Why do some parents don't love their children?

Why do some parents don't love their children? I know my parents didn't love me from the get-go, but I wish I knew why? I don't think I did much early on to no be loved, I was just not loved. I was born disabled and didn't have much chance at life. My mother hid the fact I was disabled from me and didn't talk about it. I don't know what disability I have at all.

reply to post by babybowrain


Cheer up good mate, How do you mean you are disabled?

reply to post by babybowrain

I don't know what disability I have at all.

How do you know you are disable then?

reply to post by babybowrain


God loves ya unconditionally .. apparently ... you should look into it ...
If ya get to know enough people here .. some of the decent ones are bound to love ya ...
And coupled with that .. if you have enough love for yourself ... everything else should just slot into place .. and you wont be too concerned about your parents bad choices ....

Theorerically speaking ...

I experienced the SAME thing growing up...

It's got nothing to do with you personally.

They just don't realize that every child is a literal gift sent from Heaven.

The spirits of children come from God's breath and actually carry a divine spark of eternity in them.

This is why the enemy HATES kids and kills so many of them.

I believe that the key is to focus your entire life around connecting with your PURPOSE...

God made each one of us for a specific reason and I am convinced that the secret to finding happiness is to CONNECT with that purpose.

Originally posted by babybowrain
... I know my parents didn't love me ...

LOVE is an concept, it is nothing you can touch or eat, have or don't have.
I'm sure your parents love you, maybe they just never learned how to show it to you

PS: Don't listen to Murgatroid, he sounds nice but watch out, his religion is based on suffer.

Originally posted by babybowrain
Why do some parents don't love their children? I know my parents didn't love me from the get-go, but I wish I knew why? I don't think I did much early on to no be loved, I was just not loved. I was born disabled and didn't have much chance at life. My mother hid the fact I was disabled from me and didn't talk about it. I don't know what disability I have at all.

IF your mother did not love you, she would have told you that you are disabled => and then would have watched your reaction to the given info - with satisfaction. Looks like she did love you, that is why she kept her mouth shut => your mother did not want to upset you. She gave you a chance to live like all other children live - carefree, without a burden of a scary knowledge that would have gave you nothing good. She did not want to shorten your childhood time.
Looks like you are a bit too quick to blame, especially that you still do not know what disability you have (IF you have any at all).
By any chance: have you been drinking today?

People express their love in different ways. Plenty of men for example learned that showing love, is busting their ass to make sure their kids have everything they didn't have for example. That is how my father was, learned from his father, who learned from his father etc.

Sometimes "parents" are still children themselves, without the capacity to see beyond themselves. This may mean that they still love, but are unaware of what their children need and don't have the capability to provide it. It really isn't so much about you, as it is them.

This post makes me so sad.

reply to post by babybowrain


My mother was a severe manic-depressive. When I was six months old she wound up in the nuthouse and received electric shock therapy. This completely wiped out her memory of me.

When she was released she picked up her other three kids. They told her about me, but she decided to leave me at an aunt's house. When I was two, and when the checks for the aid to dependent children stopped coming in, my aunt stood me at my mother's apartment door, knocked and ran.

I was not loved at all. All through my young years I was not my mother's son...I was her responsibility.

So, I grew up hating her. That is, until I had kids of my own and made my own mistakes with them. I came to the conclusion that since my kids meant the world to me, my mistakes proved that all anyone can do is the best they can.

This thought then focused on my mother, and I figured it out. She did the best she could with what she had. Her life was definitely no bed of roses. Some parents love their kids. Some parents beat their kids. The worst my mother did was to treat me with indifference. I think I got off pretty easy. I forgave her for the love that she just couldn't give me.

I feel you i wish i knew the reason too, for as long as i can remember ive never felted loved by my family, i also grew up with a few mental incapabilities, like i dont think i just do, im a horrible speaker, and slow ( so my mother says), cheer up matey , we can ride the short bus together

Hi babybowrain,

I don't know anyone who isn't guilty of the following: When we accuse our parents of doing such n' such when they shouldn't have, or that they didn't do such n' such when they should have, what we are saying is that our parents should have been perfect, but weren't. This simply isn't true.

Each parent is a human being with tons and tons of baggage left over from their own childhood. And of course, they got this baggage from their parents, who got it from their parents, who got it from their parents... So, when our parents fail it's not because they wanted to; it's that they didn't know how NOT to fail.

When I say that I forgave my mother for not being able to love me, it's not quite what I meant. I meant that I came to "Understand' why she was the way she was. There is no profit in forgiveness without understanding. I needed to understand that how my mother treated me wasn't my fault, just as it isn't your fault how your parents treat you.

Understand your parents, and try to live your life without the baggage they didn't mean to give you.

May you find much love, hope, and happiness from this day forward.

Originally posted by jiggerj

Each parent is a human being with tons and tons of baggage left over from their own childhood.

Which is why mine always seemed to love me out of a sense of obligation. Like it was a job. I always felt like her heart just wasn't in it. She was one of those mothers who always triedto feel it, but that connect just wasn't there.

Since I understand my mother, I can love her through her faults.

reply to post by 4DuecesWild


I am sorry you feel that way. I have been that way for a long time myself. Either my heart is just armored now after many times being abused, or I always made way more of love than what it really was, or what others thought of love, I am not sure. I have always been the kind of person that would do whatever it takes for people I love, be it give them every dollar in my wallet, be it show up at a fight that it was my friend vs many people. I found out many people don't see love the way I do, and don't reciprocate. It has always been a fine line that I walk between who I will go to war for, and who not. If I went by the same list I thought was my friends in 10th grade, well, I might be dead now for sticking up for retards. Not to be mean, but there was so many people that I found out were just using me, when I quit doing drugs, and had plenty to share. I found out a lot of who I thought was trying to hold me back, was trying to help me succeed.

reply to post by TKDRL


I understand what you're saying about other people. I've hardened myself as well because of past experiences. A mother is a different story though. She brought me into the world. She could've aborted. Because of those facts there is a built in love that you can either ignore because of personal issues that came up after the fact, or you can see them as differences of opinion that pale in comparison to the fact that she gave you life.

I choose the latter.

There is nothing wrong with you, disability or not.

Everything is unfolding perfectly.

Be well and enjoy life even if others can't. Maybe those others will feel a little warmth from your light.

Originally posted by artnut
Sometimes "parents" are still children themselves, without the capacity to see beyond themselves. This may mean that they still love, but are unaware of what their children need and don't have the capability to provide it. It really isn't so much about you, as it is them.

Very astute. I think that many people had children because it was what was expected of them at the time, or it was a result of lack of birth control, life planning, or anything else. Many of us born before 1980 were not wanted or planned and grew up bearing the brunt of their parents immaturity. I've always been older than either of my parents if you know what I mean. It's a sad way to grow up.

This is making me sad. I'm gonna go hug and kiss my kids now, and tell them they are my world.

Originally posted by babybowrain
Why do some parents don't love their children? I know my parents didn't love me from the get-go, but I wish I knew why? I don't think I did much early on to no be loved, I was just not loved. I was born disabled and didn't have much chance at life. My mother hid the fact I was disabled from me and didn't talk about it. I don't know what disability I have at all.

Not everyone is right in the head, in fact most people aren't. Some people are too narcissistic to love anyone but themselves, and others are simply incapable of feeling love because they are psychopaths or sociopaths(but sociopaths are good at faking it, they "know" they should feel a certain way and often work their hardest at it, and some psychopaths are family psychopaths, perfectly normal to their friends and family but utter psychopaths to everyone else).

I know it is a hard thing, but it is the nature of most of the people in this world.