Need some advice, can't even get a date.

Thanks again everybody. Indifference is something I've never been able to fake. Plus, the last few relationships, the last one especially, haven't been good, I seem to attract users, ha ha, but oh well, always darkest before the dawn, right?

reply to post by dave_welch


Users eh? I've had my share. Once I suspect I'm the one being played (instead of the other way around) I get the HELL out!

If you think she might be using you for free dinners, eat before you go out. Then, at the restraunt order a salad. Usually, a woman will never order anything larger than what the guy does (unless she's really got a pair!).

Also, if you think you're being use, leave your wallet at home. Make her pay. Say, "oh crap! I left my wallet at home!" One person shouldn't have to pay for everything every time. Why should you have to spend your hard earned money when there is no garuntee that you're going to get laid or end up in a serious relationship.

Women are like an investment, and I hesitate to tell other guys to go "all in" right off the bat. Usually they'll waste a bunch of money and get nothing out of it. If you're willing to throw money around, women that are users will gravitate to you.

I've been living with my girl going on 2 years, and I normally pay for dinners/brunches. Every now and then though I'll pull the "I left my wallet at home!" trick

reply to post by MystikMushroom


That sounds a little cynical, but that doesn't mean it's not a good Idea... Not sure if I should take your advice or not. Not saying you're wrong or anything like that, it just seems deceitful to me, but then again, I'm probably wrong about that.

reply to post by dave_welch


Which one? Leaving the wallet at home? Ordering the salad? Or wraping an insult up to appear as a compliment?

Women have the upper hand, and sometimes you have to pull some tricks out of the bag if you want to get ahead of the other guys.

Remember, you're not the first guy (or the last) thats hit on her before. Women are used to us drooling dogs chasing after them. Some even get a real rise from being chased. I respect myself to much to sink to the level of a groveling, whiney, soft b-word just to find a girl.

If you let them, women will walk all over you!

reply to post by dave_welch


Oh, you should try this experiment. It was on Sienfeld...

If everything your doing isn't working, do the complete opposite and see what happens. Try it for like a week -- its fun!

Hi there! Firstly... do not say:

Originally posted by MystikMushroom
Tell her, "All these models with these perfect bodies...That's so unrealistic! I'm more into a someone like you, you're like the girl next door."

Unless you want one of these options:
A - a punch in the balls
B - a kick in the balls
C - a big black eye.

If a woman has any sense of selfworth - that's what you'd get.

As many has said before - be you! And be damn proud of you! And you can pretend to be confident... keep it up and the confidence will be real.

Do hold open doors - nice. Do not pull out chair - oldfashioned. Do not buy flowers unless it's some sort of occasion - otherwise it seems a little creepy.

Smile, have fun - 'coz you're awesome! Awesome - remember that. Again, I'll refer to the booze advertisement I mentioned here www.abovetopsecret.com...

reply to post by dave_welch


make her laugh, and in getting to know her feel out how far you can go with ur sense of humor, and then push it slightly over the edge, it works for me.... somtimes. but its a numbers game, oh yeah and be somewhat hygenic, chicks love metrosexuals these days,

then as i think about it, it all depends on what girls ur going after, some chicks like money, some like muscels, some like cars. and some like(drum roll) the person that u are. i suggest going for the latter.

Originally posted by dave_welch
Thanks again everybody. Indifference is something I've never been able to fake.

I'm not suggesting you FAKE indifference. I'm suggesting you DEVELOP it. You have to not care because otherwise you appear too anxious. And like the fellow said above, women know within 30 seconds what the deal is, and you could, too, if you would allow it with yourself. In fact, I would guess 5 seconds. It's probably worth a thread by itself why this is so, so I won't belabor it, but you KNOW just by looking, and so does she.

reply to post by dave_welch




i tried this one time and it worked!!!!!!

although i just did the first part, i invited her to met me at a reasturant at a place i knew was closed that was close to my house, when we got there, of course it was closed, so i said hey lets go to my place and order chinese and watch netflix it worked out, then a couple months later she became my girlfriend and it went all downhill. maybe u should complete the whole system lol jk

Women are like an investment, and I hesitate to tell other guys to go "all in" right off the bat. Usually they'll waste a bunch of money and get nothing out of it. If you're willing to throw money around, women that are users will gravitate to you.

lol:

that made me laugh, but it's true don't let women use you it's gross, women want a balance between a guy who can be sweet (open doors, pull out chairs) and someone who is not going to be walked all over, the minute she realizes your a door mat then it's all down hill form there. As a women it's always interesting reading guys giving advice to other guys. Also realize that not all women are created equal so try not to compare and of the bad ones you may have encountered in the past to any you may meet in the future!!

reply to post by dave_welch


oh yeah

dont ever were skinny jeans unless ur going for an emo chick,

not to say u cant get an emo without skinny jeans.......... but the real question is

are skinny jeans worth it?

women want a balance between a guy who can be sweet (open doors, pull out chairs)

reply to post by RN311

My point is... There is a way to do these things that is "sweet" and will get you nowhere, and a way to do these things that comes off as experienced and very hot, which will drive her crazy. I recommend you cultivate the latter.

reply to post by gwynnhwyfar


very true, it's all about finding the balance, too far one way your an a*# too far the other way you'll probably get walked all over

reply to post by DocHolidaze


Yeah, not a fan of "skinny jeans" or at least what I call skinny jeans, which I think are actually women's jeans. They just look awful, nobody wants to see your junk.

Originally posted by dave_welch
I'm not trying to have a pity party, or anything like that. I just need some advice.

When I meet a woman I like, I'm always polite, I open doors, pull out seats, bring flowers. But it always ends up with her saying "I only like you as a friend.". What is with that? For that matter, who leads someone on like that? I don't get it. I'm only doing what I was raised to do, to be a gentleman. What gives? I'm not the best looking or most successful guy, but according to most people that doesn't matter. So, what's the problem? So I don't always try to get in her pants on the first date, now that's unacceptable? Any advice?

Dating should be viewed as an exercise...exercising should never stop with your found love!

Women lovvve attention...meant, in the way that you listen to them, remember what they have said, comment on it...so do you...so if a date is self absorbed to the point of talking over you about herself (or if you do this)...it is apparent there is a problem, and you would not hesitate to relegate them to 'friend zone'.

Women lovvve confidence...not ego driven, macho, look-at-me, I'm speshal (and who were you again) crap...confidence in opinion, confidence in movement, confidence in thought, confidence in interaction...although there is a place for goofiness...

Women lovvve that you notice details...before a date, notice her...mmm...preferences...take a mental note of the small things...and do not forget them!

Don't be a lackey...find a comfortable middle ground...women are capable beings that can and should do some things for themselves in equal dealings...

Don't be pushy...a week between phone calls/texts can seem like a long time...in reality, it ain't...nothing wrong with a little 'hey, how you going, was just thinking about you'...if you get what seems like a brush off too many times, she's either shy, busy or uninterested...nip this in the bud by directly asking if this is so (by phoning or texting)...you may have found a new 'buddy' to go out with (and her friends!!!)...don't be scared to have friends!

Paying, or not paying...if you can only afford your own meal/outing...make this clear!...it definitely won't always be this way if you get to seriously date her...all the same, little gifts (not necessarily bought, i.e. a small flower) are always appreciated...it shows you are thinking of her and her alone...

All strength to your mission...be patient, be self-assured, be wary, be goofy...

A99

Originally posted by dave_welch
I'm not trying to have a pity party, or anything like that. I just need some advice.

When I meet a woman I like, I'm always polite, I open doors, pull out seats, bring flowers. But it always ends up with her saying "I only like you as a friend.". What is with that? For that matter, who leads someone on like that? I don't get it. I'm only doing what I was raised to do, to be a gentleman. What gives? I'm not the best looking or most successful guy, but according to most people that doesn't matter. So, what's the problem? So I don't always try to get in her pants on the first date, now that's unacceptable? Any advice?

let me make an assumption here...

You were raised by mom... right?

Unfortunately... the nice guy approach doesn't work unless you're a movie star...

Don't get me wrong... there is absolutely nothing wrong with chivalry... but its dying... in the past 20-30 years it became "uncool"...

Be the gentleman while staying "aloof"... You have to deal with women you like as if you have no interest in them... show a glimmer of interest once in a while... but too much is just a turn off...

And NEVER tell them or show them you like them until you're already sure you got them...

Sorry bud... nice guys fail miserably...

You can be nice... but it won't get you a date

Women need a man that is proud to be himself.... NOT a man who is eager to please them

I know its messed up... but its true

reply to post by Akragon


Nope, I was raised by both parents who are still married and have been for 35 years.

reply to post by dave_welch


ok fair enough... I did say it was an assumption

but the rest of what I said still stands my friend...

Know yourself... love yourself...

and others will be attracted to that confidence

reply to post by dave_welch


im going to say ur wrong, women do want to see ur junk, its on you to present your junk when the time is right, women have the same needs as men, women are just better at pretending they dont want we ALL want(the smart ones).

be wary, some chicks will use ur lust against u. the rest may just try and change you.

good luck

but then again you may find the one that does none of these things

if you find her do the right thing

reply to post by dave_welch


Filippina. Yes, it's that simple. (Married for 20 years to one.)
Can't hurt to try, right?
Lot's of guys have done the same as me in my town, and I don't
live in a major metropolitan area either.