kids are left with What? The lies and deceit of the stupid tube, video games and whatever other gadgets or electronic-based babysitters made readily available to them

Why would a kid want for or even feel the need to go outside and play when they can all the mental, even physical, stimulus they need, want or desire from a screen?

garbage in. garbage out. comes to mind. and yet we still 'wonder'

silly humans

Originally posted by Cynic

Originally posted by chiefsmom
reply to post by Tardacus

 

legally nobody can tell you how to raise your children,so since you have 100% of the benefit of raising your children the way you want to,


What? What state do you live in? Because here in MI they sure as hell CAN tell you how to raise your children.

And heaven forbid, the moment THEY disagree with YOUR methods of parenting, THEY can and DO, interfere by removing the children from the home, and charging YOU, the parent for doing your job as a parent. It seems the cart has been placed in front of the horse.

If you do your job as a parent then the state will never need to be involved, it`s only when it has become obvious that you are failing as a parent that the state need to become involved to ensure the safety of society.

If more parents would put their egos aside and call in professional help when it becomes obvious that they are not able to raise their child to be a productive member of society, then we would have far less of these wild children being unleashed on society at the age of 18.

if your car is having problems with the brakes do you go out and tinker with it for a while and then just throw your hands up and say, well i did the best i could to try and fix it, and then just keep driving it with faulty breaks? or do you take it to a professional mechanic when it becomes obvious that you are not properly equipped to fix the problem?

If you drive that car knowing that it has faulty brakes and you hit someone and kill them you will be held accountable for negligent homicide because you did not do everything possible to have the brakes properly repaired..if you raise a faulty child who becomes a menace to society because you neglected to do everything possible to fix that child shouldn`t you also be held accountable for your negligence?

reply to post by HomerinNC


Bad nutrition
Violent entertainment
lack of discipline
government education

Originally posted by Pedro4077
I think there is definately devolution going on.

Maybe it's the GMO's? The Fluride? Chemtrails? Reality Television?

I really don't know

We have gone from this

To this

I'm going to take the easy way out and say "It's Bush's fault.

You're kidding right?? Apart from comedic effect, this post is nonsense. You pick two portraits from tv shows & then compare them to a random photo. I could just as easily get you two perfect-looking family portraits from today, and then a random crackhead/hillbilly family from the 70s/80s.

Yea, I'm sure it's "GMOs, fluoride, chemtrails, and reality tv" all combined.

reply to post by Raelsatu


It's all "The past was 10x" better nostalgic crap. The past wasn't better. People need to get over it and start living in the present.

Yea, I'm sure it's "GMOs, fluoride, chemtrails, and reality tv" all combined.

Well Tv is part of it you could let your kid change channels anytime during the 70s and not be to worried about what they saw

Now would you let them?