My absolute decline

Originally posted by boymonkey74
Also you are the same size as Tom Cruise.
What do you want us all to do? say ah poor you and give you sympathy? nope like I said your life is 10 times better than 2/3rds of the world.
Help yourself, get out more and stop wallowing in self pity...that is something girls do not like.

Tom is gay.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

The problem isn't your height, the problem is that your absentee father shattered your self esteem. No self esteem, no self worth.

Get rid of your self esteem issues, get some confidence, stop letting dead beat parents dictate your life, and everything else will follow.

You have a lot of healing to do.

For some reason I found myself responding to this at length. Your post spoke to me somehow.

Couple of things:

You are 22. It's way to early to talk about "decline" at that age, "absolute" or otherwise. I know that it can feel even at that age (or at any age, really) that you've lived a million years and been though more weary ups and downs than anyone shoud. But separate subjective feeling from a more objective perspective: You really are just staring out. The world is your oyster.

I am not short, but that doesn't matter at all. You are placing way more emphasis on that than you should. There are so many other things that can go wrong, and in my case many of them did. When I was your age I was in a very, very dark place. I'd had difficult teen years, where I was basically a runaway and a transient. I was dumped by the girl I has assumed was the love of my life, and then when I got lucky to fall in love again a little later and get married, I was dumped again. Both of them had good reasons for leaving me, which only served to deflate my battered ego more. I had dropped out of high school, was living day to day as a drifter/day laborer. Just getting an apartment and a car seemed to me more than I could hope to do, but i made it happen, only to lose it all soon after through my own stupidity.

All in all, as I entered my 20s. I had made some very bad life decisions and was looking down the barrel at a life path that seemed doomed by any reasonable objective measure. I won't go into the specifics here but if you are curious I have written about it a bit on ATS before. But for our purposes all you need to know is that I had ****ed up my life in so many ways and I had just about given up on life in every meaningful sense.

I ended up grasping the one opportunity that seemed to hold out any promise -- going abroad on a questionable venture. I didn't know if I would live or die, and I didn't care. It took a long, long time of many years of travel, fear, and struggle, but eventually I found myself not only comfortable but having a bona-fide good life. I tell you this not to brag but to show you that YOU NEVER KNOW what will happen...especially not at age 22.

I realize my life was a bit unusual in several respects and I could have easily ended up dead in a ditch at any number of points along the way. My way of coping with this was to turn to a life of the mind. I lacked formal education but I liked reading and thinking, and I threw myself into it with abandon. The more I read, the more I wanted to read, and I found that all that reading also made actual writing a lot easier -- something else I found I loved. I wasn't trying to be "a writer," I was trying "to write," and that made all the difference. I stopped being afraid of knowledge and started meeting it half way: I may not be a genius, but I am not a moron either. And if you take a step towards knoweldge, it will take a step toward you, too. I discovered a delicious truth: whether you are sleeping under a bridge, eating alone at a gourmet restaurant, waiting in line at the DMV, or sitting on a park bench, if you have a book with you, you will never be bored. And the effort I put in was repaid tenfold, not in "practical benefits" per se but just in the sheer joy of exploring the complex worlds of history, language, philosophy...whatever tickled my fancy.

I notice by reading between the lines you seem to think finding a woman is the be-all-end all, and you seem to define happiness by "if I only had a woman in my life." Try to turn some of that desire in a different direction, like I mentioned above with reading, Get another passion. This isn't giving up on the pursuit of women: Its staying sane by adopting a more balanced way of finding contentment.

Eventually I did establish a healthier relationship with several women, although my love-life has been chaotic, to say the least. When I got older, more settled, calmer and more confident, I was able to branch out and offer more to my partners: not more in a crudely material sense (although you should be able to show your woman a good time and offer her at least the potential for security), but in terms of having cultivated enough inside to actually have something worth offering.

TLDR: Start cultivating yourself internally, seeing such effort as it is its own reward. Then after a time, you will have something inside that you can offer other people, and that they will respond to spontaneously, if it is geuine and not a pose. And remember, at 22 you have plenty of time, even if it doesn't seem that way. Get back to us at 32 or 42 and, if you have made earnest efforts, I think you will find yourself in a much better position to find true and abiding happiness.

There will be a time to look back later in life, but at 22 you should be mostly looking forward. Full steam ahead, and best of luck.

reply to post by cbankord

I want to know why the world is closed to me, why everyone treats me like a stranger.

I'm cold to all, even the few who love me.

Ask yourself... which way did these cold winds first blow?

It is always winter in the hearts of strangers.
Everyone is a stranger until you share a laugh with them.

Like attracts like. A cold demeanor with only ensure a longer winter.

Love is a reflection of real, inner light.
You have to shine to be seen.

Originally posted by cbankord
woe is me right? lol

Seriously, If I try to be confident, I'm an asshole.
If I try to be nice, I'm a carpet.

If I'm shy and quiet I'm boring.
if I'm too friendly and make too much eye contact, I'm awkward and make them nervous.

It seriously plays out too much in life for me and I'm tired of getting hurt by the same mechanisms. I realize that death is a mystery, with a degree of permanence. Suicide has been going through my mind for years... all stemmed from these same issues.
...I feel like I'm wasting my life, when there is potential of love. When lesser men get all that they desire, I pray for a slice.
...

Well - you've put a lot of thought into it...
You're honest (as far as I can tell) with us...
I think you're trying too hard.
I was much like you (in the confidence department) around your age... Went back and forth between - "I'm not good enough for them" and "They are not good enough for me"...and, it wasn't until I set that "need" aside, that suddenly "they" were all around.

If someone were to try to take your life from you - TODAY - I'm pretty sure you would want to stop them.
There are many more valuable commodities in life than romance and "being appreciated for what you have potential to do".
Start "doing"...and time/life will take care of the rest.

Oh Yeah! & STOP COMPARING yourself and your life with others...
If it was just about "how you/we compare", only Adonis or Hercules or Schwarzeneger...would win.
None of them are you... Focus on you...and where you want to go (not "who you want to do").
Women/Girls are attracted more to something "that moves"...

Originally posted by nixie_nox
The problem isn't your height, the problem is that your absentee father shattered your self esteem. No self esteem, no self worth.

Get rid of your self esteem issues, get some confidence, stop letting dead beat parents dictate your life, and everything else will follow.

You have a lot of healing to do.

This is so true and what my mother actually told me was the source of my issues. Recently, I have tried to improve my confidence, especially with public speaking. It's just... sometimes I feel like a loser, and I can't think like that, but it's undeniable in the face of my past.

Overall... I'm a fantastic person, but I've been treated like a leper. I avoid contact with others... because some of my best friends turned out to abuse and abandon me in the long run. I have an internet addiction... a learning addiction.

I hope that, maybe if I'm smarter than the average bear, people will like me. However, I'm starting to realize that this isn't the case and I'm making excuses because of my social angst.

I hope that, maybe if I'm better looking and stronger than people around me, it can make up for my height differential. Maybe girls will think of me as a protector... someone who is not a joke and is to be respected.

Maybe I'm just dealing with fools and little girls at my age. There is always hope, I just need someone to truly appreciate me and seek affection from me.

Maybe I'm not all that attractive? I have tried POF, Meetme.com, and Facebook. It's sooo difficult to meet new people online, at least for me. It seems that girls always think of me as a creep, or never put forth effort of communication when I'm interested in them. I guess it's just apart of my life and the only directive is to tread on in hopes of a better future. i45.tinypic.com... -- pic of me

I notice by reading between the lines you seem to think finding a woman is the be-all-end all, and you seem to define happiness by "if I only had a woman in my life." Try to turn some of that desire in a different direction, like I mentioned above with reading, Get another passion. This isn't giving up on the pursuit of women: Its staying sane by adopting a more balanced way of finding contentment.

Thank you my friend, this has made me feel immensely better about my situation. This brought clarity. Live for myself, not for others...

I still need affection though. It's the way I'm wired :/

I care for others and friends, more than I care for myself.

Originally posted by cbankord

I notice by reading between the lines you seem to think finding a woman is the be-all-end all, and you seem to define happiness by "if I only had a woman in my life." Try to turn some of that desire in a different direction, like I mentioned above with reading, Get another passion. This isn't giving up on the pursuit of women: Its staying sane by adopting a more balanced way of finding contentment.

Thank you my friend, this has made me feel immensely better about my situation. This brought clarity. Live for myself, not for others...

I still need affection though. It's the way I'm wired :/

I care for others and friends, more than I care for myself.

Just like me. Like i said in my post. I'm pretty affectionate infact I'm very affectionate. Life is more than what you desire... I pretty sure it was one of Buddha quotes, or at least a Buddha.

reply to post by cbankord


Holy crap, cbankord, you should live here in New England. I think I've seen only one female over 5'6". The majority are so short. They can't all want to marry giants.

reply to post by cbankord


You are the only one who is allowed to define you. Chose the definitions you want. Go with the positives you mention:

attractive, I'm nice, I'm intelligent

Your air of despondency, even if your not aware of it, sends out non verbal messages to people, try approaching others with genuine interest and acceptance, celebrate what you see about them that you like. You are perfect as you are, and there are those who love you now and will love you in the future. Here is a video with the idea about how to approach others.

The sexiest thing about a man, is his mind. Smart and funny work wonders

more issues...

my friend hits me up @ 2:30, saying he's got a girl that wants me. She texts me also saying that she wants to #. I'm like okay... but I'm tired so hurry up.

They say they're on their way, but they end up ditching me, after I stayed up until 5:00 A.M. I left some mean hurtful comments and he removed me from facebook. He comes in later the next day, we make up, and the girl starts laughing at me when I try to dance with her.

I stopped dancing with her and started talking to her friends. So she's teasing me I guess...

The next day, I get a flat tire. My HDMI cable goes out, after I rent Farcry 3 from Redbox. I'm flipping out.

My mom is like : "You shouldn't rip it out and take care of it more. " I DON'T RIP OUT MY CABLES. IT'S LIKE PEOPLE PLACE BLAME ON ME CONSTANTLY and I CAN'T TAKE THIS #ING # ANYMORE.

I'm moving out. I want to punch myself in the face until I go comatose and drown in a pool of my own GOD DAMN BLOOD> FLDJFL:JES:LKRJ

THE WORLD JUST #S ALLLLLLLLL OVER ME and if people don't like my blunt aggressive honesty, then they can go # off and die. If they want to get in my face, I will stab them repeatedly in the neck. I hate this life.

It's like I have never been given a chance AT ALL. I'm dismissed.
90% bad, 10% good. I'm usually always sad because of the events that take place. My anger issues come from my lack of tolerance to ignorance. I just can't take when people inquire or insinuate that everything is my fault. I've NEVER had a job that paid more than $10 / hour, and I WORK in INFORMATION SYSTEMS, fixing PC's and network problems all day. I SHOULD be paid at least double that.

Then there's the issue of barely any friends, and the friends that I do have... slowly being deprived by my own lack of sanity. I have MAJOR issues and I recognize it, and I'm spiralling down the rabbit hole into deprivation and depression.