12/21/12 The truth and the 12-second prophecy.

Good peoples of ATS:

With all the speculation and prophecies regarding 2012, the Truth has come to my attention by the Highest authority.

At first, I thought that 12/21/2012 would be the end of the world as we know it. All scenarios were possible, including the arrival of Nibiru, a wayward comet, earthquakes and tidal waves, alien invasions, or a zombie apocalypse. I soon realized this was not going to happen, then was informed by the Highest authority that it would not happen.

Then, I thought that even though a giant physical calamity would not occur, there definitely was going to be a spiritual ascension. The people of the world would evolve into loving beings on another spiritual plane. Human suffering would be dissolved. Nobody would have to work at McDonald's anymore, and those with irritable bowel syndrome would be set free.

But Alas! Again I was informed by the Highest authority that this would not be the case, after I realized today that it's one day before and it's not looking good for the big spiritual shift. At some point, I needed to start thinking about saving face.

Which brings me to today, when I have been informed by the Highest authority that on 12/21/2012 at approximately 11:11 AM (in your local time zone, because that makes less sense) everyone in the world will experience approximately 12 seconds of joyful spiritual resonance. You may not notice it or feel it, but it will happen.

Afterwards, let it be known across the lands that the 12-second prophecy came to full fruition. There will be those that doubt this, but they are not ready! Their time will come on 11/12/13 during the Judgement, where there will be 14 seconds of spleen discomfort.

Prepare yourselves! Oh, and Merry Christmas to all!

Note: Moderators, please feel free to move this if it needs to be in a more appropriate forum. Do we have a forum specifically for satire?

reply to post by InTheFlesh1980


Lmfao! star and flag!..

Originally posted by denver22
Lmfao! star and flag!..

Glad someone got a laugh. I think we've all noticed the predictions becoming less and less confident, and also less and less severe in nature.

It's to the point where someone's going to get a flat tire on the highway at 11:11 AM and say "See! I knew it!".

reply to post by InTheFlesh1980


I can back up what your saying as well, I have also had notification from a higher source that they cancelled the apocolypse because too many people knew about it. Assention has also been cancelled until further notice.

If I had a wish for this day, it would be a complete shift in the way people have fun.

Humour has become somehow mostly about making fun of others. No more clever jokes. only cheap, easy make fun of others pranks.

Like for that nurse that ended committing suicide.

Some bad stuff will happen and ridiculing it serves no purpose except boosting your ego...

Will you be one of those counting the dead bodies tomorrow ? Will you rejoice ?

What is the magic number of dead people that will make your day ? 1000 ? 10000 ?

How big do you want the pile of dead bodies to be ?

Originally posted by Chrysalis
If I had a wish for this day, it would be a complete shift in the way people have fun.

Humour has become somehow mostly about making fun of others. No more clever jokes. only cheap, easy make fun of others pranks.

Like for that nurse that ended committing suicide.

Some bad stuff will happen and ridiculing it serves no purpose except boosting your ego...

Will you be one of those counting the dead bodies tomorrow ? Will you rejoice ?

What is the magic number of dead people that will make your day ? 1000 ? 10000 ?

How big do you want the pile of dead bodies to be ?

I certainly do not want any of the things you mentioned. Levity can also bring an element of sanity.

Joking about all the 2012 propaganda is not harmful, in my opinion. In fact, humor can help in a situation like this. There are things to be serious about in life, but a little satire about all the prophecies and predictions is harmless, and does not directly poke fun at any individual.

If the joking is harmful to someone, I believe they are not well-adjusted in the first place, and most likely have perpetual problems in life greater than a brief satirical commentary.

Well, you don't go to a funeral dressed as a clown, do you ? Maybe you do.

Tomorrow, people will lose relatives, brothers, sisters, parents. It doesn't matter if you think they are insane or not.
It will hurt the survivors all the same.

Ok - thats just hilarious!!!!

This is priceless. Talk about putting back-pedaling in a nutshell for us!
Oh, does your "highest authority" know it's the highest?